alantin
日本語を勉強する者
- 17 Oct 2007
- 273
- 10
I never thought, I would find myself writing something like this here, but here goes.. lol
Some relevant background.
My wife walked out on me about ten months ago and it took me quite a long time to realize the fact.. We were married when we were only 20-years old (I'm turning 26 btw.) and I never really thought that breakup would happen to us. Turns out, she was unhappy for most of our marriage, but didn't really say anything about it. In retrospect, our communication really sucked, but at least I feel like I took a lot with me from our relationship in terms of learning about myself, and about women and communicating with them..
Anyway. Honestly I finally truly gave up on her about three or four months ago and am now open to the idea of having someone else in my life.
The deal is this:
I have spent some time in Japan and am able to converse in the language. Now I'm living in my home country and have gotten lots of Japanese friends in the area, where I live. There aren't so many Japanese people here so it really is quite remarkable!
I asked a female friend, I'll call her "Sakura", to teach me some kansai-ben, so, in addition to some parties and whatever, we met a couple of times at some coffee places. Once she also brought a friend from Kansai area too. Let's call her "Akiko". A really attractive 30 year old woman, who had already lived here for years (quite unusual!), and was fluent in the local language! She wasn't a very out-going person thought and she said that she was often feeling lonely here. I really enjoyed these chats and and was quite sad, when later Sakura suddenly had to return to Japan.
At her farewell party, I teased Akiko about inheriting her job of being the person in charge of kansai-ben, but really didn't think much about it at the time though..
Some time later, Akiko sends me an sms asking me out for coffee!
We met at a local coffee place and talked for about three or four hours. She asked if I was married and I answered that I was, but that we were separated and that it was pretty complicated.
I enjoyed myself immensely and felt quite attracted to her, but I thought that we were about done with the dating..
When we are leaving, she says that she wants to see me again!!
Next week, I took her to another coffee place followed by a walk in the park, where we sat pretty close and talked and laughed a lot. Oh, that smile and laugh!
I drove her home but, as she was heading abroad for a business trip, we didn't make any plans for a next encounter.
Now she's back and we're having a date again.
All the signs, that she really likes me, would seem to be there, but I'm still pretty rusty at this.. My wife was the only woman I have been with and I certainly have no previous experience of dating a Japanese woman!
I would really like to see if there is any potential for a romantic relationship here, but I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or anything. I have read that the Japanese like to dating slow, and I know that, as a people, they are all about non-verbal communication and insinuation. Stuff that I really suck at, so I really don't want to read into it something, that really isn't there..
How should I proceed?
Also, would I be an ******* if pursued this while still in the divorce process..?
I really don't want to just use anyone as a band-aid, but on the other hand, I have already had about a year to process the breakup and don't want to just let life go by, either.. :?
I would love any feedback, ideas, or advice from anyone with experience with intercultural dating and relationships.
Some relevant background.
My wife walked out on me about ten months ago and it took me quite a long time to realize the fact.. We were married when we were only 20-years old (I'm turning 26 btw.) and I never really thought that breakup would happen to us. Turns out, she was unhappy for most of our marriage, but didn't really say anything about it. In retrospect, our communication really sucked, but at least I feel like I took a lot with me from our relationship in terms of learning about myself, and about women and communicating with them..
Anyway. Honestly I finally truly gave up on her about three or four months ago and am now open to the idea of having someone else in my life.
The deal is this:
I have spent some time in Japan and am able to converse in the language. Now I'm living in my home country and have gotten lots of Japanese friends in the area, where I live. There aren't so many Japanese people here so it really is quite remarkable!
I asked a female friend, I'll call her "Sakura", to teach me some kansai-ben, so, in addition to some parties and whatever, we met a couple of times at some coffee places. Once she also brought a friend from Kansai area too. Let's call her "Akiko". A really attractive 30 year old woman, who had already lived here for years (quite unusual!), and was fluent in the local language! She wasn't a very out-going person thought and she said that she was often feeling lonely here. I really enjoyed these chats and and was quite sad, when later Sakura suddenly had to return to Japan.
At her farewell party, I teased Akiko about inheriting her job of being the person in charge of kansai-ben, but really didn't think much about it at the time though..
Some time later, Akiko sends me an sms asking me out for coffee!
We met at a local coffee place and talked for about three or four hours. She asked if I was married and I answered that I was, but that we were separated and that it was pretty complicated.
I enjoyed myself immensely and felt quite attracted to her, but I thought that we were about done with the dating..
When we are leaving, she says that she wants to see me again!!
Next week, I took her to another coffee place followed by a walk in the park, where we sat pretty close and talked and laughed a lot. Oh, that smile and laugh!
I drove her home but, as she was heading abroad for a business trip, we didn't make any plans for a next encounter.
Now she's back and we're having a date again.
All the signs, that she really likes me, would seem to be there, but I'm still pretty rusty at this.. My wife was the only woman I have been with and I certainly have no previous experience of dating a Japanese woman!
I would really like to see if there is any potential for a romantic relationship here, but I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or anything. I have read that the Japanese like to dating slow, and I know that, as a people, they are all about non-verbal communication and insinuation. Stuff that I really suck at, so I really don't want to read into it something, that really isn't there..
How should I proceed?
Also, would I be an ******* if pursued this while still in the divorce process..?
I really don't want to just use anyone as a band-aid, but on the other hand, I have already had about a year to process the breakup and don't want to just let life go by, either.. :?
I would love any feedback, ideas, or advice from anyone with experience with intercultural dating and relationships.
