Bad Situation with Japanese Girl

[4649goroawase]

Hi I'm new to the forum. I have a friend I met about 2 years ago at a university in the USA and we planned to meet up in Hiroshima on August 17. We've kept in touch through Facebook and Linechat since we parted and everything definitely seemed fine. She seemed to like me when we first met and our communication afterwards was only favorable. I went to Fukuoka for a month about a year ago, but we didn't visit then. We had a Skype planned some time ago, but she completely bailed on that without telling me. I leave for Japan in about two weeks; the two of us have been talking over Linechat about once a week since she asked me to come to Hiroshima. I didn't think that was really too much. Because of the time difference I'll send something and have a delayed reply or the same would happen with her. She currently lives in Okayama. The last time we spoke over Linechat I said that I had a couple of other free days and that it would be easy for me to travel to Okayama from Hiroshima for karaoke or something. Right after that she blocked my facebook and my Line account. No warning, no saying why, zilch. She knows I made plans to fly out of Hiroshima on my last day, that I reserved a hostel there, and that we would go to Miyajima on the 17th. I spent money and made plans, which I thought most Japanese had respect for. All my other friends are in Fukuoka mind you, I didn't even have to go to Hiroshima; she asked me to come. She blocked me on Sunday night and now it's Thursday. Is this a normal thing to just completely bail on people like this? My only hypothesis is that she is overly stressed from school and her two jobs and blocked me just to cut out the distraction. Could've used a warning first though. I appreciate any advice, if things don't work out I would much rather stay in Fukuoka.

 

[nice gaijin]

That's a huge red flag waving in front of you. Anyone who does something so drastic without warning is doing you a favor by disappearing on you. Enjoy your vacation and try to find some other fun things to do around Hiroshima. The museum and genbaku dome are worth the detour anyways.

I wouldn't blame this on culture or school or even bother speculating WHY she would ask you over, then block you after you made the financial commitment to go out of your way to see her. It's not worth the energy, and any way you hash it, it's plain rude.

 

[Mike Cash]

She's a flake. Consider it a blessing you found out and just keep on stepping.

 

[Glenski]

Hi I'm new to the forum. I have a friend I met about 2 years ago

We've kept in touch through Facebook and Linechat since we parted and everything definitely seemed fine.

So far, so good.

I went to Fukuoka for a month about a year ago, but we didn't visit then. We had a Skype planned some time ago, but she completely bailed on that without telling me.

You were here for a whole month and couldn't get around to seeing her, and only scheduled a single Skype call during that time...? Uh, why? This might have been a red flag to her, or at least a slap in the face.

I leave for Japan in about two weeks; the two of us have been talking over Linechat about once a week since she asked me to come to Hiroshima. I didn't think that was really too much.

Too much what?

The last time we spoke over Linechat I said that I had a couple of other free days and that it would be easy for me to travel to Okayama from Hiroshima for karaoke or something. Right after that she blocked my facebook and my Line account.

It sounds like you were brushing her off by saying, "Oh, I'm having my own life here and could squeeze you in for a short time. We like each other fairly much, but let's just make this whole trip of mine across thousands of miles to be nothing more than a quick karaoke meet-up."

That is a real slap in her face.

No warning, no saying why, zilch. She knows I made plans to fly out of Hiroshima on my last day, that I reserved a hostel there, and that we would go to Miyajima on the 17th.

You lost me here. What does Miyajima have to do with karaoke? If your communication is as poor with her as with us, no wonder she broke it off.

 

[Mike Cash]

Upon reading Glenski's post, I wish to direct my earlier comments to her instead.

He's right. I don't blame her for being ticked off. You treated her like a side piece booty call.

 

[4649goroawase]

Hahaha believe me, I never gave her the impression that she was a side-piece booty call. I did try to arrange for us to meet while I was in Fukuoka, but I was on a study trip with my college and it was too difficult to arrange for both of us. Furthermore, I tried to reschedule our Skype session two more times. I also made it clear to her that I wanted to make the most out of our time in Japan; I didn't just want to settle for the trip to Miyajima, I also wanted to arrange for us to meet in Okayama (considering how she invited me to both places). If anything I felt like I was being a little pushy.

 

[Glenski]

Would have been nice to know all of this beforehand. Sigh.

You are either being perceived as too aggressive / pushy, or she has found someone else, IMO.

 

[WonkoTheSane]

Maybe the reality of her university fling showing up in her real world, with her friends, parents, etc., occurred to her.

Or else, perhaps she just thinks you're a jerk.

Impossible to tell. In response to your question of whether bailing is normal, it depends on the person. The whole "I thought Japanese people..." thing worries me, it sounds like you either don't know her very well or you're superimposing an idea you have of Japanese people over who she actually is.

In any case, it sounds like you two are both better off now. Have fun in Fukuoka!