Asking a Japanese woman out on a date

[user71162]

Hey all! So I just found out that the woman I asked to dinner had to reschedule our date to another day. Something came up. Not sure what, but we are working out a new day to grab dinner. Anyways, I'm starting to realize that time is becoming of the essence, for me anyways. My thought is that in the time from now, and until our date night, I could perhaps build up a strong texting game with her to improve my odds. I actually won't be able to see her until our date night, which probably will be next week Saturday or Sunday. Any suggestions?

 

[nice gaijin]

Your first one is good and direct. If it's too direct for her, I imagine a relationship would be difficult with her anyways because who needs to tiptoe around their intentions?

as to the texting game, just don't overdo it; you don't want to smother/overwhelm her, and you also don't want to run out of things to talk about when you actually see her. To be honest, as I've gotten older, I've come to resent persistent online communication. It has a lot of power but left unchecked, it can take over a relationship and ruin things in all kinds of novel ways.

 

[OoTmaster]

Maybe somewhere in the middle of the week just send her a nice short text telling her you're looking forward to dinner on Saturday/Sunday. Just something to let her know you're thinking about her.

 

[user71162]

Your first one is good and direct.

Which first one is good and direct? Also, as for texting I agree that it is powerful, and I too have heard horror stories, but feel that in my case it can help if used sparingly, especially if I just use it to occasionally text her things like I saw the most beautiful flower, and it made me think of you or similar.

 

[nice gaijin]

did a post get deleted or is there another thread about this scenario? I was responding to a post about how to ask her out, with the first one including the words "I want to get to know you better" or something, and the other just said "will you go out with me" or something.

Also, as for texting I agree that it is powerful, and I too have heard horror stories, but feel that in my case it can help if used sparingly,

I didn't say don't text her, I said not to overdo it. So it sounds like you're agreeing with me.

especially if I just use it to occasionally text her things like I saw the most beautiful flower, and it made me think of you or similar.

your mileage may vary, but oof, that is cheesy as hell. She may be into it though; you should get to understand her well enough to know what kind of messages she will respond positively to.

 

[WonkoTheSane]

Hey all! So I just found out that the woman I asked to dinner had to reschedule our date to another day. Something came up. Not sure what, but we are working out a new day to grab dinner. Anyways, I'm starting to realize that time is becoming of the essence, for me anyways. My thought is that in the time from now, and until our date night, I could perhaps build up a strong texting game with her to improve my odds. I actually won't be able to see her until our date night, which probably will be next week Saturday or Sunday. Any suggestions?

Move on.

Something undefined came up that was more important than your date and she didn't let you know until the day before.

Let her make any more moves. If she's interested she'll let you know, otherwise why invest in someone ambivalent about you?

 

[Mike Cash]

oof, that is cheesy as hell

All a matter of cultural perspective. Japanese men are notoriously emotionally constipated and undemonstrative so such things never became passé or cliched here. There is an unsated appetite for cheese and cheese samples are welcomed with a smile. I've been passing out cheese samples here for years and I've never had a negative reaction.

Admittedly, I'm just engaging in silly, meaningless banter that both parties know is just empty and fleeting flirting that isn't going anywhere, but it is very apparent to me that a foreign guy trying to get the attention and affection of a Japanese woman would do well to hand out a little cheese now and then.

 

[mdchachi]

Cheese is not that popular in Japan. In fact my wife is lactose intolerant so we rarely even get pizza. Probably better to stick with the texts. Or maybe flowers.

 

[Mike Cash]

Cheese is not that popular in Japan. In fact my wife is lactose intolerant so we rarely even get pizza. Probably better to stick with the texts. Or maybe flowers.

Married women lose the appetite for cheese (from their husbands, anyway).

I'm giving you the benefit of assuming you know we were using "cheese" figuratively....

 

[nice gaijin]

:O and just like that, I stumbled upon to key to positive engagements in Japan. It was the cheeziness all along that greased the wheels... That Mike knew all along

 

[SaikyoJoe]

To be honest I have not seen a piece of cheese since ages ago. These things are really rare.

I mean, there may be the odd sandwich containing some cheddar, but never really the cheese laid out there by itself.

 

[Mike Cash]

To be honest I have not seen a piece of cheese since ages ago. These things are really rare.

Look in the refrigerated section of any supermarket or convenience store...

Japan consumed over 300,000 tons of cheese in 2015.

http://www.dairy.co.jp/dairydata/jdc_news/kulbvq000000fszg-att/kulbvq000000ft06.pdf

 

[OoTmaster]

The best cheeseburger I've had recently (within the last year) actually came from Hon Dori Hiroshima. They had an American style burger place I went to there. Can confirm the amount of grease was 100% authentic American burger joints. The napkins however were not quite suited for the job at hand (quite literally).

 

[SaikyoJoe]

For urban dwellers there should not be a problem if you are really into it.

But the higher you go, both in class and otherwise, you will find it more difficult to establish a relationship at any level as a non-japanese person. That is just the way it is around here.

It is not impossible but you should be prepared to put in some time and effort without expecting anything in return.

 

[Mike Cash]

For urban dwellers there should not be a problem if you are really into it.

But the higher you go, both in class and otherwise, you will find it more difficult to establish a relationship at any level as a non-japanese person. That is just the way it is around here.

It is not impossible but you should be prepared to put in some time and effort without expecting anything in return.

What on earth does that have to do with the topic.

Once again you seem to not be reading the threads....he got the girl already.

Besides which, it sounds like you're just dragging forth the tired old self-exculpatory gaijin chestnut of "There's no point learning the language or making any effort to assimilate because the racist xenophobic Japanese won't let you anyway". Standard equipment in the toolkit of gaijins wishing to excuse their lack of effort and to self-isolate while taking zero responsibility. I hate and despise that crap.

 

[EJapanese1]

All a matter of cultural perspective. Japanese men are notoriously emotionally constipated and undemonstrative so such things never became passé or cliched here. There is an unsated appetite for cheese and cheese samples are welcomed with a smile. I've been passing out cheese samples here for years and I've never had a negative reaction.

Admittedly, I'm just engaging in silly, meaningless banter that both parties know is just empty and fleeting flirting that isn't going anywhere, but it is very apparent to me that a foreign guy trying to get the attention and affection of a Japanese woman would do well to hand out a little cheese now and then.

I made an account just to respond to this chain. I wanted to express how much this thread has helped me. Your advice has been invaluable, as I used the crosswalk hand-holding to yield great success. We are now dating.

Mike Cash, you're a stud, and I'm sure a lot of people appreciate your words