A question....

[Chiyo]

I wsn't sure exactly where to this topic because this covers two topics, religion, and marriage.
Anyway, I have a question to ask
I was reading up on how the Japanese marriage works, I found a topic on Japanese marriage on these forums.
So, from what I have read, it says that Westerners(US etc.) marry for love, like love is important in their marriage, and so on. I read that in Japanese marriages, the Japanese marry for children, and love is not that all important.
I don't totally agree with this concept, I believe that love is a big part of a marriage. I have a love for Japan, and I want to live there, someday. So, I want to get this question of my chest in hopes that it will be a good answer.
Here is my question.
In Japanese Catholic churches, (which I plan to go to if and when I live in Japan). Are Japanese Catholics, well, take the Christian religion seriously? And, also, if you get married to a Japanese catholic, will they have more of a western perspective on marriage? Like, will they marry for love, not just for children? More of like we do here in the US? Is marriage a serious thing to Japanese Catholics?
Anyway, I hope my explanation of this was clear enough to understand.

~Chiyo

 

[Iron Chef]

I am not really qualified to answer your questions but I will share with you some things I have learned from my personal experience.

I once asked a Japanese friend of mine why so many young people in Japan wear crucifixes around their neck. Was Christianity that popular among youth I wondered? He told me that in fact, most people in Japan (the younger sect anyways) see the cross as a fashion symbol or accessory, nothing more. He also told me about how some Japanese like to have a wedding ceremony in a traditional western-style chapel complete with minister, tuxedo, wedding dress, etc. but only for the aesthetic value with little spiritual meaning attached to the entire ceremony.

Of course, different people from all over the world get married for different reasons. I suspect though that the reasons why Japanese (in general) get married are not so different from anyone else. Of course, arranged marriages while not so common nowadays in Japan... probably place more emphasis on overall compatibility and financial security, stability.

Not sure if any of this helps clear up your confusion but just thought I would add my two yen.

 

[Mars Man]

Greetings from the land of the rising sun. . . among other things. Hello there Chiyo, let me see if I can put in a little more where Iron Chef was working:

Not to brag at all, mind you, but I happened to have been throught two of them, and both to lovely Japanese girls. YES!! Love marriage thrives here in this country, yet it is naturally with a slightly little different cultural hue than that of the US (where I am originally from). I have known a few Catholic Japanese, and must say that they often kind of go through the motions, so to speak, but are quite capable of getting into a 'love marriage'. One must keep in mind, regardless, that when going beyond cultures, you're gonna find some different perspectives that need consideration before concrete action is taken. In other words, I am all for your dreams, but caution, move carefully and with wisdom--the cocktail of love, that hormonal, bio-reaction that drugs the brain can be dangerous.

 

[Galli]

Hi Chyo, I read your message and I don't doubt a moment that your are looking for a companion for life, my question is, WHY IN JAPAN? I don't wish to be prophetic but , in my opinion, you are reducing the percentage of success by more than a 50% because of your requirements.
I don't know Japan since I never been there, however, it appears to me this is a country with a deep traditions and the fact that you wish to marry a local person, but under your terms, seems to me a little bit selfish.
If you are looking for a typical Japanese girl with its grace and education and planning to live there, then why not you to integrate in their way of life ?
Furthermore, it is not clear to me your statementﾂ…. (Japanese women get married ﾂ"for childrenﾂ" ), what do you mean with this statement ? You mean (in order to have children) which it sound somewhat awkward since a marriage implies a frequent physical relation and having children should be one of the main reasons for marriage, or, engaging in a rich marriage in order to provide a future wealth to their children ?
Well Chyo, be realistic, in most part of the world, USA and CANADA included, most of marriages are combined between people with similar education and social status, yet it happen sometimes that a fairy tale prince gets married with the Cinderella but this is the awkward case and cannot be taken as a rule of the thumb.
With respect to religion, question = would you refuse to marry a girl you love simply because she doesn't belong to your religion ?

 

[Silverpoint]

I was reading up on how the Japanese marriage works, I found a topic on Japanese marriage on these forums. So, from what I have read, it says that Westerners(US etc.) marry for love, like love is important in their marriage, and so on. I read that in Japanese marriages, the Japanese marry for children, and love is not that all important.

Sadly although sites like Japan Reference are a great resource for information, you seem to have stumbled across one of the great drawbacks for forums of this nature. There are always people who believe they somehow have the final word on the way Japanese people live their lives. They make blanket, sweeping statements about Japanese culture such as "All Japanese do xxx" as if the entire country somehow manages to operate with only a single brain between them. Worse, they base these opinions on a handful of personal experiences, something they read on the 'net, or something 'a friend told them'. It would appear that you've stumbled across one of these threads, but I'm glad that you had the intelligence to at least slightly question what you read.

Of course Japanese people fall in love. Of course they marry for other reasons than having children. I believe that young Japanese today marry largely for the same reasons as anyone else. Now, having said that, I'm seemingly going to contradict myself, so bear with me.

I once had a Japanese ex-girlfriend who after dating for about a year suggested that we could get married. I didn't accept for a number of reasons. Firstly, I didn't believe we were at that point in our relationship. Secondly, when I talked to her about it, I felt that she was trying to tick too many boxes. I had a reasonably good job (particularly for a foreigner), I believe I treated her with respect, I got on well with her family, especially her parents. What I couldn't get from her was an admission that she wanted to marry me because I was the 'special one'. I believe she loved me, and indeed I was crazy about her, but not enough for me to make a lifetime comittment at that time.

So yes, there are women out there who will consider security, and finding a "worthy husband" to be a bigger part of marriage than romantic love. I'm sure that in some cases, the same goes for men. It's also true to say that in the past, "arranged" marriages were not entirely uncommon. It wasn't unusual for parents to seek out and introduce suitable spouses to their offspring. I have one friend who openly admits he met his wife only five times before they got hitched.

This is a practice which hasn't entirely died out, but I think the important point to make is that it's becoming less and less common in modern Japan and I've only met one person in the last couple of years who is directly involving her parents in the decision.

I don't totally agree with this concept, I believe that love is a big part of a marriage. I have a love for Japan, and I want to live there, someday. So, I want to get this question of my chest in hopes that it will be a good answer.
Here is my question.
In Japanese Catholic churches, (which I plan to go to if and when I live in Japan). Are Japanese Catholics, well, take the Christian religion seriously? And, also, if you get married to a Japanese catholic, will they have more of a western perspective on marriage? Like, will they marry for love, not just for children? More of like we do here in the US? Is marriage a serious thing to Japanese Catholics?
Anyway, I hope my explanation of this was clear enough to understand.

Let me answer this by posing an alternative question. Do you think American buddhists take their religion seriously? I'd suggest that on the whole they probably do. Why...? Because America isn't a buddhist country, so in real terms they have to make an additional comitment in order to pursue their faith. It's dead easy to consider yourself catholic the in U.S. and millions do just that. But how many American catholics do you think take the Christian religion seriously? How many regularly read the Bible or pray other than at times when they need something from God? How many make a genuine effort to lead a truly Christian life other than robotically attending church on Sundays? Sure many do, but probably just as many don't.

Japan is not a terribly religious country. Most (but not all) Japanese that I come into contact with attend the the local shrine for weddings, funerals and occasional visits such as the New Year holiday. Even more than that, Japan most certainly isn't a catholic country. So in my view, anyone choosing to be catholic (or any Christian denomination) in Japan has quite likely made a serious choice to do so.

I only know one Japanese Christian. She doesn't drink alcohol, she maintains (and I have no reason to doubt her) that she is abstaining from sex before marriage, and she is also only interested in marrying another Christian (which over here, massively reduces the number of men she can date). In all, I'd say she's more seriously about her religion than 99% of the so-called Christians I know in the west. Is she a typical example of a Japanese Christian? I can't say because I don't know any others personally. I've been to her church, and all I can say is that those I spoke to take their religious faith seriously and don't follow it as a token gesture.

Is marriage a serious thing to Japanese catholics? Well, how different do you think Japanese people really are? This isn't Mars. Japanese people are human just like you and feel the same drives and emotions that you do. If one day you get involved in a relationship with a Japanese person, I'm pretty sure you'd be able to tell whether they are serious about their feelings for you, just like you would someone from your own country.