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Question Is ghosting common among Japanese?

Pudding

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15 Nov 2020
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I have some Japanese friends I met during my student exchange program at one of univs in Asia some years ago.

And 3 years ago I had a chance to visit Japan and I tried to contact all of them. I invited them to have lunch together. I always do this kind of activity— inviting old friends to have lunch anytime or anywhere I get chance to meet (I do cherish friendships! Haha). Unfortunately, most of them have moved to another city because of work, and there was only 1 friend that I found we live in the same city (he is a guy).

Longs story short, I was successful to invite him to have lunch and we finally met up. Just like a usual meeting, we had talk about career and a bit nostalgic about our time at university. All went fine.

Some days after that, I lost my bike that I parked in front of a store (later I knew that I parked it at the wrong spot and it was took and sent to the a bike center by the authority). I was that panick because it was a rented bike, and I didn't know how to get it back.

In that moment, I grab my phone and sent a message to my friend I met some days ago. I told him that I lost my bike and asked him what to do (I hoped he would give me clear information of what to do, like call police/authority or something). I messaged him because he was the only friend I knew who lived in the same city as mine.

I kept checking my phone, and I found that my message just be read by him- and he left it with no response at all. I don't know what actually happened to him, but Damn, I was so upset with his attitude. (Even after I back from Japan, my message was still not replied).

I shared this kind of ridiculous experience to my senior coworker who has lived in Japan for years, and she said that it was kind of "ghosting", where a person just cut their relationships with other people they met *and she said this is quiet often happen in Japan*
I also think that nothing happened nor I said something wrong during the time I met him in Japan

So, for the readers of this, is it true that ghosting is a common thing among Japanese? Let me be enlightened.
 
I haven't experienced anything like that. I have of course lost touch with many people over the years. I find that many people are not diligent in keeping in touch but that's not specific to Japanese. Very strange that he wouldn't respond when you contacted him with a need like that, especially after you had just met up with him.
 
In my 2 years there , only had it happen once. A beautiful young lady who could have been a Playboy bunny hooked onto me for about a month. The only catch seemed to be that I had to go to her English class once a week with her. When my schedule changed and I could not go , she disappeared , LOL.
 
I have some Japanese friends I met during my student exchange program at one of univs in Asia some years ago.

And 3 years ago I had a chance to visit Japan and I tried to contact all of them. I invited them to have lunch together. I always do this kind of activity— inviting old friends to have lunch anytime or anywhere I get chance to meet (I do cherish friendships! Haha). Unfortunately, most of them have moved to another city because of work, and there was only 1 friend that I found we live in the same city (he is a guy).

Longs story short, I was successful to invite him to have lunch and we finally met up. Just like a usual meeting, we had talk about career and a bit nostalgic about our time at university. All went fine.

Some days after that, I lost my bike that I parked in front of a store (later I knew that I parked it at the wrong spot and it was took and sent to the a bike center by the authority). I was that panick because it was a rented bike, and I didn't know how to get it back.

In that moment, I grab my phone and sent a message to my friend I met some days ago. I told him that I lost my bike and asked him what to do (I hoped he would give me clear information of what to do, like call police/authority or something). I messaged him because he was the only friend I knew who lived in the same city as mine.

I kept checking my phone, and I found that my message just be read by him- and he left it with no response at all. I don't know what actually happened to him, but Damn, I was so upset with his attitude. (Even after I back from Japan, my message was still not replied).

I shared this kind of ridiculous experience to my senior coworker who has lived in Japan for years, and she said that it was kind of "ghosting", where a person just cut their relationships with other people they met *and she said this is quiet often happen in Japan*
I also think that nothing happened nor I said something wrong during the time I met him in Japan

So, for the readers of this, is it true that ghosting is a common thing among Japanese? Let me be enlightened.
It seems like a common thing. This happen to me as well, I've lost contact with most of my Japanese acquaintance that I've gained from University. Those who I am more close with, their social media seems dead.

Other than friends, I had a relationship with a japanese guy. And he ghosted me for 3 years after I left the country. I tried to reach him out and text him probably once a year and never reply. He removed me from his Facebook. Until now, I dont know what happen to him. Previously, we have plans to meet up at Japan. All those future plans just left hanging.

I called this like an unfinished business type of thing. I dont know. I asked most of my friends if they encounter same issue like I do with Japanese friends and counterpart. Half of them agreed that it is common for them to ghost.

It is because they live at the moment and cherish at the present only. If you are part of the past, then most likely they won't look at you. They are looking onto present and future. Yes, when in University days, having fun together is good but then when people go through their own path, for us we still can maintain the relationship as friends by checking each other from time to time or met up. But for them, maintaining an old relationship that does not guarantee anything relevant to present and future will be ignore immediately. This answer gives me some closure in some way.
 
About your last paragraph ... and yet so many Japanese people make their friends at school and university then make relatively few friends after that, and if you watch Japanese TV, particularly the adverts, you'll see a population easily swayed by a bit of cheap nostalgia. So the past is important for many Japanese people. I feel that the society makes every effort to avoid awkward and difficult situations, resulting in Japanese people not being good at handling them. So it may be that your ex-boyfriend was simply not up to having the 'difficult' conversation about whether the two of you had a future and found it easier to ghost you. Anyway, you have my sympathies - I was once ghosted by a Japanese person I cared for a lot and it really hurt.
 
If this type of ghosting is common among Japanese then I too is even a good candidate to be ghosted as I just recently met him at a gym that he and I used. I initiated to exchange numbers and he complied willingly I think. I have expressed to him about my fascination with his country it's culture, architecture etc. He texted me back every time I sent him a message but his response was always short but then again he is studying to learn English in my country so I guess that's why his responses were short. He did asked questions in our conversation though and appeared interested in what I said. He hasn't responded to my recent text message so I guess I just got ghosted or he's just busy. Could this situation be different from what people have experienced in Japan since he and I are not currently in Japan?
 
If this type of ghosting is common among Japanese then I too is even a good candidate to be ghosted as I just recently met him at a gym that he and I used. I initiated to exchange numbers and he complied willingly I think. I have expressed to him about my fascination with his country it's culture, architecture etc. He texted me back every time I sent him a message but his response was always short but then again he is studying to learn English in my country so I guess that's why his responses were short. He did asked questions in our conversation though and appeared interested in what I said. He hasn't responded to my recent text message so I guess I just got ghosted or he's just busy. Could this situation be different from what people have experienced in Japan since he and I are not currently in Japan?
Sounds like you got ghosted but you didn't have a very meaningful relationship to begin with. Or he could be busy like you say. I've received texts at times and completely forgot about them after not replying right away. Given that he was only polite and never reached out to you, I would let it go.
 
Thanks for your feedback. I was just confused to begin with but now I know that it's not me 😬
Sounds like you got ghosted but you didn't have a very meaningful relationship to begin with. Or he could be busy like you say. I've received texts at times and completely forgot about them after not replying right away. Given that he was only polite and never reached out to you, I would let it go.
 
If this type of ghosting is common among Japanese then I too is even a good candidate to be ghosted as I just recently met him at a gym that he and I used. I initiated to exchange numbers and he complied willingly I think. I have expressed to him about my fascination with his country it's culture, architecture etc. He texted me back every time I sent him a message but his response was always short but then again he is studying to learn English in my country so I guess that's why his responses were short. He did asked questions in our conversation though and appeared interested in what I said. He hasn't responded to my recent text message so I guess I just got ghosted or he's just busy. Could this situation be different from what people have experienced in Japan since he and I are not currently in Japan?
This happened to me too. I met a girl in Kyoto by chance and we found out we had many things in common. I won for her a plushie at the Crane machine game and we exchanged our social media. She approached me first and we talked so much over 2 weeks on Instagram without seeing each other (talked in English and Japanese). She also asked me many questions. But when I left the country, she saw my last message and stopped replaying. I asked her 1 week later if everything is alright because she didn't reply. She hasn't even seen it until today. So I think they only cherish the present in my opinion.
 
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