Asking a Japanese woman out on a date

[WonkoTheSane]

Hey all! So... First and foremost, I wanted to thank all of you for the help! I will definetly let you guys know how it goes. I do have one more question though. So... my plan is to ask her out as we conclude our German Conversation meet-up. That way I can hopefully learn a bit more about her, and similar. What I plan to say is " I like you a lot, and want to get to know you more, would you care to go on a date with me?" Does that sound alright to you guys, or should I just say will you go out with me?

Don't make it awkward.

"I'm gonna go get something to eat, want to come?" I guarantee she will know you mean this as a date, especially after you keep her safe from the scary, dangerous street by holding her hand.

She is a girl, this is not the first time a boy fumblingly tried to get her attention, just be confident, respectful and yourself.

 

[Mike Cash]

You don't open up a series of negotiations about when she's free, would she like to go somewhere and if so where, what would she like to do there, etc.

You mention a specific day, time, destination, and activity and you do so briefly, concisely, and confidently.

If she says she's not free on that day, time, whatever, then you follow up with a specific alternative, day, time, whatever; you don't start the "Well, what would be a good day, time, whatever for you then?" This keeps the flow of things moving toward a specific answer.

Unless you're just hideous or she is already dating somebody and you just don't know it, your chances of getting a date with her a lot better than you think they are.

 

[user71162]

Thanks guys! You can really tell I am nervous, and have been out of the game for a while. I feel much better now, and way more confident! I am asking her in two more days. Fingers crossed.

 

[Mike Cash]

Thanks guys! You can really tell I am nervous, and have been out of the game for a while. I feel much better now, and way more confident! I am asking her in two more days. Fingers crossed.

Just to make sure, I checked with your grandmothers and they confirmed that you are intelligent, charming, and incredibly handsome. They have many decades experiencing observing people and it would be rude of you to question their judgment.

 

[user71162]

Hello all! I have great news... She did say yes. So... I told her that I found a German restaurant, and invited her to come with me. We are planning next Tuesday. While I'm happy about that, I hit a roadblock. I do not know if she sees this meeting as a date, or just two friends meeting up. Do you guys have any suggestions for how I can confirm that she sees it as a date, or conversely, moves I can try in our date, to get her more interested in me?

 

[Lothor]

Hello all! I have great news... She did say yes. So... I told her that I found a German restaurant, and invited her to come with me. We are planning next Tuesday. While I'm happy about that, I hit a roadblock. I do not know if she sees this meeting as a date, or just two friends meeting up. Do you guys have any suggestions for how I can confirm that she sees it as a date, or conversely, moves I can try in our date, to get her more interested in me?

Well done!
If she likes you enough to go out for a meal with you, then I reckon she thinks you're potential boyfriend material.
Don't get hung up on whether it's a 'date' or not, just behave naturally, enjoy yourself, let her do most of the talking, try a Mike Cash strategy if you think things are going well (follow your instincts), offer to pay the bill at the end if you can afford it but let her pay half if she wants to, and don't do a kokuhaku on her!
Finally, if it doesn't work out, don't take it as a personal rejection, difficult though it may be - there could be a number of reasons why she might not want a boyfriend at the present time.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[user71162]

Thank you! What is a Mike Cash move? I am new to this forum, and while I know Mike Cash from his replies, I don't know his moves. Also, I am still hung up on the fact that she may have just said yes because it is two Friends hanging out. Now, as for the kokuhaku, I would never do it their. If I was to do a kokuhaku, it would be after a few dates, and in a private spot.

 

[joadbres]

The "Mike Cash move" is just referring to the idea he mentioned earlier in the thread. Nothing more than that.
I strongly suggest that you drink at least one German beer while you are at the restaurant. It will calm your nerves and help prevent you from overthinking this whole thing and doing something awkward that scares her off.
As for the kokuhaku, I recommend doing it on the Twelfth of Never. If she is agreeing to go out with a foreigner, she is already open to other cultures, and not expecting you to behave in a manner consistent with her culture (from several decades ago). In fact, it is probably refreshing for her to be able to put aside some aspects of her culture when spending time with foreigners.

 

[mdchachi]

Hello all! I have great news... She did say yes. So... I told her that I found a German restaurant, and invited her to come with me. We are planning next Tuesday. While I'm happy about that, I hit a roadblock. I do not know if she sees this meeting as a date, or just two friends meeting up. Do you guys have any suggestions for how I can confirm that she sees it as a date, or conversely, moves I can try in our date, to get her more interested in me?

What does it matter at this point? Be friends and have a good time. And see how the conversation goes. The fact that she agreed, and didn't suggest bringing along any others, leads me to believe she thinks it could lead to something. Don't act rashly. Even if she thinks it's a date doesn't mean you need to force a kiss or something if it doesn't seem appropriate. Hopefully she likes German (or domestic) beer and you do too and you can lose this overthinking habit of yours There are no universal moves. (Well you can try a Mike Cash move if you dare.) Be engaging, interesting and a good listener. Note, it could be easier to hook up than you think. Japan doesn't have the Judeo-Christian viewpoint of morality to hold them back. (Not that that really holds Americans back either...)

 

[Mike Cash]

I think it is refreshingly adorable that you think your second date with her is going to be your first date with her.

She already gets the idea you like her. Stop sweating it.

She's too good for you and she's way out of your league. You know that. I know that. Every guy here knows that. The important thing here which you are overlooking is that no matter how blindingly obvious it is to us...she doesn't know that. We know this because she is going out with you. Quod erat demonstrandum, as they say in the Ozarks.

 

[Mike Cash]

There are no universal moves. (Well you can try a Mike Cash move if you dare.) Be engaging, interesting and a good listener. Note, it could be easier to hook up than you think. Japan doesn't have the Judeo-Christian viewpoint of morality to hold them back. (Not that that really holds Americans back either...)

I think I should perhaps clarify that I wasn't suggesting a move to lead to a "hook up". Joe's demeanor and apparent sincerity makes it pretty clear he doesn't view her as just a casual hook up prospect and I respect him for that. From what I hear of what things in America have degenerated into regarding dating, Joe sounds so retro that I can't but wonder if he's LDS.

My "move" was suggested as a method of wordlessly ascertaining whether she considers them a couple or not and avoiding that whole mutually awkward cartoonish kokuhaku nonsense. She'll either let go on the other side and think him thoughtful and gallant, or she'll hang on and he has a girlfriend.

Of course, he has to actually watch traffic and safely shepherd her across the street. We don't want her getting run over by a bus because he was too stupified by the thrill of it to see it coming and holding on too tightly for her to break free and save herself.

 

[user71162]

First off, as a clarification mdchachi, I am by no means interested in a hook-up. I really just want a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Now, I may seem a tad retro with my dating sense, but that may be due to my upbringing. It's just how I was raised. does the move have to have any form of a prompt, or just any corner that seems a tad busy so I can offer her my hand.

 

[Mike Cash]

First off, as a clarification mdchachi, I am by no means interested in a hook-up. I really just want a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Now, I may seem a tad retro with my dating sense, but that may be due to my upbringing. It's just how I was raised. does the move have to have any form of a prompt, or just any corner that seems a tad busy so I can offer her my hand.

Plausibility is always a plus....

You don't offer your hand. You take her hand and lead her across like it's the most natural thing in the world to do under the circumstances. Actually make a show of rubbernecking around right-left-right to check for traffic.

Advanced tip: take her hand from the rear instead of the front. That way you can steer her instead of just towing her across. Signal which way you're going to go by turning your wrist in that direction.

 

[user71162]

That makes sense. I assume that I should not let go of her hand after we cross the street, unless of course she does not want me to hold her hand anymore.

 

[Mike Cash]

That makes sense. I assume that I should not let go of her hand after we cross the street, unless of course she does not want me to hold her hand anymore.

That is the key to the whole thing. It is essential that you NOT let go once you're safely across the street. The whole thing is, as you can surely see, a psychological ruse. The street crossing just gives you a cover for initiating non-sexual touching in an entirely socially acceptableway ...even a socially laudable way. The distance across the street gives her time to get used to it and come to some sort of conclusion about what she's going to do on the other side. The (ostensibly) limited purpose of the contact and the very clearly defined limited duration (just a few seconds to the other side) make it unlikely she will pull away during the crossing. By the time you get across, she's had time to get used to it.

You'll learn all about where you stand with her while you're crossing the street and in the first thirty seconds on the other side.

 

[user71162]

Am I also able to assume that it is low risk, and will probably serve to at least make her more interested in me? Also, should I be doing this at every crossing, assuming she likes it?

 

[Mike Cash]

Am I also able to assume that it is low risk, and will probably serve to at least make her more interested in me? Also, should I be doing this at every crossing, assuming she likes it?

It is low risk, high yield.

Dude, if she doesn't pull away after the first one then there is no need to limit it to crosswalks. You just hang on until she lets go. And if you ever have to let go, you always give a little squeeze first and you let your fingertips maintain contact as you pull away; you don't just drop her hand like it was a dead fish. Girls eat that stuff up with a spoon.

Be honest, now. You're among friends and well-wishers here. This is going to be your first date ever, isn't it? If it is, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

 

[user71162]

I would consider it as my first date.

 

[Mike Cash]

I would consider it as my first date.

That would explain the apprehension.

I don't think it would hurt your prospects at all to sort of casually mention that to her at some point during the date.

 

[user71162]

How can I mention that without it sounding awkward? Rather, how should I go about revealing this?

 

[Mike Cash]

How can I mention that without it sounding awkward? Rather, how should I go about revealing this?

It's not something you have to forcibly drag into the conversation. Don't bring it up if it doesn't feel right at the time. But if things are lagging and you're pretty obviously flustered or your nerves are getting the better of you, then it's alright to confide, "If I seem nervous it's because this is my first date ever". If she seems surprised and asks you why that is...."You're the first girl I liked enough to ask out".

There may be some more flattering statement a guy could make than that, but I can't imagine what it would be.

It gets you a free pass on being awkward and is flattering as hell. What's not to like about it?

 

[user71162]

I have to admit, that is pretty genius! Thanks for the clarification.

 

[indojindesu]

Sorry for butting in, just want to say that this thread is very cute and I really hope everything goes well for joe.

 

[user71162]

Sorry for butting in, just want to say that this thread is very cute and I really hope everything goes well for joe.

Thank you for the kind words Indojindesu

 

[Petaris]

Maybe we need a sticky thread about the "Mike Cash Move". ;D