Is it wrong?or not?

[isuzu_bathory]

Well I have a question, which may seem stupid to some people and to others not...
Do you think it is wrong to have a crush for someone that you don't even know for "real", I mean with who you never met in person before?
Is it wrong or is it okay?
What do you think?
I've been seeing a lot of people who fall for each other by just chatting on internet...
So I was asking myself if it would be wrong or not☝

 

[Putrefaction]

People say love is blind...it may as well be mute and deaf.

I personally think it's not really correct to have feelings for someone who you don't know, but I don't really...care for any of those kinds of feelings. If you like someone that's your business and no one should tell you otherwise. Just be aware that online personalities and real-life appearances and personalities are worlds apart, I am never like this in person...don't got the balls, y'know?

 

[Haruspex]

Why would it be wrong? Its just one of our instincts causing people problems, but thats a mere fact, it does not make it right or wrong.
However, there can be complications. It sounds like gambling to me.
I mean, my experience is that people act in a different fashion "on the internet", not like in their "natural habitat." Also, people don't actually see what you do, only what you write. You may shape your own picture on the net.

 

[isuzu_bathory]

Well to be honest, I met my first boyfriend by internet, we were together for 2years, my biggest mistake, not only with him but with many people was that use to make up too many ilusions, so I would always end up having some sort of pain...
At the same time I think that its something not wrong, I also feel like its wrong, so I decided to ask other people's opinion to see if there's anyone else also "not sure"...

 

[Haruspex]

But how can you believe in two views that contradict each other?

Honestly, the internet is like a whole different world. Like Europe in the medieval era, few laws, sites that do whatever they want with very few exceptions, and a number of sites that just do whatever they want without exception. Now imagine the folks inhabiting this world.

 

[isuzu_bathory]

But how can you believe in two views that contradict each other?

I dont know how to explain...
I just dont really know if its wrong or right,
At the same time I think, there is nothing wrong about it, and each person does what ever he/she wants, I also get my doubts, I also start to ask myself, if actually I am not thinking in the wrong way, I mean sometimes I get a bit confused....

 

[Haruspex]

I dont know how to explain...
I just dont really know if its wrong or right,
At the same time I think, there is nothing wrong about it, and each person does what ever he/she wants, I also get my doubts, I also start to ask myself, if actually I am not thinking in the wrong way, I mean sometimes I get a bit confused....

Ok, just an advice, its my own "right or wrong?" test. Just apply it whenever you want to decide whether something is right or wrong.

Do the thing you want to.

If after you did what you wanted to:

a, the lightning of the nonexistent God strikes you dead - what you did was wrong.
b, nothing happens - it is unsure whether what you did was right or wrong.

I will guarantee that 9999999998 out of 9999999999 times nothing will happen. That remaining 1 time will be natural lightning, and tough luck.

 

[Tsuyoiko]

The internet is a way to meet people, and I don't think it's any better or worse than more conventional means. I certainly don't think there's anything inherently wrong with having feelings for someone you didn't meet "in real life". I don't really understand the special importance people attach to being in physical proximity with someone.

Although it's true that a person can project a persona on the internet that they wouldn't show in the flesh, don't most of us have different personas for various situations? I'm one person with my parents, another with my in-laws, someone else with my extended family, at work, amongst strangers, alone with my husband. None of these personas is a lie; they are all just aspects of my personality that I unconsiously slip into as the situation demands. If anything, the persona you see here on these forums is closest to how I feel inside.

Just be aware that online personalities and real-life appearances and personalities are worlds apart, I am never like this in person...don't got the balls, y'know?

However, the persona you show here still betrays an aspect of your personality, in that you are the sort of person who is this way online.

To relate a personal experience, I have very strong feelings for someone I met on the internet about two-and-a-half years ago; this person is more important to me than anyone else in my life, aside from my immediate family. I don't think of him as an "online friend", he's just my friend, and I care for him more than any friend I've ever had, even though it's 99% certain we will never meet in the flesh.

 

[isuzu_bathory]

Tsuyoiko
I really like your view point, I think it helped my way of thinking a lot...
And yes, we all have different kinds of "personas", I even give different names to some of those "personas" of mine...

 

[Glenski]

People have crushes on movie stars, rock musicians, and other types of celebrities (or not) all without ever having met them. Is it "wrong"? No. It is harmless? Depends on how far their affectation goes. Same goes for the Internet couples and computer dating and arranged marriages.

 

[Drew-san]

Of course it's okay, I don't see how it could be wrong. If you like someone you like them you don't really have a choice in the matter.

I have a few friends online and I act just how I would in real life, I don't alter my personality when I talk to them. I'm me and I don't feel I should change that for anyone else. If they don't like it they don't have to deal with it. Although, everyone loves me anyway.

 

[Red5]

Well I have a question, which may seem stupid to some people and to others not...
Do you think it is wrong to have a crush for someone that you don't even know for "real", I mean with who you never met in person before?
Is it wrong or is it okay?
What do you think?
I've been seeing a lot of people who fall for each other by just chatting on internet...
So I was asking myself if it would be wrong or not☝

it's good question .....
first of all if some one meet other face to face in first time and loved each other , it could be coz the heart feels comfortable about him/her ...
but in chatting the love is sometimes real and other time is not true ,,
it's real if you love some one in your city and then they will meet and after that maybe they'll love each other like what's happing to me ..
and not true if two persons are chatting from different countries and they look loving each other but they are not . and they won't meet anyway so it's dream like what was happing to me in the past with losing experience ☝

but I don't really...care for any of those kinds of feelings

and that different according to other countries in religion and traditions and thinking too

 

[Giostigma]

I would never base my thoughts on someone over the internet. You can be whoever you want on the Internet if you really think about it. If I saw someone for the first time at like a party or something yah, it would be alright to maybe have crush on that person. But never over the internet!

 

[Yukiko chan]

Well, I know two people who met on a forum, had a crush on each other, met in real life, and are still living together now.. I've known them on various forums before and after they met. The girl moved from Australia to Europe to live with him.

This is not a common experience, I know, but I don't think it's impossible to meet your boyfriend/girlfriend on the Internet.

As someone else pointed out, real life is not the same as virtual life. The later allows more freedom, because people can get beyond physical appearances and show the true person they are from the inside; they may also conceal their true identity, or create a fake one. But one's RL personality may well be better or worse.. it's a matter of judgment anyway..

Actually it's not even a question of "true" or "fake" identity.. personality is like an object which responds in various ways depending on the stimuli: there are objects which would break apart if you apply a certain pressure on them, other ones would resist, while a third category would bend, change their forms, adapt to the new situation.. one of the most thrilling things, to me, about engaging in new experiences, is that I get to discover yet another facet of my personality which I've never encountered before..

 

[Yukiko chan]

I would never base my thoughts on someone over the internet. You can be whoever you want on the Internet if you really think about it.

I don't think anyone can be whoever they want on the Internet. It takes a lot of energy, time, imagination and will to create a new personality and maintain it, and only in some circumstances would a person be willing to do that I think. But as my above post implies, it's quite frequent that people show different comportments on the net, as a natural response to the properties of the virtual world. I know that many British people would probably never open a conversation on religion with someone in real life, and would feel embarrassed, shocked, or at least uneasy if it were mentioned in front of them. To them it seems like you're describing your masturbation habits or asking about theirs. But the same persons wouldn't mind discussing religion on a forum, probably because the elements which usually incite the formerly cited comportment are inexistent on the net. (it's the same to me, except that I don't mind talking about religion in general, as a phenomenon for example, just not my personal convictions and beliefs in real life).

 

[bakaKanadajin]

I think that if you're not with a person in the flesh, or haven't at least met the person once before, you cannot possibly be engaged with that person to any degree beyond the idea of that person. That is to say, being with that person in the flesh causes something to change.

For example, without being physically next to a person you cannot have any 'holy moments', your physical energies cannot interact, all the intangibles fail to materialize. It's the difference between television and live theatrical performance. It's a sad reality that betrays the sense of realism and possibility that technology hangs before our noses but anyone worth knowing is worth knowing face to face. After all humans, as they exist in their current state, are meant to interact personally in order to achieve the full effect of that interaction. No amount of technology will ever replace that.

 

[Malamis]

some random articles to back up what bakakanadajin said:
The magnitude of lost, nonverbal communication
Nonverbal communiction and misunderstanding
And finally
David Wong's How the 21st century is making us miserable which i'm mimicing verbatim.

As for the topic at hand;
Wrong? no, if your purpose is the pursuit of reducing your anxiety/loneliness/isolation/boredom through (efficient) communication of thought, emotion or whatever, without the rider of major personal consequence for taking it too far in unguarded moments. There is probably some health benefit to it as well.
Beneficial? Not so sure about that. Depends on the context.

 

[Putrefaction]

However, the persona you show here still betrays an aspect of your personality, in that you are the sort of person who is this way online.

This is pretty true, I do ask a lot of questions and am pretty unintelligent on-and-offline. An important part of a relationship is the physical part, I'm sure no one will dispute this, and as much as online views may push it, a relationship may not be "complete" without it. And sometimes what isn't complete isn't right. Especially the level of my Japanese grammar!

Now when we drag microphones and webcams into it there's a whole 'nother side, now you're like 95% physical...I am still going to say no.

 

[Viewtiful Josh]

Well I have a question, which may seem stupid to some people and to others not...
Do you think it is wrong to have a crush for someone that you don't even know for "real", I mean with who you never met in person before?
Is it wrong or is it okay?
What do you think?
I've been seeing a lot of people who fall for each other by just chatting on internet...
So I was asking myself if it would be wrong or not☝

I don't nesesarily think is wrong. I'd say it's m'kay, but really not prefered. I (somehow) had this "crush" on this person I never met in person. Which is kinda weird, but yeah. I wouldn't recomed online dating (unless your a person that lives by him/her self and can go visit the person you met online) to tell you the truth.

 

[Thuglife]

Wrong??
Nope!!

Wasting precious time?
Yes!!

Go out and enjoy the face to face.

 

[Viewtiful Josh]

Wrong??
Nope!!
Wasting precious time?
Yes!!
Go out and enjoy the face to face.

Right on!

Online does kill time out of your time. Instead of using that time with your partner. (Since you use the PC or other terms of communication).

Not saying it's wrong.

 

[Ashikaga]

Wrong??
Nope!!
Wasting precious time?
Yes!!

Why do you think so, Thuglife?

I agree with you that it is not wrong. As some others have already pointed out, people develop crushes on those they have not met and most likely will not ever meet in person. I think it is only natural. The thing about the internet is that as easy as it is for people to mispresent themselves, it also gives them a relatively safe environment for them to Be Themselves without worrying about really exposing themselves. I think that is one of the reasons why it is easy for someone to feel very close to the person s/he is communicating with. How often can we really open up about our true feelings in our non-cyber lives?

Is it

Wasting precious time

? Not necessarily. You might meet your soulmate online. Who knows?

I mean, the Dating Scene in real life is a big maze to navigate through for a lot of us, too, but we keep trying, do we not? How many times have you gone home with a hot girl only to find out the next morning that she was a he? Never? Good. Me, neither. The point is, people can be untruthful about themselves if they want to whether it's in real life or on the internet.

I don't think the Internet Dating is any different. It just has its own set of rules that are slightly different than those found in real life and requires certain skills to weed out the phoneys without meeting them in person. I am sure there are people out there who have met their mates through the internet.

 

[Drew-san]

I don't think it's possible to fall in love over the internet, however develop certain feelings isn't as far of a stretch. I believe you would have to actually get to know the person in person before that's possible.

The point is, people can be untruthful about themselves if they want to whether it's in real life or on the internet.

Great point.

Wasting precious time?
Yes!!

I disagree. :x

 

[Viewtiful Josh]

Why even date online? Wouldn't you rather have a real person you can touch and speak to in person? I just don't see the point.

I've seen comercials like for example eHarmony. People there say that they don't have time to go out and interact with peeps. Oh and they do have time to go to their PCs and chat with peeps there? Stupid!

 

[Ashikaga]

Why even date online? Wouldn't you rather have a real person you can touch and speak to in person? I just don't see the point.
I've seen comercials like for example eHarmony. People there say that they don't have time to go out and interact with peeps. Oh and they do have time to go to their PCs and chat with peeps there? Stupid!

As you get older, it becomes harder and harder to meet people. Take me, for example. When I get home from work at night, the last thing I'd want to do is get myself prettied up and go out to wherever and socialize with potential mates.

Also, you have a better control over the "pace" of the relationships online. You reveal as much or as little information as you feel comfortable with.

Another thing is that online, you get to "meet" people you would have NEVER met in real life. This goes beyond just dating. I am relatively new to the world of the internet, so I still have those moments when I stop and think how amazing it is that I get to communicate with all these people. People of all ages from all over the world.