This is a mobile optimized page that loads fast, if you want to load the real page, click this text.

What is an affair for Japanese?


Passing on knowledge is a little difficult, if we can only use words such as "IN MY OPINION" or "IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE".

This is why I have always hesitated to post anything that relates to the culture.

Its very easy for you to post this -- A possibility to consider , you might not like life in Japan. I was there for 2 years on a base with all branches of the military. I would say about 8 out of 10 guys hated Japan after about 3 months for many reasons. Learning the language enough to get around makes it more bearable but takes time and effort. I absolutely loved it for about a year and a half but then all the little irritations began to annoy me and I was ready to get back to the states. Many people do make a life there and are happy , but it's not for everyone.

But its not so easy for me to explain why, because my posts would be criticized.

This is why I have always hesitated to post anything that relates to the culture.
 
jt9258 said:
Passing on knowledge is a little difficult, if we can only use words such as "IN MY OPINION" or "IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE".
Click to expand...

So what are you saying? You are only capable of communicating in generalizations and absolutisms?

At any rate, you seem to be confusing good advice with some kind of mandate.
 
joadbres said:
So what are you saying? You are only capable of communicating in generalizations and absolutisms?

At any rate, you seem to be confusing good advice with some kind of mandate.
Click to expand...

What I mean is that its fine for some one to offer advice when everyone can understand that its based on western logic/values, which no one would criticize and or ask for links/proof to support the advice given, as they understand.

But when the advice relates to Japanese logic/values, criticisms are made and all kinds of statements put forward to put the poster down for making such statements, because they do not understand and do not want to understand, this is why I stopped posting to the forum in the past.
 
Last edited:
I don't think anyone would criticize you if you asked for evidence to back up statements that mdchachi (or anyone else, for that matter) made.

But if you didn't really want to engage in a debate with facts and figures, I would fully understand, and there would be no obligation on your part to engage. There's no shame in having someone disagree with you, and you don't need to respond to every disagreement. I personally would see arguing a point that I'm not able and willing to prove and also not willing to change my mind on to to be pointless; to me, the main point of engaging in a debate is to learn from each other and expand our horizons, and it's hard to do that if we disagree on basic facts.
 

You were being criticized in this thread for making blanket statements and generalizations, not simply because you gave advice on Japanese cultural matters.

Also, nobody asked you to provide proof. @mdchachi merely noted that unless you offered some kind of evidence for the statements you made, then your assertions were nothing more than anecdotal. That's not the same thing as asking for proof.

Finally, suggesting that those who disagree with you or challenge some of your statements do it "because they do not understand and do not want to understand" is utterly ridiculous. As someone who failed to understand the simple concept that @mdchachi was not contributing to this thread in the role of a moderator, but simply as a forum user who also happens to be a moderator, and who appears to be unable to understand the difference between personal experiences and factual knowledge, I don't think you are in a good position to question anybody else's understanding of anything.
 
HanSolo said:
I want to rage and opinion too. How can I join in?
Click to expand...
Maybe start a new thread and you and jt9528 can have at it. Although this kind of thing has been discussed a few times before. And it often goes the same way with people pronouncing how the Japanese people are based on their limited experience as if their experience is representative of the whole.
 
Maybe if you didn't present yourself as some kind of expert about Japanese logic/values and didn't dismiss others at the same time then it would work out better. My experience with Japan/Japanese started exactly 26 years ago and I am very familiar with the "logic/values" you are talking about. But I don't pretend to be an expert on them. And I recognize that they are still generalizations no matter how much they seem to hold true.
 

Could you please support your comment that they are still generalizations and why you feel this way when you are not living in Japan and interacting with Japanese people on a daily bases?
 
joadbres said:
You were being criticized in this thread for making blanket statements and generalizations, not simply because you gave advice on Japanese cultural matters.
Click to expand...

Could you please support your comment that I am making blanket statements and generalizations that you feel do not apply?

joadbres said:
Also, nobody asked you to provide proof. @mdchachi merely noted that unless you offered some kind of evidence for the statements you made, then your assertions were nothing more than anecdotal. That's not the same thing as asking for proof.
Click to expand...

Its your opinion that my comments are anecdotal, as its easier for you to dismiss what I say.

joadbres said:
Finally, suggesting that those who disagree with you or challenge some of your statements do it "because they do not understand and do not want to understand" is utterly ridiculous.
Click to expand...

In my "experience" this is the problem, when foreigners do not want to understand and or accept some thing that does not fit with their western ideal.

There are even those who have put me on ignore on this forum. That for me just shows ignorance, as they are not open to the possibility that they may be wrong.
 

This kind of thing has been discussed in the past, but nothing has changed, because anything that does not fit with the western ideal is dismissed.

Are you supporting the idea that because it has been discussed in the past that it should not be discussed today?
 
Last edited:
jt9258 said:
Could you please support your comment that they are still generalizations and why you feel this way when you are not living in Japan and interacting with Japanese people on a daily bases?
Click to expand...
I don't need to. It's obvious. When you make a statement about an entire class of people it's a generalization or stereotype or whatever you want to call it. Then when I gave a counter example you say it doesn't count unless you are living in Japan. I do interact with Japanese people on a daily basis btw. And not just my family.
jt9258 said:
Could you please support your comment that I am making blanket statements and generalizations that you feel do not apply?
Click to expand...
You made various pronouncements about how Japanese men are and then on to women. I respectfully decline to detail them all. But it all started when you essentially told the originally poster that -- I'm paraphrasing -- that that is simply how Japanese men are and she should suck it up and kowtow to him.
jt9258 said:
Its your opinion that my comments are anecdotal, as its easier for you to dismiss what I say.
Click to expand...
Anything you say based on your limited experience and data set is anecdotal. There's no denying it. (But feel free to deny it.) Anecdotal information is still valuable.
jt9258 said:
In my "experience" this is the problem, when foreigners do not want to understand and or accept some thing that does not fit with their western ideal.
Click to expand...
I accept pretty much everything you said except when it comes to saying that it applies to the entire group.
jt9258 said:
There are even those who have put me on ignore on this forum.
Click to expand...
Shocker.
jt9258 said:
Are you supporting the idea that because it has been discussed in the past that it should not be discussed today?
Click to expand...
No. In fact if you were paying attention you would see that I suggested to Mr. Solo that he start an entire new thread on the subject.
 
mdchachi said:
I accept pretty much everything you said except when it comes to saying that it applies to the entire group.
Click to expand...

Why would it not apply to the whole group, when the Japanese are a "group" culture?
 
Last edited:
jt9258 said:
Why would it not apply to the whole group, when the Japanese are a "group" culture?
Click to expand...
Because there are plenty of counter-examples of where it doesn't apply. So it becomes a question of degree. Taking sex as an example, if you look at any of the international surveys related to sex and relationships you'll see that Japan does indeed come very low in terms of sexual satisfaction etc. But even then there are still many people who report having sex and being satisfied in their relationships. This one is interesting too if you care to read it.
 
It's the original poster I feel sorry for, I'm not surprised she's run off from this thread!
 

The first link is just an article that puts together charts etc, but does not actually explain how this information was compiled and your second link was not compiled by anyone from Japan.
 
jt9258 said:
This is why I have always hesitated to post anything that relates to the culture.
Click to expand...
Is it about the tentacles and schoolgirls?

My understanding is that that is true* Japanese culture, and is typical of what their affairs involve. Took a while for me to come to terms with it. But eventually I accepted the differing roles of octopuses and schoolgirls in Japanese society, and set aside my narrow minded Western attitudes.

* may actually be stereotype; maybe even a false stereotype
 

What are you talking about???
 
Hi @Alishh, I'm sorry you are going through this trouble. Is this a long-distance relationship, or are these conversations happening in person? I'm guessing the former, and it seems to me like part of the missed communication is because he's not physically there with you, so he's left to his imagination about what you are getting up to.

Either way, the kind of things you've relayed in the quoted post are troubling and feel a lot like gaslighting; especially blaming you for making him act a certain way, and making ridiculous ultimatums. "I'll just be a robot and go along with everything you say; are you happy now?" is the tone I'm getting. This is not good for your relationship, and you should not put up with this kind of behavior if it's already bothering you. The jealousy and the vacillating between breaking up and staying together are means of control; if this is a long-distance relationship, from what you've written, I wouldn't be surprised if he were already guilty of what he's accused you of, and/or hoping that you'll end things so he doesn't have to.

There's a lot we don't know about your situation, but from what you've written, I'd take a good look at your relationship and decide whether it's worth carrying on or moving on. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to let them or their insecurities control you.
 
Thank you all for the comments, and sorry for the looooooong time in replying and updating this.

Our relationship didn't make it, we almost reached a year, we were planning on moving in together, but it took a wrong turn towards physical violence.
So, most of you were right! I just wanted to believe him because I love him and naively thought things could work out.
Despite having evidence that showed my innocence, it got ugly.

So that leaves me with a question, is physical violence accepted in Japan? How do people deal with alcohol problems over there?
 
@Alishh, thank you for coming back and updating us, I'm sorry things didn't work out and you had to suffer more abuse, but it sounds like you realized your worth and walked away. That's a hard thing to do, we're glad you made the right choice.

I'm afraid I don't know much about domestic violence and alcoholism in Japan, but those two topics are very personal and vary from one person to the next, regardless of where they're from. I wouldn't attribute your ex's behavior to his cultural upbringing,

I wish you the best and hope you stick around JREF
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

What's the origin of the Japanese people?
12 13 14
Replies
329
Views
165K
Minty
  • Sticky
  • Poll Poll
What are your interests for Japan?
24 25 26
Replies
644
Views
244K
thomas
  • Sticky
  • Poll Poll
What's your favorite Japanese food?
15 16 17
Replies
421
Views
142K
peters7
P
A
Japanese girls legs!
6 7 8
Replies
183
Views
240K
Lothor
Nihongo ga jouzu desu ne! What the?!
2
Replies
47
Views
191K
Osaka21
Menu
Log in
Register
Cookies are required to use this site. You must accept them to continue using the site. Learn more…