Trying to write kind of senryu

[LiXiQing]

I'm a little ashamed of it, because I'm afraid it may be taken the wrong way, but plz read it and answer a few questions I put.
赤い太陽は
神風方向です。
呆気ない酒。
1.) May it be regarded as a verse? If not help me plz to make it.
2.) It looks like nonsense, doesn't it? If it does what should be done to make sense of it.
What I've tried to write:
The Red Sun is
Kamikaze's destination (heading, course)
Sake is running too short (not enough)
It's a kind of mockery of Asuka Soryu who is compared with the Red Sun and anyone who wants to move closer to her should be considered as a suicide hero. It's always hard to make the last step. If there would be a little more wine in a cup, it made it easier to decide.
P.S. And one thing more. Did I write right the phrase: 私が赤毛をどうして知りましたか? - How did you guess I am a redhead?
I'm very sorry if I said something wrong or abusing.

 

[Toritoribe]

Are there any reasons you chose 8-10-7 syllables? Indeed there's a way of composing called 自由律, but 5-7-5 is most common.

私が赤毛だと/だってどうしてわかったのですか？

 

[LiXiQing]

There was no any special reason to choose unclassical rhythm. There was a lack of understanding what japanese mora really is.
I've got it aurally: A-kai - two syllables (instead of three), Tai-you - two syllables (instead of four), wa - one one. And "desu" I supposed just as "des". Sorry. Now I see, I was wrong.
But the words. I've choosen them carefully. And the last line, I hope, can be read as: "akkenai ki". May be the alternative reading can sve me, may it not? Oh, no, now I see the っ is the syllable too.
It seems no way out.
Though I want to do the thing right, keeping the sense and going classical way. Any help is welcome.
Thank you once again.
P.S. It is a mockery of the western stereotypes of japanese too. And a russian can see one sense more in these lines. And the direct message has its own understandings. I wanted to make it as ambiguous as I can.
I thought japanese poetry can solve all those problems.

 

[Toritoribe]

Oh, I meant morae, not syllables, sorry.

酒 is never read き as a single kanji. Indeed 御神酒 can be read おみき but it's a 熟字訓, i.e., a reading specific for the compound word.

I'm afraid your work doesn't make sense and doesn't sound like a verse either. First of all, the word 神風 doesn't have any implication of "suicide hero" in Japanese, unlike in English. It's usually used in a context like 神風が吹く "A miraculous help has happened". Isn't this a good example of "stereotype"?