- 14 Jul 2010
- 2
- 0
- 11
Hi Everyone
I met this really really nice Japanese girl once working in a restaurant in New Zealand. I started talking to her and she was very friendly and open. After a few times eating at the restaurant we were talking like old friends and I thought this is a really nice girl. I would love to get to know her better.
However, I noticed a ring on her finger and asked her if she was married. She put her hand on my shoulder as she past me and said "No, in Japan the ring is on the other finger." Smiled and kept walking to serve a customer.
Eventually one night I gave her my number and asked her to call me when she has a day off as I would love to buy her coffee and just chat with her outside of work. That has made her super friendly towards me. Everytime I walk into the restaurant she would greet me and talk to me. And even when I left she would run after me and tell me she has been very busy and thus could not call me. Altough she did mention to me she tried to find my office from what I explained to her during our initial meet at the restaurant.
So eventually I asked my friend with his Japanese g/f to come with me to the restaurant and meet this girl I am trying to take out for a drink. After the meeting my friend's g/f informed me she got an sms from this girl at the restaurant to say thanks for eating there.
So eventually I asked my friend *A* and his Japanese g/f *B* to organise a hookup with this girl at a coffee shop and then I can come along. Needless to say that was just one of many wrong moves.
During the hookup we again had a great chat and when my 2 friends arrived we were all talking and had a great time. After that my friend *A* invited her with us out to go watch a rugby game and meet some more friends, but she declined as she already had an appointment with her g/f to eat at a restaurant.
Next weekend I got an sms from *B* to say she received a reply from this girl. This girl is heading off to a party with her boyfriend.
After that sms I realised that this was the clearest signal ever to tell me to back off. So I went to the restaurant and apologised for annoying her. Weird thing was she still asked me why I looked so serious just before I apologised to her. Then during the apology she said she doesn't think like that. And when I said I am sorry about this, she insisted that I should not say I am sorry.
I have been back at the restaurant to enjoy their delicious meals, but needless to say we only greet and she takes my order and say goodnight when she takes my payment. Nothing more than that. The typical unemotional Japanese style.
So having worn my heart on my sleeve here, I desperately need some help in decrypting this mysterious behaviour.
I would like to add I have never before dated a Japanese girl. This was my first attempt and I had made all the mistakes in the book.
The first error to my understanding was not to ask her if she had a b/f. However here's the irony. During our coffee chat on her day off, she let slip out of her own she has no b/f when we were discussing plans for the afternoon. Yet the next weekend she suddenly had a b/f???
She also said to me she tried to find my office. Was that just a lie or was that the truth? I gather she has no need to lie, but then again maybe she was trying to get me off her case?
After the apology and the somewhat cold treatment I am receiving I guess there is no going back even if I get *B* (my japanese lady friend) involved again? That bridge was burnt good and solid I guess?
Anyways, that's my story and like I said I would really try to understand and make sense of what has happened?
TIA
P.S. Some understanding from my part from a recent event. I have another Japanese lady friend whom I am trying to get to have coffee with me in order to have a catch up chat with her. I set the day, time & place of where we must meet and she replied by saying I am very aggressive. That said it dawned on me that this could be part of the problem with the above girl. I was too aggressive. Another thing a Japanese girl (who I don't know) pointed out to me was that the girl might not be interested in me and was being polite. Instead the suggestion from this girl was that I should have asked the girl straight out if she would like to go out with me and be my girlfriend. However, is that not too direct (and perhaps quite aggressive) for Japanese girls?
I met this really really nice Japanese girl once working in a restaurant in New Zealand. I started talking to her and she was very friendly and open. After a few times eating at the restaurant we were talking like old friends and I thought this is a really nice girl. I would love to get to know her better.
However, I noticed a ring on her finger and asked her if she was married. She put her hand on my shoulder as she past me and said "No, in Japan the ring is on the other finger." Smiled and kept walking to serve a customer.
Eventually one night I gave her my number and asked her to call me when she has a day off as I would love to buy her coffee and just chat with her outside of work. That has made her super friendly towards me. Everytime I walk into the restaurant she would greet me and talk to me. And even when I left she would run after me and tell me she has been very busy and thus could not call me. Altough she did mention to me she tried to find my office from what I explained to her during our initial meet at the restaurant.
So eventually I asked my friend with his Japanese g/f to come with me to the restaurant and meet this girl I am trying to take out for a drink. After the meeting my friend's g/f informed me she got an sms from this girl at the restaurant to say thanks for eating there.
So eventually I asked my friend *A* and his Japanese g/f *B* to organise a hookup with this girl at a coffee shop and then I can come along. Needless to say that was just one of many wrong moves.
During the hookup we again had a great chat and when my 2 friends arrived we were all talking and had a great time. After that my friend *A* invited her with us out to go watch a rugby game and meet some more friends, but she declined as she already had an appointment with her g/f to eat at a restaurant.
Next weekend I got an sms from *B* to say she received a reply from this girl. This girl is heading off to a party with her boyfriend.
After that sms I realised that this was the clearest signal ever to tell me to back off. So I went to the restaurant and apologised for annoying her. Weird thing was she still asked me why I looked so serious just before I apologised to her. Then during the apology she said she doesn't think like that. And when I said I am sorry about this, she insisted that I should not say I am sorry.
I have been back at the restaurant to enjoy their delicious meals, but needless to say we only greet and she takes my order and say goodnight when she takes my payment. Nothing more than that. The typical unemotional Japanese style.
So having worn my heart on my sleeve here, I desperately need some help in decrypting this mysterious behaviour.
I would like to add I have never before dated a Japanese girl. This was my first attempt and I had made all the mistakes in the book.
The first error to my understanding was not to ask her if she had a b/f. However here's the irony. During our coffee chat on her day off, she let slip out of her own she has no b/f when we were discussing plans for the afternoon. Yet the next weekend she suddenly had a b/f???
She also said to me she tried to find my office. Was that just a lie or was that the truth? I gather she has no need to lie, but then again maybe she was trying to get me off her case?
After the apology and the somewhat cold treatment I am receiving I guess there is no going back even if I get *B* (my japanese lady friend) involved again? That bridge was burnt good and solid I guess?
Anyways, that's my story and like I said I would really try to understand and make sense of what has happened?
TIA
P.S. Some understanding from my part from a recent event. I have another Japanese lady friend whom I am trying to get to have coffee with me in order to have a catch up chat with her. I set the day, time & place of where we must meet and she replied by saying I am very aggressive. That said it dawned on me that this could be part of the problem with the above girl. I was too aggressive. Another thing a Japanese girl (who I don't know) pointed out to me was that the girl might not be interested in me and was being polite. Instead the suggestion from this girl was that I should have asked the girl straight out if she would like to go out with me and be my girlfriend. However, is that not too direct (and perhaps quite aggressive) for Japanese girls?