The in-laws are coming!

[kirei_na_me]

Yes, it's true. My husband's mom, dad, sister, and his nephew are coming to visit the last week of July and will be staying two weeks. My husband has been living here exactly 10 years this month, and his family has never visited. My husband has only been back to Japan once since he's been here, and that was 9 years ago, before we even started dating.

I am pretty nervous. My biggest concern is that I can only speak basic Japanese and their English isn't even that good, especially his parents. Of course, I'm worried about a million other things, too. What should I cook? Is the house tidy enough for them? Are the beds firm enough? What about the cat and dog? Would they like them inside, where I usually keep them, or would they like it better if they were outside? I'm even thinking about trying to get the entire inside of the house painted before they come and getting the carpet up out of the living room and dining room...

My husband tells me not to worry about anything. He says that his mother will probably even want to cook while she's here, so not to worry about preparing Japanese dishes for them. I just think it would be pretty bad to let your guests cook? Or no? He basically tells me not to worry about anything. That they will think everything is fine, but you know the Japanese. They probably wouldn't say so even if something wasn't suiting them.

When it comes to "regular" Japanese friends, co-workers, or even my husband's boss, I know how to deal with them, but when it comes to the in-laws, I get the nerve on. Anyone have any advice for me, hosting the in-laws, sister, and nephew at my house for two weeks? How should a nice gaijin daughter-in-law conduct herself?

 

[Pachipro]

Hmmm. Not trying to scare you or anything, but if TV dramas are any example, mother-in-laws can be pretty critical of the daughter-in-law. Some can be downright cruel. But that's to Japanese daughter-in-laws. Seriously though, since you are a foreigner to them I don't think you have anything to worry about. They'll probably be just as nervous meeting you and all. Also, since you have children, that will probably be their main focus.

Fear not, as the language barrier is probably their biggest concern also, but I'm sure you and they will manage just fine. As your husband says don't worry about anything. If the mother wants to cook let her. She'll be thrilled to do it. Maybe you both can cook together and you can learn some new recipies. If you already keep a tidy house, it'll be fine. No need to worry there. Unless the walls are marked up with crayon and fingerprints, I wouldn't worry about that either. I've been in some Japanese houses where all the shoji paper on the doors and windows were poked out by kids putting their fingers through them. They didn't seem to mind as they are children after all.

Check with your husband on whether anyone has any allergies to the animals. Dogs in Japan are usually kept outside, but that's because of the limited space. If your husband says it's ok to keep them inside. Fine.

The most important thing for you to do is keep and do everything you normally would do if they weren't here. Live a normal life. That's probably what they're most interested in seeing anyway (besides the grand children of course!). If they don't like it, who cares? in my opinion. It's your life and your house. That's the way my wife and I do it. We don't change nothing. If they don't like the way we live or the way our house is, or having the dog inside, too bad for them. It's our life and they are guests on our turf. Most of all trust your husbands advice, if he thinks it's cool, then it's cool.

Good Luck. I hope this helps.

 

[budd]

"Most of all trust your husbands advice, if he thinks it's cool, then it's cool."
ditto

THEY ARE coming to AMERICA (and as a family). don't worry. and good luck
if op was going to Japan, then that'd be a different story
*very surprised to read this*
please update how it turns out

 

[misa.j]

I totally agree with Pachipro.
Especially the part that they are looking forward to seeing you and your sons. Grandchildren are very special, even more if they are their "chonan's" for Japanese parents.

 

[lexico]

Talking about food and cooking:

If you should take them when you go for groceries, I think you and your in-laws can have a blast !
Depending on how the talks go, they would probably be thrilled to find familiar stuff not to get homesick, and new stuff that you are cooking !
Just watching each other getting excited over food stuff could be thrilling !
Like, "O, we have that at home, too !"
"Hey, that cantaloupe looks exciting !"
"The ashi looks flimsy, but it might taste good !"
"Shall we get the red onion or the yellow ?"
"Do you like the tofu soft or hard or medium ?"
"What shall we have for dessert; mango, melon, strawberry, or papaya ?"

I think food talk is the best talk, 'cause people love to eat, don't they ?
I hope your boy gets well by the time he meets his grandparents, aunt, and cousin.

 

[Apollo]

I also agree with the replies posted here Kirei.

First of all good luck! I think it is wonderful that they are coming to visit and meet you and your sons!! The sons will be the main focus, sure.

About cooking Japanese food, I think (and hope) and they will be impressed that you actually cook Japanese food!!!

Take them sightseeing with your boys, be happy and everything will be great!!!

About in-laws, I also get nervous when cooking for my bf's mother - especially since I am not a great cook as she is....I think it is a general problem with in-laws......

 

[mad pierrot]

Crazy!

I'll bet you have a blast, Kirei. Especially with the nephew. (Unless he's a teenager, in which case it could be interesting......)

Have you met them before?

 

[Davey]

geus where in the same boat with meeting in-laws keire. i will meet them for the first time this summer ( and in the first weekend i should ask her dad if i can marry his daughter... please give me some drugs to get over that weekend)

like some peeps are sayig here, trust your husband, and STAY YOURSELF... dont be the perfect wife, or perfect daughter in law... because nobody is perfect ( except for me then )

goodluck, but i think u will be just fine!!!! NO WORRIES...

 

[kirei_na_me]

Hey, thanks for the responses, y'all. If it's ok, I might need everyone's support as the time approaches and especially during that time. This will be my outlet.

To mad p.: no, I haven't met them before...yikes...

 

[Mike Cash]

Just take comfort in the knowledge that

1) They DO have round-trip tickets
2) appearances to the contrary, time won't actually stop while they're visiting.

 

[TwistedMac]

Saw this great episode of Married with Children where Darcy has a Japanese business man visiting (played by the guy that is the karate kid trainer-guy.. what's-his-name)

Anyway, They remake their entire home with like japanese paper walls and make him a feast of sushi and stuff and they wear kimonos and all kinds of crap.

When you hear the Jp guy thinking he's seriously dismayed at all this and just wants to suck down a greaseball burger or a big steak... "I didn't come all this way to experience and eat what I always experience and eat" or some such sentence pops up... I've always been thinking about that and how true it really is, even if it was from a sitcom.

fits this situation pretty good.

 

[Duo]

From what I gather, it seems that most japanese tourists like to observe the "habitat" of the gaijins whilst still remaining out of it, at least this is the thesis in a book I read about foreigners living in japan

 

[Elizabeth]

Hey, thanks for the responses, y'all. If it's ok, I might need everyone's support as the time approaches and especially during that time. This will be my outlet.

To mad p.: no, I haven't met them before...yikes...

You may even understand your husband watching him with his family so think of it counseling without the cost or stigma. I know when my b/f talks about his mother as cold, stern, distant I immediately sympathize with his fear of strong women....

 

[kirei_na_me]

You may even understand your husband watching him with his family so think of it counseling without the cost or stigma.

We are on the same wavelength...

 

[ladipeach]

I am just a teen, but I say don't worry. If you can take them out to theme parks or mall, it will be fine.

 

[kirei_na_me]

Wednesday is the day.

FAST approaching.

I am starting to feel more than just a little anxious...

 

[Cameron]

I am sure you'll do fine.

Are you going to be taking them anywhere to see the local culture? It may be a good chance to see some museums or art galleries, the kinds of things we all kind of forget about when living in our own city, if you know what I mean.

 

[Duo]

I am just a teen, but I say don't worry. If you can take them out to theme parks or mall, it will be fine.

What's up with americans and the mall ? I mean is just a friggin huge box of concrete that has a zillion stores in it with rousy moronic teenagers rotting away their hours of youth by being victims of popular culture... I'm sure they have malls and stores in Japan. I'm sorry this isn't targeted at you but at malls in general and at the expression take them to the mall.. Heyy welcome to America... now let's go to the mall... is our biggest attraction where u can spend all the money u brought along into cheap labored sweat shop made clothing but that bear the brand name of popular cheerished american designers...we should start with abercombie and fitch first then move to tommy

A mall is this incumbersome leviath that just drains you dry of money, desire to live and breath. I'm sure being a teen is all cool and what not to hang out at the mall gossip about this and that, have a slurrpy and what not, but I just really can't stand malls, although the one Pentagon City in VA is quite fabolous i have to admit

Ah if only the American youth go and be allowed to drink and enjoy a bit of regular relaxation instead of ending up in malls, miracles would happen I tell you

 

[Brooker]

Good luck Kirei!! I'm sure it'll be fine.

 

[kirei_na_me]

That was a lovely outburst.

They don't want to go to malls, they want to go to OUTLETS!

But anyway, thanks for the encouragement, Cameron. We have lots of stuff planned. They will be going to DC for a two day visit, and will see some sights up there. They will also be going to Busch Gardens, will be going to the big zoo in NC, probably a few local wineries, and of course, my sister-in-law wants to go to every outlet in a 200 mile radius to see if she can find all the Ralph Lauren and Coach that her suitcase can hold...

 

[Cameron]

Sounds great, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

[Duo]

That was a lovely outburst.

They don't want to go to malls, they want to go to OUTLETS!

sorry :sorry:

didn't wanna sound bad there, just hangin out in malls is so.....

anyways good luck with ur in laws, just give em a map and directions to the car rental and be like aiite, take it easy

PS: i do not like malls but that don't mean i don't like amerika

 

[Ma Cherie]

Was that a tiny rant you gave, Duo? You're right malls are designed to drain you of money. A good example is whenever you walk into a store like JC Penny, all the "demand" goods are kept out site, but all the stuff you really don't need are in view which tempts you into "impulse buying". That's how they make their money. I don't wear A&F because it's just designed for anorexic people who think they're beautiful. As for American youth? They're hopeless, they don't idolize intellect, but they do idolized boneheads like Brittany Spears.

This is getting off topic. Good luck with the in-laws, kirei na me!

 

[Cameron]

As for American youth? They're hopeless, they don't idolize intellect, but they do idolized boneheads like Brittany Spears.

Sadly, Australian youth are no better, but we are getting quite off topic

 

[Duo]

Youth is all the same, can't beleive I used to be one, well not quite as bad