Tanka help please

[osotogari]

Hi all,
I'm relearning Japanese to honor my father who has recently passed. I think I have a basic understanding, despite never being truly interested in his teaching me. Now I feel I have a duty to learn my native language. The things you discover only in hindsight....

Anyway, I'm trying to compose a tanka to capture my feelings of his passing. Here is what I currently have, with some very helpful assistance from others. My english meaning follows:

天高く 吾が月欠ける しんしんと 父なき冬の 夜を吾生く
high in the heavens
my moon wanes
silently
I live a winter night
without father

 

[Toritoribe]

There is no grammatical problem in you tanka.

 

[osotogari]

Thank you, @Toritoribe, for spending time on this.
Would you say the English meaning matches the the kanji form?

 

[Toritoribe]

Yes, it's perfect, including the ambiguity of "silently". Because of the position of this adverb, it's possible to interpret that "silently" modifies both "wanes" (my moon wanes silently) and "live" (Silently, I live a winter night = I silently live a winter night), as same as in the Japanese version, where the two interpretations しんしんと欠ける and しんしんと生く are both possible.

 

[osotogari]

Thank you very much for your kind words sir!