Sigh.. Help a JREF member out.

[playaa]

Ok.. This is the place to say what's on your mind, so here I go..

Here is my problem/situation, I dated this girl (Jessica) for 2 1/2 years, I really do love her and she says she loves me, before she wanted to get married and be with me forever. Well I would say about April of this year I started to have so much to do with friends (partying, going out) I thought there was something I was missing out on, so I kind of neglected her a little then I told her I wanted time apart because we got into a fight one night. We still saw each other every day and did things together like we were still dateing even though we were taking time apart, she came over and begged me to get back and cried everyday/night to get back but I resisted. May 16 I went to Japan and did not invite her, I left by myself for 3 weeks and from what I hear for the first week she cried and was sad, the second week she was out partying with friends and doing new things, with other guys... During my trip in Japan I realized how stupid I was, and how much I really missed her and how there isn't anything out there that I am "missing out on". So when I got back from Japan I wanted to get back with her and everything well when I asked her to get back with me and explained that I realized what I want she tells me that she doesn't want to get back and that she wants time apart.

Well this went on for a few days and I heard things about her sleeping with another guy while I was gone, well one night we had a big convo and made everything up and I left her house, well she lied to me and said she was going with her friends but she didn't, I ended up catching her at the guys (who shes said to slept with) house. We got into a big fight and after I said its over for good and what not she held me and cried saying shes sorry she wants to be with me and she wants to get married and all this, so we got back together for a few weeks I asked her to marry me and we looked for places to move in together.. Well the whole week we did this I saw her for maybe 30 minutes total, she was ALWAYS out with her friends and doing other things without me. Well finally after letting a week go by like this I confronted her about it, and she says she doesnt wanna be engaged and she wants to break up. So we fought and broke up, and now she is leaving me hanging saying she does wanna be with me later on, and she isnt looking for anyone else..

What should I do? Go on and take my losses, or sit and wait? :?

Sorry this isn't a love forum but you people I feel are my best choice to ask on the net..

 

[Dream Time]

may I ask,how old is she?

I think she has not made up her mind yet

you know,trying to understand the mind of a woman is like trying to find a needle in an ocean

 

[Ewok85]

You have nothing to lose by waiting. Sounds like your in quite a situation there, but how well behaved were you in Japan? Don't get too hard on her.

 

[jeisan]

well how far away is later? it could be she's going through what you were, though you didnt lie about it...
i suppose you could wait around for awhile see how things go but after awhile since your technicly single and she wants to go and have fun etc with other folks, you shouldnt turn anything down, you never know might meet someone better. she could be back to normal in a couple weeks or she may not want to get married etc for another 5 years. im kinda babbling on here and i dont really know the girl so i cant say anything real pertinent.

 

[Arch]

Seems like she's messing with you !!! i think you can do better than her, she seems in-decsive and will cheat on you at any time ! i mean can you really trust her ??
You can commit until you have no doubt, she is messing you around, move on, she's not good enought for ya.

But this is all easy for me to say,as im not in your sitution, so just choose what you do wisel.y

 

[nekosasori]

Seeing as you were the one to start neglecting her and going away for weeks without her, it seems quite fair to me that she gets the same chance now. I know it's easier said than done, but you're lying in the bed you've made for yourself, and frankly, you both seem too young to be happy with making a life-long commitment.

I think if your relationship is meant to be, you'll both find a way to get back together - but I wouldn't hold my breath either. If I were in your shoes I'd keep in touch with her occasionally, but as a friend only - give yourself and her some space, and be happy with just socializing and spending time just by yourself. Good luck.

 

[kirei_na_me]

I think just give it time. How old is she? If she's your age, you're both extremely young, and I wouldn't advise getting married now anyway. I think you both should take the time to figure things out. Let her do her thing and you do your thing and like nekosasori said, if it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other.

After getting married at 21 years old, I wouldn't advise it for anyone. That's really, really young to be making a commitment like that. Especially when it seems that one or both of you are not finished 'sewing your wild oats'.

 

[mad pierrot]

O.k.

But does neglect warrant going out and hooking up randomly? I don't think so. Unless you hooked up with some girls in Japan, I say get forget about her. Just having a few weeks apart seems reasonable enough to me. We all need time to clear our heads. Might just be me, but I would have a hard time trusting someone after finding them in bed with another person. I guess it depends how much you like her. Since I don't know her, I can't really tell much. Either way, it's in your hands: Forgive and forget or move on.

 

[RockLee]

well...I got into this ****** situation kinda....and let me tell you...you're better off without her...it's harsh for me too say...but if you want to have fights again and be heartbroke again...do yourself a favor...and forget her...there are plenty of fish afterall !!!!

 

[playaa]

Thank's for the reply's.. I am having a good deal of hard times on my descision but I think I will make it. It is so much easier said then done, also I didn't "hook" up with any girls in Japan, not any more then friends.

 

[mad pierrot]

Best of Luck to you

I'd buy you a drink if I lived nearby.

 

[TwistedMac]

... and i would get you a hooker.

 

[EscaFlowne]

....
[Looks at Twisted...]
*This is serious, he dosen't need a hooker, you twisted nutcase! *


I believe in your playaa.....When it comes to things that you planned for her and her playing with your mind like that...its probally better to let go. believe me, first off 2 1/2 years and she's out creeping two weeks afterwards :joyful: maybe its me but something that you guys put that much time in should mean something. Maybe she was just rebounding....but thats usually done one time. and She's spending alot of time with him and the other people. I've learned that you shouldn't stress yourself out with someone that whose playing with your emotions-with mixed emotions. ☝

 

[RockLee]

Mac.....what the..???? ☝ ....you crazy sweed

 

[playaa]

LOL Mac, thanks for the offer mp..

Esca, I really am considering just counting my losses and leaving it alone. Though it is so much harder to do than say, as she always crosses my mind about where shes at, and what shes doing, and who shes with.. Kinda can drive someone crazy, but I will make it I believe, its just fairly hard here in the states to get a stable relationship since women over here have so much will power, say so, etc...

Why cant I be in another country when I need too? ..

 

[Xkavar]

1. Treat advice from the internet--especially the kind dealing with love--very carefully.

2. Walk over to the nearest wall and bang your head against it three times.

3. Sit down, and when your head stops hurting, think.

In your situation, above all, if you really love this girl, you don't want to rush to a decision. You've already proposed to her, she's accepted, you've both got a lot to think about now.

Here's some reality questions: where are you going to be in 29 years? Still married? Divorced? Will your son be a career criminal, serving time for trying to boost a laptop from a electronics store? Will your daughter be serving in the higher levels of government, working to pay off the medical bills that you incurred because you got in a car crash at 3:12 p.m. while heading to the grocery store? Will you become a cop? Or a terrorist? Will your wife turn to painting as a hobby and then a significant career? Are you going to go back to college for a doctorate degree?

Can you plan ahead in your life, or is your focus stuck on this situation? Can you plan ahead with your wife in mind, or are you stuck thinking about her right here and now?

 

[Lina Inverse]

I don't think you shouldn't make yourself any false hopes there, she apparently lost interest. At this rate, the best thing that would happen would be that you and she are on and off some time more which will eventually totally ruin your (and her) nerves

The best thing you can do now is forget about her. I know, this will probably be hard at first, but just go out with friends, have fun, post to the forum - eventually, she'll fade into the back, and you'll forget about her.
Besides, as kirei already said, you (and she as well) are still way too young to marry! You'd simply do a big mistake. Don't do such a thing to yourself now, you'd really be sorry for it later.

 

[EscaFlowne]

LOL Mac, thanks for the offer mp..

Esca, I really am considering just counting my losses and leaving it alone. Though it is so much harder to do than say, as she always crosses my mind about where shes at, and what shes doing, and who shes with.. Kinda can drive someone crazy, but I will make it I believe, its just fairly hard here in the states to get a stable relationship since women over here have so much will power, say so, etc...

Why cant I be in another country when I need too? ..

I feel ya. Thats what i had to do recently...And i know what you mean by thinking about her. Thats why i said something in this thread. And the women over have ALOT of will power, say so,...thats kinda the reason I LOVE Them But Guess what! I actually found a lil tight one. Too bad you ain't still in florida i could hook you up with her friend...she's from BRAZIL If you can't make it too another country, bring her to you :haihai: Good luck though.

 

[playaa]

Haha, Esca tha pimp. Thanks for the advice everyone..