Questions about studying and meeting people

[RubyRawd]

So, I have been in Japan for a while now, am I have had a hard time meeting people. I know alot of this is just cause i am not good at meeting people in general, but what would be some places you all would recommend to meet people? I dont know where its polite to talk to people... most japanese people act like they just cant be bothered so... i dont bother them. Tried the internet, but I feel just as uncomfortable meeting people from there. Suggestions, are always good, flames are appreciated, but not wanted.


Secondly, I am looking for a recommendation on a GOOD grammer book taht has lots of examples, i learn by examples. I really want to be able to make basic sentences, with correct order and tense. I pick it up quick, so i am not too worried about that... Its truly easier to learn your 3rd language. My focus has been on verbs, descriptions and the basics, like colors numbers and counters.

Thanks for your time,
A bit lonely in the T o k y o.

 

[undrentide]

Maybe it depends on what kind of people you want to meet.

If you want to find the Japanese who are interested in foreign cultures and/or languages, visiting clubs which are popular for both the Japanese and people from abroad or joining forum for friendship/relationship between the Japanese and those from different culture can be a good idea. Or so-called "Eikaiwa kissa" - tearoom/cafe where the Japanese people visit to have "conversation with foreign people in English".

But if you just want to meet ordinary Japanes people to make friends to share same interests, how about joining a local community, some kinds of local clubs?
In case of the latter, if you go to the community centre or local city/ward office, you'll find many activities for cultures, hobbies, sports...

If you don't speak Japanese, it might be a bit difficult, but if you can make basic communication then it will be perhaps a good opportunity to learn the language, pick up words and expression.
I hope you'll find something you can enjoy and meet people.

 

[Mike Cash]

Undrentide is exactly right; what you need is some shared activity. Martial arts classes can be a good place to meet folks and interact. If the idea of punching and kicking folks doesn't appeal to you, try something "gentler" like Aikido. At any rate, when you've been in the relatively close physical intimacy that practicing places people in, it also breaks down the reticence of actually speaking to each other....and it gives you at least one thing to talk about.

 

[RubyRawd]

I did Aikido for a bit before I left the states, I know i enjoy that, but I really need to find places to do things and then figure out times. I work crappy hours honestly for doing anything other than drinking. My days off are monday tuesday which suck cause so much stuff is closed on mondays =/

Maybe Ill go to my ward office again, I honestly dont speak enough Japanese to get my point across, but I am gettin desperate enough now to go for anything. Holidays away from home definetly suck.

 

[Karamuucho]

Are there no people you like at work? Even if they're not all your best friends or anything going out with workmates and having a laugh is good, it also gives you a chance to meet their friends, or new people wherever you happen to go. Neighbours perhaps? I make a lot of friends from people close to me (er, as in distance, lol).

Ofcourse since I take it you are in Tokyo, there are plenty of English speaking foreigners around, making foreign friends is a good way to start if you don't speak the language all too well. My dad used to run several Gaijin Pubs, great for meeting people.

Overall I recon just put yourself out there, goodluck!

 

[RubyRawd]

My co-workers are okay. The people that live near me I just cant be bothered with.

I have always had a hard time meeting people, when i should of built my social skills I unfortunately had a terrible illness and became a bit more reclusive, but trying to break that, but the language makes it somewhat hard.

I do speak spanish, and when i was studying japanese earlier this year, it was coming fast... much faster than my classmates. I just really need a good grammer book that uses kana and NOT romanji. So if anyone knows a good one, please post it here. I hate buying random books with no idea if they are good or not!

 

[Grandpa Frank]

I was not a big drinker, but......

I picked a small bar with a dance floor near my apartment to hang out at. Within a few weeks I knew all the regulars and they knew me. If I found a girl I was interested in, we could at least dance. After a few months, the master of the bar hired me to deal with "gaijan" problems, which usually consisted of just explaining things to them to avoid fights.

Uncle Frank

☝

 

[Mike Cash]

As far as textbook recommendations go, I would have to suggest that you ask the folks at www.thejapanesepage.com

That site is more for discussion of language learning issues, with social/cultural/chit-chat being ancillary, while the balance is just the opposite here.

 

[mr.sumo.snr]

What's your occupation? Market traders tend not to hang out with systems operators, if you see what I mean. Rough location would also help.

And as for kana-only grammar books - I haven't really seen many of those. Plenty with romaji/kana combinations though. Romaji actually lends itself rather well to explaining sentence patterns and word order - the word spacing has a lot to do with it. I suspect that's why publishers go that route (of course it helps when trying to sell the book to kanji novices too).

The Japan Times "A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar" and its intermediate cousin have been a standard grammar-bible for quite some time. It has a romaji/kana approach. It DOES require quite a mature understanding of English grammar: "A nominalizer is a particle that makes a sentence into a noun phrase or clause." and I always thought it was a weapon of mass destruction....

--

 

[RubyRawd]

My location? I live off of the Nambu line in Kanagawa, not too terribly far from shibuya or shinjuku. I was thinking of tring to find a place alot of university kids live and hang out at a bar there, but after talkin to several it seems they go to shibs or shinjuku or roppongi to drink and what not.

My occupation? English teacher lol. I am going to be going to law school this year or next, and i want to specialize in international law, so I really want to pick up japanese so when i get into a firm, I can be a destination guy (knowing spanish and japanese would be good - then they could send me where ever to learn whatever language).

Ill give those books a look, my day off is tomorrow so ill check it out.

I live in kind of a crap hole, but it works, i like the apartment, fiberoptic internet rocks. I like my roomate, but we just dont have same days off.

 

[Jpstw]

it will all come in time, patience is a virtue

 

[undrentide]

I heard that "Japanese for Busy People" has kana version, and it's volume I is really good though it's II isn't really good as the first one.
コミュニケーションのための日本語 【改訂第3版】 I かな版テキスト - Japanese for Busy People [Revised 3rd Edition] I Kana Version | 国際日本語普及協会 |本 | 通販 | Amazon

 

[Ahega]

I'd recomand Shinbunka Shokyu Nihongo series. It's from the Bunka Institute of Language and the new version comes with a CD. We use it in university and I personally think it's good book for beginners. No romanji at all.

I found a link pitin.com/bil/japanese/text.html

 

[DoctorP]

I did Aikido for a bit before I left the states, I know i enjoy that, but I really need to find places to do things and then figure out times. I work crappy hours honestly for doing anything other than drinking. My days off are monday tuesday which suck cause so much stuff is closed on mondays =/

Maybe Ill go to my ward office again, I honestly dont speak enough Japanese to get my point across, but I am gettin desperate enough now to go for anything. Holidays away from home definetly suck.

If you find yourself getting down, you can always contact me via PM and I'll chat with you. I know what it is like to be away from home for the holidays, but I've done it for many years now so I am getting used to it!

Frank had a good idea, pick out a small out of the way bar and hang out. You don't have to get drunk, just go in and hang out. After a 3rd or 4th visit, people will start to warm up to you. Just start out making small talk and go from there. This is what I did and I made some wonderful friends that really helped me to learn the area I was in and the language.

Hang in there and things will be fine!

 

[RubyRawd]

Thanks for the offer DoctorP, I may do that.

I find what i miss most in japan is my support structure, i have no one really to fall back upon except myself.

Verdict so far?

I havent found a bar yet, but there is one at my station I have been avoiding, but why the hell not, ill start going there.

I have started a few more conversations with random people. Most turned out to be very embarrasing and not worth my time. However, on the way home tonight actually, I talked to a guy from Peking, he was a nice guy.

My problems run a bit deeper than not being able to find people, I got royaled burned in the past by a few friends, and thats made me a bit of a recluse... but im tring to change.

This year alone I have:
Graduated University (doing great)
Lost 70 Pounds (doing great)
Moved to a Different country (doing okay)
Got my first real job (doing okay)
Trying to start a social life (failing miserably)

 

[DoctorP]

Social lives are over rated! Japanese people as a whole are recluses, especially the men.

Do not think that a bar is the only place to meet people. (I would hate to turn you into an alcoholic!) I always chat up the clerks in the combini, especially late at night. The girls are really nice and seem to enjoy the company and conversation. Of course you don't want to hang around a combini for several hours a day right? Just make casual conversation each time you walk in. After a period of time, people will become accustomed to you and feel more comfortable. Once you notice this, try to set up something in a more relaxing scene. It will work, trust me!

 

[hydrangea]

Hajimemashite,RubyRawd!
Which station on the Nanbu line is your location?
The highschool I graduated is on the Nanbu line(Noborito sta)
And my house is 3stations from Noborito...
How small this world is.

I don't know what is'royaled'...
But I think you can do things well.

 

[RubyRawd]

I live really close to noborito. I actually change there to get to work.

What i meant by royaled, was royally burned, meaning they were NOT good friends at all and i found that out way too late.

I have found the world is truely small, when i was living in Spain last year, we traveled to Italy and met some people that i hadnt seen in years. Its really weird what happens when your traveling.