Please rate my translation

[The7thSamurai]

Surprised myself today by trying to read stories and watch videos from the NHK website, and doing pretty well at it. Thought I'd try for a full translation of a story. Let me know what you think...(it's a pretty morbid story by the way!)

１５日午前７時前、福島県会津若松市にある会津若松警察署に少年が「母親を殺した」言って自首してきました。

On the 15th of May, just before 7am, a young man gave himself up to the Aidzuwakamatsu Police in Aidzuwakamatsu City saying that he had just killed his mother.

少年は、市内の県立高校３年の１７歳の男子生徒で、手提げバッグに切断された遺体の頭部を入れて持ってきたということです。

The police said that the young man was a 17 year old male student at a local prefectural highschool, and entered the police station with the head of a decapitated corpse inside a bag.

警察が少年の住む市内のアパートを調べたところ、母親とみられる女性が遺体で見つかりました。

The police are now inspecting the inner city apartment where the man lived and found a woman who cared for the mother at the corpse.

(note. don't fully get the meaning of とみられる here. Assumed it was the passive form of 看る meaning 'care for')

遺体の近くからは犯行に使ったとみられる刃物も見つかり、警察は少年を殺人の疑いで逮捕しました。

Near the corpse they also found a sharp instrument used for the crime. The police have now aprehended the young man under suspicion of the murder.

(note, again there's that とみられる. I have no idea how it's being used).

調べに対して、少年は「夜中に１人で殺した」と話し、容疑を認めているということです。

Regarding the investigation, the young man said he killed his mother by himself in the middle of the night, and admitted to the charge.

警察によりますと、少年は、通学のため市内のアパートで弟と暮らしており、離れた所に住んでいる母親が世話をしに来ていたということです。

According to the police, because of their commute to school, the young man lived alone with his brother in an inner city apartment. Their mother, who they lived separately, had come to their apartment to look after them.

警察は、現場を詳しく調べるとともに、引き続き少年から話を聞き、犯行の動機を調べています。

While the police investigate the scene of the crime in detail, they are continuing to question the young man in search for a motive.

Words that I didn't know:
The 署 in 警察署
自首
The 手提げ in 手提げバッグ
切断
遺体
頭部 (was able to guess the meaning)
犯行 (was able to guess the meaning)
逮捕
容疑
認める
離れる
動機

Might try and make this a regular study method

The story and video can be found here:

http://www.nhk.or.jp/news/2007/05/15/d20070515000086.html

 

[Elizabeth]

少年は、市内の県立高校３年の１７歳の男子生徒で、手 提げバッグに切断された遺体の頭部を入れて持ってきた ということです。
The police said that the young man was a 17 year old male student at a local prefectural highschool, and entered the police station with the head of a decapitated corpse inside a bag.

Doesn't mention anything about the guy entering anyplace. Or the police saying anything for that matter. The only detail we can know for sure on this point is that the corpse was understood to have been brought in.

（ということ＝ which means that...that is to say....)
警察が少年の住む市内のアパートを調べたところ、母親とみられる女性が遺体で見つか りました。
The police are now inspecting the inner city apartment where the man lived and found a woman who cared for the mother at the corpse.

Have already inspected (upon investigation....) and a corpse of the woman that looks (passive of みる）to be the mother （みられる女性） was discovered.
Inner city I've never encountered in a Japanese context. I can imagine it normally as a katakanaized version of the term. インナーシティ。


Just a few minor cuts and bruises that needed dressing up. But the body (of your work, of course) is intact. You aren't being charged with anything in other words. Good job, Bucko-san ! And it looks like I've already used all my morning study time to dissect this lovely story, unfortunately.

 

[epigene]

Just checking on accuracy.

１５日午前７時前、福島県会津若松市にある会津若松警 察署に少年が「母親を殺した」言って自首してきました 。

On the 15th of May, just before 7am, a young man gave himself up to the Aizuwakamatsu Police in Aizuwakamatsu City saying that he had just killed his mother.

OK overall, but there is no mention of "just" in the original.

少年は、市内の県立高校３年の１７歳の男子生徒で、手 提げバッグに切断された遺体の頭部を入れて持ってきた ということです。

The police said that the young man was a 17 year old male student at a local prefectural high school, and entered the police station with the head of a decapitated corpse inside a bag.

No mention of police here, so the sentence should be like: "The young man reportedly is a 17 year old male student at a local prefectural high school, who brought to the police station the head of a decapitated corpse inside a bag."

I also think you can do something about "head of a decapitated corpse."

警察が少年の住む市内のアパートを調べたところ、母親とみられる女性が遺体で見つか りました。

The police are now inspecting the inner city apartment where the man lived and found a woman who cared for the mother at the corpse.

市内のアパート: Apartment in the city
とみられる: Appears to be
Please note that the Japanese media is heavily inclined to use "allegedly," "reported to be," "appears to be" to be cautious (overly, in my personal opinion) . They hate to take responsibility for what they write!! (Sorry for veering off-topic...)

遺体の近くからは犯行に使ったとみられる刃物も見つか り、警察は少年を殺人の疑いで逮捕しました。

Near the corpse they also found a sharp instrument used for the crime. The police have now appehended the young man under suspicion of the murder.

This one looks okay, except for "appears to be" again.
Also, 刃物 is literally "bladed instrument," so you can translate it into "knife."

調べに対して、少年は「夜中に１人で殺した」と話し、 容疑を認めているということです。

Regarding the investigation, the young man said he killed his mother by himself in the middle of the night, and admitted to the charge.

調べに対して: In response to police questioning

警察によりますと、少年は、通学のため市内のアパートで弟と暮らしており、離れた所に住んでいる母親が世 話 をしに来ていたということです。

According to the police, because of their commute to school, the young man lived alone with his brother in an inner city apartment. Their mother, who they lived separately, had come to their apartment to look after them.

市内のアパート again.
離れた所に住んでいる母親が世話 をしに来ていたということです。 This means that the mother had been coming to the apartment on a regular basis to care for the brothers.

警察は、現場を詳しく調べるとともに、引き続き少年か ら話を聞き、犯行の動機を調べています。

While the police investigate the scene of the crime in detail, they are continuing to question the young man in search for a motive.

Slightly different in that the police is investigating the scene of the crime "and at the same time" questioning the boy regarding the motive.
Addendum: I wasn't reading your translation carefully. Please ignore the last one. Yours is OK, too.

 

[The7thSamurai]

Thanks for the replies. Some replies to your comments...
Elizabeth: Doesn't mention anything about the guy entering anyplace.
You're right. I made the mistake of thinking 入れる was 入る and assuming that he "entered" the police station. Whoops.
Both Elizabeth and epigene made mention of the fact that "police" wasn't mentioned when I wrote police...
手 提げバッグに切断された遺体の頭部を入れて持ってきた ということです
I said "police" because I assumed ということだ was in reference to what the police said. I recently learnt this form as meaning "they said" or "it was said". I don't like using the "it was said" form when the original is not in passive form either (some advice that I've received), so went for "they said" - "they" being the police. I'll be sure not to assume so much next time. I'll use "reportedly" next time.
Elizabeth and epigene, thanks for your advice on とみられる. I saw it written in a few places, so I'll remember it means "appears to be" or "allegedly". Actually, Australian media is the same. Every second word in a news report in Australia is the word "allegedly".

 

[Elizabeth]

I recently learnt this form as meaning "they said" or "it was said". I don't like using the "it was said" form when the original is not in passive form either (some advice that I've received), so went for "they said" - "they" being the police. I'll be sure not to assume so much next time. I'll use "reportedly" next time.
Elizabeth and epigene, thanks for your advice on とみられる. I saw it written in
a few places, so I'll remember it means "appears to be" or "allegedly". Actually, Australian media is the same. Every second word in a news report in Australia is the word "allegedly".

ということ is a set phrase that I'm sure you have seen as interchangeable with "という意味" with the same overtones in English as "they say" (quite distinct from "they said") "which means that...." "that is to say"...."it means..." (Literally "it is about that...").

"Somebody says that" requires a verb + what is referenced (that と refers to) : ということを言います。
I have heard that : ということを聞いた。See the differences ?


By the way, American media relies less on words like allegedly and reportedly which might imply they don't believe the police... Instead, preferring to preface uncorroborated statements with "According to...so and so sources...such and such occurred" that the person has private knowledge as it took place. Actually, Japanese loves the same technique "関係者・警察によりますと。。 only they almost always have to work to soften it again with ということ、という（のが）分かった、そうだ。。。Ac cording to these sources, this is what happened...or so it seems that...

 

[Elizabeth]

(note. don't fully get the meaning of とみられる here. Assumed it was the passive form of 看る meaning 'care for')

Thanks for unearthing this character for us, Bucko. I only knew it as 看（かん）。
So it isn't the way I would normally say 'to care for,' but I suppose that is neither here nor there.

 

[epigene]

Thanks for unearthing this character for us, Bucko. I only knew it as 看（かん）。
So it isn't the way I would normally say 'to care for,' but I suppose that is neither here nor there.

Yes, it is (taught in grade school), although the kanji is most often used in words like 看護婦 (kangofu; nurse) and 看病 (kanbyou; take care of a sick person).

 

[Elizabeth]

Yes, it is (taught in grade school), although the kanji is most often used in words like 看護婦 (kangofu; nurse) and 看病 (kanbyou; take care of a sick person).

Aahh, beaten again ! Yes, I had to stare at it a minute out of context but as usual it clicked immediately after posting.

Now, Hand above eye for better viewing, everyone....

 

[The7thSamurai]

I remember my former Japanese teacher telling me to use 看る instead of 世話 when thanking a doctor for taking care of you. Something like 看てくれてありがとうございます. Can't remember exactly what she said though.

 

[Elizabeth]

I remember my former Japanese teacher telling me to use 看る instead of 世話 when thanking a doctor for taking care of you. Something like 看てくれてありがとうございます. Can't remember exactly what she said though.

Are you sure it wasn't this one about doing a diagnosis and checkup : 診てもらって（いただいて）ありがとうごあじます。 I'm serious about having never encountered any form of 看る。

 

[The7thSamurai]

Are you sure it wasn't this one about doing a diagnosis and checkup : 診てもらって（いただいて）ありがとうごあじます。 I'm serious about having never encountered any form of 看る。

I'm not sure exactly. But I do remember her saying that the kanji used in the expression she gave me was unusual enough for her not to know it off hand, and that I should write it in hiragana just as みる. That says to me that it was probably 看る and not 診る. Although saying that, I just found this sentence:

親切ながらも専門家としての態度をもって、いつもピーターを診ていただきましたことをこの機会にお礼申し上げます。

 

[epigene]

I think 看る（みる）can be mistaken for some other kanji also read "miru."

Example:
患者を診る：Examine a patient
But:
病人を看る：Take care of a sick person

 

[Elizabeth]

I think 看る（みる）can be mistaken for some other kanji also read "miru."

Example:
患者を診る：Examine a patient
But:
病人を看る：Take care of a sick person

そうですね。観る、見る（視る？）・看る、診るなどそ れぞれ意味が微妙に違うと思います。

日本語にはこういうことばがたくさんありますね。

どんな時に「視る」も良いかわからないですよ。よく使 われないんですね。

 

[epigene]

そうですね。観る、見る（視る？）・看る、診るなどそ れぞれ意味が微妙に違うと思います。

日本語にはこういうことばがたくさんありますね。

どんな時に「視る」も良いかわからないですよ。よく使 われないんですね。

そうですね、やはりそれぞれの漢字の元の意味が大事で すね。
日常会話では、漢字を意識せずに「みる」と言うことが 多いので、どの漢字をあてるか分からないままになりや すいですね。

エリザベスさんは、漢和辞典をお持ちですか？あれば、 それぞれのニュアンスの説明や例が載ってます。上級者 には必要ですね。