Paying for the meal

[Scars Unseen]

Hello everyone. My name is Chris and I've been in Okinawa for a little over 2 months. I met an attractive and pleasant woman from Osaka on a local singles site(well I didn't know she was especially attractive until I met her in person). We emailed each other a few times, chatted online and then I asked her to meet me for sushi today.

We talked for a bit and got to know each other better, and then eventually had to leave because she had to work at 1400. When we stepped up to the register she proceeded to pay for the whole thing while I was still pulling my cash out of my wallet. I was momentarily stunned by this, but recover quickly and we walk out the door. She smiles and tells me that she enjoyed the time spent together and I say much the same thing before we part ways.

Now, due to my upbringing, I am left feeling that I have something to apologize for. I've been on dates and paid for the meal and I've been on dates where we've split the tab, but I've never actually had a date actually pay for my meal before.

So I guess the question I have is have I done something wrong here by not insisting on paying? Is this terribly unusual or should I just not worry about it and be sure to be the first to the register next time?

 

[Mars Man]

Welcome to the forum, Scars Unseen san !! I hope you stick around and get to know JREF more, and join in on the discussions that are of interest to you.

Now, regarding your question, I'd take the stand and say that there's nothing to worry about for now. There is no need to weigh that outcome of events against those of the past, yet there may be need to remain open to possible outcomes that may arise in the future.

If I were in your shoes--and in a way, would like to be, perhaps?--I'd just let it go, and be prepared to take the bill in my hand, or draw it to my side of the table before finishing eating, and of course, be quicker on the draw. (Assuming you were adequitely quick, but that simply she had been quicker)

There could be other possible scenarios as to the reason for such an outcome on that day, but with no information, I'd say that speculating would be very much ill advised, and will not go down that road.

Just get ready for the next time, and don't fret. Good Luck !! MM

 

[epigene]

I think Mars Man's advice is very wise.

When I read your post, I was first puzzled by why the woman paid the bill herself and was exploring the possible reasons for a while. But, I've also come to the conclusion that such speculations are not worthwhile, since I don't know anything more than what you described.

Maybe you should just learn these phrases for the next time you meet her:

Warikan ni shimashou. (Let's pay our own separately.)
Konkai wa watashi ga haraimasu. (I'm treating you this time.)

Hope it helps!

 

[Scars Unseen]

Well things went well enough since she wants to see me again. I will just be certain I get to the register quicker next time.

Thanks for the advice

 

[made of stone]

Hi Chris, nice to meet you here at Jref!

As has been said, there are many possible reasons why she might have paid.

One that came to mind is that if your journey to meet her was a lot longer or more expensive than her own, it may have been her pleasure to treat you to lunch. But, it's all speculation, and I agree with MM and epigene that it may not help much to dwell on the 'why'.

It's good to hear that you'll meet your nice lady again!

If it were me, I would try to subtly be the one in pole-position at the till next time, or even better to explain at the end of the meal that I shall be paying, as the nice miss was so kind to treat us last time. I would gently insist on it, in fact!

When two people are attracted enough to both anticipate further dates, imho it's the nicest way to settle things, by taking it in turns

 

[El P8s]

Just pay for both of you the next time.