parting

[Elizabeth]

I undestand what you mean, just that for me if 2 ppl like each other that is the basis of things and u go from there. I like things simple and neat. U like me and I like you so lets be together, sure we can have sm issues but if u really like me and I really like you then these issues can be worked out or outmanouvered without 2 much effort or whatever. Perhaps i'm not very sophisticated or watever, but I just really enjoy it when I don't have to work to hard to be with someone I like. Being with somebody shouldn't be work, but fun

Relationships should be about flow and harmony and all those good things like the simple joy of being with the person, I imagine that is the experience of most couples when they get married. What splinters and fragements all that of course are the entrapments of the world (younger, more exciting partners, accumulating things) having profoundly different values etc. which have their way with fun and feelings if there isn't anything deeper to anchor the two of you. I agree, though, for whatever reason nothing should be as much as agony as Wouter seems to be putting into it. Just having insight into yourself, your own limitations, desires, frustrations, goals is probably the biggest challange and highest level of security in being able to weed out bad partners before they take roost.

 

[Wouter]

thanks for the replies everyone, I appreciate your help.

it's been about 10 days since I lastly contact with her.
Maybe it's not long, but for me it feels like eternity.
Yesterday I've sent her an e-mail, but she still hasn't answered yet.
maybe she has blocked my address, I don't know...
I really want to get in touch with her again, even if it was only to make up with her.
What should I do?
should I write her a letter by snail mail? but maybe she won't even read it.
should I try to contact one of her friends who see her often? maybe they don't want to tell me anything.
or should I go to Germany and try to see her, so I can appologize in person to her?
I know most people will tell me to forget it, but I just can't, it's too hard.

What do you think about ending a relationship in hate?
I think it's stupid.
we can seperate, but at least it shouldn't end with hate...

 

[misa.j]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, Wouter.
It doesn't have to end with hate, though. You sound like you still care about her, opposite from hatred.
I understand that you feel like you need to apologize to her, so you can feel positive about how the relationship ended. You can write a letter to her, but I wouldn't expect to hear anything back. 10 days seem long to me, too.
I would not suggest you to involve her friends as how it can make things even more complicated.

And don't forget, negative feelings don't always stay in someone's mind as long as you may think they would.
I'm sure you will feel much better as time goes by.

Gosh, you're so young, you'll meet many, many more people in the future!

Misa

 

[MajideSaiaku]

I second that, shoot of a sincere and thought out snail-mail letter, and then, TRYYY to carry on.

I know it seems hard but, you cant allow this to eat away at you forever, if she really has moved on, you need to let go, so you can enjoy your lfie and meet new girls and stuff.

Its not cool loving someone and those feelings not being returned, so as much as it hurts, you will have to teach yourself that if she doesnt love you, then you shouldnt have to waste time on her.

I love my girlfriend alot, but, god knows if she didnt love me, i would.....try and make her love me again, okay bad example , and i would cry and feel bad and ask god or gods or whatever to make the pain go away and make me stop loving her but, i would accept it and keep my distance and eventually, time would do it for me.

hold in there.

 

[Kinsao]

eeee, maybe wrong thread, but... I have to break up with someone, too... I have to tell them tomorrow night. And it's difficult because, maybe it sounds stupid given my age, but never have I been the one to break up a relationship. *grits teeth* Is gonna be difficult... .................

Just had to get that off my chest... lol.

Sometimes life is just... really damn unfair! :angryfire:

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Thats harsh kinsao, why do you have to break up?. ☝

 

[lexico]

Thats harsh kinsao, why do you have to break up?. ☝

I may be a bit presumptuous, but Kinsao might not tell you straight because it might make some people here feel guilty.
Ever since she signed up for this forum, she has been spending most of her free time here reading and posting, and having a good time with the forumers all the while letting her boyfriend wait out in the cold, forever waiting for her to finish posting her one last post for the night, which rarely happened, unfortunately... This continued day after day, night after night until her boyfriend finally couldn't take it no more, shouting out loud, "Are you in love with me or the damn puter ?" Sorry for being so frivolous, but I hope things are turning for the better ? How about settling for equal time, equal attention ? :sorry:

 

[Kinsao]

I may be a bit presumptuous, but Kinsao might not tell you straight because it might make some people here feel guilty.
Ever since she signed up for this forum, she has been spending most of her free time here reading and posting, and having a good time with the forumers all the while letting her boyfriend wait out in the cold, forever waiting for her to finish posting her one last post for the night, which rarely happened, unfortunately... This continued day after day, night after night until her boyfriend finally couldn't take it no more, shouting out loud, "Are you in love with me or the damn puter ?" Sorry for being so frivolous, but I hope things are turning for the better ? How about settling for equal time, equal attention ? :sorry:

lmao, Lexico, that was good!

Actually, it is my boss who should be mad with me... I rarely use the comp at home!

It's quite simply, that he wants "serious" relationship... I sound so shallow, but... fact is, he is only interested in plans to get married and... I don't want to marry him! :sorry: He is not happy to just drift in relationship, but... I guess I just thought "I don't love him well enough for such serious relationship" and then thought "what am I doing in this relationship anyway?!?!?"

*sigh* Oh well, has got to be done. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind... ☝

 

[Tsuyoiko]

Good luck Kinsao!

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Good luck indeed, you dont wanna be under that kinda pressure in a relationship if your not wanting the same things :S.

 

[Elizabeth]

thanks for the replies everyone, I appreciate your help.

it's been about 10 days since I lastly contact with her.
Maybe it's not long, but for me it feels like eternity.
Yesterday I've sent her an e-mail, but she still hasn't answered yet.
maybe she has blocked my address, I don't know...
I really want to get in touch with her again, even if it was only to make up with her.
What should I do?
should I write her a letter by snail mail? but maybe she won't even read it.
should I try to contact one of her friends who see her often? maybe they don't want to tell me anything.
or should I go to Germany and try to see her, so I can appologize in person to her?
I know most people will tell me to forget it, but I just can't, it's too hard.

What do you think about ending a relationship in hate?
I think it's stupid.
we can seperate, but at least it shouldn't end with hate...

Are you still moving towards someday living or studying in Japan, Wouter ?
I'm not encouraging you to narrow yourself to Japanese girls, but if you're that interested....I just things would be a lot easier if you were actually there and didn't have all these time/space/cultural barriers to come between you.

 

[Wouter]

I'm sorry to reply to you this late, Elizabeth, I was very sick the last couple of days so I didn't feel like thinking about it.

Are you still moving towards someday living or studying in Japan, Wouter ?
I'm not encouraging you to narrow yourself to Japanese girls, but if you're that interested....I just things would be a lot easier if you were actually there and didn't have all these time/space/cultural barriers to come between you.

Although it is my dream to live in Japan for some time in the future, I am also aware that living in Japan is not as easy as I would like to believe.
Especially for me as a foreigner from a non-native English speaking country.
Although there are enough examples of people like me who succeeded in it.
I wonder what would be a good course of action to achieve my goal. :?

 

[Elizabeth]

Although it is my dream to live in Japan for some time in the future, I am also aware that living in Japan is not as easy as I would like to believe.
Especially for me as a foreigner from a non-native English speaking country.
Although there are enough examples of people like me who succeeded in it.
I wonder what would be a good course of action to achieve my goal. :?

Learn Japanese and travel there as much as you can afford. I am fortunate enough to have a job that allows me enough time off to go back every eight-ten weeks or so to keep my language skills on track. But you're correct, there certainly are enough difficult aspects to the culture which aren't necessarily apparent either to the casual observer or Japonphile / otaku to make anyone think very seriously before a long-term commitment.