Need proofreading /sentence advice on a few lines of my translation attempt.

Billkwando · 12 Oct 2013

I've taken it upon myself to start translating (slowly and carefully) with online dictionaries and stuff.

I need help (proofreading/corrections) with Benjo Sandal Dance (section about shoes), Beauty Killoseum (section with the bandages & the section w/ the ransom note fonts), Swomints (what does that mean? The part with 8-bit graphics) and the bit of My Girl that's in there. And probably the part of Chu2 the Beam (disco poses), near the beginning.

Warning: mildly NSFW language.

Note: Beauty Killosseum is about plastic surgery, if the context helps.

Any general feedback is welcome. If you see any outright errors, please let me know. :

Album Trailer WIP v2 - Video Dailymotion (sorry if horrible Daily Motion's ads are horrible).

If more info or text excerpts are needed, please let me know. Just testing the waters to see if anyone is willing to lend 5 minutes to perfecting my translation/subbing project. Thanks!

Edit: I didn't know if it was easy for someone to just read the kanji in the video and say "oh you went wrong here here and here" or if it would be more complicated than that. I wasn't intending to "test" the forum posters' knowledge, I meant that I was testing to see if the post was ignored....cos some forums are just like that...

letianchen · 13 Oct 2013

what the fk did I just watch?

btw its probably better if you wrote the kanji instead of the romaji. Easier to interpret that way.

Billkwando · 13 Oct 2013

You mean the kanji flashing all over the screen wasn't helpful?

Here we go. I've provided the whole segment I'm using for reference in case anyone has suggestions, but the lines in red are the ones I'm mainly looking for help with:

Beauty Killosseum

ヤブ医者っぺぇ前兆な視線
前代未聞美貌野望コンプレックス
ヘモグロビン眩暈(めまい)
立眩(たちくら)み・憂鬱返上
女子(おなご)FIGHT!!

Yabu isha ppe? zenchō na shisen
zendaimimon bibō yabō konpurekkusu
hemoglobin memai ( memai )
tatsu mabayu ( tachi kura ) mi. yūutsu henjō
joshi ( onago ) FIGHT !!

Quack bush doctor? Bad omen seen
Unprecedented
beauty ambition complex
Hemoglobin vertigo
Dazzling beauty relinquished, join us in darkness
Girl Fight!!

Part 2:

「この世はいつも見た目できまる」
「心も自ずと見た目に出る」

いつもの妬み恒例の面倒臭え飲み
ブス専のイケメンは亡霊で幻想美談
許すな無礼てかマジか? 見えない迷路
運命の糸ひっぱっちゃったそこの外道
目覚めるのは夕方「いまは何時?」

'konoyo wa itsumo mitame de kimaru'
'The world will always judge by appearances'

'kokoro mo onozuto mitame ni deru'
'Show what's in your heart by being natural'

itsumo no netami kōrei no mendōkusa e nomi
Always jealous, boring regimen of drinking

busu no ikemen wa bōrei de gensō bidan
Seeing beauty inside ugly is a fantasy of illusions

yurusu na burei teka maji ka ? mie nai meiro
Forgive rudeness, seriously? It's like the Invisible Labyrinth.

unmei no ito hippacchatta soko no gedō
Pull the string of destiny. Heresy is near.

mezameru no wa yūgata "ima wa nan ji?"
Wake up at night, "Is it time to get up?"

Unbelievable!: Swomints Hockeleiro Mifeho

「スヲミンツホケレイロミフエホ」
(スヲミンツホケレイロ!)
Swomints Hockeleiro Mifeho
Swomints Hockeleiro

Are these made up words? Sounds? Something to do with Megaman? lol

Benjo Sandal Dance (Toilet Sandal Dance):

脳天GROOVIN' 貧乏ゆすりでダンス
妖艶ミステリアスにタップ便サンダンス
いつか売れて生産増やす計算

(世のニーズでニーズで)
「MTH is 麺固」のスタンス
下駄? スリッパ? ゴム草履? 否 VIC! 便サンダンス
いつか売れて生産増やす計算
(亮のニーズでニーズで) <-(I don't need these last 2 lines, but I left them for context)

Nōten GROOVIN' binbou yusuri de dance
Head GROOVIN', dance with the poor man's shake
Yōen mysterious ni tap ben san dance
Tap flight sun dance to bewitching mysterious
Itsuka urete seisan fuyasu keisan
A plug to increase production and sales someday
Yo no niizu de niizu de
It's what the world needs, the world needs
`MTH is men kata' no stance
"MTH is firm noodle ramen" our stance
Geta? Surippa? Gomu zōri? Hi VIC! Ben san dance
Clogs? Slippers? Thongs? Whether VIC! Service sun dance

Notes:
The guitarist of Maximum the Hormone only wears VIC brand toilet sandals (all the time, everywhere).

Chu2 the Beam

スーパーの屋上ミニ遊園地で
ハイスクールヤンキーにカツアゲヘルプミー!

横で見ているアンパンヒーロー
100円入れるから助けろ!
ブオン! ブォン! ブオン! ブォン! ブオン!!
族車のバイクの騒音ロックじゃねえ!
疑問もう悶々悶々…
どしたらモテるか教えろロックスター

Super no okujō mini yuenchi de
Super rooftop mini amusement park

High school yankii ni katsuage help me!
Crooks from a delinquent high school help me!

Yoko de mite iru Anpan Hero
On the side of the ride, an Anpan Hero <-Anpanman reference

100 yen ireru kara tasukero!
"100 yen, climb in the pod and be rescued!"

Buon! Bu~on! Buon! Bu~on! Buon!! <- It's a noise, right?

A rock noise unlike a bike or a family car. Seeya!
Zoku-sha no baiku no sōon rokku ja nē!

Gimon mō monmon monmon...
Doubt and endless worry worry...

Doshitara moteru ka oshiero rokku sutā
Teach me to thump the floor like a rock star

My Girl:

バーゲン代ザックリとリスク
行く?スーパーマーケット
暴言だぜ! 極めつけキック!唾!裏拳!

bargain dai zakkuri to risuku
Bargain price, quick and easy, versus risk
iku? Supermarket
Go? Supermarket
bōgen da ze! kiwametsuke kikku! tsuba! ura ken!
Talking ****! Guaranteed you'll get kicked! Spat on! Punched!

Thanks so much for any help!

Toritoribe · 13 Oct 2013

Billkwando said:
Unbelievable!: Swomints Hockeleiro Mifeho

「スヲミンツホケレイロミフエホ」
(スヲミンツホケレイロ!)
Swomints Hockeleiro Mifeho
Swomints Hockeleiro

Are these made up words? Sounds? Something to do with Megaman? lol

That's a cheat code for a video game コナミワイワイワールド. The Japanese Wikipedia page has the explanation about it.

サブタイトルの「スヲミンツホケレイロミフエホ」とは、ファミリーコンピュータ用ゲーム『コナミワイワイワールド』において、使用するとすべてのキャラクターが使用可能となるチートコードのこと。

予襲復讐 - Wikipedia

Billkwando · 13 Oct 2013

Toritoribe said:
That's a cheat code for a video game コナミワイワイワールド. The Japanese Wikipedia page has the explanation about it.

Oh wow, thanks a bunch! That's gonna be hard to explain, but I'm so happy to have it! You're the best! :

Edit: I think this will get the point accross. Thanks again!

Ideas on any of the rest of it? :emoji_wink:

Billkwando · 15 Oct 2013

Anyway, I finished translating as best I could, and posted the results:
[video=youtube;tG01PprC-vk] I'm guessing it's close enough. (I hope)

Toritoribe · 15 Oct 2013

He had mistakenly posted in your thread, so I moved his post to the appropriate thread he would want to post in. Sorry for the confusion.

Billkwando · 15 Oct 2013

Toritoribe said:
He had mistakenly posted in your thread, so I moved his post to the appropriate thread he would want to post in. Sorry for your confusing.

Thanks again for the swomints help! I really couldn't have done it without you!

Billkwando · 18 Oct 2013

Can anyone tell me what はしゃぎだせデタラメ means in english? All the various tools I'm using are giving me different meanings. It comes after a line about speaking above one's station, and a before a line about "the frog in the well" (apparently a well known story about shortsightedness).

Thanks!

P.S. Toritoribe, I sent you a pm.

Billkwando · 21 Oct 2013

Billkwando said:
Can anyone tell me what はしゃぎだせデタラメ means in english? All the various tools I'm using are giving me different meanings. It comes after a line about speaking above one's station, and a before a line about "the frog in the well" (apparently a well known story about shortsightedness).

Thanks!

P.S. Toritoribe, I sent you a pm.

If that one is too hard (all I can come up with is "nonsense base hilarity"), can you tell me what "下手したら災難あんた次第安泰だ" means?

These 2 are the last couple lines I have for a project I'm working on. The rest I got through ok. I think it's something along the lines of "once you have it easy you expect bad things to happen"

I'd really appreciate any help I can get.

letianchen · 21 Oct 2013

下手したら災難あんた次第安泰だ.The sentence looks weird but I thinks it ( my attempt)

Dependent upon how peaceful you are, such will determine the calamity of the situation

its literallu "If its a bad situation/ disaster, it will depend on your calmness/tranquility"

Billkwando · 21 Oct 2013

letianchen said:
下手したら災難あんた次第安泰だ.The sentence looks weird but I thinks it ( my attempt)

Dependent upon how peaceful you are, such will determine the calamity of the situation

its literallu "If its a bad situation/ disaster, it will depend on your calmness/tranquility"

Awesome, that at least gives me an idea. Any thoughts about the other phrase? Thanks!

Edit: Oh also this one: ヘタリ出したらチャンスだ引火したれ

The best I can come up with is "You burned the chance when you wore out your loin guard" Which is definitely not right.

letianchen · 21 Oct 2013

はしゃぎだせデタラメ, here's my thoughts デタラメ means like false or bs like. デタラメな約束 ( b.s promise, fake promise) according to romaji desu it can also mean randomly or scatter 彼は本棚に本をでたらめに入れた ( putting the books out of order)

はしゃぎすぎ according to here
「はしゃぎすぎ」って英語でなんていうのか教えてください！ - Yahoo!知恵袋

means to be hyper I'm not sure what だせ does exactly. If im right its some sort of meaning of hyper + erratic seems to be an interpretation. Not sure how to word it

Billkwando · 21 Oct 2013

letianchen said:
はしゃぎだせデタラメ, heres my thoughts デタラメ means like false or bs like. デタラメな約束 ( b.s promise, fake promise) according to romajidesu it can also mean randomly or scatter 彼は本棚に本をでたらめに入れた ( putting the books out of order)

はしゃぎすぎ according to here
「はしゃぎすぎ」って英語でなんていうのか教えてください！ - Yahoo!知恵袋

means to be hyper Im not sure what だせ does exactly. If im right its some sort of meaning of hyper + erratic seems to be an nterpretation. Not sure how to word it

That is actually super helpful In the context of the rest of the words, I'm pretty sure I know exactly what it's saying (plus that link said it can mean "getting carried away" or "going too far".

Any idea about that last line I posted? Once I have that, I'm done!

SomeCallMeChris · 21 Oct 2013

Billkwando said:
下手したら災難あんた次第安泰だ

下手したら means 'if you're not careful' (from the 'careless' meaning of 下手, lit. 'If (subj) is careless').
あんた次第 means 'depending on your conduct'.
So roughly 'It'll be a disaster if you're not careful. (Achieving) peace depends on you.'
The second clause is a little incomplete and I'm not sure exactly what was dropped (more than just a particle I think), but that should be close. Also my English totally ignores the rough spoken tone of the line.

Toritoribe · 22 Oct 2013

Billkwando said:
If that one is too hard (all I can come up with is "nonsense base hilarity"), can you tell me what "下手したら災難あんた次第安泰だ" means?

These 2 are the last couple lines I have for a project I'm working on. The rest I got through ok. I think it's something along the lines of "once you have it easy you expect bad things to happen"

I'd really appreciate any help I can get.

あんたしだいあんたいだ is a pun.
Their lyrics contain so many word plays like this, therefore often doesn't make sense even as a Japanese sentence. I think it's quite hard or almost impossible, or, maybe non sense to interpret/translate it. My two cents.

Billkwando · 22 Oct 2013

Toritoribe said:
あんたしだいあんたいだ is a pun.
Their lyrics contain so many word plays like this, therefore often doesn't make sense even as a Japanese sentence. I think it's quite hard or almost impossible, or, maybe non sense to interpret/translate it. My two cents.

Thanks for all the help guys! Rather than give up, I made the best of what I had. Hopefully 95% of the meaning is better than none at all, lol:

I made that pun line "the softer you are, the worse the backlash is" because passivity invoking a negative consequence seemed to work contextually with the lyrics, and that seemed close to the earlier interpretation in this thread. Since it can't be perfect...
Fortunately nobody expects rock music to totally make sense,

Again, the help is greatly appreciated. I'm thinking of doing Minoreba Rock next. Hopefully it won't be full of BBQ puns!

Toritoribe · 22 Oct 2013

(Please use this thread for the same topic.)

OK, then I'll give you an example.

Chu2 the Beam

スーパーの屋上ミニ遊園地で
ハイスクールヤンキーにカツアゲヘルプミー!

横で見ているアンパンヒーロー
100円入れるから助けろ!

スーパー means "supermarket" here. Some supermarkets/department stores have a small amusement park on the rooftop in Japan. スーパーの屋上ミニ遊園地 refers to it.

There often are coin operated kids ride machines there, some are animals such like horse or panda, and some are anime/mang characters such like Kamen Rider or Ultraman. アンパンヒーロー in the third line refers to this machine, and that's why 100円入れるから is mentioned here.

You need to have knowledge about Japanese culture or daily life to interpret just this single word アンパンヒーロー correctly. I don't believe Google Translate can figure out this kind of things.

There are toooo many misinterpretations/mistranslations like this in your translation to point out, I'm afraid, but you don't seem to expect rock music to totally make sense, so there would be no problem on your misunderstanding.

Billkwando · 22 Oct 2013

Toritoribe said:
(Please use this thread for the same topic.)
OK, then I'll give you an example.
スーパー means "supermarket" here. Some supermarkets/department stores have a small amusement park on the rooftop in Japan. スーパーの屋上ミニ遊園地 refers to it.

There often are coin operated kids ride machines there, some are animals such like horse or panda, and some are anime/mang characters such like Kamen Rider or Ultraman. アンパンヒーロー in the third line refers to this machine, and that's why 100円入れるから is mentioned here.

You need to have knowledge about Japanese culture or daily life to interpret just this single word アンパンヒーロー correctly. I don't believe Google Translate can figure out this kind of things.
There are toooo many misinterpretations/mistranslations like this in your translation to point out, I'm afraid, but you don't seem to expect rock music to totally make sense, so there would be no problem on your misunderstanding.

Thanks for this. Let me show what I ended up going with. It's unfortunate that I missed the supermarket bit. I knew "super" could mean either thing, but I think it works okish as it is.

Super no okujō mini yuenchi de
Super rooftop mini amusement park
High school yankii ni katsuage help me!
Crooks from a delinquent high school help me!
Yoko de mite iru Anpan Hero
On the side of the ride, an Anpan Hero
100 yen ireru kara tasukero!
"100 yen, climb in the pod and be rescued!"
Buon! Bu~on! Buon! Bu~on! Buon!!
A rock noise unlike a bike or a family car. Seeya!
Zoku-sha no baiku no sōon rokku ja nē!
Gimon mō monmon monmon...
Doubt and endless worry worry...
Doshitara moteru ka oshiero rokku sutā
Teach me to thump the floor like a rock star
I did figure out about Anpanman and the 100 yen. That section was certainly one of the hardest bits do, but I try to take my time and figure it out. The translator I usually work with came back from vacation and sent me these notes:

<notes removed to save space>

So I think it could've gone a lot worse.

The thing for me is, if I don't do it, nobody else is going to...so I'd rather bring 90 or 95% of the meaning to a whole new audience, that would've otherwise never had any idea what the lyrics were at all....rather than not trying at all anyway.

Plus my mistakes can be corrected for the future. People are a lot more inclined to take an interest in helping when they can see that I've made an h0onest effort, and done most of the work already.

Toritoribe · 23 Oct 2013

I see. I understand how serious you are. My two cents again.
It's too long, and therefore causes the readers to cringe. I think it's better to post just few lines, little by little.
Romaji rylics are not needed, or more likely gets in the way to read unless you are confirming the readings of kanji. Most people who are going to translate such lyrics no doubt can read kanji.

Billkwando · 23 Oct 2013

Toritoribe said:
I see. I understand how serious you are. My two cents again.
It's too long, and therefore causes the readers to cringe. I think it's better to post just few lines, little by little.
Romaji rylics are not needed, or more likely gets in the way to read unless you are confirming the readings of kanji. Most people who are going to translate such lyrics no doubt can read kanji.

Yep, for sure!

The last couple posts I asked for help with were single lines. I just posted that last one for you to see. I tried doing a spoiler tag so you could only see it if you clicked on it, but alas it didn't work. Thanks for the advice though, I'll definitely stick to it.

Billkwando · 24 Oct 2013

Any chance you could tell me what this is saying?

もうどれも俺の取り皿へ
骨ボリボリ米モリモリ大盛りオンリーよ

思想フリーズンで売れ線追えない理性
洗いざらい改正洗いざらい改正洗いざらい改正

Most of it I'm doing ok with...it's all yakiniku terms...I'm just a little stuck on those lines.

Thanks!

Need proofreading /sentence advice on a few lines of my translation attempt.

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