- 15 Nov 2002
- 1,837
- 64
Big in Japan . . but why?
ALISON SMITH
HISTORY tells us that advancement of civilisation has been punctuated by the invention of new tools.
But for every wheel and lightbulb, there must have been thousands of ill-conceived devices that turned out to be as helpful to mankind as a paper tent in a thunderstorm.
As a nod to the virtues of uselessness in a utility-driven world, Japanese followers of the delicate art of Chindogu - which literally translated means distorted tool - choose to devise and celebrate all manner of apparently ingenious inventions which, on closer inspection, are anything but.
The new Bumper Book of Unuseless Japanese Inventions, written by the founder of the 10,000-strong International Chindogu Society - Kenji Kawakami, rounds up the best of the worst.
Some inventions represent ingenious ways to fulfil social obligations, without having to sacrifice personal whim. The Housewives Snooze Aid is a case in point.
The modern wife, exhausted by her chores, might crave a lie-in but does not want to threaten marital bliss with her indulgence. This automated waving hand attached to an alarm clock can be used to give her husband a cheery wave as he leaves for work. If she hangs the "welcome back" sign beneath it, she can enjoy guilt-free sleep the whole day through.
If she does choose to rise, however, she may be tempted to use the Dust and Shake, which brightens up the drudgery of dusting with the prospect of a refreshing cocktail when the job is done.
Simply fill the drinks shaker-come-duster with three parts gin, a dash of martini and some cracked ice cubes. The more vigorously you dust, the more perfectly shaken your post-cleaning drink will be. Before long, housework will seem like one long party.
And cleaning is even less hassle with the Baby Mop - a romper suit with attached pads which transforms your little one into a floor cleaning device, and allows babies to start earning their keep almost as soon as they are born. Just send the besuited infant down any hardwood or tile floor which needs a polishing, and relax in the knowledge that the child is learning responsibility and a healthy work ethic, whilst doing what he or she does best anyway - crawling.
Some unuseless innovations can be used to enhance the world of work.
FOR instance, a Commuter窶冱 Helmet with suction pad will support the tired worker窶冱 head on their journey to the office - preventing it from bobbing about uncontrollably. A sign informs fellow travellers of the wearer窶冱 departure stop and politely asks for a wake up call upon arrival.
Modern high-rise offices can be traumatic places for those inclined to suffer from a fear of heights, but help is at hand with Vertigo Soothing Glasses, which keep solid ground in sight, thanks to a layer of earth just below the eye-line - even on the 40th floor. And for the nature-lover forced to negotiate the confusing and dehumanising sprawl of the modern city, a handy Portable Countryside device will keep a little bit of nature close by.
One glance down at your mini potted paradise, and journeys through the concrete jungle will always be scenic and familiar.
Some Chindogu are created by modifying everyday items to make them a whole lot more useful - for a tiny percentage of the time.
Trouser Hankies are one such innovation, designed for impulsive hand wipers. You know who you are - having washed your hands, you find it impossible to resist the temptation to wipe them on your trousers.
These velcro patches attached to the seat of your trousers present the possibility of a better life for people like you, and no more irritating wet trousers.
Other unuseless innovations make use of psychological trickery to improve life for the user. Many home cooks feel unable to look a dead fish in the eye, which can lead to kitchen accidents at the chopping stage, or even to the avoidance of dishes prepared with fresh fish.
But slip a Fish Face Cover over the thing窶冱 head and you can slice away with emotional trauma kept to an absolute minimum.
Other inventions are purely practical. Cat lovers will know that their feline friends hate food which is too hot for their delicate mouths, but provide your pet with a handy paw-pump-operated Cat Tongue Soother and you can serve them straight from the table.
And, in preparation for the smoking ban, some multi-tasking individuals will no-doubt appreciate the Heavy Smoker窶冱 Mask, with slots for 14 simultaneous ciggies.
It maximises the opportunity to partake in a puff when you finally get to a smoking approved area. Even a 60-a-day smoker will only need five daily fag breaks to keep their habit up.
Preposterous? Yes. Unnecessary? For sure. But revelling in the inefficiency of ridiculous things you don窶冲 need is what Unuseless Japanese Invention is all about.
窶｢ The Bumper Book of Unuseless Japanese Inventions, by Kenji Kawakami, Harper Collins, ﾂ｣9.99
ALISON SMITH
HISTORY tells us that advancement of civilisation has been punctuated by the invention of new tools.
But for every wheel and lightbulb, there must have been thousands of ill-conceived devices that turned out to be as helpful to mankind as a paper tent in a thunderstorm.
As a nod to the virtues of uselessness in a utility-driven world, Japanese followers of the delicate art of Chindogu - which literally translated means distorted tool - choose to devise and celebrate all manner of apparently ingenious inventions which, on closer inspection, are anything but.
The new Bumper Book of Unuseless Japanese Inventions, written by the founder of the 10,000-strong International Chindogu Society - Kenji Kawakami, rounds up the best of the worst.
Some inventions represent ingenious ways to fulfil social obligations, without having to sacrifice personal whim. The Housewives Snooze Aid is a case in point.
The modern wife, exhausted by her chores, might crave a lie-in but does not want to threaten marital bliss with her indulgence. This automated waving hand attached to an alarm clock can be used to give her husband a cheery wave as he leaves for work. If she hangs the "welcome back" sign beneath it, she can enjoy guilt-free sleep the whole day through.
If she does choose to rise, however, she may be tempted to use the Dust and Shake, which brightens up the drudgery of dusting with the prospect of a refreshing cocktail when the job is done.
Simply fill the drinks shaker-come-duster with three parts gin, a dash of martini and some cracked ice cubes. The more vigorously you dust, the more perfectly shaken your post-cleaning drink will be. Before long, housework will seem like one long party.
And cleaning is even less hassle with the Baby Mop - a romper suit with attached pads which transforms your little one into a floor cleaning device, and allows babies to start earning their keep almost as soon as they are born. Just send the besuited infant down any hardwood or tile floor which needs a polishing, and relax in the knowledge that the child is learning responsibility and a healthy work ethic, whilst doing what he or she does best anyway - crawling.
Some unuseless innovations can be used to enhance the world of work.
FOR instance, a Commuter窶冱 Helmet with suction pad will support the tired worker窶冱 head on their journey to the office - preventing it from bobbing about uncontrollably. A sign informs fellow travellers of the wearer窶冱 departure stop and politely asks for a wake up call upon arrival.
Modern high-rise offices can be traumatic places for those inclined to suffer from a fear of heights, but help is at hand with Vertigo Soothing Glasses, which keep solid ground in sight, thanks to a layer of earth just below the eye-line - even on the 40th floor. And for the nature-lover forced to negotiate the confusing and dehumanising sprawl of the modern city, a handy Portable Countryside device will keep a little bit of nature close by.
One glance down at your mini potted paradise, and journeys through the concrete jungle will always be scenic and familiar.
Some Chindogu are created by modifying everyday items to make them a whole lot more useful - for a tiny percentage of the time.
Trouser Hankies are one such innovation, designed for impulsive hand wipers. You know who you are - having washed your hands, you find it impossible to resist the temptation to wipe them on your trousers.
These velcro patches attached to the seat of your trousers present the possibility of a better life for people like you, and no more irritating wet trousers.
Other unuseless innovations make use of psychological trickery to improve life for the user. Many home cooks feel unable to look a dead fish in the eye, which can lead to kitchen accidents at the chopping stage, or even to the avoidance of dishes prepared with fresh fish.
But slip a Fish Face Cover over the thing窶冱 head and you can slice away with emotional trauma kept to an absolute minimum.
Other inventions are purely practical. Cat lovers will know that their feline friends hate food which is too hot for their delicate mouths, but provide your pet with a handy paw-pump-operated Cat Tongue Soother and you can serve them straight from the table.
And, in preparation for the smoking ban, some multi-tasking individuals will no-doubt appreciate the Heavy Smoker窶冱 Mask, with slots for 14 simultaneous ciggies.
It maximises the opportunity to partake in a puff when you finally get to a smoking approved area. Even a 60-a-day smoker will only need five daily fag breaks to keep their habit up.
Preposterous? Yes. Unnecessary? For sure. But revelling in the inefficiency of ridiculous things you don窶冲 need is what Unuseless Japanese Invention is all about.
窶｢ The Bumper Book of Unuseless Japanese Inventions, by Kenji Kawakami, Harper Collins, ﾂ｣9.99
funny book though
