Making Up a Song...

[Tomii515]

ok, I made up a song in japanese, and HOPEFULLY IT'S RIGHT. so, if it isn't please make the corrections:

yuki ni suwatte ga, hashi ni hashite.
umi e oyoide ga, hana ni asonde.
anata ga koko ga hoshii.
anata ga miritai.
matsu ja nai.
anata ga inaku natte sabishika omou.
anata ga hitsuyou de aru.
koko de matteru.
koko de matteru.
ima boku no heya wa suwatteru.
tada anata ga matteru.
---
that's all i have now...here is what it supposed to mean in english:


Sit in the snow, and run to the stars.
Swim towards the ocean, and play in the flowers.
I want you here.
I want to see you.
I can't wait.
I miss you.
I need oyu.
I am waiting here.
I am waiting here.
Right now I'm sitting in my room.
Just waiting for you.
---

ok, if anything wrong, please correct it and also tell what my wrong sentence was and what it meant, cause maybe i can work it into the song, but i like the tune. thanks everyone!

 

[Damicci]

Not bad, I know making a song in another language can be hard. Good job mang

I would change:

yuki ni suwatte ga, hashi ni hashite.
umi e oyoide ga, hana ni asonde.
anata ga koko ga hoshii. -> anata ga koko ni iru ga hoshii (iru is the exist verb so your saying I want you to be/exist here)

anata ga miritai -> anata wo mitai
matsu ja nai.
anata ga inaku natte sabishika omou.
anata ga hitsuyou de aru.

koko de matteru x2-> koko ni matteru x2(de maybe ok i am not sure it seems to me ni would work better)

ima boku no heya wa suwatteru. suwatteru boku no heya ni suwatteru(ni represents in this case location where action is being done)

tada anata ga matteru -> anata ni matteru (in this case ni represent the action being done for a noun (e.g. person))

I more than likely made mistakes too so hopefully i will be correct also

 

[Tomii515]

ok, thanks anyways