love and marriage in Japan...

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

lol. I'm sorry about that. I really didn't mean to get so defensive. I guess I should have worded my first post differently.

But what I'm mainly asking about is the differences of marriage in Japan versus the US. My interest was sparked by an article I read stating that the standard Japanese marriage was arranged, and mainly to produce children. I was just asking if that was really true, or if it was just true in certain areas.

kirei_na_me · 24 Sep 2004

Have you read Maciamo's article on the subject?

https://jref.com/culture/westerners_japanese_marriage.shtml

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

yeah. That's what inspired the question in my mind.

Akakubisan · 24 Sep 2004

I think that used to be true. I'm not saying it doesn't still happen, it just isn't that common anymore.

Most men and women are marrying later now days. I think that is because more women are working and do not want to start being a housewife that is expected to take care of the man. At least that is what I have read and that my girlfriend tells me.

If you go, have a good time.

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

I'm sure that I will.

anyway, to those guys who offered advice and such, I truly appreceate your concern, and I'm sorry I became so defensive. I was outcasted quite a bit when I was younger, and defensiveness has become a bit of a reflex. again, I apologize.

misa.j · 24 Sep 2004

Kei_Shugojin,
In the past, a lot of marriages in Japan were arranged as you have mentioned, for financial reasons or family status regardless the lack of love in the marrige, which I think happened in many other countries other than Japan. It is not a common idea in Japan now.
I believe that people get married because they are commited to each other, whether they decide to have children or not (I know some of my Japanese friends are childless).

BTW, I am a Japanese married to an American. From reading the posts of many members, I guess I am very lucky... Although it required flawless planning and the emotional impact on the families (especially mine), everything have worked out for us.

I suggest you to go to Japan if you haven't been there yet, though.
I hope I helped you w/ your questions. Good luck.

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

thank you, misa. j. Yes, I have been to Japan before, but it was only for a short while when I was young. I've been in love with the place ever since. My Japanese isn't very advanced, but I'm only seventeen and not planning to put this plan into motion for another 3 or 4 years. Not to mention, I'll have my "brother" (not really a brother, but he's my best friend) with me, doing the same thing. So I believe that I'll be fine.

Apollo · 24 Sep 2004

misa.j said:
From reading the posts of many members, I guess I am very lucky... Although it required flawless planning and the emotional impact on the families (especially mine), everything have worked out for us.

I am happy for you misa!
It also worked out well with my parents!!!
I am a "product" of a intercultural marriage; Danish and Japanese....
Thus, a very happy intercultural marriage does exist!!!
Keep believing, and of course it depends on the persons involved, I guess both parts have to be open-minded and some sacrifices have to be made.
My dad never intended to find a wife (read: it was not his aim in Japan) when he went to Japan because of his job for business...he just happened to meet "the one" - my mum!

misa.j · 24 Sep 2004

Miss_apollo7 said:
I am happy for you misa!
It also worked out well with my parents!!!
I am a "product" of a intercultural marriage; Danish and Japanese....
Thus, a very happy intercultural marriage does exist!!!
Keep believing, and of course it depends on the persons involved, I guess both parts have to be open-minded and some sacrifices have to be made.

Thank you, miss apollo!

I couldn't say any better than you have said.
Yes, being open-minded is the key!

Elizabeth · 24 Sep 2004

misa.j said:
Kei_Shugojin,
In the past, a lot of marriages in Japan were arranged as you have mentioned, for financial reasons or family status regardless the lack of love in the marrige, which I think happened in many other countries other than Japan. It is not a common idea in Japan now.

Specifically under 10% are arranged by a recognized mediator, although "informally arranged" especially between prominant families I think is still a somewhat more common practice.

cicatriz esp · 24 Sep 2004

Kei_Shugojin said:
I'm only seventeen

Tells me a bit more about the situation. But seriously, what are you looking for in a spouse? I could maybe tell you where not to look.

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

have you ever heard of "Furyou" girls?

Elizabeth · 24 Sep 2004

Kei_Shugojin said:
have you ever heard of "Furyou" girls?

Is that a girl that has actually been arrested or just one that has commited a crime ? :haihai:

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

lol. I thought it meant a girl who was more of a tomboy.

Elizabeth · 24 Sep 2004

No, they are closer to juvenile delinquents. And by the way 'unvirtuous' girls are referred to under a synonymous word for 'defective' if you ever decide you'd be more interested in one of them....

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

hmmm.. cuz I asked a penpal friend of mine if there was a sizeable "tomboy" population in Japan. She said that there was a decent number of them, and that they were called "Furyou" girls.

Elizabeth · 24 Sep 2004

There may not be exact cultural equivalents to either, but see if asking her with these kanji doesn't clear things up. Juvenile delinquent in Japanese actually has the word "boy" in the word so maybe that was somehow getting confused with "tomboy" in her mind. :?

Tomboy in Japanese is おてんば娘

Juvenile offender is 非行少年

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

sorry, could you write it in romanji? My computer's screwed up so that I can't get the Japanese dialogue decoder unless I have the disk, which I lost. lol

Elizabeth · 24 Sep 2004

Sure.

Tomboy in Japanese : otenba

Juvenile offender : Hikoushounen - (boys)
Furyou shounen (boys)
Furyou shoujo - (girls)

Kei_Shugojin · 24 Sep 2004

thank you.

grounded in japan · 9 Oct 2004

hi, i've been with my japanese wife now for 8 years and we lived together for 5 years outside japan as boy/girlfriend. we met by chance in new zealand and we always speak english together. i have never been interested in japan and ended up living here and getting married by chance mainly. i'd spent a couple of years travelling in asia (india, thailan and nepal mainly) but feel japan is probably more convenient, although i would rather live in thailand if i had to live in asia.

there are heaps of beautiful and largely gentle women in japan, their usually quieter than western women, but i'm sure you can find the sort of girl your looking for if you're lucky. the most important thing for you would probably be to speak reasonable japanese, unless you're able to meet english speaking chicks. as you might be teaching english or something, that might help.

as for marriages, most of the people i know here married for the same reasons people in the USA, etc get married.

good luck !!

byp · 9 Oct 2004

Kei_Shugojin said:
just curious, because I plan on going to Japan to look for the "right one", and I need to know if that will be possible.

you sound like you're going shopping !
disgusting.
forget about it !
or maybe you are talking about a pair of shoes ? mmm?

nekosasori · 12 Oct 2004

I think if you're seventeen, there'll be a lot of curve-balls (metaphorically) that life will throw at you, even if you think you've a well-thought-out plan for your future. I'm not sure when exactly you're planning to move to Japan, but I would certainly echo others' suggestions of becoming as fluent as you can in Japanese even before you get there - and to truly understand the language is akin to understanding the culture. Completing a university degree (or two, or more...) wouldn't hurt either. It's difficult enough to find a job these days in many industry sectors, and without credentials it'll be next to impossible to have a stable and lucrative career in Japan, methinks. Even if your trust fund means you don't *have* to work, ever, few people like socialites who don't have a work ethic, or at least some academic expertise.

Since you're still young, I think now is the ideal time to work on both expanding your horizons and developing your abilities, and try travelling all over the world, while working on your self-awareness. It's good to have goals to work toward (at any age), and the more well-rounded and talented, interesting person you become with an open mind, the more attractive you will be to great women, of any nationality or cultural background.

One more thing: otenba girls may appeal to you now, but what would make you attractive to them, besides not being Japanese (and thus potentially "inappropriate" for them according to their parents)? And if you're looking to marry someday, what makes you think they will make great long-term partners? I'm not saying tomboys make for bad spouses (heck, I was one...) - but that if you're looking seriously for a lasting partnership, you'll benefit from keeping an open mind about getting to know people who may not seem to be of your preference, since you never know where or when you'll find someone who becomes really special.

Good luck.

Ewok85 · 12 Oct 2004

byp said:
you sound like you're going shopping !
disgusting.
forget about it !
or maybe you are talking about a pair of shoes ? mmm?

Don't forget to get the "left one" too! *babum kshh!*

toade · 13 Oct 2004

byp said:
you sound like you're going shopping !
disgusting.
forget about it !
or maybe you are talking about a pair of shoes ? mmm?

My thoughts exactly, LOL.

love and marriage in Japan...

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