- 21 May 2003
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In Fukuoka 1971 &72 , by 9 or 10 PM , almost every power pole had a Japanese business man leaning against it vomiting from too much drinking.
Japanese work culture is there harrassment from bosses to younger employees?
- Thread starter CNC_Engineer
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CNC_Engineer
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- #27
Just a question: So bosses maybe also "Engage" (Force) lower rank employees to drink?
- 14 Mar 2002
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No, those days are over.
- 6 Mar 2003
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It's certainly quite possible the guy is experiencing workplace harrassment but I'm not ready to jump to the conclusion based on the one sentence you said which is:
I have seen that they seem to treat the younger guy not that nice, kinda shout on him sometimes and he looks like hes very stressed.
I'm guessing they were speaking in Japanese so you don't know what they said to him. And being tired and stressed on a business trip is not unexpected. I mean it's certainly possible and maybe even likely but it's difficult to say based on your impression of what's going on.
As for the request to visit your home, it's unusual that he would ask that for sure. (Most people even if they are interested would be too shy to ask. And Japanese people don't generally have a habit of visiting each other's homes.)
I have seen that they seem to treat the younger guy not that nice, kinda shout on him sometimes and he looks like hes very stressed.
I'm guessing they were speaking in Japanese so you don't know what they said to him. And being tired and stressed on a business trip is not unexpected. I mean it's certainly possible and maybe even likely but it's difficult to say based on your impression of what's going on.
As for the request to visit your home, it's unusual that he would ask that for sure. (Most people even if they are interested would be too shy to ask. And Japanese people don't generally have a habit of visiting each other's homes.)
CNC_Engineer
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Actually it wasnt about just the way they talked, also the body language said a lot, but actually the situation is kinda clear alredy.
After I hestitate to take him home to me, I spoke today some time with him in the car (Pick him up, drove somewhere talk with him and brought him back later) therefore I found out there must be more problems, on one side the two that are his bosses, on the other side some family stuff, and some cultural problems (Actually I witnessed that on him before already, although he is japanese, well he not behave so much japanese, means, not like the others, and not like we got trained to in the intercultural training) Maybe this is why he attends me so much (Indeed he does, I witnessed that sometimes the last days)
In difference to the other employees I actually not try to flex to the japanese culture so much, also one could say I am very sturdy there, if someone wants something from me, he will have to deal kinda much with german mindset.
Anyways there another question: I know that japanese in any case avoid things like crying to strangers.
On him this goes to a point where he speaks about Something and fights with all he can to not cry (This happened today in the car as he spoke to me about his job and family)
This is for me a evidence that theres a lot up on him, I never experience this ever before on someone that came from Japan.
The question is now just how to help him. He was ready to speak to me today, but he didnt say much about the actual problems,
just spoke to the edge of it and then turend away. Idk if he did that to not cry, but it did look like that.
After I hestitate to take him home to me, I spoke today some time with him in the car (Pick him up, drove somewhere talk with him and brought him back later) therefore I found out there must be more problems, on one side the two that are his bosses, on the other side some family stuff, and some cultural problems (Actually I witnessed that on him before already, although he is japanese, well he not behave so much japanese, means, not like the others, and not like we got trained to in the intercultural training) Maybe this is why he attends me so much (Indeed he does, I witnessed that sometimes the last days)
In difference to the other employees I actually not try to flex to the japanese culture so much, also one could say I am very sturdy there, if someone wants something from me, he will have to deal kinda much with german mindset.
Anyways there another question: I know that japanese in any case avoid things like crying to strangers.
On him this goes to a point where he speaks about Something and fights with all he can to not cry (This happened today in the car as he spoke to me about his job and family)
This is for me a evidence that theres a lot up on him, I never experience this ever before on someone that came from Japan.
The question is now just how to help him. He was ready to speak to me today, but he didnt say much about the actual problems,
just spoke to the edge of it and then turend away. Idk if he did that to not cry, but it did look like that.
- 6 Mar 2003
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In a situation like this you can serve as somebody who can listen to him and give him personal support as best as you can. Knowing that somebody cares will be meaningful even if you can't really do anything to solve his problems.
CNC_Engineer
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- #32
The question is, if I can take that another time.
For me it is absolutely heartwrenching seeing this guy fight with his tears, and today I felt many times the urge to just hold him to make him
suffer less, but idk if he would feel well with that or if he would just panic. That today was for me a nightmare, he stumbled from topic to topic,
sometimes couldnt even speak further.
Btw, I did some research, but just to know it deeper, a cuddle hotel in Japan is a place where you pay to cuddle someone like internet says?
He spoke about this, but just like with the most other topics, before I could understand whats up or the background, he changed topic another time.
For me it is absolutely heartwrenching seeing this guy fight with his tears, and today I felt many times the urge to just hold him to make him
suffer less, but idk if he would feel well with that or if he would just panic. That today was for me a nightmare, he stumbled from topic to topic,
sometimes couldnt even speak further.
Btw, I did some research, but just to know it deeper, a cuddle hotel in Japan is a place where you pay to cuddle someone like internet says?
He spoke about this, but just like with the most other topics, before I could understand whats up or the background, he changed topic another time.
CNC_Engineer
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Do you guys think it maybe a good idea to invite him home to me and speak there in calm to him?
Idk how to react, if he gets the same sad as in the car, what do you think, what would he likely enjoy most, or what would help him most?
Idk how to react, if he gets the same sad as in the car, what do you think, what would he likely enjoy most, or what would help him most?
- 12 Oct 2013
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Just take him to a neutral place outside of your home and have a beer and some traditional German foods and see if he wants to talk about any issues he's facing. None of us are psychologists or therapists, so we can't solve all of his problems. And you can't either - but you can listen to him and offer advice.
I'm against inviting him to your house because its a bit too intimate, and you don't want to give the impression that you want to date him (unless that is indeed your intention). The question about the "cuddle hotel" is a bit weird and I think people on this forum are starting to think you might be trolling us.
There are Love Hotels where couples go to have sex. I've never heard of a Cuddle Hotel - its probably a poor translation of Love Hotel. Anyway, if the guy is gay, and he thinks you are gay, he might get the impression that you want to date him.
I'm against inviting him to your house because its a bit too intimate, and you don't want to give the impression that you want to date him (unless that is indeed your intention). The question about the "cuddle hotel" is a bit weird and I think people on this forum are starting to think you might be trolling us.
There are Love Hotels where couples go to have sex. I've never heard of a Cuddle Hotel - its probably a poor translation of Love Hotel. Anyway, if the guy is gay, and he thinks you are gay, he might get the impression that you want to date him.
CNC_Engineer
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I think he meant this: Inside the World of Japanese Cuddle Cafes: Sweet or Sad?
That fits to what he said about it.
idk what to think about all this with him, actually someone I know made a quote about this already, he said to me "To say it like doc brown from
back to the future thats the so called samarita effect, that happens more often that nurses fall in love with their patients" but with me on him, idk.
I mean, hes interested in what I am interested as it seems, also I wonder myself why I care about him, since normally I am not like that.
I think for first I just wanna help him to get out of this trouble and then well see what will be in the future also I dont know if hes interested in me,
I cant say it, since I dont know how to spot that since different culture.
CNC_Engineer
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I dont think hes in love with me, since he (For my opinion) not reacts to me like that.
I wrote him again, why he not wants to meet me in public, and got the response, that he doesnt feel well in public.
Idk, maybe he not likes to speak about certain things in public, but idk.
My impression is, he wants to speak about something he is shy about whatever that is, maybe this harassment thing.
I think in japanese culture normally people dont speak about such things at all normally?
I wrote him again, why he not wants to meet me in public, and got the response, that he doesnt feel well in public.
Idk, maybe he not likes to speak about certain things in public, but idk.
My impression is, he wants to speak about something he is shy about whatever that is, maybe this harassment thing.
I think in japanese culture normally people dont speak about such things at all normally?
- 6 Mar 2003
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He definitely has issues and needs a therapist. Perhaps he has agoraphobia. Unfortunately mental health care is not very well accepted or available in Japan as far as I know. Can you find a private/public place to take him to? A public park? Quiet corner of a museum or not busy coffee shop? A restaurant with private booths?
CNC_Engineer
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- #38
I will think about it if I have a idea where I can go with him where its calm and quiet.
Also I will write to him today afternoon and try to find out the reasons why he wants to go to me home.
Then well see further, what I can do to help him, maybe he wants to speak about something he is shy about in public, I still
dont know the exact details of that (Maybe) harrassment problem.
As some already said here japanese culture is shy about speaking about such things, maybe thats his problem in public.
Also I will write to him today afternoon and try to find out the reasons why he wants to go to me home.
Then well see further, what I can do to help him, maybe he wants to speak about something he is shy about in public, I still
dont know the exact details of that (Maybe) harrassment problem.
As some already said here japanese culture is shy about speaking about such things, maybe thats his problem in public.
