Here is the story

[cursore]

Carlson, do you really hate yourself up to this point? A girl who truly loves you is the one who never would go around dating others, if she wants coloured friendships you can either accept it and go to bed with her and other girls as she might well doing now or cut it off.

I was in your same situation at your same age with a local girl , I was (and still am) Italian she was British and the mixture worked fine in bed… but she preferred going around and I was really shocked and dome more or less what you are doing now… well in all these years I had other girls some girlfriends some one night stand and when I think about her I start laughing…

If you want go through this all the way down BUT do not do crazy stuff your life is way more important than her! UNDERSTOOD?

Good night
Buona Notte

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Carlson, your ex-girlfriend sounds like a young girl who doesn't know what she wants. She is too young and immature to be in love with anyone.

I agree with the opinion that a clean break is the best thing for you, but as Pachipro says, I suppose this is just something that you have to experience yourself. Good luck, man.

 

[Carlson]

well she is actualy 4 years older then I am. I talked to a trusted Supervisor of mine that was away for a while today and he helped me come to an understanding. Ive heard the same thing from everyone else and when i talked to him it hit me how blind i was to the subject and still kinda am.

He said your young you have all the time you need and use it while you can. as well as many stories and mentorship on the subject.

After talking ive desided I am going to talk to her once more in a public place maybe in a few days to tell her my feelings for her and to see if she has anything other to say. after that i will take a break from talking to her maybe a few weeks and maybe i guess if its really loven and is ment to be she will choose me. He also said dont wait around long and start playing the field. Im in a county of about a million good fish my age in the sea. So today i meet a new friend named yuki. I just happend to tell chinatsu what i was doing and she got mad at me and told me she wishes i wouldnt see her. I said its to late because im allready on train and would feel bad if i didnt see her. Yuki and I went to eat at a curry house then walked around and she wanted to end the day with a couple of drinks. I told her the story with me and Chinatsu and i didnt feel to comfortable drinking with her and it was late and needed to go home to get some sleep for work. Im wondering how long I should wait or have i allready waited long enough before i start looking for a new girl. Sgt Vanoss said that was only something I could answer and so i guess i will have to. Id like to be friends with Chinatsu but if thats all it ends up being there will always be an akward feeling after all that had happen and im not sure that would be best. So now the Wait. I stoped sending her a million texts and stop telling her i love her and want her back and trying to make her want me. I guess it doesnt work this far into the game and the ball is in her court as far as us being together for now. i could ramble on for ever but i guess i need to go to bed.

 

[nice gaijin]

You need to Run. Run as far and as fast as you can, and when your legs get tired, hire someone to drag you. You need to get the hell away from this girl, before you do something REALLY stupid.

She is poison, man. You have no idea how emasculated you sound talking about this. She is even poisoning your future relationships with her unfounded jealousy and your lingering, unwarranted feelings of loyalty. Also, you are only 20, making her 24... You are BOTH young and don't know what you want. I'm glad your supervisor helped put things in perspective, but it sounds like you're still letting this girl control your life even from the fringe. What right does she have to get jealous for you going to get food with a friend when she FLAT OUT LEFT YOU FOR ANOTHER MAN SHE'S NEVER MET. You don't have to be bitter, you don't have to bluster, you don't have to regret, just walk away and never look back, or you WILL end up like Wally, or worse still, a dick under glass, praying for an emergency.

 

[cursore]

well she is actualy 4 years older then I am. I talked to a trusted Supervisor of mine that was away for a while today and he helped me come to an understanding. Ive heard the same thing from everyone else and when i talked to him it hit me how blind i was to the subject and still kinda am.
He said your young you have all the time you need and use it while you can. as well as many stories and mentorship on the subject.
After talking ive desided I am going to talk to her once more in a public place maybe in a few days to tell her my feelings for her and to see if she has anything other to say. after that i will take a break from talking to her maybe a few weeks and maybe i guess if its really loven and is ment to be she will choose me. He also said dont wait around long and start playing the field. Im in a county of about a million good fish my age in the sea. So today i meet a new friend named yuki. I just happend to tell chinatsu what i was doing and she got mad at me and told me she wishes i wouldnt see her. I said its to late because im allready on train and would feel bad if i didnt see her. Yuki and I went to eat at a curry house then walked around and she wanted to end the day with a couple of drinks. I told her the story with me and Chinatsu and i didnt feel to comfortable drinking with her and it was late and needed to go home to get some sleep for work. Im wondering how long I should wait or have i allready waited long enough before i start looking for a new girl. Sgt Vanoss said that was only something I could answer and so i guess i will have to. Id like to be friends with Chinatsu but if thats all it ends up being there will always be an akward feeling after all that had happen and im not sure that would be best. So now the Wait. I stoped sending her a million texts and stop telling her i love her and want her back and trying to make her want me. I guess it doesnt work this far into the game and the ball is in her court as far as us being together for now. i could ramble on for ever but i guess i need to go to bed.

With age you'll learn that was a wonderfull occasion you missed.... Yuki would have made you forget about the other one....

 

[ArmandV]

If you meet a new girl, such as Yuki, by all means do NOT tell her of your hassles with the other one. Do you want to blow your chances?

Also, Chinatsu has you so messed up that you seem to think that your break-up is all your fault. It isn't. She's the one with the lack of character.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Yet again I agree with the other guys, Carl, this chick is tainting your life, she's filling it with her corrupted taint and you gotta get some detox man.

This Yuki chick was obviously wanting it, or at least open to the prospect due to a mutual interest, since you musta liked her to spend time with her.

LEAVE THAT PSYCHO CHEATER WOMAN, SHE'S BAD FOR JO0!

Sorry dude but, its good your seeing the light, and though its completely and utterly fair and understandable for you to sort stuff out your own way, I think its still useful in a way to join in the others here to keep the new found reality fresh in your mind.

Shes bad for you, son!.

 

[RockLee]

She's 24....arienai yo !!!! I would've given her 17 or so...proves most asian girls look young @_@

Don't date other girls, just stay away from girls for a while ;-)

 

[ArmandV]

She's 24....arienai yo !!!! I would've given her 17 or so...proves most asian girls look young @_@

That's what makes Carlson's mess even worse. She's as immature as a 17 year old at 24. She should have outgrown the B.S. antics already.

 

[misa.j]

After talking ive desided I am going to talk to her once more in a public place maybe in a few days to tell her my feelings for her and to see if she has anything other to say.

It seems to me that you have told her how you felt enough times already, yet she only seems to care being in her little drama.

Don't date other girls, just stay away from girls for a while

I'll second that. Hanging out with your buddies instead of girls might do you the best right now.

 

[leonmarino]

I've been following this thread, and I think something has to change.

It is obvious Carlson is not able to assess the situation like we can or at least think we can. This is very natural though, as having a bird-eye or outside view is the best way to look at things.

Carlson you are, at least for now, unable to de-attach yourself from this weird and unhealthy situation, having been there a view times myself I can perfectly understand why you fail to see what we're saying and "hoping" we are all wrong. Love makes you blind. Or at least, what you think is love.

It's clear that whatever we say to Carlson does not help him. Telling him to do this do that, run here and there, see new girls or don't.. As he said himself Carlson has to find this one out for himself. I had to find it out for myself when I was in a similar situation; I heard what all my friends were saying but the words somehow didn't reach my mind..

It is heart-warming to see people who know each other only through this forum trying to help one and another, but are we really helping Carlson by shouting at him what to do? Let us try and just listen to him. Let him speak out and type out what's on his mind..

I am afraid that Carlson will get sick of us shouting at him, and stops coming to this forum.. That would mean we can't help him at all! Whatever we think is right for Carlson to do (and I agree with most of what is being said here), it is Carlson and Carlson alone that can make him do this. All we can do is listen and encourage him to stay on this forum, and empty his heart in this thread so he can read his own words and hopefully see and come to the realisation what he is doing to himself.

Carlson, I've never met you and didn't really notice you until this thread, but I think I know what you're going through. Whatever you do I will support you, only if you promise that you will be honest to yourself and to us. Good luck.

 

[DoctorP]

Next week on As the World Turns:

Enough already with the soap opera Carlson. You're being too wishy washy here. Either dump the broad, or keep her around strictly for sex, she is not worth your time or anyone else's time to keep typing trash here.

You are too young for marriage anyway...enjoy life. If she wants to keep having sex, go for it, but safely (since she has other partners). But as for a real relationship??? No way. Hell, I would even make her pay for most of the stuff we do, dinner, movies, hotel. Might as well use her back right?

 

[ArmandV]

The continuing story of "As The Stomach Turns"...

Enough already with the soap opera Carlson. You're being too wishy washy here. Either dump the broad, or keep her around strictly for sex, she is not worth your time or anyone else's time to keep typing trash here.

You are too young for marriage anyway...enjoy life. If she wants to keep having sex, go for it, but safely (since she has other partners). But as for a real relationship??? No way. Hell, I would even make her pay for most of the stuff we do, dinner, movies, hotel. Might as well use her back right?

I agree with the above 100%. If you insist on seeing her, you might as well use her back. But CC1 is right, wear protection. You don't know where her other partners have been.

 

[Carlson]

well ive started the no talk to her period to wait and see what she says. i got an email form her saying she is still not sure why she wants to see this other guy and maybe its to prove how stupid she was for falling for him. she also said she would like me to wait for her to make up her mind.

And as far as her being with other guys. I know for a fact she has only been with 2 other guys before me and no one after me. even us fighting like this she would never just go out and sleep with someone else who she didnt know. as far as just leaving her im not sure i can do it and i also not sure how hard it will be to be just friends. if she wants to hang out for a fling now and then i guess thats better then nothing at all.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Dont chuck the stuff out but put away everything she's given you or is a token of your relationship, and even if you have to bite down on a bit of wood, dont respond to her, let her panic for a change.

Dont respond to her email, even if she asks you why your not responding, just leave it, she wanted the time to check this dude so she can see if hes a ***** or if he's better then you so she can decide.

She's just using you and hanging onto you incase this guy isnt as great as she figures....you wanna be the tool in this situation where your being DECIDED OVER?.

I wouldnt accept that, if my woman told me that I'de be throwing away her crap while telling her never to contact me again under pain of legal action.

Shes a female creep dude, nothing but a creep.

If she wants the time to check out this other guy, then give it to her, but dont so much as send a single letter to her, shes cut off, cold Turkey.

Dont allow her to just come back to you because the other guy isnt so great, thats not acceptable, thats not even human considoration, if she really does like you the same way and relises she has made a mistake, leave her adrift and LET her find out for herself, aslong as you play her game she has no reason to really think about her ****** behaviour, and your forever under her thumb.

YOU have to take control now, Carl, you have to take control of your own life, not her.

Anyway hope things work out for the best. :S

 

[Pachipro]

Carlson, I think this applies to you. (Tom Leykis is a radio talk show host in America.)


Tom Leykis' Rules for Dating/Marriage

Relationships and Long-Term Commitments :
The general rule is, don't have a serious long-term relationship until you're 25. If you're in a committed relationship, it says you're ready to settle down. Get everything out of your system first. The three-ways, the one-night-stands, the fetish girls, the fantasies. Wait until you're in the 30's before you marry. Since you should have a well-established career by then, you'll be able to have a steady marriage and kids. If you choose to have kids they will be in a steady, well-supported household. Remember, once kids are involved, there is no such thing as separation. She will always be involved. Even if you leave she can make you pay child support. Make sure you are ready to have kids and make sure both of you agree on it.

If you're under 25, you should not have a girlfriend. You should be having fun and sleeping with as many people as possible. Some men do mature at different rates. If you're ready for marriage or kids, go for it. Just remember that over 51% of marriages fail. You had better be damn sure of it, or you will be paying for it the rest of your life. Marriages where both parties are older than 25 have a much, much higher success rate. Children raised in solid households are much less likely to be social delinquents. Think about that.

WARNING SIGNS
If she doesn't perform oral, dump her. If she's not willing to do something so simple to please you, she'll never be there when the going get tough

If she has no career ambitions - dump her. She's just looking to get married and have someone else pay her bills, student loans and support her.

If she doesn't like your best friend - dump her. She'll want him gone after you are married

If she tries to stop you from working - dump her

If she complains that you didn't spend enough money on something - dump her

If she doesn't take care of her self - dump her. If she isn't going to work out, wear make up, dress well she won't start after you get married. She needs to know she is replaceable.

If she smokes or gets sloshed every time she drinks, dump her. She is carrying emotional baggage of some kind.

If on a regular basis she turns you down for sex, dump her. By regular basis, I mean more than a few times. If she is not meeting your need of frequency now she definitely won't start when you get married.

If she does "baby talk" dump her

If she disrespects you in any way - dump her. She's not your slave you're not her's.

If she turns off underwear or bikini commercials - dump her

If she can't handle nudity on TV or in a movie – dump her. Again she is probably carrying emotional baggageﾂ… Hardcore porn may be the exception to this (occasionally should be fine)

If she cries after sex – dump her. She is probably carrying a lot of emotional baggage or getting back at her lover/husband/boyfriend and realized she made a mistake.

Don't get Married for Conveniences
These are mainly her conveniences. She is looking for a roof over her head, healthcare or someone to help her in some capacity.

If you are in the military, DO NOT GET MARRIED.

The military is the worst place for a relationship married or otherwise. You or she will be going to distant lands and meeting the local populations and having cultural exchanges. ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM. If she is back home she will be lonely and will turn to her closest male companions. Remember men are only friends with women they want or would sleep with. Sailors belong on ships and ships belong at seaﾂ… Soldiers are meant to be prepared for war and training for war does not happen at home or the local base. Military men are not home all of the time and need to be away for long periods of time. Why make hers or your time miserable. If you get married for convenience, you will find out quickly how inconvenient it can be.

I will post more if the situation warrants it.

 

[Carlson]

I need to tell you guys why i am still waiting and why i think it might be kinda my fault...
First and formost my job comes first. The US Air Force has changed me in ways that nothing else in this world can. It takes priortiy over everything else in my life and will always until either I get married or have a child.
That being said it hurt our relationship over the last 6 months or so i used her as an outlet of stress from all things built up at work.
I changed when she didnt. When we first meet we spent all time together and i stoped doing all other stuff with my friends and hobies that i would normaly do.
When we first meet we used to have sex about 10 times a day. its all we did. it true sex was a huge part of why we started out. We would always after end up just falling asleep together and i remember back then we were so nervous that just her laying on me we both started to sweet so much and didnt know why. At some point it changed from the nervous to we would have sex i would lay down with her and wait for her to fall asleep and i would get up and start playing my video games or work on website.
After a while i would it became a habit and i would joke i have the pefect day almost everyday. I would pick her up go eat Coco's then we would have sex and then i would play game. as long as i was getting that i was happy. There was other things like the Camera. I would spend so much time with my new camera that it was all i did when she was with me. She tryed to understand and try to be apart of taking pictures and stuff like that. she even spent money to buy me a lense. Before we went to Hawaii she started by telling me she wanted to go. I said i didnt but she has always talked about it and wanted to go and she finaly got days off from her job and she asked me if it was possible to get same days off from mine. I said i could. The next day she said she had bought both of us plane tickets and hotels to hawaii. I was supprised and couldnt belive she did that. She wanted hawaii to be fun and enjoyable. Well hawaii was anything but that. When we got there it started off bad. When i got to the Car company the only thing i could rent was a Charger, a Mustang, and a Minivan. I got the charger and because of that i was very nervous driving. the roads were 1 way and i always asked her to read map to find out where we are going. she had trouble with directions and always did and i woudl yell at her so much she would start to cry. Whever we went to the beach i always had my camera. I would take pictures and walk around while she just wanted to get tan and hold hands to spend time with me. at night when she was well you could say honry i would want to go out and take my tripod to take nighttime shots of everything. except 1 night when she came out to and we walked on beach. the above picture. Over time i have done so many things and always taken it out on her. There are other things thats just a couple i wanted to say right now. That being said was it fair of her to want to break up and find someone else who would not do those things? Who would do the things she wanted to?
Having done that right now all i want is to start over with her and try to become a better partner and not do the things bad that i did before. Im not even sure if it is love that i felt for her at the start but if its not love that i felt for her while we went out im not sure what is. ive had a realy rough childhood and ive learned to suppress my anger and troubles inside until i find someone i know who i release them out on. I just didnt think it was fair to only tell the side of the story on which only i looked good.
a message she posted on myspace. you have to understand her writing is not as good as the average english speaker. well mine isnt either.... lol

"im looking for the language exchange partner." he posted on the forum. i skipped morning class and saw what he posted. at that time i was in vancouver to study english. and i was going back to japan in one month. i thought i wouldnt have any chance to speak english in japan. so, i needed the language exchange partner.
i sent him a message that i wanted to be his partner. and we started talking on msn. i just wanted the language exchange partner, but it was really fun to talk to him. i skipped morning class everyday, and sometimes afternoon class too. i really wanted to see him. before i talked to him, i didnt want to go back to japan, but after i talked to him, i really wanted to go back to see him.
as soon as i got to japan, i saw him. we had dinner, watched movie, talked. i stayed his dorm. you know, what happened there... all guys left me after they sleep with me. so, i kinda knew i wouldnt be able to see him again...
but he still talked to me on msn and called me. i saw him every monday and spent time with him. it was really really fun. i knew he felt the same as me. he was not the guy like i saw in vancouver. i thought this happiness lasted forever...
but things changed... i couldnt trust him... he had a best female friend. and i thought he still loved her as a gf. i told him to break up. i thought if i said so, he loved me again. but... he said ok... and we broke up... i texted him everyday not to break up with me. he kept saying we could be best friends. i didnt want best friend... i just wanted him as my bf. i kept begging him and cried... i dunno how long i begged him to be with me again.
he gave me second chance. but things werent like before... he didnt tell me that he loved me, text me, and hold my hand... if i tried, he even got mad at me and yelled at me... it was ok for me if i could be with him. cuz i really loved him...
i talked to him about getting married. i hoped that he would marry me someday. but what he said to me was... "i dunno if i want to be with you forever. i think i wont take you with me when i move to somewhere." i couldnt believe, cuz i thought he loved me even though he got mad at me... i was thinking it was better that i broke up with him again...
i was looking around myspace... and i found this guy who was learning japanese. i sent a message to him. we talked to msn like i did with lenny before... he was really nice guy. and fun to talk. i dunno when, maybe like one week later, he told me that he had speciall feeling for me. actually, i couldnt believe it, cuz i talked to him only for one week. i wanted to talk to him everyday. i started to like him and thinking about him everyday...
everyone said it was totally stupid to want to be with this myspace guy. i told him i might want to break up with him because of this guy. he really really got mad at me, but said if i wanted, i could... so, i tried to be with this guy. then he changed his mind... i mean, he realized that he really really loved me. after that, he changed again, but good way.
i know he loves me more than before now. he text me a lot, calls me, and talks to me on msn... but actually i dunno what i want now... the guy i met on myspace is really really nice guy. i dunno who i really love now... is it possible people fall in love with someone for one week??? and never seen him... i dunno what to do... i dunno what to do... i dunno what i want... i dunno what i want... and i dunno who i am... i cant choose...

 

[DoctorP]

so basically the only thing you had in common was that you eat and like sex? This is not the woman for you. Find one that enjoys photography or find a model that wants to have her picture taken a lot and in front of different scenery.

 

[Carlson]

If she doesn't perform oral, dump her. If she's not willing to do something so simple to please you, she'll never be there when the going get tough - That has never been a problem she has always tryed to satisfy me in every way she could. even if she did not like it.

If she has no career ambitions - dump her. She's just looking to get married and have someone else pay her bills, student loans and support her. She makes good money and can save it. She is currently trying to make mangager where she works. and has a 4 year degree.

If she doesn't like your best friend - dump her. She'll want him gone after you are married. She enjoys talking to my friends but sometimes cant understand them do to they talk to fast.

If she tries to stop you from working - dump her. She has always changed her days off to meet mine and most times she wont say anything about my work such as getting called in.

If she doesn't take care of her self - dump her. If she isn't going to work out, wear make up, dress well she won't start after you get married. She needs to know she is replaceable. She is very pretty often takes to much time to put make up on. she like to buy nice clothes and often makes me or gets my clothes whenver we go out. im the kind of guy who doest really care what i wear...

If she smokes or gets sloshed every time she drinks, dump her. She is carrying emotional baggage of some kind. She does not smoke and trys to take good care of her self and only drinks with friends.

If on a regular basis she turns you down for sex, dump her. By regular basis, I mean more than a few times. If she is not meeting your need of frequency now she definitely won't start when you get married. lol do i have to answer this 1.

If she does "baby talk" dump her. Not sure what this one means...

If she disrespects you in any way - dump her. She's not your slave you're not her's. as we were dating she never once did. some might think what she did to end our relationship would count.

If she can't handle nudity on TV or in a movie – dump her. Again she is probably carrying emotional baggage… Hardcore porn may be the exception to this (occasionally should be fine). read above

If she turns off underwear or bikini commercials - dump her. Have you ever meet a girl who likes to watch porn as much as you? or who will sit down with you some place and you both will argue over what girl is the hotest?

If she cries after sex – dump her. She is probably carrying a lot of emotional baggage or getting back at her lover/husband/boyfriend and realized she made a mistake. she has only done that a few times but out of joy. not a normal thing.

If you are in the military, DO NOT GET MARRIED.

This guy evidently has never meet some of the people I have. I know many couples who married young and still together at 15-20 years in the military. I also know many couples who for as long as ive been in have got married and allready divorced....

 

[MajideSaiaku]

I think you were trying to show that you were just as guilty Carl, but to be honest all I read was "Were arent anything like each other at all".

Your relationship started as sex and its stumbling as sex, I honestly dont see this working out for you man, everything I read about this does inform me more of the situation but it also increasingly exposes this relationship for the poor imitation of love it is.

Its your world and yours to sort out but I reckon your going to eventually end up on your own relizing what a waste it was.

Everyone has fights with their partner sometimes, but my girlfriend has never talked to other blokes and ran off with them.

We got your back man, whatever you do.

 

[nice gaijin]

So far your explanation has only proven that she is attention starved and willing to take it wherever she can find it. If you can't be a doddering source of constant attention, she will again go seek it elsewhere. In fact, just from this little escapade, she has discovered that by looking for love and attention elsewhere, she can manipulate you into acting how she wants. She has you feeling guilty for having a hobby, having a stressful job, having friends, and expecting her after a year to know how you feel without having a tearful confession of love every ten minutes. You're in so deep you can't even see it.

 

[ArmandV]

So far your explanation has only proven that she is attention starved and willing to take it wherever she can find it. If you can't be a doddering source of constant attention, she will again go seek it elsewhere. In fact, just from this little escapade, she has discovered that by looking for love and attention elsewhere, she can manipulate you into acting how she wants. She has you feeling guilty for having a hobby, having a stressful job, having friends, and expecting her after a year to know how you feel without having a tearful confession of love every ten minutes. You're in so deep you can't even see it.

Yup, she sounds like my ex. Self-centered to the hilt! My wife did the same to me. Very manipulative. Those kinds are never happy. If you marry them, they eventually start having affairs. Glad I dumped the b*tch.

 

[Carlson]

Maybe time is the only teacher who can teach me this one right now. I think about it and understand but i cant find myself to follow it to the end. Ill stop asking for advice here but more so keep you guys informed on the situation as it goes on. I feel like im addicted to her right now. I lasted a day and a half without talking to her and i broke down about 4 hours ago. We are going to meet sat night in Roppongi where she works. I will get some ice cream then we will go to a couple clubs. Just to talk things out and we have more or less drawn out the "rules" before hand.

 

[DoctorP]

She works in Roppongi? No wonder she knows so many Americans! Watch out man.

 

[ArmandV]

She works in Roppongi? No wonder she knows so many Americans! Watch out man.

I'd hate to ask what she does there. Your reaction was the same as mine.