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kohlrak
Guest
Anyone who isn't squimish about their partner going into a war, is some one who wants your insurance not your heart. It's their job to worry.
Here is the story
- Thread starter Carlson
- Start date
Anyone who isn't squimish about their partner going into a war, is some one who wants your insurance not your heart. It's their job to worry.
MajideSaiaku
tsuyaku o tsukete kudasai
- 19 Jan 2005
- 1,381
- 59
Thats a big claim, saying you know her better then the woman who birthed here, the father who conceived her, and the two bringing her up.
You didnt know her better enough to forsee that she was cheating and that she was unhappy.
Best of luck dude, no doubt nobody will talk you out of it now and who knows, maybe all the sirens screeching against this will somehow be proved miracuously wrong.
Still, TBH just IMPO, this girl chucked a grenade into the room and your willingly going to dive on it, in the mistaken belief your saving her rather then getting fragged as she planned to do.
You didnt know her better enough to forsee that she was cheating and that she was unhappy.
Best of luck dude, no doubt nobody will talk you out of it now and who knows, maybe all the sirens screeching against this will somehow be proved miracuously wrong.
Still, TBH just IMPO, this girl chucked a grenade into the room and your willingly going to dive on it, in the mistaken belief your saving her rather then getting fragged as she planned to do.
DoctorP
先輩
- 3 Jun 2004
- 2,193
- 93
Damicci said:
Ah...but you are bringing up reason #2!
The first reason was that he would most likely deploy to Iraq. Well hello, he is in the military...that is part of his life right now! Even if Iraq ended now, he, being in the AF, will most likely deploy somewhere else at some time or another.
A military spouse has to be strong, and able to adapt to different circumstances. If you ask anyone (with experience) you would know that the military has a huge divorce rate, especially when you look at foreign spouses.
- 19 Jan 2005
- 1,972
- 232
In Lust not In Love
Look around you Carlson and don't close your eyes to this. You are in the military yourself. How many wives are right now cheating on their husbands while they are deployed overseas? Don't know? Take a visit to Yokosuka when the ships are out.
I kind of hate to admit this now, but it's a fact. When I was younger and in the Army in Japan there was a saying that, "When the ships are away, the wives will play," and it was the best time to visit Yokosuka as the pickings were easy. It didn't matter their nationality either as there were American wives, Japanese wives, Phillipino, Thai, Korean, etc. that claimed they "were lonely." It is just a sad fact of military life then and probably now.
Or what if she just ups and leaves to go back to Japan because her mother is ill or she hates the states and cannot get used to it and refuses to come back? It is a possibility and something you must consider.
As CC1 stated, you need a strong wife and, based on your and her own words, I do not believe you have one. You are rushing into this and it may have dire consequences for you in the future. If you ask me I think you are more "in lust" than "in love" and the thought of anyone else sleeping with her drives you insane to the point that you want her no matter what the facts are.
Well the choice is yours and we all may be wrong here and, in a way I hope we are. She may just turn out to love you more than any of us will know, but it does seem slim. Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide as I think you will need it.
The light seems to be on, but there doesn't seem to be anyone home at the moment.
Carlson said:
I hate to be so honest here dude, but her own words practically screams divorce if she is left alone while you are deployed elsewhere. Look, she went looking for someone else when she thought you weren't paying enough attention to her and her actions, that you have described pretty well, leave one thinking she may do the same in the future. I mean what is to prevent her from befriending a nice guy off base who is not in the military while you are overseas for a year because "she is lonely" and then maybe divorcing you to be with this guy that she believes loves here more than you?CC1 said:
Look around you Carlson and don't close your eyes to this. You are in the military yourself. How many wives are right now cheating on their husbands while they are deployed overseas? Don't know? Take a visit to Yokosuka when the ships are out.
I kind of hate to admit this now, but it's a fact. When I was younger and in the Army in Japan there was a saying that, "When the ships are away, the wives will play," and it was the best time to visit Yokosuka as the pickings were easy. It didn't matter their nationality either as there were American wives, Japanese wives, Phillipino, Thai, Korean, etc. that claimed they "were lonely." It is just a sad fact of military life then and probably now.
Or what if she just ups and leaves to go back to Japan because her mother is ill or she hates the states and cannot get used to it and refuses to come back? It is a possibility and something you must consider.
As CC1 stated, you need a strong wife and, based on your and her own words, I do not believe you have one. You are rushing into this and it may have dire consequences for you in the future. If you ask me I think you are more "in lust" than "in love" and the thought of anyone else sleeping with her drives you insane to the point that you want her no matter what the facts are.
Well the choice is yours and we all may be wrong here and, in a way I hope we are. She may just turn out to love you more than any of us will know, but it does seem slim. Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide as I think you will need it.
The light seems to be on, but there doesn't seem to be anyone home at the moment.
- 18 Oct 2004
- 2,497
- 110
Yokosuka sounds like a great place to open up a chastity belt business before the husbands leave.
Uchite
後輩
- 16 Jan 2006
- 136
- 7
I would think being a military spouse is difficult enough. But to have one who does not think she can be faithful or has not shown the ability to do so pre-marriage...well, that should be enough of a sign to get out. And stay out.
The world is a big place Carlson. Go explore it (now while you are young) and the millions of women in it before finding and choosing the right one.
The world is a big place Carlson. Go explore it (now while you are young) and the millions of women in it before finding and choosing the right one.
MajideSaiaku
tsuyaku o tsukete kudasai
- 19 Jan 2005
- 1,381
- 59
Interesting point, my own life has made me forget about this, what has happened?.
taeter_tot
Kouhai
- 15 Dec 2006
- 62
- 0
It's Carlson's forum inadvertently directed me to Jref.com lol
Carlson
Stay At Home Mom!
- 30 Oct 2005
- 1,136
- 15
- Thread starter
- #212
lol him being banned i hope had no refelction on me.
anyway for those who have read or post comments and wondered about what happend. Not sure where I left off but will give an update as of now.
We got married on 20 Sep 2006 but the wedding was 25 Sep 2006 (So that is the date i have to remember lol) it was held in a church in Harajuku. Many of our friends and co workers and her parents were there.
In the few months that we have been married we have had our few fights as expected and just got back from our 2nd trip to Hawaii. This time much better, her parents went with us to spend some time and try to get to know me.
The biggest thing i feel is the urge of temptation, I love my wife and I feel very happy at this point, I do find myself with a desire to "act my age" in a way. go out having fun.
The only real problem aside from the normal lil fights like leave the bedroom door closed, put the toilet seat down, or what we are having for dinner has been what may of been before. I find it harder to spend quality time with her and often ignore her when I come home at the end of the day. She has learned to express and feel more open to tell me feelings as time goes on. We had an agrument about a week ago over her need that she feels to get attention from other people. She still wants to go out to clubs and have the night life, talk to guys and flirt. I explained to her that after geting married I stop talking to all the girls I used and said I didnt mind if she talked to guys on MSN as the whole myspace/chat is kinda one of her hobies. I told her that I wished she would stop talking to guy in a flirting manner and if a guy does it to her then she either not talk to him or tell him she doesnt want to talk if he keeps it up. At first i didnt want her going to the clubs without me but we came to the agreement that 1. she will not go alone, with more or a trusted friend 2. she will not drink if I am not with her. She has agreed and that makes me feel much better. I agreed to going out to the club (as much as I hate going) once a month and each night when i get home from work spend the hour and a half with her before she goes to bed rather then play World of Warcraft (an evil and addicting game).
thats about all i could think about for now.
KirinMan
後輩
- 23 Jan 2007
- 2,173
- 68
Carlson, firstly congratulations on your wedding I wish you well. I have been and still am married to the same woman, both happily and unhappily for over 20 years now. There are good and bad days, fights and otherwise, so please understand where I am coming from in this reply to your last post here.
I am reading something here that is a bit frightening to say the least, particularly for someone who has been married for such a short time. Already you sound like you are having issues about trust and control. I know when I first got married my wife wanted to many of the same things that you are talking about as well.
I had to learn to trust her, but most of all I had to learn to trust that I loved her and that she loved me. It took time, and believe me there were times I felt jealous as well. But she always came home to me and I to her.
You guys are arguing about space and freedom after only what 6 or 7 months? What are you going to do in 5 or 10 years, or after you have a child or two?
Do you trust her? If you do then why worry about whether she flirts or not? If you trust her and she trusts and loves you, all the "other" guys wont matter one little bit, because she is coming home to you. If you guys argue about stuff like this, and it keeps going, guy you could very well end up very sorry that you got married in the first place.
It may not be easy for you, you get jealous, but think about why you are jealous of her flirting? Are you worried she might do something? I am not suggesting anything at all here I am just asking you to consider the reasons for your feelings as they are. Oh it took me a few years to get "over" it too. I know it isn't easy.
Let her know you love her and trust her, then let her have her fun and bite your tongue.
It'll make things easier on you in the long run.
I am reading something here that is a bit frightening to say the least, particularly for someone who has been married for such a short time. Already you sound like you are having issues about trust and control. I know when I first got married my wife wanted to many of the same things that you are talking about as well.
I had to learn to trust her, but most of all I had to learn to trust that I loved her and that she loved me. It took time, and believe me there were times I felt jealous as well. But she always came home to me and I to her.
You guys are arguing about space and freedom after only what 6 or 7 months? What are you going to do in 5 or 10 years, or after you have a child or two?
Do you trust her? If you do then why worry about whether she flirts or not? If you trust her and she trusts and loves you, all the "other" guys wont matter one little bit, because she is coming home to you. If you guys argue about stuff like this, and it keeps going, guy you could very well end up very sorry that you got married in the first place.
It may not be easy for you, you get jealous, but think about why you are jealous of her flirting? Are you worried she might do something? I am not suggesting anything at all here I am just asking you to consider the reasons for your feelings as they are. Oh it took me a few years to get "over" it too. I know it isn't easy.
Let her know you love her and trust her, then let her have her fun and bite your tongue.
It'll make things easier on you in the long run.
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Damicci
先輩
- 4 Nov 2003
- 2,479
- 52
Congrats man.
I am headed down that path sooner or later but we will be living in the US instead so the thought of temptation is not so much an issue here. That and there is not much of a selection in my city anyway. heheheh I think Obeika did a good jpb explaining what many people will probably want to say once reading your post. You guys will needs a ton of communication if your already having these kinds of issues.
Good luck man I wish you nothing but the best.
I am headed down that path sooner or later but we will be living in the US instead so the thought of temptation is not so much an issue here. That and there is not much of a selection in my city anyway. heheheh I think Obeika did a good jpb explaining what many people will probably want to say once reading your post. You guys will needs a ton of communication if your already having these kinds of issues.
Good luck man I wish you nothing but the best.
- 18 Oct 2004
- 2,497
- 110
"Luke, I have a bad feeling about this!"
Congratulations, Carlson. I hope everything works out. It does bother me that she still has the urge to flirt around. That, to me, is not a good sign. How are you going to build up trust when such behavior occurs? My marriage busted up due my wife's adultery (so, as you can understand, I am a bit sensitive about such matters). Thanks for checking in with the update!
Congratulations, Carlson. I hope everything works out. It does bother me that she still has the urge to flirt around. That, to me, is not a good sign. How are you going to build up trust when such behavior occurs? My marriage busted up due my wife's adultery (so, as you can understand, I am a bit sensitive about such matters). Thanks for checking in with the update!
Carlson
Stay At Home Mom!
- 30 Oct 2005
- 1,136
- 15
- Thread starter
- #216
Its not that I dont trust her. I trust and love her and I know she loves me. Its that I dont trust other guys if they are anything like me lol
That why i said when she goes out with friends to place have fun but please do not drink or accept them.
The fighting it seems is normal but i do sometimes get over jealous and mad to easy.
That why i said when she goes out with friends to place have fun but please do not drink or accept them.
The fighting it seems is normal but i do sometimes get over jealous and mad to easy.
KirinMan
後輩
- 23 Jan 2007
- 2,173
- 68
I feel for you guy, I just don't understand how not trusting other guys matters?
Are you afraid they are going to just snatch her off somewhere? I hope you realize that hidden in that sentence is a touch of mistrust for your wife as well. Even if some guy smooth talks her or whatever, if she loves you and values your marrraige then you have nothing to worry about. You sound like your worrying, give her credit to do the right thing.
You guys are newlyweds, I am amazed in a way that this subject even came up.
- 18 Oct 2004
- 2,497
- 110
That's the problem, other guys are "like you." But if she adheres to the boundaries you both agreed on, then there should be no problem.
As for fights, that's normal. You have to learn how to fight properly and not go into below-the-belt stuff. Most fights seem to involve money. Make sure you both know how to handle your household finances.
KirinMan
後輩
- 23 Jan 2007
- 2,173
- 68
That's a fact, I learned that one the hard way.
Plus I would also suggest not to make everything between you a give and take kind of proposition when you argue or fight. I made that mistake on an issue when I should have just kept my mouth shut. I get that thrown up at me quite often. "Ok I'll do this if you do that kind of thing, or If you go today then I can go tomorrow"
Some of it sounds like getting used to living with each other, and learning about what makes each other tick. That's part of the adventure of being married too.
Kirie_Maiden
Rope Shrine Maiden
- 5 Mar 2007
- 1,583
- 30
Nice one Armand. You know how to treat the ladies.
I know people have said that this girl might be playing mind games, but to be honest, if I had thoughts about another guy, I wouldn't tell my boyfriend unless the intention was to leave him for the other guy. It doesn't sound like she loves you as much as you love her, and you deserve somebody who does.
I know people have said that this girl might be playing mind games, but to be honest, if I had thoughts about another guy, I wouldn't tell my boyfriend unless the intention was to leave him for the other guy. It doesn't sound like she loves you as much as you love her, and you deserve somebody who does.
- 18 Oct 2004
- 2,497
- 110
Age and experience does have its advantages (most of the time). ;-)
Kirie_Maiden
Rope Shrine Maiden
- 5 Mar 2007
- 1,583
- 30
Haha. I didn't realise there were 9 pages of this... I think I was commenting on something that happened on the first page. Something about take her to a hotel, screw her and then boot her out. haha.
