Help/Correction of lyrics translation

LewiiG

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I attempted translation of song and would like it to be checked and corrected if one may :-) I expect many mistakes.

数十億もの 鼓動の数さえ
あなたには 瞬き程度の些事な等級
過去に囚われて 未来を嘆くも
塵一つ 誤算を許さぬ必然
Even tens of millions of the amount of beats (of things?)
The trivial magnitude of the amount you blink (niwa for what?)
Caught up in the past, lamenting the future (mo is for listing?)
The certainty that will not forgive the miscalulation of a speck of dust (Okay...)

『無限』に広がる夢も 描く未来も
僕達に許された 虚栄の権利
『有限』それは二つの 針が示す
残酷な約定と 選択へ Hacking to the Gate───
Dreams that extend to infinity, the future we draw
A privilage of vanity that was granted to us
"Finity" that which two hands point out (clock hands?)
Hacking to the gate to a choice and harsh agreement (Understanding English in Japanese songs is sometimes hard)

だからいま 1秒ごとに 世界線を超えて
君のその笑顔 守りたいのさ
そしてまた 悲しみの無い 時間のループへと
飲み込まれてゆく 孤独の観測者
So now I cross world lines every second
Because I want to protect that smile of yours
And again, the lonley observer is swallowed into
a time loop without sadness

命の主張と 無意味な証明
あなたには 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽
支配者きどりの 愚かな種族は
うぬぼれた 稚拙な定理を並べた
A request of life and meaningless proof (What)
You, killing time with insufficient humour (niwa for what again)
The foolish race of acting as if they were leaders
set up a conceited artless theory



『無限』と信じた愛も 空の彼方も
僕達に示された 仮想の自由
『有限』それは無慈悲に 時を刻み
明日さえも否定する 選択へ Hacking to the Gate───
Love that believed in infinity, the other side of the sky.
A virtual freedom pointed out to us
"finity" that which mercilessly cuts time,
hacking to the gate to the option that will deny even tommorow.

いくつもの 輝ける日々 仲間との約束
無かった事には してはいけない
そのために 時を欺く 残された仕掛けに
もう迷いはない 孤独の観測者
Countless number of shining days, promises made with friends
We must not ignore things that have passed
For that reason the lonley observer no longer has doubt
in the device left behind that decieves time.

Yeah. This may be an interesting learning experience xD Hope that it isn't too long or something. If it is, check only a bit xD
よろしくお願いします
 
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Grammatical points only.

鼓動 refers to "heartbeat".
あなたには means あなたにとっては. あなた is not the subject of 瞬き / 瞬く.
も is for adversative conjunction, i.e., 嘆くも is the same as 嘆いても / 嘆いたとしても.
塵一つ would be used as an adverbial phrase. 塵一つ許さぬ means more likely "never forgive".

『無限』に広がる夢も 描く未来も 僕達に許された 虚栄の権利 is a single sentence; 夢も未来も権利(だ).
Yeah, I, too, think 二つの針 refers to clock hands.
二つの針が示す seems to modify 残酷な約定.
悲しみの無い modifies 時間のループ. It's not an expression about 観測者.

退屈しのぎに足らぬ means 退屈しのぎにもならない.

『無限』と信じた愛も 空の彼方も 僕達に示された 仮想の自由 is a single sentence, too. 愛も彼方も自由(だ).

いくつもの輝ける日々 and 仲間との約束 are the objects of 無かった事にはしてはいけない.
 
Grammatical points only.
Yeah, well I am only doing this for the sake of learning so that way is probably better! Thanks. Okay take two:

数十億もの 鼓動の数さえ
あなたには 瞬き程度の些事な等級
過去に囚われて 未来を嘆くも
塵一つ 誤算を許さぬ必然
Even tens of millions of heartbeats
Concerning you, the trivial magnitude of the amount of blinks (Hmm...)
Caught up in the past, yet lamenting the future
The certainty that will never forgive the smallest miscalculation (More accurate without smallest?)

『無限』に広がる夢も 描く未来も
僕達に許された 虚栄の権利
『有限』それは二つの 針が示す
残酷な約定と 選択へ Hacking to the Gate───
Dreams that spread to "infinity", the future we paint
Priviliges of vanity that were granted to us
Hacking to the gate to a choice and "finity" a cruel contract
That two hands point out

そしてまた 悲しみの無い 時間のループへと
飲み込まれてゆく 孤独の観測者
And again to a time loop without sadness
A lonely observer who will be swallowed (Hmm...)

あなたには 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽
Concerning you, humour that can't help even killing time (or if 成る, "humour that won't even be a way to kill time")

『無限』と信じた愛も 空の彼方も
僕達に示された 仮想の自由
Love that believed in "infinity", the other side of the sky.
virtual freedoms pointed out to us

いくつもの 輝ける日々 仲間との約束
無かった事には してはいけない
Countless numbers of shining days, promises made with friends
We must not ignore these things

Okay. That's that. Still dunno about てゆく/ていく probably this には and if I really fit "hacking to the gate" in correctly.
 
数十億もの 鼓動の数さえ
あなたには 瞬き程度の些事な等級
Even tens of millions of heartbeats are the trivial magnitude of the amount of blinks for you. (= You feel even tens of millions of heartbeats as the trivial magnitude of the amount of blinks.)

過去に囚われて 未来を嘆くも
Even though being caught up in the past and lamenting the future,

『無限』に広がる夢も 描く未来も
僕達に許された 虚栄の権利
Dreams that spread to "infinity", the future we paint
Both are priviliges of vanity that were granted to us


悲しみの無い時間のループ is more likely "a time loop free of sadness".

命の主張と 無意味な証明
あなたには 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽
Similar to the previous verse, it means "命の主張と無意味な証明 are 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽 for you".
 
数十億もの 鼓動の数さえ
あなたには瞬き程度の些事な等級
Even tens of millions of heartbeats are the trivial magnitude of the amount of blinks for you. (= You feel even tens of millions of heartbeats as the trivial magnitude of the amount of blinks.)

I believe I understand this now if あなたにとっては can mean "to you" (from their view) and that あなたには数十億もの 鼓動の数さえ瞬き程度の些事な等級 is the whole basic sentence.
過去に囚われて 未来を嘆くも
Even though being caught up in the past and lamenting the future,

Ah yeah I seperated them even though they were joined by て.

『無限』に広がる夢も 描く未来も
僕達に許された 虚栄の権利
Dreams that spread to "infinity", the future we paint
Both are priviliges of vanity that were granted to us

Yeah. I thought by just saying "privillages" would be enough to understand but perhaps it needed to be clearer.

悲しみの無い時間のループ is more likely "a time loop free of sadness".

As a better translation? If so, yeah, "without" makes it sound like sadness is wanted or something.

命の主張と 無意味な証明
あなたには 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽
Similar to the previous verse, it means "命の主張と無意味な証明 are 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽 for you".

"Requests of life and meaningless evidence to you is humour that won't even be a way to kill time/ humour that can't help to kill time (which is it?)

Thanks.

But P.S if
"そしてまた 悲しみの無い 時間のループへと
飲み込まれてゆく 孤独の観測者
And again to a time loop free of sadness
A lonely observer who will be swallowed"
Is correct then what does it mean to 飲み込まれてゆく? And also why へと?
 
命の主張と 無意味な証明
あなたには 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽
Requests of life and meaningless evidence are humour that won't even be a way to kill time to you.


へ indicates the direction to be swallowed.

そしてまた 悲しみの無い 時間のループへと
飲み込まれてゆく 孤独の観測者
And again a lonely observer is going to be swallowed into a time loop free of sadness.
 
命の主張と 無意味な証明
あなたには 退屈しのぎに足らぬ滑稽
Requests of life and meaningless evidence are humour that won't even be a way to kill time to you.
So 成る. Thanks.

へ indicates the direction to be swallowed.

そしてまた 悲しみの無い 時間のループへと
飲み込まれてゆく 孤独の観測者
And again a lonely observer is going to be swallowed into a time loop free of sadness.
I basically had that originally (except without understanding of ~てゆく) but then you said:

悲しみの無い modifies 時間のループ. It's not an expression about 観測者.

Which made me think that the two things were unrelated. What did you mean? Also why is と there?

Can ~てゆく be used with all verbs? Does it connote "going?" Sorry I am still kind of not there with ~てゆく. Does 食べ物を買いていく "going to buy food" like something that happens indefinitely at a moment forward in time unlike maybe 食べ物を買う which may have no sense of timing...? Is it like some psuedo future tense thing? "Continuous action towards something" does that describe it? God I know nothing xD
 
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What did you mean?
I pointed out that "a time loop is free of sadness", not "a lonely observer is swallowed without sadness". Your initial translation seemed to be the latter(sorry, if I was wrong), or at least confusing.

Also why is と there?
Need a word or phrase translated? | Page 515 | Japan Forum
Need a word or phrase translated? | Page 516 | Japan Forum

The meaning is almost the same as 時間のループへ飲み込まれてゆく, as I wrote in the thread above.


As for ~ていく / ゆく, see the following post.

て・+行く・+来る [Grammar | Japan Forum

飲み込まれてゆく expresses continuous action/movement to the future here.
 
I pointed out that "a time loop is free of sadness", not "a lonely observer is swallowed without sadness". Your initial translation seemed to be the latter(sorry, if I was wrong), or at least confusing.

I see. It's fine, I see how one could interpret it that way.

Thanks for the information in the linked threads. I feel I have gained much experience. I should probably do this more often. Thanks Toritoribe :-)
 
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