Im sorry if I am instigating any fights, but I can not just sit here, read your crap, and do nothing. In reply to your post:
1- Yes, I speak some french, but um- Why the hell does that matter?
2- If you consider some of your sh*t to be jokes, then I have this to say- never become a comedian, because people will throw sharp objects at you, and it will hurt.
3- Yes I am friends with her. She's my girlfriend, actually.
4- I am not fighting just to be fighting for her, although you did seriously piss her off, which in turn, pisses me off as well. The reason I'm saying what I am is because you're mean.
5- Trust me, you and her could not be friends. Maybe you didn't notice that she doesn't want to be friends with you. Therefore, the relationship simply couldn't work. So sorry. Also- if you were to try to take her shoe shopping as you mentioned, she would chew you up and spit you out. And I would point and laugh.
6- Youre right. They're not perfect. But you know what the difference between poking fun at them, and being mean is? Being mean is making rude comments about their personal life or about them, when you don't even know what the hell youre talking about. Being mean is pretending you know exactly how their minds work, without even knowing the first thing about them. And by the way, there is a fine line between speculation and flat-out cruelty. Learn how not to cross that line.
And I apologise for being off-topic, but as I said, I can't just sit here, read this, and not reply.