Confused after first date with Japanese woman

Hello dear forum members

Yesterday I had a date with a japanese woman who I met on tinder. She's 25 years old and studies since 2 years in my country. I never met a japanese woman before so I was kinda confused about her behaviour.

On the date she talked a lot about herself. I barely could tell her anything about myself so I just listened most of the time. The date lasted for one hour. After we were finished eating I asked her, it she would like to walk around a bit. She said no, she has to go back to the dorm (it was already night time). So I brought her home. There I gave her a small gift and we waved goodbye. After two hours I texted her that I enjoyed the date a lot to which she replied me today in the morning. She said she enjoyed it too. She always wanted to have a friend to whom she could talk about this topic.

So now I'm confused. We met on tinder. Am I now just a friend to her? It was our first date and it just lasted one hour. I really wish I could have told her more about myself. So I wanted to ask if this is normal behaviour for a japanese woman on a first date? Do I still have chances or am I now "just a friend" to her? If I still have chances, when is the right time to ask a japanese woman for the second date?

Hi Benjamin, and welcome to the forum!

First off, there is no particular procedure to follow when dating a Japanese girl. The usual rules apply. You described her as talkative, which is fine by my standards as long as it doesn't border on self-centeredness. I could well imagine that she is in need of attention and companionship: being far away from home and in permanent lockdown is probably quite taxing. Anyhow, if you're interested in seeing her again, don't procrastinate and ask her for a second date straight away. Follow your heart!

Schöne Grüße von einem Landsmann!

Thank you for your reply, Thomas Then I'm going to ask her right now!

Liebe Grüße auch dir

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Benjamin123 said:

she talked a lot about herself.

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This is a big red flag. You need to be very, very careful.

Buntaro said:

This is a big red flag. You need to be very, very careful.

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Why do you think so? I didn't like that but I just thought she's nervous. So I thought maybe on a second date she would ask me more about me and my life.
But it was really strange. She didn't even ask me about my job or what I study at university

Benjamin,

You asked,

Benjamin123 said:

Why do you think so?

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Because it may show that she is not a good listener, which, if true, is a big red flag. In addition, I have a lot of experience with failed romances. Decades of such experience. I also have done a great deal of scholastic research into the area of why romances fail. All of these things tell me this may be a big red flag.

Benjamin123 said:

I didn't like that but I just thought she's nervous.

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1. I have some advice for you that you are probably not going to like. It is clear you have a romantic interest in the young lady, but you need to put romantic thoughts on hold for now, and only concentrate on developing a good friendship. You need to stop going on 'dates' and just do hang-out activities together. For now, you need to think of her as just a friend, not a potential romantic partner. Just a hang-out partner. What do you both enjoy doing together? What interests do you have in common? Do the both of you like to play ping-pong? Listen to jazz? Play shogi? If the two of you have no interests in common, this romance is going nowhere. Another thing is you have to find out if she has any personality 'issues'. You may have already have stumbled across an 'issue' of her, that maybe she likes to monopolize discussions and only talk about herself. You need to verify if this is true or not (which will take time). You also have to find out what other 'issues' she may have (if any). This takes time. Take the time to find out the majority of her 'issues' before attempting a romance with her.

2. It was only the first date and already you are worried that she thinks of you as only a friend? This makes me wonnder if you are making the mistake of 'rushing into romance'. If so, I wonder what is causing this inside of you. If this is so, I would recommend doing some deep, introspective thinking on the subject. If so, this is an 'issue' of yours and you need to find some resolution on it (and find it before moving forward with a romance with anyone).

3. You are asking if there are any cultural issues unique to dating a Japanese lady. Yes, there are. But I think you need to work on the first two areas first. In my opinion, area 2 is a lot more important than area 1, and area 3 is something you need to put on the back burner for now.

Buntaro's advice and concerns are, of course, entirely valid. My point was that only a second date would bring clarity into the whole affair.

Benjamin123 said:

...I never met a japanese woman before so I was kinda confused about her behaviour.

Am I now just a friend to her? It was our first date and it just lasted one hour. I really wish I could have told her more about myself. So I wanted to ask if this is normal behaviour for a japanese woman on a first date? Do I still have chances or am I now "just a friend" to her? If I still have chances, when is the right time to ask a japanese woman for the second date?

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Probably one of the best eBooks I've read on the topic is "Dating Japanese Women Secrets". You can get it from their website, DatingBlackBelt, or you can get it from Amazon.

From this description, I don't think you did anything wrong, but the important part is the context. It was a date from Tinder. Women, who are young and think they are attractive (important distinction from knowing or verified to be attractive), can have many options. Basically, Tinder can be absolutely terrible for 80% of the guys, while a playground for the majority of younger women (if they choose it to be). The women that you went on the date with, could be communicating with a number of guys, not just you. In such situations, women can keep guys as what is called "orbiters". These are friendzoned guys that she may keep on standby or use them for favors such taking her to restaurants, use their car as if her taxi, take her shopping (free clothes and shoes), money, etc...

Another element to this is the reason a woman is on Tinder can be different from what she says. So yeah, she might be projecting an image of being pure, a virgin, only interested in marriage, and a super serious relationship only person, etc... The reality might be she is using it for random sex encounters, that she can keep a secret from her friends or family. So, she might choose you as a sex-friend for fun times, or instead put you in some other category (like friendzone or useful utility). Or worse, plain go ghost on you and cut off all contact.

It's often best for guys (especially these days), to not get so overly obsessed with one woman or find ways to have other options too, until a woman clearly demonstrates to you that she thinks you are special and is not playing you for a fool.

I hope @Benjamin123 will fill us in on how his follow-up date went.

I didn't think Tinder was for seeking relationships/romance. I have never used it myself but from reading things on the internet that mentioned it I always thought it was a college "hook-up" app for one-night-stands / f**k buddies.

Jezinn said:

It's often best for guys (especially these days), to not get so overly obsessed with one woman

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Even more important is finding out why their personality leads them into becoming obsessed with a woman.