Any Jref members who have or want children?

[Ma Cherie]

I was wondering about this for awhile now, and I noticed that it doesn't seem like people here discuss weather or not they have or either want children. So I was wondering about this.

And I've added a poll as well.

 

[RockLee]

no poll to see ☝ ? I want kids, but not too many

 

[Davey]

Hi Ma cherie.

I dont have children , but in a year or 4/5 i would love to have some kids, and my wife wants them too. small problem is that my wife is 7 years older then me, so we cant wait to long with getting kids, because she doesnt want to be a mom when she is like 35.. but yeah that is something for the next years not for now. but yeah i love kids, and i really wonder what a dutch/japanese kid look like hihi

 

[Kinsao]

I don't mind either way.

 

[Doc]

Personally, as of right now if I was married I wouldn't want any children. The way I see it is that children should be loved not tolerated. With that in mind I think having children in your early 20's is a bad idea considering that you still have a lot of your youth left to live. If I were to have children it would be when both me and my wife are ready, willing, and mature enough to handle raising children because you will have to put them first on your priority list for quite a while. So with that being said, if I were to have kids it would be when I'm in my 30's most likely. Right now I'm just enjoying being single and life itself.

Doc

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Change Of Heart.

I have no children and did not worry about it when I was younger. Now I see many old people neglected and lost in the medical system, because they have no one to watch out for them. Most of the patients I have are because the son or daughter got them help they needed. I wonder who will my wife & I depend on in our old age? Another part of getting older is thinking about your estate you leave behind. A lot of things like pictures and keepsakes mean a lot to you, but probably not to anyone besides your kids. I feel many things will end up on the dump when my wife and I die; it would be nice to have kids to pass things on to. Another thing my wife & I miss out on are grandkids and great grandkids. When you get older , the company of grandchildren can brighten your lives and keep you younger. I have to admit there are benifits to no children, like more money to spend on yourselves, but old age is making me regret having no kids.

Frank

:?

 

[kirei_na_me]

I have three boys...and I had them in my very early twenties, and I think they're doing just fine...

 

[Luthien Rogue]

Kirei_na_me, it sounds like you may have taken Doc's post to heart? I hope not; it was an opinion and a very general one at that. To say that at a certain age, everyone will suddenly be ready to have kids just isn't true. Same for anything... everyone is different and there are many parents older than 30 who can't parent half as well as some younger parents. I know of some parents younger that 20 (one as young as 16) who do a far better job than some of the older parents I know. Anyway, my point being, don't take the comment personally. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother. ^_^

As for me, my dream is to have a family of my own someday... I hope in my early twenties, for this reason alone: I want them to have me around as long as possible, and to watch them grow up and have their own families. See, my grandma, who was like a mother to me, died when I was 16... so I know what it's like to have a parent die when you are young, and I wouldn't want my kids to go through that; I love them already and I've yet to meet them.

Edit -- I am not fond of this "Reputation System" sucks. :\ I have no idea who left it so I can't respond... Whoever left me the rep:

" "

First, it wasn't advice. Second, it has more than one meaning:

take to heart

1. To take seriously and be affected or troubled by: "Don't take my criticism to heart."

 

[Kara_Nari]

Dutch Baka, your kids will be SUPER cute!

Uncle Frank, remember I thought we agreed, that I was going to get the keepsakes???? hehhee, changed your mind already?

My mother had me when she was 17, although we have our differences she did a fantastic job of bringing me up, even though its taken me a while to admit that. She was always prepared to have a family as her mother passed away when she was only 12, then she had to look after a younger sister, and a brother with a slight disability while my grandfather was out on the farm for most of the day and early evening.
Personally I think that if somebody is meant to be a parent, they can succeed at any age.
I want children anytime from now until im 28. I would like to have 2 children, however my boyfriend only wants 1.
Im not against people having children out of wedlock either, I know a lot of single mothers who do such a GREAT job of bringing up their children. They may not have the same financial situations, but the love and caring is just as prominent.

 

[Sensuikan San]

I have one "child" (older than many folks on this forum!) - nature decreed that more were inadvisable.

Having totalled all the bills ... nature was right!

.... but I wouldn't be without my son .... (bearded galoot that he is), for anything!

ﾆ淡ﾆ停?｡ﾆ停?

 

[Mars Man]

Oh yeah !! As some of you already know, I've got three wild, crazy monsters--boys that is--who tear up the house, chisel me out of every one hundred yen coin they can, when get the opportunity, and suddenly get back aches or sore legs when they hear the word 'help out'. . . and I love them all. I posted their picture on the gallery, but it was a while back, and so one would have to do the slide show until they came up.

Now, as I've mentioned before, I've been hitched twice, and so I do have two other kids with the before lady. I was not allowed to see them during their growing up, yet after the elder one (girl) reached 20, the ex guessed it was their choice if they wanted to see their father or not, and they chose to do so, so. . . I met them for the first time in 18 years just last summer (04).

I'm not sure what you meant there dutch baka about your lady not wanting to be a mother when she was like 35, but I assume you meant being pregnant at that age, because if she were to have children at the age of 30, even, she would be a mother at 35. Once a mother, always a mother--in most cases.

I have enjoyed being friends to my kids, I try to keep it that way as much as possible--a trusted friend, at their level, but with a little more insight as to why something best not be done, or best be done. It's hard, yes, but I never get the feeling that I don't want them anymore, never.

 

[MeAndroo]

Where's the option for "I have children, but I don't want them?"

All kidding aside, I definitely want kids...not for a WHILE though. I'm not over this whole being young thing yet.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

I dont feel ready for kids, and i only want one or two at best, and ONLY because i love my girlfriend.

Im pretty sure if i had a child this very day, i would fall in lvoe with it and try to be a good dad but as it stands im not ready, and i dont think i will be for a while, also im not in a rush for kids, i must admit it would be nice to have someone care for me when im old and at the mercy of a system thats less then stellar with old folk, i think of my grandads old folks home, its in a beautiful place and the staff are kind and caring and it makes me think, he might only have gotten there because my parents care.

Ahwell, as a rule i plan on living forever.

If i stick with my girlfriend, forever the chances are, somewhere along the line were going to have an accident even if we dont try for kids, and end up with little Keiichi or little Ailsa (hey, dont question how i name my unborn children ) and hopefully he/she will grow up to be happy.

But thats years away and i never think too far into the future, otherwise i'll miss whats happeneing around me in the present.

 

[Tsuyoiko]

My husband and I never wanted kids until about a year ago, when I think our biological clocks must have kicked in. Now we do, but haven't had any luck yet! The trouble is if you wait until you are in your thirties you are much more likely to have trouble conceiving. How do you find the balance between having kids too soon and leaving it too late?

 

[Kuro_Tsubasa69]

...:?

I might change my mind when my biological clock kicks like Tsuyoiko's, but right now i don't want to have any children. It might be that i'm the oldest kid in my family and had to watch my parents take care of my littlest sister. (I was 8 when they had her...and they used to threathen me and my sister with taking care of her all night if we woke her up for being so damn loud! ) And for the past couple years, i've been taking care of her since my parents went back to school. She is the sweetest most well behaved little thing on the face of the planet...However, i've also taken care of my cousins this summer, both boys, 7 and 2, and they are a nightmare!

So, experience says no, don't have kids. Too much work.

And for all ya all that HAVE kids, especially BOYS, I salute you! You are so very brave and strong! :nihonjin:

 

[Pachipro]

I have no children and did not worry about it when I was younger. Now I see many old people neglected and lost in the medical system, because they have no one to watch out for them. Most of the patients I have are because the son or daughter got them help they needed. I wonder who will my wife & I depend on in our old age? Another part of getting older is thinking about your estate you leave behind. A lot of things like pictures and keepsakes mean a lot to you, but probably not to anyone besides your kids. I feel many things will end up on the dump when my wife and I die; it would be nice to have kids to pass things on to. Another thing my wife & I miss out on are grandkids and great grandkids. When you get older , the company of grandchildren can brighten your lives and keep you younger. I have to admit there are benifits to no children, like more money to spend on yourselves, but old age is making me regret having no kids.

I would have checked "Never Thought About Having Children", or "Never Wanted Children", but it wasn't listed.

I am in the same boat as Frank. To be honest, my wife talked about having children early in our marriage, but decided against it as she wanted to be a "career woman". Strange for a Japanese woman. Also, we felt that, since we didn't have any money, we would wait until we had some saved before deciding. When we did have some saved, we again decided against it as she wanted to work and I, honestly, could take it or leave it. Having children that is. I never really gave it any thought.

Maybe we were not cut out to be parents, I don't know. Some people are and others aren't. I haven't missed it, but I do sometimes think about it now that I am 50. I sometimes think that I was selfish or something, but when I really think about it, and am honest with myself, deep inside I never really wanted any kids for reasons I can't explain. Maybe it was meant to be. I don't know.

Like Frank, who will inherit our estate and everything we worked and saved for all these years? Probably our nephews ( 3 nephews, no neices), or probably my closest and dearest friends' kids in Japan. Maybe it will be split among everyone if we don't spend it all first. I don't know. But it is something that I have been thinking about as of late and maybe it's time to draw up a will.

I read somewhere, and believe, that reincarnation does happen. So I figured maybe I would leave all our assets to a nephew with strict instructions that the principle is not to be touched, and if reincarnation is in fact true, that I would reincarnate as one of their children or grandchildren or great-grandchildren so that I may not grow up poor again and would be able to enjoy the fruits of my and my wife's past labor and that maybe my wife would reincarnate as a sibling or a future spouse of mine from that family. I am only speaking in jest here, but it is something that has crossed my mind.

What's strange when I really think about it is that this is the end of the line for both my wife's and my family trees and the family names on both our sides. My only brother passed away last year from pancreatic cancer and he never married. Of my male cousins one never married yet, and the other will not have children, and my wife is an only child. Only my two sisters had children, 3 males, but no family name of ours to pass along. Strange.

Grandchildren, I could take or leave them. As I never had any children of my own, I can't imagine having any grand-children. Heck, I still, at 50, cannot imagine being a father! Are we weird or abnormal?

More than a few couples have mentioned to us how envious they are of us and, if they had to do it all over again with what they know now, they would never have any children. Some say they were too young. Others say they are always broke and cannot save any money. Others say they should've waited until they were in their 30's and had a career and money saved. It is estimated that to bring up one child from birth through college will cost almost US$200,000/child! Who knows what their destiny is?

Again, like Frank, I do think what will happen to us in our old age with no one but an old folks home to care for us should we become ill. Will all our savings be spent on health care? I don't know. I just will continue to take every day as it comes and let the chips fall where they may. It was our decision and we have to live with the consequences whatever they will be. I believe that everything happens for a reason.
My sisters have told me how tough it was having kids in their early 20's and raising them and putting them through college and such. But they also say it was worth it and how much they love their kids. But they also say, if they knew what they know now, they would've waited or put it off altogether.

Who knows what the truth is? Each person has his/her own experience to go through in life. Some will have children while others won't.

 

[Ma Cherie]

I always thought about raising a family, and sometimes I wonder weather I could do it or not. Since, I have alot of career goals in mind I wonder weather I could raise family and maintain a career. If I ever decide to have kids, I would want at least three kids.

 

[Duo]

Too many western women today are sacrificing the family for a career only to end up 35 lonely and miserable in desperation for a husband and a baby. We can not beat nature and our biology. Makin babies is what we are in this world for. Because of these of our "advancement" in civilization we are sacrificing more and more the family and our populations are graying even more. We are loosing ground to the other continents and hemispheres. This is not good for the diversity of the world. Most western european nations are having less and less babies, and why do u ask? So they can have a newer faster better smelling more comfy car, one more bathroom in their new house, or a bigger garden, whatever it may be it is not worth it. Family for me reamins priority nr.1

Circumstances allowing and permitting i would like to be married and have my first kid by the age 25/26. If my parents did it in raising me in their early 20's, my mom actually being 20 yrs old then everyone can, especially here in the western world. There is no comparison between the conditions of back then eastern europe and nowadays western europe. It's selfishness and lack of will that really gets in the way I think, and this goes for both sides, male and female.

 

[Ma Cherie]

Well Duo perhaps you can blame this on radical feminism. I mean, they wanted to give us the choice to also have a career, however women who have careers and earn more than her husban, she is still expected to care of the housework. So you see, women have to choose in a way. I'm not against women staying and taking care of the family if that's the choice she had made. But being a homemaker is looked down upon by some feminists.

 

[Duo]

In this modern era the man is gettin more and more involved in the house work as well. I don't expect my future wife to stay home all day and have no aspirations of her own. She is free like any one else to work or try to do smth that gives her enjoyment and pleasure, be it academic or work related. However, I do expect that the baby and the family will have to take first place as they will for me. I don't plan to be passive when it comes to family and house life. House work is not just for women and my mother has educated me well in this area. If my wife would choose to stay home as a homemaker by no means would i look down on her or consider her less worthy seeing as being a homemakers is not just a job, buty 20 at the same time. I don't respect my father more because he has a steady prosperous career and my mother less because she is lately a home maker although she has worked and exelled in her job as well as being a mother at the same time. We did however have the advantage of having our grandparents close and helping out and also me being 6 yrs old than my brother helped in releiving some work for my mother.

My point is that although women should be free to choose to work or watever, their duty and responsability of being a mother should come first, as should the duty of being a father come first for men.

And yes I do blame feminists, they are too radical. They don't want equality, which i'd say we are pretty close to having in the western world, but they want women and men to be exatcly the same. And until men can start to give birth this can never happen. Or maybe we will be pushed into using artificial wombs so that women can be as free as men. Is that what we really want ?

 

[Jack]

when i first saw this post, i thought it was someone wanting to get pregnant, what a fool i was?

 

[Tsuyoiko]

My point is that although women should be free to choose to work or watever, their duty and responsability of being a mother should come first, as should the duty of being a father come first for men.

I agree with this. I know my opinion will upset a lot of people, but I honestly think parents should choose one or the other, kids or career, at least while the children are very young. People nowadays want the best of both worlds, but I honestly think that if a couple want children, one of them should be at home while the children are small. I don't accept the excuse that people can't afford to live on one wage - my parents, my grandparents, my husband's parents, my aunties and uncles all managed to bring up familes on one working class wage. If my husband and I are lucky enough to have children I will give up work as my husband is the main earner - even though he earns well below the national average wage.

But being a homemaker is looked down upon by some feminists.

I think that's the feminists' problem. How can they preach equality and then look down on anyone?

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

I agree with Tsuyoiko.

 

[epigene]

My vote goes to Tsuyoiko, too.