今春...

[J44xm]

The following text is from my personal weblog:

僕はエルドンネマーちゃんと言う友達の家にいます。つまらないです。エイエンクナンくんは忙しくて、エルドンネマーちゃんはカラオケしています。だから、日本語練習します。しかし、日本語練習が好きだから、大丈夫です。

依然、何を言えますか。いつもちょっとだけ。僕はせっかちと分かりました。この易しい言葉は億劫ですよ。日本語を巧く言いたいです。しかし、もっと勉強するのと待つのが必要です。日本に行きたいです。あそこにいれば、絶対たくさん学べます。

今週、日本の入国管理局の回答が来ます。許されるでしょう。​

How does this look? Any glaring errors? Any errors of any sort? Question: Is "カラオケしています" correct? WWWJDIC doesn't list "karaoke" as a "suru" verb.

Thank you for any assistance.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

How strict do you want?

By the way, karaoke can be used as the object of する , but I would add an を .

 

[Elizabeth]

By the way, karaoke can be used as the object of する , but I would add an を .

If you mean your friend is actually going out to a karaoke box, you should use カラオケに行く in my opinion. カラオケをする is very common but still in a grey area for a lot of folks.

 

[J44xm]

Mikawa Ossan, the strictest. Please let loose as much as you wish. I'll add that 「を」.

Elizabeth, she was merely singing in her home. Her family has some kind of karaoke setup on their big screen TV and she was just using that. Thus, I presume that カラオケをする is the best option.

どうもありがとう。

 

[J C]

日本語練習します would probably be better put as: 日本語の練習をします。
Or throw in something to lengthen it up a bit, like:
日本語の練習をするつもりです。 or 日本語の練習をするでしょう。or 日本語の練習を始めると思います。

 

[Elizabeth]

エイエンクナンくんは忙しくて、エルド ンネマーちゃんはカラオケしています。

Another is this as an inappropriate use of the て form -- in textbook terms at least, I can't say absolutely there isn't anyone that actually sounds that way in real life. There are several errors on that order but since Mikawa started this I'll let him go ahead and finish it up !

 

[J44xm]

Thank you, J C. I went with 「～を始めると思います」 on that one.

I suspected this might be improper use of the 「～て」 form. I bet part of the reason is the multiple topics, right? Admittedly, I'm still rather weak with conjunctions like "and" and "but," but would 「が」 be better? (Heh. Unintentional but amusing word repetition in that sentence.) Grammar is my primary focus for this request, I should add.

Thank you for the straightforward assistance.

 

[J C]

You also might want to look at some Japanese blogs to see what sort of writing style they have and get some ideas of what grammar constructs are popular. It's usually pretty informal and if you pick the right one, fairly understandable (coupled with an online dictionary).

Try:
gooブログ（goo blog） | 無料でブログを作成

There are blogs by Z-list celebrities, blogs about pets (47000 at last count), but the most popular ones seem to be diary-style. Just type in a topic and someone is bound to be blogging about it. You can also pick the sex, age and location of the blogger to filter it down.

 

[J44xm]

That's a great idea. Thank you. By the way, what exactly led you to suggest this? Is the tone in my post off somehow?

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Another is this as an inappropriate use of the て form -- in textbook terms at least, I can't say absolutely there isn't anyone that actually sounds that way in real life. There are several errors on that order but since Mikawa started this I'll let him go ahead and finish it up !

Thanks! I'll try to respond in detail as soon as I get the time. (I'm at work now...)

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

僕はエルドンネマーちゃんと言う友達の家にいます。

今回は、僕はエルドンネマーという友達の家にいます。
I added the 今回 to set this particular entry to your other entries, which I assume you tend to write at your own house.
I removed the ちゃん for a number of reasons, one of which is that it is unnecessary, as you are introducing her name for the first time and it is not part of her name.
I removed the kanji from いう , although it's not really wrong to have it in there. It just looks nicer without it in this situation.

つまらないです。

Do you want this to be short for impact? I personally think it is too short and needs something. For example you could combine it with the previous sentence like, 今回は、僕はエルドンネマーという友達の家にいますが、本当につまらないです。 You might want to change つまらない to something else, though, as it kind of sounds rude to your friend as is!

エイエンクナンくんは忙しくて、エルドンネマーちゃんはカラオケしています。

エイエンクナン君は忙しいし、エルドンネマーちゃんはカラオケをしているからなんです。
First I changed the くん into kanji. It is fine in hiragana, too、but it just looks better to me here in kanji, not in small part because the name before it is in katakana and ends in ン .
I changed your connection to a し if you know that grammar. It works much nicer because the subjects of your component parts are not the same.
I added からなんです because this sentence is an explanation for the previous sentence. Namely, it is explaining why it is so boring at your friend's house.

だから、日本語練習します。しかし、日本語練習が好きだから、大丈夫です。

だから時間つぶしに、ここで日本語を練習していますが、こうやって日本語を使って練習するのが好きだからちょうどいいかましれない。
Um....I changed this quite a bit. Mine is not the only way to write this. If you have any questions, just ask.

依然、何を言えますか。いつもちょっとだけ。

I'm not sure what you want to say here...

僕はせっかちと分かりました。

僕はせっかちだと分かりました。
I added the だ because it is necessary here. I think this sentence needs something more, but I'm not sure what you meant in the preceding two sentences, so I can not comment further....(Sorry!)

この易しい言葉は億劫ですよ。

What exactly are you trying to say here? I think 億劫 is not the word you're looking for.

日本語を巧く言いたいです。しかし、もっと勉強するのと待つのが必要です。

もっとうまく日本語で話せるようになりたいですが、今の僕にはこれ以上の勉強や辛抱しかない気がします。
巧い is not the standard way to write umai, so I changed it to hiragana. It's not wrong, just not so common.
There might be some new grammar here for you. ようになる is often used with verbs to describe a change into a state described by a verb. It's very common with the potential state of a verb in the sense I think you wish to convey.
I combined the sentences for flow and stylistic reasons.
I changed your idea of waiting to 辛抱 （しんぼう） . Check it out in a dictionary; I think this is what you want to say.

日本に行きたいです。あそこにいれば、絶対たくさん学べます。

とにかく、日本に行きたいんです。そこに行けば今よりはるかに充実した勉強ができると、僕は強く思っているからなんです。
What do you think of this? Ask if you have any questions!

今週、日本の入国管理局の回答が来ます。許されるでしょう。

今週、日本入国管理局からの返事が来るというが、ビサが出るのでしょうか。
Once again, ask if you have any questions！

Sorry to not explain things very much, but I got a little tired midway through. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and remember, mine is never the only way to do or say things! I'm sure some difference in opinions will come up; let the fun begin!

 

[Elizabeth]

依然、何を言えますか。いつもちょっとだけ。
What exactly are you trying to say here?

J44xm さんの代弁が出来ないですが。。。
（いつも）言うことをあまり思いつかないですよ。 書けることが少なくていらいらする。
。。。のような感じがするのじゃなかな？

本当に言いたかったことと違うかもしれませんが、状況から判断するという内容になりました。

 

[J44xm]

Mikawa Ossan, thank you for your hard work in critiquing my post. I must admit, there were more errors than that I expected again. Your comments are most useful, though, and I greatly appreciate the effort you put in for me (and those who will read this) after working all day.

I will now reply to certain parts of your post. Anything I don't reply to was successfully assimilated.

今回は、僕はエルドンネマーという友達の家にいます。
I removed the ちゃん for a number of reasons, one of which is that it is unnecessary, as you are introducing her name for the first time and it is not part of her name.

I'm quite curious what other reasons there would be.

Regarding "つまらないです。":

You might want to change つまらない to something else, though, as it kind of sounds rude to your friend as is!

I had a lot of trouble finding a suitable word for "bored" and I guess I still didn't hit the nail on the head. Could I receive a suggestion? Because I _was_ pretty bored that day, but it needn't sound offensive.

エイエンクナン君は忙しいし、エルドンネマーちゃんはカラオケをしているからなんです。
I changed your connection to a し if you know that grammar. It works much nicer because the subjects of your component parts are not the same.
I added からなんです because this sentence is an explanation for the previous sentence. Namely, it is explaining why it is so boring at your friend's house.

I did read about "し" (at Tae Kim's guide) for the first time a few days ago. I didn't realize, though, that it could be applied to multiple topics like that.

As for the "からなんです," the explanatory "no" is something I've still got a lot to learn about.

だから時間つぶしに、ここで日本語を練習していますが、こうやって日本語を使って練習するのが好きだからちょうどいいかましれない。
Um....I changed this quite a bit. Mine is not the only way to write this. If you have any questions, just ask.

Hmm. I'm uncertain about the following chunks: "つぶしに," "こうやって," and "かましれない." And by "uncertain," I mean that I haven't a clue what they mean. (I tried reverse engineering "kamashirenai" to find it's base verb, but I can't find anything at WWWJDIC that matches what I imagine it could be.)

Regarding "依然、何を言えますか。いつもちょっとだけ。":

I'm not sure what you want to say here...

Really? Wow. It's supposed to read "Still, what can I say? Always only a little." Looking at it again, I think that using を might have been out of line. The rest of it ... well, I'm honestly surprised that, even if it's not right, it's not intelligible.

僕はせっかちだと分かりました。
I added the だ because it is necessary here. I think this sentence needs something more, but I'm not sure what you meant in the preceding two sentences, so I can not comment further....(Sorry!)

No apologies necessary!

Regarding "この易しい言葉は億劫ですよ。"

What exactly are you trying to say here? I think 億劫 is not the word you're looking for.

Essentially, I wanted to say that using only easy words to express myself is troublesome. Once more, looking more carefully, I think use of "tsukau" would be appropriate, wouldn't it? (Is "namayasashii kotoba dake wo tsukau koto ga okukou" any better?)

もっとうまく日本語で話せるようになりたいですが、今の僕にはこれ以上の勉強や辛抱しかない気がします。
There might be some new grammar here for you. ようになる is often used with verbs to describe a change into a state described by a verb. It's very common with the potential state of a verb in the sense I think you wish to convey.

I believe so as well. That's a best explanation of "you ni naru" I've seen. It makes sense, indeed. Thanks.

I changed your idea of waiting to 辛抱 （しんぼう） . Check it out in a dictionary; I think this is what you want to say.

Perfect.

What does "今の僕に" mean? Does it mean what it literally seems to say--i.e., "as for to the me of now"? (That's generally how I read these things. "Koko de wa," for example, might be read in my mind as "as for by means of here" or somesuch. So don't be too put off by the oddness of it ...)

とにかく、日本に行きたいんです。そこに行けば今よりはるかに充実した勉強ができると、僕は強く思っているからなんです。
What do you think of this? Ask if you have any questions!

Actually, I think I understood this fairly clearly. Is that "はるか" used as "far" in the sense of "far exceeding" or "far tastier"?

今週、日本入国管理局からの返事が来るというが、ビサが出るのでしょうか。
Once again, ask if you have any questions！

I had a question, but I cleared it up myself. At least I'm understanding these things.

Sorry to not explain things very much, but I got a little tired midway through. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and remember, mine is never the only way to do or say things! I'm sure some difference in opinions will come up; let the fun begin!

Thank you very much. Your help is much appreciated. (Whew!)

 

[J44xm]

J44xm さんの代弁が出来ないですが。。。
（いつも）言うことをあまり思いつかないですよ。 書けることが少なくていらいらする。
。。。のような感じがするのじゃなかな？
本当に言いたかったことと違うかもしれませんが、状況から判断するという内容になりました。

I ... I'm trying ... but there's some serious stuff in here. (The first line--is it "I can't speak for J44xm, but ..."?)

1. I'm trying to figure out just what "つかない" is, for one. I tried it as a form of both "tsukaru" (ichidan) and "tsuku," but neither seems to fit ...

2. Is "のような" related to "のように" (defined as "as with")?

むずかしいです... ^_^

 

[Glenn]

思い付く is one verb. It means "to think of."

ような is the adjectival form of ように, and it's kind of like "a kind of." They both come from ようだ, "seems to be," if I remember correctly.

 

[Elizabeth]

I ... I'm trying ... but there's some serious stuff in here. (The first line--is it "I can't speak for J44xm, but ..."?)
1. I'm trying to figure out just what "つかない" is, for one. I tried it as a form of both "tsukaru" (ichidan) and "tsuku," but neither seems to fit ...
2. Is "のような" related to "のように" (defined as "as with")?
むずかしいです... ^_^

どうもすみませんね。 私の言葉は Mikawa さんに向けて言ったので。。。
私の日本語を読めようとしてて、怪我をしないでね。(Please don't injure yourself trying to read my Japanese).

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Mikawa Ossan, thank you for your hard work in critiquing my post. I must admit, there were more errors than that I expected again. Your comments are most useful, though, and I greatly appreciate the effort you put in for me (and those who will read this) after working all day.

No problem! Sometimes I changed things even when it was not technically wrong, but you seem to really want to make it to the "next level". I think you're doing great!

I'm quite curious what other reasons there would be.

Well, the use of ちゃん in general here seems a little awkward to me, because I assume your friend is at least 25 years old or so. That doesn't make ちゃん wrong to use, but I personally don't feel very comfortable using it in such a situation except for certain individuals.
Also, the whole ingroup/outgroup dichotomy seems to me to rear its ugly head when using things like ちゃん and くん . Admittedly, I don't write an informal blog, nor do I read them, so I'm sure I don't have a great "feel" for the proper dynamic at play here.

I had a lot of trouble finding a suitable word for "bored" and I guess I still didn't hit the nail on the head. Could I receive a suggestion? Because I _was_ pretty bored that day, but it needn't sound offensive.

Here's an idea:
今回は、僕はエルドンネマーという友達の家にいますが、意外と退屈です。
The 意外と makes it seem as though you would normally expect not to be bored at her house, and the 退屈 is another way to say you're bored or something is boring. It has a slightly different nuance, though, which is hard to describe...

As for the "からなんです," the explanatory "no" is something I've still got a lot to learn about.

Trial and error, my friend, trial and error!

Hmm. I'm uncertain about the following chunks: "つぶしに," "こうやって," and "かましれない." And by "uncertain," I mean that I haven't a clue what they mean. (I tried reverse engineering "kamashirenai" to find it's base verb, but I can't find anything at WWWJDIC that matches what I imagine it could be.)

hahaha! I love the way you phrased this! Let's go one by one...
つぶしに is part of the phrase 時間つぶしに , which means, "to kill time". つぶし comes from the verb つぶす .
こうやって basically means "like this" in this sentence. "I like to practice to practice Japanese by using it like this" Or for the purists here, "I like to use Japanese and practice like this". こう is part of the set こう、そう、ああ which is analagous to これ、それ、あれ .
Did I write かましれない? ...Oops! I guess I did! Sorry, that was a typo. It should read かもしれない . Does that help? :sorry:

Regarding "依然、何を言えますか。いつもちょっとだけ。":
Really? Wow. It's supposed to read "Still, what can I say? Always only a little." Looking at it again, I think that using を might have been out of line. The rest of it ... well, I'm honestly surprised that, even if it's not right, it's not intelligible.

Hmm...well, to begin, 依然 is pretty formal. It kind of has a little different tone to it than the rest of your entry. If you really want to use it, it would be better to use it in the following construct: 依然として
An example of this in use might be,
しかしどんなに練習しても、僕は依然としてあまりできない状態のままです。
Another way to say this instead of 依然 might be あいかわらず as in しかしどんなに練習しても、僕はあいかわらずあまりできないようです。

Regarding "この易しい言葉は億劫ですよ。"
Essentially, I wanted to say that using only easy words to express myself is troublesome. Once more, looking more carefully, I think use of "tsukau" would be appropriate, wouldn't it? (Is "namayasashii kotoba dake wo tsukau koto ga okukou" any better?)

Well, I think 億劫 has a little different nuance to it than you're looking for. You want to express that it's frustrating or annoying, right? How about,
いつもこんな簡単な言葉だから本当にうっとうしいです。
Or, if you want to be more humble,
いつもこんな簡単な言葉しか使えない自分に腹が立ちます。

I believe so as well. That's a best explanation of "you ni naru" I've seen. It makes sense, indeed. Thanks.

Thank you! I'm glad that made sense to you! (At least it made sense to somebody! )

What does "今の僕に" mean? Does it mean what it literally seems to say--i.e., "as for to the me of now"? (That's generally how I read these things. "Koko de wa," for example, might be read in my mind as "as for by means of here" or somesuch. So don't be too put off by the oddness of it ...)

I think you have the right idea here.

Is that "はるか" used as "far" in the sense of "far exceeding" or "far tastier"?

Yeah, that's pretty much correct!
Incidentally, I noticed that your title thing about your avatar says you'll be coming to Japan in April. Does that mean you got your visa? Even if you're still waiting, I'm sure it's a done deal!

 

[J44xm]

Heh heh. Yes, my arrival date is April 3. I arrive in Nagoya and receive a free ride back to Okazaki . Classes (or at least testing) begins on the 5th.

Thank you for your comment, Mikawa Ossan-san. I will look over them more do my best to remember everything. Doumo arigatou! Your effort is appreciated!

 

[J C]

That's a great idea. Thank you. By the way, what exactly led you to suggest this? Is the tone in my post off somehow?

Hi,

Sorry I took ages to reply - sometimes I forget about this Grammar area. I just thought of it because all the sentences were a bit short and didn't flow very well - Mikawa Ossan, Elizabeth and Glenn have sorted that out now. Blogs tend to be quite informally written and having a look at Japanese ones might give you some ideas on how informal Japanese can be written. Also gives you an idea of the sort of language you'll be hearing and seeing when you get to Japan. The text-book ます and です stuff is great for talking to people you don't know and are always a good fall-back, but to understand everyday conversations you need to understand the informal stuff too. Like English, there are a million and one ways of saying the same thing and to sound more natural you need to throw in a bit of variety into the sentences.

Good luck with your studies. I'm more than a little bit envious that you'll be going over to Japan for the first time - it'll be a real rollercoaster - just hang on and enjoy it. I guarantee you'll have a blast. All the best, and post here to let us know how you're going.