じこしょうかいします

[StephenC]

皆さん始めまして！僕の名前はStephenです。アメリカ人で、高校三年生です。日本の文化と料理とまんがとアニメと言葉とけんちくが好きです。JPOPしかきょうみがありません。しゅみはテニスとバイオリンと日本の物とビデオゲームです。今私の日本語はまだじょうずで、このフォーラムに色々な事をなりたいです。どうぞよろしく。

I decided to write my intro in Japanese to test my command of the language. As a little practice try seeing if you can read it.

 

[Majestic]

Not bad. Good start.
1. 始めまして → 初めまして or はじめまして
2. Instead of creating a list of "likes" by linking them together with と (which becomes a bit tedious to the reader) you can skip the と altogether and just list the likes, perhaps separated by commas, and then using や instead of repeating と. Apologies if you have not learned this handy trick yet. There should be some examples on the internet.
3. Your JPOP sentence doesn't fit in with the previous sentence. "I'm only interested in JPOP" leads me to ask what happened to your interest in food and culture and language, etc... that you mentioned in the previous sentence. Maybe you were trying to say something else.
4. 私の日本語 → I think a direct translation of the English idiom "my Japanese", whereas in Japanese you probably wouldn't use the possessive, and would just say, "I am not good at Japanese". (Not an egregious error, by the way, and pretty forgivable).
5. なりたい → Want to become? I think you were looking for another word.

Good effort. I daresay its head and shoulders above a lot of the tentative early postings we see here. Lots of good info on this site that will be interesting for the beginning learner. And for the non-beginning learner as well, for that matter.

 

[Mike Cash]

Check tense on じょうず

Did you mean ならいたい ?

 

[StephenC]

皆さん初めまして！僕の名前はStephenです。アメリカ人で、高校三年生です。日本の文化や、料理や、まんがや、アニメや、言葉や、けんちくが好きです。JPOPしだけきょうみがありません。しゅみはテニスとバイオリンと日本の物とビデオゲームです。今日本語はまだじょうずじゃないで、このフォーラムに色々な事を習いたいです。どうぞよろしく。

Thanks all! I incorporated your suggestions. But I think I might've botched the usage of YA as a conjunction. I did it the way I interpreted from your words and from online examples, but it looks no different from using TO with commas. I also refreshed its usage with some old textbooks but couldn't figure out the difference that makes YA more pleasing to a reader or how it makes the sentence simpler. If you wouldn't mind explaining in a bit more detail and give your own example I would appreciate it.

 

[Majestic]

日本の文化や料理、漫画、アニメ、言葉、建築など
テニスやバイオリン、ビデオゲームなど → you've already listed a bunch of Japanese things previously, so its redundant to say here in this sentence yet again that you like Japanese things.

I still don't know what you are trying to say about JPOP. It looks a bit more mangled than in your original post. JPOPにしか興味がありません would be fine, but logically you've already listed a bunch of things that you like so its nonsensical to say in the very next breath that you are only interested in JPOP.
じょうずじゃないで needs a re-think.

If I were really being a stickler I would probably suggest to add on おねがいします to the end, as どうぞよろしく by itself feels a bit naked to me.

 

[Mike Cash]

音楽は would clear it up remarkably.

 

[StephenC]

日本の文化や料理、漫画、アニメ、言葉、建築など
テニスやバイオリン、ビデオゲームなど → you've already listed a bunch of Japanese things previously, so its redundant to say here in this sentence yet again that you like Japanese things.

I still don't know what you are trying to say about JPOP. It looks a bit more mangled than in your original post. JPOPにしか興味がありません would be fine, but logically you've already listed a bunch of things that you like so its nonsensical to say in the very next breath that you are only interested in JPOP.
じょうずじゃないで needs a re-think.

If I were really being a stickler I would probably suggest to add on おねがいします to the end, as どうぞよろしく by itself feels a bit naked to me.

As for the JPOP, I was trying to say "The only [Japanese] thing I don't really care about is JPOP."

Would 上手じゃないので work better if I wanted to say "Because I am not yet good at Japanese I hope to learn many different things from this forum" ?

 

[Majestic]

1. Aaaah, now I get it. 好きじゃないのはJPOPだけです。Or JPOP以外、日本のものはほとんど好きです。
2. Bingo

 

[StephenC]

1. Aaaah, now I get it. 好きじゃないのはJPOPだけです。Or JPOP以外、日本のものはほとんど好きです。
2. Bingo

Awesome, thanks for all the help Majestic!