Moving to Japan as a single parent

theninjaway

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Hello, I am new to this website and I am sure that these questions have been asked before, but I will ask the again. I have just graduated college with a major in English, and I have a son. I want to move to Japan to be an English teacher. I know I have to sign up (?) with ESL before I go. But I do have a few questions:
1) What kind of pass does my son need, he is two.
2) Should I start fixing Japanese food so my son and I will get used to it?
3) Is there proper care for him while I am at work? Also, I don't know where I will go since I have not got with ESL.
These probably sound like silly question, but I would like to be prepared before we leave off.
 
I want to move to Japan to be an English teacher. I know I have to sign up (?) with ESL before I go.
I have no idea what you mean here. You don't have to "sign up" for anything in order to teach here. You first get hired, then apply for a work visa. That's it.
But I do have a few questions:
1) What kind of pass does my son need, he is two.
Your son will need a dependent visa. That is, his status is dependent on your work visa being valid. He depends on you in that regard. Otherwise, he can stay only 90 days.


2) Should I start fixing Japanese food so my son and I will get used to it?
Hold off on this and go to #3 .


3) Is there proper care for him while I am at work? Also, I don't know where I will go
Daycare in Japan is expensive and not always available. Working moms are discriminated against in that regard. I would seriously reconsider this venture. Don't expect your employer to be of any assistance, either. If you DO get a job, you'll be on your own to find a daycare, sign up months in advance in many cases, and then have a real hassle in dealing with your schedule. If you work in eikaiwa, you'll work noon to 9-10pm any 5 days of the week. If you land an ALT job, you'll have to visit more than one school from 8:30 to 4:30 or so, Mon-Fri. Daycares usually stop taking care of kids then, and if you find one that allows your kid to stay longer, you'll have to pay more. Need I add mention about the language barrier YOU will face in dealing with staff there? (Your son will adapt.)
 
Daycare in Japan is expensive and not always available. Working moms are discriminated against in that regard. I would seriously reconsider this venture. Don't expect your employer to be of any assistance, either. If you DO get a job, you'll be on your own to find a daycare, sign up months in advance in many cases, and then have a real hassle in dealing with your schedule. If you work in eikaiwa, you'll work noon to 9-10pm any 5 days of the week. If you land an ALT job, you'll have to visit more than one school from 8:30 to 4:30 or so, Mon-Fri. Daycares usually stop taking care of kids then, and if you find one that allows your kid to stay longer, you'll have to pay more. Need I add mention about the language barrier YOU will face in dealing with staff there? (Your son will adapt.)
To add a little to this:

If you're in a city, daycare will be available. There are late night daycare places, but it costs more to use them. The problem is, eikaiwa will pay you a bit more, but they make you work late. ALT jobs have much more reasonable hours, but they pay less.

Those places want you to register in advance, but the truth of the matter is they are totally desperate for money as pretty much all businesses in Japan, so you can join any time. But when you are signed up with a Japanese company, they won't make a time allowance for you to research these places. Usually they want you to start a day or two after your arrive. I would say, if you have a lot of money in the bank, enough to come to Japan a few weeks early and get yourself settled in, you could do it, but even that will be difficult without either connections or language skills.

For the food, it's nothing difficult to digest, just rice, some fish or sausage, and green beans or corn or something. I know I didn't love rice as a kid, so if you wanted to prepare, try shifting your kids diet from bread to rice and see how it goes.
 
I guess you'll just have to see whose information is more correct when/if you come here. I suspect that not all daycare places are that desperate for money, and even if some are, they will balk at the language barrier between you and the admin. Face it, you will have to be able to look at their contracts and listen to their description of the facilities, and if there is a medical problem when you aren't there, will you be able to understand a phone call about it?

That brings up another point. Many employers don't want to hire working mothers (especially single ones) because they can be drawn away from work for the sake of tending to sick kids and daycare schedules.

As for food, I would add that it's more than "just rice, some fish or sausage, and green beans or corn or something". Most foods here will contain soy sauce, fish stock, or miso. If you REALLY want to get your kid adjusted to those things, start with those flavorings, so he knows what is different. He may adjust quickly, but who can say?
 
So you're contemplating a move with a two year old child to a country you've never been to, where you don't speak the language, where you're totally illiterate, where you have not a single friend or relative, where you don't know where anything is or how anything works, where you apparently don't know anything about the nature or availability of the type of work you're assuming you'll get...... and your only misgivings are whether or not to start feeding your kid some Japanese food now or let it wait until later? I included some assumptions in there, so you let me know which parts I was mistaken about, please

Does the father still have parental rights? Have you obtained his permission to take the child out of the country? You can't even get a passport for the child without his permission.

Do you have any understanding of the sort of work you would be doing? Do you have an idea that you'll be just like a regular real school teacher? Do you have an idea that this is something you can make a long-term career out of? Would it bother you to find yourself in a situation where you're essentially just a dancing bear providing entertainment? How about a situation (eikaiwa "English Conversation") where for the most part your job is pretending to teach English to people who are pretending to learn it? Are you aware that most people.... even those free spirits fresh out of college with no children or other responsibilities.... tend to stay for only a year or two, with three years being the max for all but a tiny handful? Are you aware that many employers want a steady stream of fresh young faces and that they will want to edge you out the door after two or three years? Are you aware that only a tiny proportion of the people in the field are able (or even want to) make a career out of it?

From the employer's perspective, looking after some fresh off the Boeing wet-behind-the-ears new foreign employee isn't terribly different from taking care of a two year old, and I doubt you'll find many who will be excited by the prospect of taking care of a full-grown two year old who has her own genuine pint-sized two year old in tow, with not a clue how to take care of its needs here herself and with no friends or family to help.

Single mothers in Japan who grew up here, speak the language, and have a network of friends and relatives to help often have a tough time of it. Do you really think you'll be any better equipped to deal with it than they are? Hell, lots of foreigners here have trouble dealing with the changes they find here and get stressed out when they have nobody to take care of but themselves. Plenty of people find that what they expected to be a Land of Enchantment ends up being a Land of Disillusionment.
 
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Don't sugar-coat it, Mike. Tell her straight. :-)
 
Don't sugar-coat it, Mike. Tell her straight. :-)

I'm not trying to tell her how things ARE in the English teaching field, but to point out how at least portions of it are and that she needs to do a heck of a lot of careful planning to avoid something that may not be what she she thought it was going to be.

I seriously doubt she will get any job offers when they find out she is a single mom with a two year old. It isn't as though they have any trouble filling positions with young unencumbered fresh graduates every year.
 
I'm not trying to tell her how things ARE in the English teaching field, but to point out how at least portions of it are and that she needs to do a heck of a lot of careful planning to avoid something that may not be what she she thought it was going to be.
Dead on, of course.
 
Thank you for replying to my post about something's I didn't know much about. To add to what Mike has been saying, I have been taking some Japanese language classes to try and learn as much as I could before moving there so I wouldn't be totally clueless. In addition, my mom has decided to come along with us, so we wouldn't have to worry about daycare. Sorry for suddenly adding her, but she changed her mind, and decided to join us. On my mind now is money matters, I have saved up since high school, having around five thousand dollars with my moms savings of around eight thousand. I was just wondering if we would have to save up any more money, my college already paid off by scholarships. The father won't be a problem since the situation was sperm donor.
 
Will your mother be eligible for a visa? Under what category?
 
1) What kind of pass does my son need, he is two.
2) Should I start fixing Japanese food so my son and I will get used to it?
3) Is there proper care for him while I am at work? Also, I don't know where I will go since I have not got with ESL.
These probably sound like silly question, but I would like to be prepared before we leave off.
Hello theninjaway:
As some people have pointed out there are quite a few possible barriers.

1) "Pass" - as someone said, I think you are referring to a visa. Normally you would be sponsored for a working visa before you come to Japan (or at leas in your case- having a small child I think it would make more sense to have a job arranged before coming). Then your son would be able to get a dependant visa (again ideally arranged before coming to Japan- Please visit Japanese Embassy web page for details)

2) I would not worry about food for your son- (you will have more trouble adapting, than he will ;)

3) Having raised two children in Japan (and put them both in public day care relatively soon after birth), I would say that it is possible, though the language barrier will be a challenge. I think that the day care experience depends greatly on where you are in Japan and on whether you are using public or private day care. Public day care fees are set based upon your income and marital status. If you can get into public daycare as a single mother, you are probably looking at $50- 100 USD per month - a great deal! (but there can be waiting lists based on location). Private day varies (and as someone mentioned there are also "night daycares" but they are relatively expensive. Daycare if not subsidised would likely be a minimum of 500-600 USD per month and if you got that you would be thinking - wow what a good deal! So I think that having a daycare plan before arrival is crucial.
It can be a real challenge and you are probably not prepared for what you will face, but then again most of us were to fully prepared but somehow we managed. (But probably most of us did not come with a small child as a single mother)

BUT If you go into this with your eyes open, I think you could succeed, BUT it requires a lot of planning because of considerations for your son. One option might be to look at teaching at a private day care that might be willing to take your son in as a non-paying student.

As far as bringing your mother, you really need to have a look at the visa requirements. Japan is very strict about living permission in Japan, and it is not possible to just "immigrate" to Japan.
To get a visa to stay in Japan you need to be working ( or studying flu time in a recognised school etc) or you need to be a spouse, or child of someone who has a visa that allows them to stay in Japan. (You may be the sponsor of an elderly parent - must be over 65 if memory serves correctly and you may need to be a permanent resident - can't remember and you need a sufficient income to support the parent). So in a word, you moth twill not be able to jump on the plane with you and live in Japan, but she scold easily stay the 90 days until you get settled (or even an additional 90 days) - up to 180 days.

I think if you go to the Japan embassy page:
Embassy of Japan in the United States of America

VISA
Work (Humanities Specialist/International Services)
Embassy of Japan in United States of America
this is usual visa for English teachers

Spouse/Dependent of an alien working in Japan
Embassy of Japan in United States of America
For your son.


As I said , it is not impossible, but it will take some planning. Please have a look at this information (you will notice there is no info there about a visa for your mother- as I said above, I think you need to be a permanent resident to sponsor your mother)


Hope this helps.
 
Great to see people giving friendly, realistic, positive help!
 
If you really want to come here with the best advantages for a long and successful stay, then you really ought to consider putting things off until you can acquire a masters degree and/or training and certification in teaching English as a second/foreign language. Glenski can give you better pointers on that than I ever could. In the labor market you're looking at entering, the bare minimum is a bachelors degree, which means your bachelors degree essentially shrivels into a G.E.D. as far as opportunities for professional advancement and making a career out it are concerned. If you want to work Eikaiwa and flip language burgers for a couple of years then go home, it doesn't matter. All you need for that is a pulse and a pleasant smile.
 
I am going to have to respectfully disagree with Mike. While he is correct that there are a lot of non-serious jobs in teaching language in Japan, teaching in a language school situation can be rewarding and offer professional development opportunities. Certainly, having an advanced degree is a help, but even an MA will not necessarily mean you will jump in to some "sweet" job. If you end up in a good working situation, it could be very enjoyable. Mike is also correct in pointing out that a BA is the minimum, so I would arrange a job BEFORE you come, sign a contract and arrive "in a job".

Since the OP mentioned that she and her mother have pooled about 13K, I am guessing that using it to pay part of graduate school fees would mean it might become impractical to come to Japan.

Once in Japan with a steady income, you could certainly look and improving your credentials through distance learning (many very reputable universities offer good programs). It might make more sense to get your feet wet in teaching in Japan before you invest in a graduate degree to teach in Japan.

Another thing to consider is your mother, if she is of working age, then perhaps you could look for jobs nearby (or perhaps at the same school- though it is harder for older teachers to find work) and your combined salaries would make life much easier.

OR


If your mother is helping, as hard as it might be, you may want to consider coming over at first on your own, setting up and then six months later (after you have established a base, applied for day care etc, ) flying back and getting your son. That is a HARD option, because I know I would really miss my son, but that may be a lower risk way to try it.

hope that helps.
 
This may sound negative to nahadef, but I am trying to be realistic here.

Adding Mom to the mix is asking for more problems, IMO. I disagree with tomoni about getting a special visa for her. Unless she works (in which case she won't be around to take care of your son, the primary reason for bringing her along), she does not qualify for any visa. Dependent visas are for spouses or children of people who have work visas. Mom is going to have to get her own visa (work visa, student visa, cultural activities visa).

I would rely on this link about visas more than the U.S. one, good as it is.
Immigration Services Agency of Japan

Moreover, you said you are studying some Japanese now. Ok, good! How about Mom? If she is going to stay home and take care of your son, she will likely need more Japanese than you. It'll probably be her who will do shopping, perhaps even banking, while you are working until the wee hours of the night. Really think this through, because it's far more complicated than you seem to imagine.

If you think she can survive "as is", but she is not eligible for any visa, you might want to consider having her here on a tourist status for 3 months (the max), but then you will have to get daycare. Mom won't be able to leave and return shortly if she stays that long.

Mike is right in saying that you are going to have a tough time finding an employer who is willing to hire you with a child in tow. This is your biggest hurdle at the moment. Are you looking for an eikaiwa job or an ALT one?

Want more advice from people who actually teach here (aside from me, who has been teaching for 15 years and is probably as old as your mom)? Go to ESL Discussion Center and join the Japan group.

Even more advice, but about raising kids here:
Japan With Kids - The interactive online community for English speaking parents in Japan!
 
This may sound negative to nahadef, but I am trying to be realistic here.

It's entirely possible to be realistic, and at the same time friendly and helpful. Just for a second, and this is off-topic, but consider joining a forum and being assaulted with scolding NOs. Not to say you're doing it here, but I think a member like Tomoni is inviting people to stick around, while other attitudes might tell that person to never come back here. I'd like to see more members here, so it's important to be nice, not bitter and calcified. Create an environment people want to be in.
 
Bitter? You are way off on that. It's just the way you personally see me, and it is so far from the truth that it's laughable.
Calcified? I have no idea what you mean by that word.
A handful of people like yourself see everything I post as totally negative. I suggest you look at it differently. In past years, some have even said (similarly to part of what you just wrote) that I only post a doom and gloom attitude, which is totally false. It's a realistic outlook, and you should know that by now. Not every person who wants to come to Japan has a fair shot at it, and IMO they deserve to know that up front instead of hearing only rosy outlooks and positive vibes.

Where am I not helpful? My last post alone negates that little sentiment. The volumes of help I have supplied in the past 15 years on this and other forums are a testament to that.

Sometimes I think you just don't like it when people such as myself respond to things you post and point out the equally balanced other side of things. Just my POV, and I'm not calling you names about it.☝
 
Just how is the OP being served by having her thread used to air long-standing personality conflicts?
 
Hello theninjaway,

If you haven't been scared off by the, let's call it 'tough love', by now …….. I have a plan for you!

This incorporates some of the advice given and also heeds the warnings too.

1. Look for and get an English Teaching Job in Japan.

You should be able to get more specific information on this process and the pros and cons of different positions on this very forum.

2. Arrange your working visa with the employer and travel to Japan alone.

I would leave it maybe 2, 3 or even better, 6 months before your son and mother fly out to join you. Your son would enter on a dependant visa (which you would need to arrange) and your mother as a tourist.

3. Use the time you are here alone wisely …. try to learn the ropes and get used to the way things are done in Japan as quickly as you can, while studying and practising your Japanese intensively. Network with other foreigners and Japanese (particularly mothers of toddlers) and prepare for the arrival of the little one.

4. After a month of you and your mother settling him in, introduce your son to the day care that you have organised. If your Mum still likes the idea of living in Japan, after her 90 days are up she would need to look at obtaining a job and work visa. Another possibility could be a cultural visa.


I must also add that it will be very difficult for you …. in a myriad of ways!! Do not underestimate this.

But, if you are determined and prepare thoroughly there is no reason why you and your son cannot succeed. As a Gaijin you will face a lot of hurdles but also have an easy ride in a lot of areas. If you go out and make Japanese friends you will find an extended network of assistance that will make living there far easier, enjoyable and rewarding than if you just hang out with the expat crowd.

Also, do not be scared off by the snobbery and derision meted out by many of the non Eikaiwa teaching foreign workers and residents in Japan. For every horror story there are many more who enjoy the work, take pride in it and often go on to make very lucrative careers by teaching privately there. By 'private' I mean opening up your own school, teaching from home or in rented premises.

You will probably not make a lot of money working for someone else, teaching at a school or University, but if you want to build a career in that direction there is nothing stopping you obtaining more qualifications if that is what is needed.

That is my two cents worth … for what it's worth!

Good luck.
 
Just to clarify,

I disagree with tomoni about getting a special visa for her. Unless she works (in which case she won't be around to take care of your son, the primary reason for bringing her along), she does not qualify for any visa. Dependent visas are for spouses or children of people who have work visas. Mom is going to have to get her own visa (work visa, student visa, cultural activities visa).

Perhaps, my typos made my post unclear on that, (moth for mother, etc), but I did say the OP probably will not be able to get a visa for her mother (if memory serves correct, you need to be a permanent resident and have a sufficient income). But her mother could get a 90 day tourist visa (actually, I think it is actually a visa wavier.. but anyway) and that could be extended for another 90 days (which would give her mother about 6 months- 90 days + 90 days). It is generally very easy for US passport holders to get an extension so I would expect that your mother would likely be able to get an extension.

Mom is going to have to get her own visa (work visa, student visa, cultural activities visa).

Yes, I agree, and the reason I suggested in as a possibility is that since Mom is willing to put up her savings and be part of the the "team", if is she of working age and can get a job, should could certainly help financially if she were teaching as well (if she has a degree). But as I said, this is one possibility. The OP probably should spend some more time looking at the requirements for work and as I said above, would be better suited to line up a job before coming to Japan.

"Mike is also correct in pointing out that a BA is the minimum, so I would arrange a job BEFORE you come, sign a contract and arrive "in a job". "


Want more advice from people who actually teach here (aside from me, who has been teaching for 15 years and is probably as old as your mom)? Go to ESL Discussion Center and join the Japan group.

I think it is good advice to look to a Japan teaching forum to get more input from a wider variety of people working in Japan.
As a newcomer to the forum, I do not have Glenski's advantage of knowing the backgrounds of all the posters in this thread, such as who may or may not be an "actual teacher", but I think the comments that everyone has made probably have been reflective of their experiences in Japan.

I think that we can all agree that everyone has different experiences in Japan based upon many factors (age, gender, nationality, living place, work situation, and so on) and that we are collectively trying to help the OP.

So in that spirit, I hope that my posts on this have assisted.

Cheers
 
Perhaps, my typos made my post unclear on that, (moth for mother, etc), but I did say the OP probably will not be able to get a visa for her mother (if memory serves correct, you need to be a permanent resident and have a sufficient income).
As far as I know, and I've gone through the visa regulations pretty thoroughly, her mother will not be able to be called a dependent. She'll have to get her own visa. Unless something has changed in the last year or two, I'm 99% sure of that. OP should give immigration a call to confirm.

But her mother could get a 90 day tourist visa (actually, I think it is actually a visa wavier.. but anyway) and that could be extended for another 90 days (which would give her mother about 6 months- 90 days + 90 days). It is generally very easy for US passport holders to get an extension so I would expect that your mother would likely be able to get an extension.
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree strongly on this last point. Americans can stay for 90 days, and beyond that is not easy at all unless there is considerable time between the two stays. You might find anecdotal posts on the Internet to the contrary, but that's all they are...anecdotal. Look at their circumstances. They will not be like her mom's.

since Mom is willing to put up her savings and be part of the the "team", if is she of working age and can get a job, should could certainly help financially if she were teaching as well (if she has a degree).
Finances, to me, are moot if mom can't or won't work. I am trying to be patient here, but I am very anxous to hear whether the OP's mom plans to do that.

I think it is good advice to look to a Japan teaching forum to get more input from a wider variety of people working in Japan.
Yes, the best one is the ESL Cafe. ESL Discussion Center . I am no longer there, but I was for over a decade.

Also, do not be scared off by the snobbery and derision meted out by many of the non Eikaiwa teaching foreign workers and residents in Japan. For every horror story there are many more who enjoy the work, take pride in it and often go on to make very lucrative careers by teaching privately there. By 'private' I mean opening up your own school, teaching from home or in rented premises.
I have no idea what sort of "snobbery" dotanban has seen from eikaiwa instructors. Usually, they are the ones with zero work experience (often in any sort of job in their home country, not just in teaching), and therefore have little to crow about or little perch from which to look down upon others. Many eikaiwa jobs themselves are not all that great, though, so yes, you will hear a lot of negative stories. Try to keep a perspective, but Japan is not a great place for work conditions in that area.

As for private lucrative careers, those who do that tend to go one of 2 routes (and neither one is all that easy to maintain, business-wise). One is formally establishing a business, either with their own current work visa or by switching to a Business/Investor visa. In either case, if you register a business, you will have to hire 2 full-time employees, pay appropriate taxes, and not be a teacher there yourself (if I'm not mistaken). If you go another route, you could just hawk yourself to anyone willing to take private lessons from you, whether in a cafe/restaurant, community center, or your home. Whether you choose to pay taxes on this income situation is up to you, but you are legally obligated to do so. For either of the two private situations I've just described, your biggest barrier to overcome is attracting (and then later keeping) paid customers. This is not something to be taken lightly! I know several people who have indeed made a living out of either route, but it is tough going, and many do it only after they have established themselves here for a few years. Realize, too, that if you could potentially spend a lot of time, perhaps more than as an employee elsewhere, running things. If you just take on private lessons a few times a week, you will have less time to yourself for anything else. I do not recommend this for newcomers who want to get to know the country and enjoy some sightseeing. Don't work, and you don't get the extra money. Work privately, and you lose private time. Customers for private lessons are fickle as hell, too. Don't expect them to be guaranteed long-timers.

As a newcomer to the forum, I do not have Glenski's advantage of knowing the backgrounds of all the posters in this thread, such as who may or may not be an "actual teacher", but I think the comments that everyone has made probably have been reflective of their experiences in Japan.
FWIW, mine reflect working here over 15 years as a teacher -- eikaiwa, private lessons, PT high school, FT high school (neither being an ALT), and currently FT at a university.

Also, FWIW, I have been asked by more than one forum to create FAQs about teaching in Japan, and I have published a couple of articles about job hunting here. I used to distribute freely a 4-megabyte Excel file containing massive amounts of information about teaching in Japan. I think I know whereof I speak in this matter.

Until we know more about the OP's plans, her feelings toward her child, and her mom's notions and background, this thread is probably not going to provide more than errant speculation.
 
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"I have no idea what sort of "snobbery" dotanban has seen from eikaiwa instructors."

I'll avoid the temptation to criticise your comprehension skills Glenski ....and assume you just misread my post in haste!

What I wrote:
'Also, do not be scared off by the snobbery and derision meted out by many of the non Eikaiwa teaching foreign workers and residents in Japan.'
 
Maybe he just slipped on preposition choice; we all make composition errors.

Could you elaborate on the snobbery, please?
 
Glenski,

Thanks for your comments.

Firstly, I am not sure why you think I stated that the OP could get a a visa for her mom (even after my clarification) . I did say she would not likely be able to get a dependency visa for her mother and I listed some of the conditions as I remembered them (which the OP would not meet, i.e. permanent resident). So it seems we are in agreement about this.

As for the 90 day extensions of tourist visas, I have not been searching the net for anecdotal experiences, but speaking about experiences that I have been directly involved in. In fact, I know of two cases that are very similar to the OPs where the mother came to visit and help with a small child, where the mother received an extension, and other cases of 90 day extensions.

Since you have been in Japan a fair amount of time, I am sure you are aware that the way that visas are handled can vary greatly by location and even by the person in charge of the case. It might be fair to say that any information is anecdotal because of the inconsistency in the application of rules and regulations (from which there is little or no practical recourse).

Perhaps, I should also clarify that while I mentioned I am a newcomer to this forum I am not a newcomer to Japan. I am also an educator and apparently we have a different perspective. I will restate: I suspect the comments by the posters are reflective of their experiences, and in my case, mine are also directly from my actual experiences in Japan.

So while I respect your informed opinion, I do not necessarily agree with it, because my opinion is also an informed opinion, from my actual experiences.


Cheers
 
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