Need a quick edit please

[Taiga_Shinjiro]

I just need someone to skim over this dialogue and make sure it is correct. I wasn't so confident that everything was okay, and I think I need an extra check from someone else. Thanks in advance.

これが本日までの訓練成果発表だ
This is the training results announcement up to today.

教官判断の総合成績だが各自参考にするように！
It is a composite of different instructors judgements, though each of them is referenced...

ふぇー
Whoa!

こんなんあるんだー
It looks tough--

そりゃああるわよ
Well, of course.

訓練校の中でも競争はあるんだからね
Because even among a Training School there is competition, you know.

あたしたちどれくらいかな
I wonder how we did?

どっかの誰かさんのせいでスタートが出遅れたけど
We started late because of someone but

最近はほとんど叱られないしそんなに悪くないと思うんだけど
Lately we haven't been scolded and I don't think we're doing that bad however

あんたは座学の成績いいしね
Your classroom lecture grades are fine, right?

ていうか見えない
Anyway, I can't see.

あー あたし見えるよここからでも
Ah! Even from here I can see!

ホント？
Really?

視力は自信が..... えーとね
I have self-confidence in my eyesight, but.... Lets see.

32号室ナカジマ＆ランスター
Nakajima and Lanster room 32-

総合3位！
Together 3rd place!

 

[Glenn]

You're going J→E, right?

教官判断の総合成績だが各自参考にするように！
It is a composite of different instructors judgements, though each of them is referenced...

"These are all-around grades given at the teachers' discretion. Be sure to look at them!" would be my first rough attempt.

こんなんあるんだー
It looks tough--

"There are this many?"

最近はほとんど叱られないしそんなに悪くないと思うんだけど
Lately we haven't been scolded and I don't think we're doing that bad however

"I don't think it's that bad," is probably closer.

あんたは座学の成績いいしね
Your classroom lecture grades are fine, right?

I like "good" better than "fine" here.

総合3位！
Together 3rd place!

"All-around 3rd place!"

The ones I didn't comment on I agree with.

 

[Taiga_Shinjiro]

Thanks for the help. I appreciate it.

 

[Elizabeth]

You're going J→E, right?



"These are all-around grades given at the teachers' discretion. Be sure to look at them!" would be my first rough attempt.

Be sure to look at them individually. Must be referring to other sets of scores...

 

[Glenn]

Ah, right. I thought that 各自 referred to the people. Oops.

 

[undrentide]

Ah, right. I thought that各自 referred to the people. Oops.

各自 does refer to the people the speaker is talking to.
So it's like "each of you" or "everyone of you"...

 

[Elizabeth]

各自 does refer to the people the speaker is talking to.
So it's like "each of you" or "everyone of you"...

Oh, sorry that is my mistake. I thought it sounded a bit incomplete without an "also look at other scores."

その例文の場合、「が」は、二つの文をつなぐ形で使われるのですが、「教官判断の総合成績」には 「各自」と反対のいみがこないですね。多分、「が」は対照的な意味で使われないでしょう。。。

 

[Taiga_Shinjiro]

What about these lines? Also, does anyone know where I could find out about Japanese military terms?

.....あの子........ 士官学校も空隊も落ちてるんでしょ？
....That girl..... Probably is failing both the aerial corps and military academy.

相方はコネ入局の陸士士官のお嬢だし
Her partner has a connection to the entrance bureau private officer's daughter and

格下の陸士部隊ならトップ取れると思ってんじゃない？
If it is the case then the private corps's status goes down if they come out on top, don't you think?

恥ずかしくないのかしらねー
I wonder if they're embarrassed?

 

[undrentide]

Oh, sorry that is my mistake. I thought it sounded a bit incomplete without an "also look at other scores."
その例文の場合、「が」は、二つの文をつなぐ形で使われるのですが、「教官判断の総合成績」には 「各自」と反対のいみがこないですね。多分、「が」は対照的な意味で使われないでしょう。。。

「各自」は基本的に人にしかつかわない言葉だと思います。
例文の「が」は対照というよりは前提条件を述べて次に繋げる「が」でしょう。
> 教官判断の総合成績だが各自参考にするように！
Contextにもよりますが、例えば、
「教官が判断した成績で学校全体として判断した成績ではないが」という意味にもとれますし、
（前提条件）
もっと単純にregarding...（～についてです「が」）程度の役割とも考えられると思います。

 

[Glenn]

Contextにもよりますが、例えば、
「教官が判断した成績で学校全体として判断した成績ではないが」という意味にもとれますし...

ああ、そう言われれば分かります。実は、読んだ時には教官以外に誰が判断するか思い付きませんでした。その説明、ありがとうございます、undrentideさん！また助かりました！

 

[Glenn]

格下の陸士部隊ならトップ取れると思ってんじゃない？
If it is the case then the private corps's status goes down if they come out on top, don't you think?

Not sure how to translate 陸士部隊, but 格下 is like "lower ranks." So this is like "don't you think the lower ranks of the army corps (陸士部隊) can climb to the top?" The なら gives me a sense of "I'm sure those guys can do it." The んじゃない at the end gives a sense of assertion too, so I'm not sure my translation would be adequate. Maybe something more like "I'm sure those guys in the lower ranks of the 'army corps' can climb to the top (or "reach the top"), don't you think so?" would be closer.

 

[Elizabeth]

Not sure how to translate 陸士部隊, but 格下 is like "lower ranks." So this is like "don't you think the lower ranks of the army corps (陸士部隊) can climb to the top?" The なら gives me a sense of "I'm sure those guys can do it." The んじゃない at the end gives a sense of assertion too, so I'm not sure my translation would be adequate. Maybe something more like "I'm sure those guys in the lower ranks of the 'army corps' can climb to the top (or "reach the top"), don't you think so?" would be closer.

Unless this is like a pep talk or song of encouragement to the lowest caste troops, the nuance of なら in this sentence is totally impossible for me grasp in English terms. I understand its natural Japanese. Still its been driving me crazy all morning.

It could be because I am overassuming the strength of なら and thinking of it as "it is this one in particular...)". But if there isn't any basis to expect this group in particular will take a top position over other ranks, why make such a point of elevating the 格下 (demoted, downgraded ?) to that level ? It must be being used as an appeal to those at the bottom level to stay the course, not lose hope or give in to their fears, etc.
という感じになりますね。

 

[Taiga_Shinjiro]

I think perhaps they're saying it all sarcastically. It's all being said by a group of people behind the two main character's back. In the frames it shows the character building up anger while all this is being said and when the next line. 恥ずかしくないのかしらねー is said the character's face isn't all that happy.

This is just my thoughts but do you think that because of this...
相方はコネ入局の陸士士官のお嬢だしThen in the following sentence 格下の陸士部隊ならトップ取れると思ってんじゃない？ Could be a conjector about them not coming out on top even though one of the characters has that relation? Well, the full thing I want looked at is.

.....あの子........ 士官学校も空隊も落ちてるんでしょ？
....That girl..... Probably is failing both the aerial corps and military academy.

相方はコネ入局の陸士士官のお嬢だし
Her partner has a connection to the entrence bureau private officer's daughter and

格下の陸士部隊ならトップ取れると思ってんじゃない？


恥ずかしくないのかしらねー
I wonder if they're embarrassed?

 

[Glenn]

Sorry, I didn't realize this was actually a conversation; I thought you had just picked some sentences from here and there and then wanted help with them.

相方はコネ入局の陸士士官のお嬢だし
I think this is actually more like "well, her partner's a rich kid who got in on connections, you know."

The others look good.

 

[Elizabeth]

「各自」は基本的に人にしかつかわない言葉だと思います。
例文の「が」は対照というよりは前提条件を述べて次に繋げる「が」でしょう。
> 教官判断の総合成績だが各自参考にするように！
Contextにもよりますが、例えば、
「教官が判断した成績で学校全体として判断した成績ではないが」という意味にもとれますし、
（前提条件）
もっと単純にregarding...（～についてです「が」）程度の役割とも考えられると思います。

どうもありがとう、undrentide-san!
ずいぶん堅苦しい言い回しですね。

頭痛がしそうな文ですね（笑 「だが」は「ことですが、」と同じように使われます。

その部分だけを見て簡潔にわかりやすく言い換えてみたら、「教官が判断した成績で学校全体として判断した成績ではないが、先生は学生のそれぞれに成績をつけた」ということになりますね。

 

[undrentide]

「各自」は基本的に人にしかつかわない言葉だと思います。
例文の「が」は対照というよりは前提条件を述べて次に繋げる「が」でしょう。
> 教官判断の総合成績だが各自参考にするように！
Contextにもよりますが、例えば、
「教官が判断した成績で学校全体として判断した成績ではないが」という意味にもとれますし、
（前提条件）
もっと単純にregarding...（～についてです「が」）程度の役割とも考えられると思います。

どうもありがとう、undrentide-san!
ずいぶん堅苦しい言い回しですね。:

頭痛がしそうな文ですね（笑 「だが」は「ことですが、」と同じように使われます。

その部分だけを見て簡潔にわかりやすく言い換えてみたら、「教官が判断した成績で学校全体として判断した成績ではないが、先生は学生のそれぞれに成績をつけた」ということになりますね。

 

[Taiga_Shinjiro]

Thanks for the help.

 

[Glenn]

う～ん、「学生のそれぞれに」＝各自ですか？
「各自参考にするように」の部分の「各自」というのは生徒に呼びかける言葉であって、成績とは直接関係ないと思うんですけど･･･

私もそう思いました。英訳はなかなかできない言い方ですが。

 

[Elizabeth]

う～ん、「学生のそれぞれに」＝各自ですか？
「各自参考にするように」の部分の「各自」というのは生徒に呼びかける言葉であって、成績とは直接関係ないと思うんですけど･･･
:

この部分だけで前後がわからないのではっきりしたことはかけませんが、お暇があったら、この成績評価の方法を説明してくださいね。ありがとう。