A quick question
- Thread starter maxchu
- Start date
hkBattousai
Nihongo Learner
- 19 Oct 2006
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Is the one you want to call, your friends mom who you are visiting, or one another's mom?
Elizabeth
先輩
- 22 Apr 2003
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Is there a difference ? I would call them both okaasan.
Elizabeth
先輩
- 22 Apr 2003
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Yeah, I thought the question was what to call them to your friend ... just go with the last name + san unless perhaps she's a doctor or president of a company....
上の人に気を使うのは疲れますよね。
undrentide
Japa'n vagyok
- 18 Jan 2006
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When you are visiting your friend and you want to mention your friend's mother to your friend, then お母さん will do. (To avoid the confusion of your own mother and your friend's, you can say きみのお母さん or [friend's name]のお母さん depending on the intimacy between you and your friend.)
I don't think that there are many occasions when you need to use any name to address her directly...
Small children may call friend's mother おばさん but normally to get her attention within her house, just saying すみません is enough.
If you want to address her on the street, you can use XXくんのお母さん (xx kun is your friend's name) for instance.
Hope this helps.
- 17 Sep 2005
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If it's a friend and you want to be friendly with the mother, definately call her okaasan.
I have, do, and will continue to do so long as it will remain an issue for me!
Moms like that, I think, because it means that you're comfortable and friendly. And people tend to not be nearly as stiff as a lot of foreigners tend to think when dealing with family and friends.
I have, do, and will continue to do so long as it will remain an issue for me!
Moms like that, I think, because it means that you're comfortable and friendly. And people tend to not be nearly as stiff as a lot of foreigners tend to think when dealing with family and friends.
- 8 Aug 2005
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When I asked a similar question to a friend before I met their family, I was told to put myself in their shoes and use the same terms they would. Using their last name is always a safe bet (especially for the dad), but I feel more comfortable using お母さん、お兄さん, etc. If you want to talk about your own mother, use 母
Elizabeth
先輩
- 22 Apr 2003
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You don't know your friend's name ?
JimmySeal
Tubthumper
- 5 Mar 2006
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>>If you want to talk about your own mother, use 母
To appear humble in front of my boss maybe, but not to a friend I definitely wouldn't think it necessary.
I want to smack my students every time they use honorifics to refer to their own relatives. I entreaty all here to not refer to your own mom as "my honorable mother" when talking to people outside your own family.
undrentide
Japa'n vagyok
- 18 Jan 2006
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It really depends on person's preference and style of speech, in my case between friends, お母さん sounds childish and 母 sounds a bit too formal. I and my friends often use 母親 to refer one's own, which sounds neutral and objective.
leonmarino
Back
- 19 May 2006
- 1,258
- 64
How about 母上?
I sometimes say that to my mother, which she finds quite amusing. Especially when I put on a heavy yakuza-like voice. 
undrentide
Japa'n vagyok
- 18 Jan 2006
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How about 母上?
Addressing to your mother saying 母上 ? That's a great fun!
I should love to hear your "yakuza-like voice"!
I think you can also use 母者（ははじゃ） which is more intimate and casual version.
When I was living with my parents, I used to call my mother jokingly お母様（おかあさま）, and she also replied with mock-solemn face なあに、×××さん？ - we were playing お嬢様ごっこ.
- 8 Aug 2005
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I remember a tv show about a comedian from somewhere in Kansai; he called his mother おかん...
Elizabeth
先輩
- 22 Apr 2003
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I understand where this is coming from and that men for instance don't use "okaasan" as much as women for their own mother. But might hahaoya not sound a little too distant or cold with close friends ? Especially if the talk is normally soft, cute and so yasashiiii...
Kyoko_desu
先輩
- 1 Apr 2006
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My friends (all on their 20's and working) usually use 母親 when they talk about their mothers just like undrentide-san.
for example:
今日さぁ、うちの母親が風邪引いちゃって寝込んでるんだ。だから私が晩ご飯を作らないといけないの。
うちの母親ったら、いい年して、カラオケでジャニーズ系の歌を歌ったりするんだよ。
If one is over 20 and especially if she is already 社会人, she usually uses "hahaoya", "okaasan" sounds a bit too childish. And I don't think hahaoya sounds too distant or cold, it's just normal.
Adult guys and teenage boys rather use おっかぁ (in my area) or おかん( in Kansai area), generally おふくろ.
for example:
うちのおっかぁ（おかん）（おふくろ）もう今年で50歳になるよ。
I'm talking about "between friends".
for example:
今日さぁ、うちの母親が風邪引いちゃって寝込んでるんだ。だから私が晩ご飯を作らないといけないの。
うちの母親ったら、いい年して、カラオケでジャニーズ系の歌を歌ったりするんだよ。
If one is over 20 and especially if she is already 社会人, she usually uses "hahaoya", "okaasan" sounds a bit too childish. And I don't think hahaoya sounds too distant or cold, it's just normal.
Adult guys and teenage boys rather use おっかぁ (in my area) or おかん( in Kansai area), generally おふくろ.
for example:
うちのおっかぁ（おかん）（おふくろ）もう今年で50歳になるよ。
I'm talking about "between friends".
Elizabeth
先輩
- 22 Apr 2003
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Really ? I have two or three adult Japanese friends in America and they each are very reluctant about not using "okaasan" with really close friends. So I thought for sure it's the same with their friends and their friends and spreading out infinitely.
Elizabeth
先輩
- 22 Apr 2003
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- 135
I just spoke with another friend in Tokyo about this and she uses "haha" all the time, with all of her friends. From that perspective at least, Hahaoya is apparently for men and preferred only in formal writing.
So in answer to the OP's question, to be absolutely sure ask your friend first what she wants you to call her mother....
So in answer to the OP's question, to be absolutely sure ask your friend first what she wants you to call her mother....
undrentide
Japa'n vagyok
- 18 Jan 2006
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Hmm, I don't think hahaoya is for men, all my female friends and myself use it, and I'm sure it's the same for Kyoko san. Male tends to use "ofukuro" (or okan/okkaa as Kyoko san mentioned) more often.
Definitely "haha" is more formal, and I'm afraid that people don't use "hahaoya" to refer their own mother in formal writing...
Elizabeth
先輩
- 22 Apr 2003
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She does have some unusual thoughts on the language sometimes. We talked about the difference between subete and nani mo kamo a while back and she was the only one I know that thinks nani mo kamo is softer and less definate than subete.Hmm, I don't think hahaoya is for men, all my female friends and myself use it, and I'm sure it's the same for Kyoko san. Male tends to use "ofukuro" (or okan/okkaa as Kyoko san mentioned) more often.
Definitely "haha" is more formal, and I'm afraid that people don't use "hahaoya" to refer their own mother in formal writing...
The husband is very perceptive, on the other hand, I'll get him to straighten her out in no time. =).
Kyoko_desu
先輩
- 1 Apr 2006
- 702
- 50
So ... you think undrentide-san, her friends, and my friends are all exceptions .... because your female Japanese friend you talked to today said she uses "haha"...
Are these formal writing?
