Where is Godot?

[Karani]

I write lyric poems and poems in Japanese and I just wanted people to critique it and tell me what you think. I've been studying Japanese for about 6 years now but I've never been to japanese before. Therefore, I might have some errors in my poetry. Please correct it. Thankyou.

Name: Where is Godot?
by: kalani

(*)
Nankai jibun ni iikikasetara
Shinjireru you ni narundarou
Tada kono genjitsu ga katte na hodo
Anzen na kono yume wo yariba ni shita dake

(**)
Nankai jibun ni toikaketara
Hontou no kotae ga dasu ndarou
Mitometakunai to omotta kimochi ga
Atta kanousei wo ikkai mo mushi shita koto nai

(***)
ﾂ…tada anata ni nante ieba ii?
ﾂ…tada kizu nante tsuketakunakuteﾂ…

atashi no namae wo
terezu ni iikakeru sono hito ga
ima made dou omotta kana? ﾂ…atasi no koto wo

chippoke na koto wo dekaku shite
yasashisa wo koi to kanchigai shita
risou no anmari no utsukushisa ni
kono fuu ni shite hikareta to iu kaﾂ…

(*) repeat (**)repeat (***) repeat

me de mieru subete no kirei na mono ga
jitsu ni kirei na wake de mo nai kara ne

ﾂ…ano, anata ha dou omou kana?
ﾂ…tada te wo tsunaide arukitakattaﾂ…



doushite akirameta koto wo
wasureru no ga muzukashii kana?
Moshikashitara mada sono koto wo
Kokoro kara akiramekirenai kara darou

 

[pipokun]

It is very nice, but a bit too well-organized for Godot, I suppose.
No need for correction if you intend this as the Godot stuff or your song.

Hontou no kotae ga dasu ndarou
ga->wo

kono fuu ni shite hikareta to iu kaﾂ…
kono->konna or nna

 

[Karani]

thank you for responding! Actually, i'm not good with titles anyway...

hmmm, i wonder if i could get japanese lyricists or poets to assist me in lyric poems.....

Does anyone know of a website or something?

 

[pipokun]

Just google "ﾅｽﾂ?ﾂ "窶愬?ﾂ稿", and you can find websites you can post your poems or lyrics.

PUNKﾅｽﾂ債人窶堙娯?｢窶昶?ｰﾂｮ this site is not what you want, but you can find something different and new to you, I hope.
http://www.rock.sannet.ne.jp/tukitei-strummer/
And ﾅ陳ｾﾂ債ｰ窶堙娯?册窶禿ｲﾅ津? or Ammunition Storage of KOTODAMA in the site is really interesting for, at least, me, taking a lot of words and phrases from J punk or rock.
http://www.rock.sannet.ne.jp/tukitei-strummer/kotodamaFrameset-3.htm