The Concepts of Infidelity

  • Thread starter Thread starter Doc
  • Start date Start date

Doc

Government Man
Joined
13 Feb 2005
Messages
1,356
Reaction score
72
I have been thinking about making this topic for a while now, but I have just never gotten around into doing it until now. The questions in this topic is very simple; do you believe in fidelity? Why or why not? If you did or would commit infidelity can you justify your actions? Do you feel that having one intimate, passionate, and committed partner sexually is a bad thing? Why or why? Do you feel that having sex with more than partner is a good thing? Do you feel infidelity is moral (based on your personal beliefs of morality not the beliefs of certain religious dogma)? Do you feel that infidelity is ethical? Just where do you exactly stand on the issue?

I honestly just through some of those questions up in there because I want people to give a very honest, detailed, and justifiable reasons for why they believe in what they believe. So where is your stance on fidelity?

Doc 🙂
 
"Death to the Infidels!" I've been hearing a lot lately. Probably not the same thing. ;)
 
Doc...once again you start a thread asking questions that you yourself do not choose to answer? Why do you do that?
 
Infidelity is impractical, more than anything else I think. Maintaining one relationship is hard enough, what with all the effort that goes into it, let alone multiple ones.
 
I personally find infidelity to be impractical, unethical, and immature. I find it impractical because trying to cheat behind your partner's back rarely ever works. I find it unethical because of psychological factors for your partner, the diseases you could spread, and literally goes against the meaning of a committed relationship. I find it immature because those who commit infidelity obviously can't grasp the fact that in a committed relationship it isn't about you. Just because you don't get as much sex, or are look for other outlets sexual doesn't give you the right to cheat on your partner. It's petty and wrong as far as I'm concerned, and just goes to show that a person can't learn to compromise, communicate about the problems in a relationship, and obviously has a poor outlook on a committed relationship in general. Those are my thoughts anyway.

Doc 🙂
 
Doc said:
I personally find infidelity to be impractical, unethical, and immature.

I agree with Doc.

I dunno about impractical (although I agree that your "partner" is indeed likely to find out eventually), because for some people that's actually a kind of subsidiary motive for infidelity - they get a kick out of making successful deception, having secrets, going behind someone's back, and thinking themself very clever. :eek: Which is extremely immature and I think reflects their own inadequacy and probably negative feelings about themselves that they have to boost their ego by having more than one partner at a time and thinking they are so smooth. :eek:

But, I think it's generally not much in people's instinctive/animal nature to go for infidelity, for the practical reason, it makes disease more easily spread. :(

I disagree with infidelity, I think it causes unhappiness not just to the person who was betrayed but in the long run to the betrayer because of all the stress of concealment, plus as Doc said, chances are their "first" partner will find out eventually and then, more stress...

I think when you have a relationship with someone/people, you have a gut feeling about which person you "prefer" over others... I'm a bit ignorant on this because obviously I don't know other people's feelings, but personally I find it impossible to want 2 people exactly equally... because... difference... they could both be really desirable physically, but the personalities different of course... and that makes the difference to how you relate to them... I mean, even if they both have great personalities plus model looks, they are still different people and in my experience you always feel drawn to one person more than another for a combination of reasons and subtle things that it's not always possible to even analyse.

In a situation where there is a conflict like, one person is the handsome model type and the other is the security, the friend and by-the-fireside type... that's often where people want to be unfaithful to the partner - if they meet someone who is very different, rather than very similar. In which case I think it's a weakness of character in them. I think they ought to think to themselves about what they really want and go for it. I can understand how all sorts of things complicate the situation - commitments, consideration for the feelings of other people involved, practical things like money, the list goes on - but in the end sitting on the fence isn't doing anyone any good.

I think if you prefer someone else, you finish your existing relationship.

But, having said that, think very carefully first about why you prefer the other person - and if they are really "better" than your existing partner or if you're seeing them through rose-colored glasses.

😌
 
I found this article on Askmen.com and thought it was pretty interesting.


Top 10: Reasons Why Men Cheat
By Oliver Jameson


Adultery has been around forever, and has always given us something to talk about. Most reality TV shows these days center on it, as do gossip mags. But we are far from cracking the big mystery: Why do some men cheat in relationships?
All men know, at some level, that cheating is wrong. From the earliest age, we are taught the virtues of monogamy. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife," bellows our Judeo-Christian consciousness. Yet we still do it.

Blame it on the Genes

In troubled relationships, cheating can be an easy alternative to the burden of a breakup or the agony of divorce. It's a quick fix for the sake of the couple's or the family's integrity. Some of us have even gone so far as to enact the long-distance code: If you cheat in another zip code, it doesn't count.
And with evolutionary psychologists telling us that we are wired to lay our seeds in as many women as possible to ensure our genetic survival, adultery is slowly becoming a defensible misdeed, which may explain why women are catching up to men in the game of infidelity.

Because of our insatiable appetite for sex, we men can sometimes only be as faithful as our options. Here are the 10 main reasons why some men will opt to shed their devotion and cheat on their partners.

Number 10

Your lady doesn't put out
Every man has heard that the best way to get a woman to stop having sex with him is by marrying her. Apparently, long-term relationships seem to suck the sex drive out of many women, leaving men gasping for fulfillment. With the need for more sex, some men will start "working late" more often.
Or it could just be that the sex has become boring. She doesn't want to try new things in bed, or won't perform fellatio. Some men may cheat because they don't want their girlfriends or wives to perform certain sex acts that would ruin their "good girl" image, so they get a mistress to take care of it. Like Robert de Niro said in Analyze This , "That's the mouth she kisses my kids good night with!"

In light of this, I call on lawmakers around the world to create an International BJ Day, where men and women get the day off from work and get all the oral satisfaction they need from their partners. I'll bet that this alone would cut infidelity by at least 75%.

Number 9

She cheated on you
So you found out your lady was being unfaithful, and the only way you can relieve your anger is by doing the same. For many men, this is the only way to get back at their cheating girlfriends and even the score. Some men might even cheat to get back at all the cheating women they've had the misfortune of dating throughout their lives; now that's efficiency.

Number 8

It's challenging and exciting
If you consider the women you sleep with "sexual trophies," chances are you have already cheated at least once in your life. Some men simply cannot leave behind the thrill of the hunt, the chase and the conquest. For other men, the excitement is in the variety, like changing ice cream flavors for one day after years of sticking to just one.

Number 7

You can get away with it
"What eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel," goes the old adage, and it still holds true, as long as there are no cameras around. The knowledge that no one will find out and no one will get hurt is reason enough for some men to grab a different helping. But be careful; as men get craftier with avoiding detection, women get more sophisticated with detecting, not to mention boosting their network of spies.

Number 6

It boosts your ego
Nothing lifts the old self-esteem like discovering that other women still desire you sexually. When in long-term relationships, men may begin to question their sexual marketability, which will lead some of them to sow their clandestine wild oats. Once a man knows he can get back in the game, he'll return to his mate; or not.
What's a guy to do when his girlfriend's-a-naggin' and opportunity comes-a-knockin'?

Number 5

The opportunity was there
It's an uncontested fact that most men can't say "no" to sex. Although guys aren't constantly bombarded with sexual offers, sometimes an irresistible prospect presents itself. Maybe it's a frisky ex-girlfriend, maybe it's a horny hottie on the dance floor. A guy may see it as once-in-a-lifetime occasion that might never be available again. Carpe diem , as they say.

Number 4

Your girlfriend is a nag
Most men have experienced at least one woman who thrives on making him feel like crap. Constant nagging, fighting and squabbling in the right ratios is the best recipe for a headache. Cheating with another woman is a common escape from this domestic hell, and works better than aspirin.

Number 3

Women let us
Truth be told, women are quick to forgive men for their unfaithful behavior. Maybe it's their fear of being alone, or that women are simply the more merciful ones of the human species. Some women might even blame themselves for their men's infidelities, and take steps to improve their relationships. The fact that many women let their men get away with murder might compel them to double deal repeatedly. Just ask Bill Clinton.

Number 2

She doesn't turn you on anymore
Long-term relationships have the annoying habit of making people lazy. No longer concerned with staying fit and attractive, a committed woman might lose the allure she once had. Her man may simply not find her beautiful anymore, and making love to her is not as stirring as it once was. This is why most mistresses are gorgeous, young women.

Number 1

You don't love her anymore
Alas, after a long time together, you have lost the feelings you once had for her. But the relationship has remained too much a part of you. Separating seems so painful, so radical that it's almost inconceivable. So instead of separating, you go elsewhere to get your physical gratification. Most times this does not help matters, but only prolongs the inevitable breakup.

Your Cheating Heart

In the end, cheating is no joking matter. If you are cheating on your girlfriend or wife, it might be that you are unhappy in the relationship, or that you have issues that you should address. Look at the big picture and see your unfaithfulness as a symptom of a bigger problem.

Cheating might feel good as a quick escape from your problems, but it's only an anesthetic -- not a long-term solution.

Doc 🙂
 
There is a tendency for issues like this to be oversimplified. Yes, infidelity is 'wrong', but often people have understandable and forgivable reasons for cheating.

I have repeatedly cheated on previous boyfriends who treated me like crap. Without those experiences I might not be able to appreciate what a great thing I have going now. When I was at school I was skinny and geeky, and boys rarely showed any interest in me. When I got to college I got a lot of attention from boys, and didn't see any problem in having a bit of fun since both the boyfriends I had through college were idiots. I'm not trying to excuse my behaviour, just stating the facts. :sorry:

When I grew up I changed my ways, and I will never be unfaithful again. Like Doc's article said, there are many different reasons for infidelity and we should try to understand the reasons before condemning people. But some people are just selfish idiots and deserve condemnation. :eek:

BTW, when I say I 'cheated' I'm talking about going out on dates not sleeping around. 😊
 
Last edited:
I personally find infidelity to be impractical, unethical, and immature. I find it impractical because trying to cheat behind your partner's back rarely ever works. I find it unethical because of psychological factors for your partner, the diseases you could spread, and literally goes against the meaning of a committed relationship. I find it immature because those who commit infidelity obviously can't grasp the fact that in a committed relationship it isn't about you. Just because you don't get as much sex, or are look for other outlets sexual doesn't give you the right to cheat on your partner. It's petty and wrong as far as I'm concerned, and just goes to show that a person can't learn to compromise, communicate about the problems in a relationship, and obviously has a poor outlook on a committed relationship in general. Those are my thoughts anyway.

Bingo.....

I think if you lvoe someone enough and they love you back and you commit to a proper relationship, you should have respect and lvoe enough for that person to keep control of their petty sexual instincts.

If you want sex so bad, go to your partner.

Infidelity just shows complete total lack of respect, caring and love for your partner, if you fall in love with someone else at least have the decency to break up with your first partner, it will still hurt but it shows 100% more respect for them then sleeping around.
 
In a situation where there is a conflict like, one person is the handsome model type and the other is the security, the friend and by-the-fireside type... that's often where people want to be unfaithful to the partner - if they meet someone who is very different, rather than very similar. In which case I think it's a weakness of character in them. I think they ought to think to themselves about what they really want and go for it. I can understand how all sorts of things complicate the situation - commitments, consideration for the feelings of other people involved, practical things like money, the list goes on - but in the end sitting on the fence isn't doing anyone any good.

I think if you prefer someone else, you finish your existing relationship. 😌
It may be a weakness of will and sitting on the fence may not be
in the interest of either possible partner but whether you are drawn to the
new person for their looks or personality there is very often less pain in infidelity than the practical and emotional trauma of divorce.
 
Here is another list that I found about cheating only it is with women this time around. I tried to find the top 20 list that was on a very popular radio show that I listen to, but so far no dice. Anyway here is the list for women, tell me what you think.

1 - Women cheat because of unmet emotional needs that their lover is not providing.

2 - A desire for emotional closeness and intimacy

3 - A desire for attention.

4 - She is Bored with current relationship

5 - She wants to reaffirm her desirability.

6 - To re-experience feelings of romance

7 - A desire to feel "special"

8 - She wants to make love and not just have sex

9 - A feeling of adventure, some say...

10 - Loneliness... women cheat if they feel lonely and ignored.

Doc 🙂
 
Doc said:
Here is another list that I found about cheating only it is with women this time around. I tried to find the top 20 list that was on a very popular radio show that I listen to, but so far no dice. Anyway here is the list for women, tell me what you think.

1 - Women cheat because of unmet emotional needs that their lover is not providing.

2 - A desire for emotional closeness and intimacy

3 - A desire for attention.

4 - She is Bored with current relationship

5 - She wants to reaffirm her desirability.

6 - To re-experience feelings of romance

7 - A desire to feel ツ"specialツ"

8 - She wants to make love and not just have sex

9 - A feeling of adventure, some say...

10 - Loneliness... women cheat if they feel lonely and ignored.

Doc 🙂
I agree with all of those. Another one is to exert some control when you feel that your partner is trying to control you.
 
Yes, but here is my question don't you think that the reason why men cheat are more out of ego trips and just because than can, while women are more out of immaturity and insecurity on the concept of a relationship. I am not trying to say that one is worse than the other as they are both equally gulity, but don't you think that each party can be best summarized in those concepts for sexual infidelity?

Doc 🙂
 
Hmm, that's a good point, Doc. But thinking about it, perhaps they are two different sides to the same coin. I mean, people who need an "ego trip" usually need it because deep down in themselves they feel insecure somehow.

Interesting though that "unmet emotional needs" feature on the list for women. There is sometimes an idea that women have lots of complex emotional needs and that men are simple creatures by comparison. Totally not true! It depends on the two individuals in the partnership to meet each other's emotional and physical needs, and if whatever need from either partner is not matched, they are more likely to look for satisfaction elsewhere.
 
Yes, but IN GEN. women make their emotion needs more of a priority then men do because men aren't "suppposed" to be emotional.
But then homosexual relationships do kinda put a kanker in this theory. Most "why they cheat" lists are based on heterosexual relationships so yeah it's probably not actually that on mark. I mean are still women and men or still men no matter which gender their with but brain cimicals are balanced differently and so therefor reasoning can differ. So I just don't trust lists like that 'cause there's too many variables.
 
Yeah - I guess it's true that in some ways, the stereotype perpetuates the stereotype. "Men don't show their tears" (to quote Kouji-sama! 😊 ) It is a point too, though, about brain chemistry - I'm not gonna try and pretend that men and women are the same, because that's obviously not true either. In order to do my best not to get too confused with all this stuffness, I just try to look at people as individuals.
 
Very interesting responses you guys. 👍

You know I remember at least three of the top 20 reasons why it is said women cheat on that radio show. I think the reason why I remember these three is because they piss me off the most. I think you'll understand once I list them.

-Because she still has unfinished business with her ex.
-Because she wants to make sure that you will stay faithful in the relationship.
-Because you give her the attention that she wants.

Okay my comments are going to be a little brash, but please don't take it personal ladies and think I am being sexist and talking about the whole female gender as a whole.

Comment on number one:

Okay look if you still want to screw your ex's brains out then for crying out loud do it when you are still together before finally breaking it off. Nothing is worse than being in a new relationship, but you are still tied around your ex's finger.

Comment on number two:

That is by far the worse excuse I have ever heard for somebody to commit infidelity. What is even more sad is that I actually know women who have done it! For all of the ladies who have done that I have to ask you a question: are you that ******* stupid?! God that is the most shallow, self-centered, impractical, unethical, immature, and insecure reason for committing sexual infidelity. You really need help if that is the reason why you cheat because I don't see you ever getting in a steady relationship if that is the case.

Comment on number three:

See this is why I don't even bother trying with picking up women like this. You do everything that they desire and they still cheat. Women like this make me wonder sometimes if coming out of my shell and actually getting into the world of dating is even worth it. I mean I give it my all in initmate realtionships, so betrayal is not an option for me. If that is the reason why a woman would want to cheat on me then why bother. I may as well stay single and a virgin because I don't have the time to waste my money, dignity, love, time, and self worth to somebody who is going to cheat on me anyway.

Social injustices just piss me off, and this is by far one of the biggest one that does. There is no excuse no matter how you look at it for committing infidelity. If the relationship is horrible either work it out or break it off. Infidelity is not a long term solution, it is unethical, and there is no excuse for committing it. That's just how I feel so take it for what it is worth. If you commit infidelity yourself or think that it is justifiable then we have nothing more to discuss because as far as I am concerned social injustices are not a tolerable factor at all.

Doc 🙂
 
Doc..please remember that all people you listen to on the radio are not professionals! Many of them are there just because they are able to get the weak minded individuals to call in and share their sob stories in hopes that someone they don't know can magically repair their sad, sorry little life!
 
Doc said:
Do you believe in fidelity? Why or why not?
Yes, just cause it's less complicated, and there's less room for emotional pain.
Doc said:
If you did or would commit infidelity can you justify your actions?
Other than I was extremely drunk and stupid? Nope. I have come close to committing infidelity once early in our marriage, and it was while I was very drunk that I did so. Now I watch myself carefully when I'm drinking.
Doc said:
Do you feel that having one intimate, passionate, and committed partner sexually is a bad thing? Why or why?
Nope. I think it works out best that way. One can enjoy sex, hopefully without fear of disease, or betrayel.
Doc said:
Do you feel that having sex with more than partner is a good thing?
No. I think aside from practicality of avoiding disease if one can, and not spreading it, the emotional pain that could come from having many partners is present in everyone. Sex is intimate, and while I know there are some people who can say, but we just do it for fun, the emotions are unpredictable. A person who understood this was just a casual sex relationship could suddenly feel that they want to keep the other for themselves. Lots of potential for pain.
Doc said:
Do you feel infidelity is moral (based on your personal beliefs of morality not the beliefs of certain religious dogma)?
No, only cause it is temporary pleasure that one can actually do without and still be happy vs a lot of potential pain for anyone, the cheater (if he can feel sorrow for causing another pain), the cheated (betrayal), and the accomplice in cheating (if he/she can also feel sorrow for causing another pain).
Doc said:
Do you feel that infidelity is ethical?
No, I can understand people who do it. It has a certain appeal to it, but it really can and often does cause people incredible amounts of pain. The pain can also be felt by the children, friends, or other people.
 
You have some very interesting answers Revenant. I am curious though to wonder if there are some people out there who feel that infidelity is right no matter how much damage it can create. :?

Doc 🙂
 
Doc said:
I have been thinking about making this topic for a while now, but I have just never gotten around into doing it until now. The questions in this topic is very simple; do you believe in fidelity? Why or why not? If you did or would commit infidelity can you justify your actions? Do you feel that having one intimate, passionate, and committed partner sexually is a bad thing? Why or why? Do you feel that having sex with more than partner is a good thing? Do you feel infidelity is moral (based on your personal beliefs of morality not the beliefs of certain religious dogma)? Do you feel that infidelity is ethical? Just where do you exactly stand on the issue?


I honestly just through some of those questions up in there because I want people to give a very honest, detailed, and justifiable reasons for why they believe in what they believe. So where is your stance on fidelity?

Doc 🙂

It's kind of difficult to believe in fidelity. Especially in the society we live in. It seems like it gets much more difficult to believe in fidelity as time goes on. If I were to ever commit infedelity, it would probably be out of my own selfish desire. This is just my opinion and I only want to be honest. :sorry: The reason why I feel infidelty is an selfish act is becasue you hurt your partner's feelings when he/she finds out about it. I don't think having sex with more than one partner is exactly good. And I feel that infidelity is immoral based on my personal beliefs. Because one, you hurt the people who are involved (your partner of course and your children if you have any). That's how I feel about infidelity.

Well darling, I tried to be very honest here. If you watch certain television shows, it seems that infidelity is becoming glamorized. :?
 
Doc said:
-Because she still has unfinished business with her ex.
...
Okay look if you still want to screw your ex's brains out then for crying out loud do it when you are still together before finally breaking it off. Nothing is worse than being in a new relationship, but you are still tied around your ex's finger.
It's not necessarily that simple. Perhaps your current relationship isn't new. You can still have feelings for an ex years down the line. Perhaps your ex was a control freak, now you are in another bad relationship, but you feel that you can take some control by being unfaithful with your ex - not only are you rebelling against the present jerk, you are the one in control of your ex in this situation.
 
CC1 said:
Doc..please remember that all people you listen to on the radio are not professionals! Many of them are there just because they are able to get the weak minded individuals to call in and share their sob stories in hopes that someone they don't know can magically repair their sad, sorry little life!
More pathetic than anyone still living vicariously through media stereotypes and talk shows in the absence of any personally relevant experience starting a thread like this and then summarily negating any 'opposition' would be hard to say....:rolleyes:
 
Last edited:
Back
Top Bottom