Should sadness remain.

[antantrevolution]

I sit here, unable to account for every broken promise I have made in my life.

None of that matters anyway.

Of all the disappointments I have caused, those caused to her are the most prevelant.

While it is true, that neither of us seem to have our heads on straight more than half of the time, shouldn't the responsibilities of beginning a life befall on me?

Or is it me just taking the harsh realities that things may have never been meant to be and just beating myself over the head with them?

After all, my family says it can't work.

My friends tell me there is no hope.

That she has said far too many harsh things to me, things even I have thought hurtful.

Yet, regardless of anything she ever said to me, I feel as though being together and not so far apart that things would be different.

I think those things and I love her.

I love her for who she is.

I love her for the troubles she has endured in her life.

I love her for the troubles she has overcome in her life.

Even the ones she never has.

I have loved her for almost two years, as I am sure that she has me.

Yet something tells me that love on her part may soon end, and there is not a gaddamned thing that I or anyone could ever hope to do to sway it.

In fact, I don't believe that the powerful hand of God could even move that mountain.

Yet I still have hope.

I still have the hope that she will come here, or I will go there.

Hope that she can hang on to the last vestige of love she has for me in her heart, allowing me and herself a fresh start at trying to begin a life together.

Hope that even if she decides being apart is more painful with no hope of ever knowing how long the distance between us will last, she will do so and still retain some sort of memory of me that says that I tried.

Hope that if we stay apart, the healing can finally begin.

I know none of this makes any sense to you, but I had no choice but to get this out of my system.

It is my scream.

It is the last thing I think of before allowing sleep to take me.

It is the first thing I think of before befalling my dreary existence without her here beside me during the day.

God, I wish things were easier.

I wish that decisions I made in my youth didn't affect me the way they do now.

Perhaps the arrogance of my youth is now teaching me a lesson that I will never forget.

Perhaps it is robbing me of the one person I want in my life to ensure I never forget.

Perhaps I will never know.

-Ant

 

[Satori]

I'm sorry to hear you're in such a tough spot. Maybe some of us here could help you if we knew a little more about your situation. Do you want this thread moved to the "Love & Relationship" section? :?

 

[antantrevolution]

It is not needed, I think. I couldn't sleep and it was on my mind. Needed to get that off of my chest.

Sorry.

Ant

 

[Glenn]

Heh, and I thought it was a poem. :?

 

[antantrevolution]

Heh, and I thought it was a poem. :?

It was.

I wrote it on the fly.

It may not be very good.

It was dark, didn't want the light on so I came here and typed it as I thought it.

Again, sorry.

Ant

 

[TimF]

ant you are not alone my friend i too am trying to get over someone i loved dearly and she wouldnt love me in return....its not easy...its not fun...but it is something we must do i had feelings for this girl i had not had for anyone else in 5 years and she broke them.

Words alone are not enough to sway the heart but for when the time is right the heart moves on its own accord from within.

It was a Native American Chieftien that said:

"If you love something.... let it go... if it doesnt return... it was never ment to be."

You cant force someone to love you as much as we would like to we cant. You know you could ask her what is wrong and how you can better yourself for her and if you truely love her you will follow through with what she has laid out for you. And if its nothing you can fix and she still wants to leave you must come to terms with it ant even though your heart will be torn asunder like mine is now as the sands of time slip through the hourglass of life your heart will mend and it will be stronger than what it once was. But the most important thing is you need to realize you are not alone throught your endeavours their is a mulitiude of people that have gone throught the same type of indignation as you have endoured ant and if they are anything like i am they will help you through it so you may come to terms and then your heart will be stronger.

There is something i want to give you ant it is a poem that helped me out alot when i went through my time of woe.

Even This Shall Pass Away

Once in PERSIA reigned a king,
Who upon his signet ring
Graved a maxim true and wise,
Which, if held before his eyes,
Gave him counsel at a glance
Fit for every change and chance.
Solemn words, and these are they,
'Even this shall pass away."

Trains of camels through the sand
Brought him gems from Samarcand;
Fleets of galleys through the seas
Brought him pearls to match with these;
But he counted not his gain
Treasures of the mine or main;
"What is wealth?" the king would say;
'Even this shall pass away."

'Mid the revels of his court,
At the zenith of his sport,
When the palms of all his guests
Burned with clapping at his jests,
He, amid his figs and wine,
Cried, 'O loving friends of mine;
Pleasures come, but not to stay,
'Even this shall pass away."'

Lady, fairest ever seen,
Was the bride he crowned his queen.
Pillowed on his marriage bed,
Softly to his soul he said:
Though no bridegroom ever pressed
Fairer bosom to his breast,
Mortal flesh must come to clay
Even this shall pass away."

Fighting on a furious field,
Once a javelin pierced his shield;
Soldiers, with a loud lament,
Bore him bleeding to his tent.
Groaning from his tortured side,
"Pain is hard to bear," he cried;
"But with patience, day by day,
Even this shall pass away."

Towering in the public square,
Twenty cubits in the air,
Rose his statue, carved in stone.
Then the king, disguised, unknown,
Stood before his sculptured name,
Musing meekly: "What is fame?
Fame is but a slow decay,
Even this shall pass away.'

Struck with palsy, sore and old,
Waiting at the Gates of Gold,
Said he with his dying breath,
'Life is done, but what is Death?"
Then, in answer to the king,
Fell a sunbeam on his ring,
Showing by a heavenly ray,
"Even this shall pass away."

 

[Nuala]

My grandfather died.
My parents think that my siblings and I are lying bastards.
I get picked on at school to a point where I want to make my fellow classmates feel pain.

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Hell On Earth Exists !!

The many(OH SO MANY) different mental anguishes we suffer through in our lives can be a personal hell. To go to bed at night wishing to die peacefully in our sleep so we do not have to face the pain we know is coming on the morrow! "HOPE" is the blessed evil that creeps around and whispers sweet possibilities of what may be, what could be, in our ear; causing us to suffer on just a bit more to see if the future might have a bit of happiness? I sometimes hate "HOPE" for making me hang on, yet fear it's demise will bring about mine!

Frank

 

[antantrevolution]

@ Tim F. - That is a great poem you found there, I appreciate it.

I have not lost her yet, but the bond that we once shared seems to pass through my finger like grains of sand in an hourglass reminding me that once at the bottom.. the end will come.

Thank you.

@frank - Sometimes hope is all we can cling to. Sometimes you have to believe there is something greater destined for us, right?

Ant

 

[Knives]

ya were all goin through women problems... its not fun what i do is just do things too keep her off my mind yet we still hang out so its kinda hard lol.. but whatever your goin through hope you can fix it and move on

 

[Satori]

My grandfather died.
My parents think that my siblings and I are lying bastards.
I get picked on at school to a point where I want to make my fellow classmates feel pain.

I'm sorry to hear about that, Thor. But if you are to the point of wanting to make your fellow classmates feel pain, then I would suggest talking to a school counselor about that. It sounds like you need to talk to some adult figure who can help you in your situation, as it doesn't sound like anyone in your life is listening to you (other than here, that is). I'm sorry to hear about the death of your grandfather too. Were you very close to him? :?

It is not needed, I think. I couldn't sleep and it was on my mind. Needed to get that off of my chest.

Sorry.

Ant

No apologies necessary. That's what this section is for--to talk about love and relationships, whether that's asking for advice or needing to vent or share with others.

The many(OH SO MANY) different mental anguishes we suffer through in our lives can be a personal hell. To go to bed at night wishing to die peacefully in our sleep so we do not have to face the pain we know is coming on the morrow! "HOPE" is the blessed evil that creeps around and whispers sweet possibilities of what may be, what could be, in our ear; causing us to suffer on just a bit more to see if the future might have a bit of happiness? I sometimes hate "HOPE" for making me hang on, yet fear it's demise will bring about mine!

Frank

I don't think it's hope that is evil. I do agree that we all face various types of mental anguish at times, but I also think that how we choose to perceive and react to our difficulties in life is what makes all the difference. We always have control over that. We can choose to see the glass as half empty or half full, and that viewpoint alone will help determine what we create for ourselves in life. So I truly don't see anything wrong with hope. Hope is what inspires us to follow our dreams in life and to live up to our fullest potential. I don't think there's anything evil about that. Plus, you know what they say: "Evil is simply 'live' spelled backwards." And since we can't live without hope, hope is the opposite of evil, IMO.

I do recognize that it's important to face things in life and not live in denial; however, I don't believe that hope is to blame in that regard. Sometimes we simply don't want to face the truth so we convince ourselves that because things were once good, maybe they will be again, or maybe they never were good but they could be one day, etc. But if we truly listen to our hearts instead of our minds at those times, we will never be misled. The mind will always try to rationalize in order to avoid pain, but the heart will never lie. The heart will tell you if you are truly happy or unhappy in that moment and in that situation. It doesn't mean you will avoid pain, but at least once the painful truth is recognized, you are then free to make better choices for yourself and to move on to more happiness in your life.

And as long as you have hope, you can get through anything in life! Hope is very powerful. It's positive, and one positive thought can change that of a thousand negatives. That's how much more powerful the positive is over the negative in life, and also why positive thinking can truly create miracles at times in our lives. So I don't think we should ever give up hope.

Just my two cents ...

 

[jieshi]

oh this is all very sad. My condolences are with you my friend

 

[mad pierrot]

Look at it this way:

Once you hit bottom, the only direction things can go is up.

And they do. Trust me.

 

[Satori]

Frank,

Considering your post in this thread, I thought you might like this "Quote for the Day" I recently received in my inbox:

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~ Herm Albright

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Workin On A Plan !!

Tried everything else, now ready for home style do-it-yourself electro-shock theapy!! Just gotta figure out which will be most effective, AC or DC power & what amps,volts, & watts?

Frank

:?

 

[Satori]

Tried everything else, now ready for home style do-it-yourself electro-shock theapy!! Just gotta figure out which will be most effective, AC or DC power & what amps,volts, & watts?

Frank

:?

I wasn't sure how serious you were in your post. If you are serious about what you wrote on hope, etc., PM me about it, okay? If you want to, that is!

 

[jieshi]

ya were all goin through women problems... its not fun what i do is just do things too keep her off my mind yet we still hang out so its kinda hard lol.. but whatever your goin through hope you can fix it and move on

lol im in the same boat as knives now. im right behind you knives!!! Guys like us need 2 stick together!

 

[Camui]

I'm not sure what I should do about my situation...I feel very depressed and comepletely alone...I want to find someone that cares for me, that truly loves me...but I haven't been able to...my self confidence is completely gone and I am tired of feeling this way, but I don't think there's anything I can do about...just when I thought I had found my soulmate...they left me for someone else..there were no signs of it and I was completely destroyed...I even came to wish for death...turns out they realized they didn't care for me as much as they thought they did...they have hurt me more than anyone else ever has..I have never felt such pain in my life...since then I haven't been the same...and things just keep getting worse...I no longer believe in love and I might not even believe in true happiness....I am truly alone....

 

[Winter]

Camui,

If you cant give a shat about yourself, how could you possible hope/expect anyone else to?

This is reality, not a fairy tale. No one will come by and whisk you away to the magical land of self-confidence. You have to develop a sense of self-being by yourself, for yourself.

In short; you have to be worth something to yourself, before you can really be worth anything to anyone else.

*notes your age* Oh wait, you're 14. Forget what I said. *pats your head virtually, and does the whole 'hug' thing* There there, there there.

 

[cicatriz esp]

If you cant give a shat about yourself, how could you possible hope/expect anyone else to?

This is reality, not a fairy tale. No one will come by and whisk you away to the magical land of self-confidence. You have to develop a sense of self-being by yourself, for yourself.

In short; you have to be worth something to yourself, before you can really be worth anything to anyone else.

Hit the nail on the head with that one. I was in the same boat as most guys as a teenager, I had no girlfriend, was miserable, and thought getting a gf would solve all of life's problems. Then i finally got one, and lo and behold i was no happier than when i was single. It even created problems that weren't there before. But i needed that experience to teach me that i was enough for myself.

A certain amount of teenage unhappiness does simply come from hormones and certain chemicals that are prevalent in the body at that time. It sounds cheesy, but you just have to ride it out.

 

[Camui]

I might be 14, but I'm not immature or stupid.. I'm pretty mature compared to most ppl I know and I've had bad realtionship expiriences....I know I have to try and feel better about myself I'm just not sure how to...I also know that u shouldn't think less of a person because of their age...I don't mean to sound rude, but some teenagers are more mature than some adults... anyways..thanks for the advice, although it is something I already knew..I don't expect life to be a fairytale because I know its not...in the future try not to jugde me on my age...I apologize once again if some of the things I said were rude...

 

[Winter]

I can judge you on your age. You can judge me on my age. At the end of the conversation though, no matter how advanced you are as a child, you're still a child, and the way you think now, will not be the way you think in 4 years.

Mature, immature, whatever, as I already said, you're still a kid.

 

[Camui]

I can judge you on your age. You can judge me on my age. At the end of the conversation though, no matter how advanced you are as a child, you're still a child, and the way you think now, will not be the way you think in 4 years.

Mature, immature, whatever, as I already said, you're still a kid.

that's your point of view and I'll respect it...I have no need to start an argument..so I'll just move on...

 

[Link]

well Camui ya know I'm here for ya and I want you to be happy again and if there is anythign I can do to help ya out just tell me and I'll do my best we've been friends for a while and I don't like my friends to feel bad

 

[Camui]

thanks for your concern, but this is just something I have to deal with on my own..I brought this upon myself for being too trusting and caring too much and now I have to get myself out of it...*sigh*