Please check my sentence

letslearn · 24 Mar 2015

Hi guys,

I was wonderng if someone could check my sentence.

In English I am trying to say.
Once , when I was on a ship I saw nothing but water for 7 days.

一遍に船でいたときは７日以上水以外何も見えませんでした。

Is で the right particle here as that is where the acton of seeing took place? Also the position of the adverb一遍に

Or should it be

船でいたときは７日以上水以外何も一遍に見えませんでした。

よろしくお願いします

Mike Cash · 24 Mar 2015

There's something very deja vu about that sentence. Where did you get it?

letslearn · 24 Mar 2015

Mike Cash said:
There's something very deja vu about that sentence. Where did you get it?

I was studying 以外. So I looked up my dictionary Aedict and saw an example sentence of 水以外何も見えない. So I thought I would use that as the base of my sentence and add more context.
So maybe you have seen that example sentence before.

Toritoribe · 24 Mar 2015

letslearn said:
一遍に船でいたときは７日以上水以外何も見えませんでした。

"For 7days" is not ７日以上.

letslearn said:
Is で the right particle here as that is where the acton of seeing took place?

いた is not an action "seeing".

letslearn said:
Also the position of the adveb一遍に

The problem is not the position of the word. Check again the meaning of 一遍に.

一遍に
【副詞】
1 simultaneously, at the same time
同時に
(at the same instant)

they spoke simultaneously 彼らは同時に話した

2 at one time, at once, at a time
同時に、いっせいに
(simultaneously)

he took three cookies at a time 彼は一度にクッキー3つ取った

3 all at once, all together
すべて同時に
(all at the same time)

Let's say `Yes!' all at once いっせいに『はい！』といいましょう

一遍にの英語・英訳 - 英和辞典・和英辞典 Weblio辞書

Here's the meanings of "once". Which one do you think is appropriate here?

once
【副詞】
1ある時
(on one occasion)

once I ran into her 一度、私は彼女に出くわした

2前回に
(at a previous time)

she was a dancer once 彼女はかつてダンサーだった

3それをすればすぐに
(as soon as)

once we are home, we can rest 家に帰ったら、休むことが出来る

Onceの意味 - 英和辞典 Weblio辞書

letslearn · 24 Mar 2015

Toritoribe said:
"For 7days" is not ７日以上.

いた is not an action "seeing".

The problem is not the position of the word. Check again the meaning of 一遍に.

一遍にの英語・英訳 - 英和辞典・和英辞典 Weblio辞書

Here's the meanings of "once". Which one do you think is appropriate here?

Onceの意味 - 英和辞典 Weblio辞書

I have used 一度 for one occasion ,七日間 for 7 days, 船にいたときは when on a ship.

一度,船にいたときは七日間水以外何も見えませんでした。

Is that better?

Mike Cash · 24 Mar 2015

So you're making clear the number of times that happened? Or do you just want to indicate that it was at some unspecified point in the past?

Use the verb 乗る instead of いる

Why 見える instead of 見る? (Not saying it's wrong, just wondering if you spot the difference and why I asked).

letslearn · 24 Mar 2015

Yes I am specifying that it only happened once.
I thought about using 一度,船に乗ったときは Thats is like saying "at one time when onboard a ship"
The reason I'm using 見えない is because that was the example in the dictionary.
My interpretation is.
見えない means unable to see/view, which works anyway as the ship was nowhere near land. If I has said 見ない that might mean that I could have, but choose to go further out to sea or choose another route, for example that didn't pass close to land.

一度,船に乗ったときは七日間水以外何も見えませんでした。

If I did not want to specify that it happened only once what would I use?

Mike Cash · 24 Mar 2015

I would say your original sentence more closely fits with the usage of ある時

I brought up the 見える vs 見る thing because you said earlier you have trouble with spotting potential form. Your original sentence is not in potential form, while your translation is in potential form. Not necessarily a problem IF you're aware you're doing it and why. If you're NOT aware, then it is just carelessness or inattentiveness at work, and that's never good.

Why 乗った and not some other form?

letslearn · 24 Mar 2015

Yes I did recognise the potential this time for once. Thanks for your reccomendations, they are always appreciated. Toritoribesan and mikesan as always thank you for your patience.

Mike Cash · 25 Mar 2015

You're welcome.

Why 乗った ?

letslearn · 25 Mar 2015

Mike Cash said:
You're welcome.

Why 乗った ?

Do you mean another verb or another conjunction?
For example 船に乗っていた。was on board.
Or is there another verb I can use?

Mike Cash · 25 Mar 2015

letslearn said:
Do you mean another verb or another conjunction?
For example 船に乗っていた。was on board.
Or is there another verb I can use?

I suggested the verb. I'm only trying to nudge you toward the right conjugation (not "conjunction").

What would be the difference between:

船に乗る
船に乗っている

船に乗った
船に乗っていた

letslearn · 25 Mar 2015

船に乗る = to board the ship
船に乗っている Boarding the ship

船に乗った boarded the ship
船に乗っていた was boarding the ship

Mike Cash · 25 Mar 2015

letslearn said:
船に乗る = to board the ship
船に乗っている Boarding the ship

船に乗った boarded the ship
船に乗っていた was boarding the ship

So what would you use to express the ongoing state of being aboard the ship for a whole week?

letslearn · 25 Mar 2015

Can 船に乗っているbe an ongoing state of being on board? or is it just the action of boarding?

船に七日間乗っていました。
or
船に一週間乗っていました。

Mike Cash · 25 Mar 2015

Both, but more typically the former. This came up in a recent thread.

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