On how to act Japanese while you're in Japan

mad pierrot · 5 Apr 2005

(A short list complied by my friend and I)

1. Remember to constantly apologize for everything.
2. Bow as you apologize. This can be reduced to a bobbing motion of the head.
3. Bobbing your head, apologizing, and walking backwards towards the door is acceptable.
4. Japanese are active listeners, not passive, so be sure to indicated your involvement. This is done by nodding the head, and saying things like ﾂ"un,ﾂ" and ﾂ"sou desuﾂ" every 30 seconds. True pros even do this while talking on the phone.
5. When buying gifts to bring home, be sure to wrap them in nice paper. 8 times.
6. Never, under any circumstances, directly say ﾂ"no.ﾂ" Instead, be vague and indirect. Examples: Does this hotel have any vacancies? ﾂ"Gee, I'm sorry, but it appears to be crowed..ﾂ" or.. Can you deliver it to my house? ﾂ"Well, that's seems really farﾂ…..ﾂ"
7. When eating out, follow the guidelines below.
1. When eating out with people from your workplace, it's expected that the person of higher status will pay for the person of the lesser. If you're a gaikokujin, this is good news for you.
2. When in less socially stratified groups, (like poor college students) the bill is split equally between everyone. No matter how much you ate, you gluttonous foreigner you.
8. Weather is the best topic to start a conversation with.
9. When shopping, remember long lines and expensive prices equates quality.
10.Unless you want to be tramples by old ladies, remember to push and shove when boarding trains.
11. Lastly, don't forget to speak lots English in incorrect or bizarre circumstances! (Say ﾂ"bye byeﾂ" when passing someone on the street, and remember that okonomiyaki is ﾂ"Japanese pizza.ﾂ")

It's all in good fun. I had a friend from home visiting me here from home not too long ago, and we came up with these over a few cups of coffee. Comments welcome, and please feel free to add to the list!

:sorry:

Dekamaster · 5 Apr 2005

mad pierrot said:
(A short list complied by my friend and I)

5. When buying gifts to bring home, be sure to wrap them in nice paper. 8 times.

Furoshiki ?

mad pierrot · 5 Apr 2005

Furoshiki ?

No, this was just a take on how often everything gets wrapped in Japan. Ever order something at McD's here? It gets wrapped like you're going to give it away to somebody or something.

misa.j · 5 Apr 2005

In addition to those,

12. Never hold a door for a person behind you because you are always in a hurry but walk super slowly in the street.
13. Go outside and see what's happened when you hear siren and ask around people who are also at the scene.
14. Be quick to use strange new words created by the youths or OLs so you get admired by them.

Brooker · 5 Apr 2005

15. Never give up your seat on the train for women or the elderly.

MajideSaiaku · 5 Apr 2005

another bit of advice, get used to men old enough to be your dad buying hentai manga without shame =P

and obasan, fear the obasan.

and dont be rude to check-out staff at convenience stores, my girlfriend works at one and im tired of her comming to tell me about baka customers ruining her day, for the sake of me, pplleeaassee let my woman smile for once o_o

lol

jamosaka · 5 Apr 2005

Ride your bike at top speed around crowded shopping centres weaving skilfully between grocery laden old women.

Shake your head when you see people kissing in public - but react with an indulgent smile when you see a 6 year old boy attempt to shove his fingers up his teacher's bodily orifices.

If a foreigner attempts to communicate in Japanese - show your appreciation by answering in English. If the foreigner doesn't speak Japanese, try speaking faster - they're bound to work out what you mean eventually.

yukio_michael · 6 Apr 2005

I like that they used to wrap things in sheets of uncut dollar bills. (True.)

Also, I'd like to add that for good effect, that when appologizing, you should hold the back of you head like you have a pounding headache.

cyber ape · 6 Apr 2005

1. When speaking Japanese, make sure to throw in American words, but with a Japanese accent, in hopes that they will understand.

2. When speaking English to a Japanese person, do it in a loud, raucous voice, but put up a cheesy accent.

3. Don't come home to your family unless you've bought somebody something

4. If somebody's hurt and bleeding profusely, don't call the cops; ask if they're OK first.

5. If you're visiting Japan for the first time in your life, make sure to ask about sushi, sumo wrestling, and samurais.

6. Can't get more Japanese than wearing a fundoshi....

Shas · 6 Apr 2005

now when i read mad_pierrots post i thought this is a serious posting and now with that fundoshi thing im more convinced its a fun thread

mad pierrot · 7 Apr 2005

LOL, this thread swings both ways.

alexriversan · 7 Apr 2005

do not argue unfriendly with staff (i.e. claim defects, demand reductions/discount).

do not argue with the/be rude to the police. they are friendly as long as you are friendly.

do not take pictures of people, especially small children. do not ask for permission to do so if you do not know them personally. exception: disneyland etc. be sure there is no sign which forbids cameras.

do not use gestures. pointing on desired articles is allright. repeat slowly, politely, if you are not understood.

give a good example for the country where are you from.

PopCulturePooka · 7 Apr 2005

Must think of something witty because I posted in the wrong thread...

*sucks on teeth*

*blank look*

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

*silence*

Damicci · 7 Apr 2005

When it rains don't let your umbrella be knocked around by others.ﾂ If you must use the pointy ends to stab peole in the eyes.

alexriversan · 7 Apr 2005

1. take sylvester crackers with you, and perform a firework in a subway station. find yourself in a cushion cell later on.

2. enroll to an american university first (NOT hogwarts), and study the MAD magazine for three years. if you like it then, stay in america.

3. learn to talk in hip-hop/MTV terms. or at least to recognize this clothing style.

4. do not take other people's lifestyle too serious. it is probably not affecting you, not at all.

5. good luck. take care of black cats and funeral cars.

Dan B · 7 Apr 2005

Mad Pierrot,

Your old friend from home who visited you and with whom you developed this list wouldn't happen to be Golgo-13-san, would it?

Dan

yukio_michael · 8 Apr 2005

If you are female, do not under any circumstances pick your feet off the ground when walking. All walking should be done in a quiet shuffling manner as if you were skating, rather than walking.

Damicci · 8 Apr 2005

yukio_neko^_o said:
If you are female, do not under any circumstances pick your feet off the ground when walking. All walking should be done in a quiet shuffling manner as if you were skating, rather than walking.

LMAO this is soooooooo true I saw one girl wearing those "Italian" style shoes and feet were hurting so bad she was barely wearing them and they were literally SIDEWAYS as she shuffled through the subway on the sid eof the heels.

Your not a true young Japanese women unless you have about 3 inch of heel on your shoes and about 3 inches of pointy toe in the front.

All younger japanese women must maintain atleast a tint of orange in skin tone. If possible make it the same color as your dyed hair. ☝

dadako · 10 Apr 2005

324: only cross the road at zebra crossings

893: don't under any circumstances look into the windows of those blacked out buses, because someone will come out and shoot you, don't you know!

On how to act Japanese while you're in Japan

mad pierrot

I jump to conclusions

Dekamaster

「地獄の番犬！」

mad pierrot

I jump to conclusions

misa.j

先輩

Brooker

Anjin

MajideSaiaku

tsuyaku o tsukete kudasai

jamosaka

先輩

yukio_michael

後輩

cyber ape

先輩

Shas

先輩

mad pierrot

I jump to conclusions

alexriversan

後輩

PopCulturePooka

後輩

Damicci

先輩

alexriversan

後輩

Dan B

"Follow your bliss."

yukio_michael

後輩

Damicci

先輩

dadako

後輩

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