Life without a friend...

[Kirirao]

hi everybody,
i'm new here..

anyway, i'm interested to know how many of you live your life without a friend?. When i say friend i mean real friend. ☝ well i dont know whats your definition of friend is, but mine is someone that actually be there when youre in trouble etc etc. In my case, i have none, my only memory of someone that i can call a friend is probaly this one kid when i was 8 yrs old. Probally because when i was small, we always moved around, and never stayed in one place more than a few years. So i grew up without knowing how its feel to live with a friend by your side. Well its not like i'm not trying to make a friends, but everytime i found someone that i thought was my best friend, these people betrayed me. Spreading my secrets to everybody. Which usually end up with me, running away from it.(e.g dropping out of university) since, well.. i dont really know how to handle those kind of humiliation.(happens a couple of times) *yup, i'm a coward*

Now the only people i know, are people that use me if they need me, and vice versa. And right now my view towards humans/people is rather..... disturbing... so i'm curious if theres actually someone out there that can be call a friend.. that wont betray you. is this kind of people really exist? or is it things that you can only see in dramas and books. Do you have this kind of friends? how do you actually find these people if theres any? ☝

For me, its not impossible to live my whole life without a friend, but its rather... lonely..so, Is there anyone out there living their life without a friend? What do you do to avoid being lonely?


*When life's sucks, the only thing to do is smile and go foward *
Rio

 

[nekosasori]

First, I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely. I can understand that being betrayed in the past hurt, but I can also assure you that true, loyal friendship can exist (at least, it has for me, and I am very thankful for that). I'm also feeling a bit isolated because my husband is the only friend I have in this timezone (everyone else is back in North America, or in Japan).

Regarding making friends - have you thought about what you can offer to them? People are attractive when they have positive traits to offer - and if you're cynical about people, that's already a turn-off to those who might be interested in getting to know you. Also, where have you gone to make friends? Taking classes and doing fun activities (like rock-climbing, or music performance, or dance) is a great way to meet people - but since you've been hurt in the past, I would also be asking myself if there is a pattern to the kinds of people I've befriended - how long do you know them before you confide in them? What sorts of people were they (besides the fact they ended up betraying you).

I think that, like in romance, it's easier to make friends when you're feeling happy with the way you are and with life in general. It's easy for people to sense desperation or neediness or sadness in others, and because most people don't like being "brought down", they'll stay away from that sort of negative vibe.

I think unfortunately you just have to keep meeting a wide variety of people, from all walks of life, until you stumble across someone who's on the same wavelength as you...

Good luck!

 

[Winter]

Oh, you're fine. Get yourself a job with a lot of people, or go to a college and take popular classes, eventually you'll stumble upon somebody worth doing so.

 

[Grandpa Frank]

The Only Good Friend.....

I ever found was my wife, 28 years later she still stands by my side and still is my best friend. Hang in there & you will pick one up that fits you someday.

Frank

 

[Elizabeth]

We're always being judged by our associations, the way we treat others and our responses to conflict. 'Quit using other people yourself' as soon as you can get out of those relationships -- it's the most crucial first step towards straightening out your reputation and finding a bosom friend or lover. The kind of person you're looking for is someone secure enough not to need a controlling or manipulative friend directing their lives from the sidelines.

Once those behaviors have been reversed, 1) try to have fun together 2) help them with something first (such as tutoring or language help), without making your partner feel indebted or helpless, 3) before springing your personal history and problems on this person. Only confide as much as they seem willing to -- if your revelations are not reciprocated, wait a while to see how things develop. Good luck !

 

[mad pierrot]

This is from my own personal experience: you make the best friends with people you share a horrible experience with. Think about it. Anyone who has been in an armed conflict can vouch for this. Who do you trust more, someone you had a fun time with or someone who has been through the same rough sh*t as you? Hard times bring people together better than good times. And, since life is guaranteed to have hard times, you can be sure you'll find someone eventually!

 

[Elizabeth]

This is from my own personal experience: you make the best friends with people you share a horrible experience with. Think about it. Anyone who has been in an armed conflict can vouch for this. Who do you trust more, someone you had a fun time with or someone who has been through the same rough sh*t as you? Hard times bring people together better than good times. And, since life is guaranteed to have hard times, you can be sure you'll find someone eventually!

I think it really depends on the situation and the degree of control you have over it. Being responsible for fellow lives (gang, armed units) can foster a deep feeling of esprit de corp. Other categories of tragedy, poverty, illness of a child, are often simply stressful and lead to further conflict or family breakup. If bad experiences per se were enough to bring everyone together, most of the world would be one happy family by this point.

 

[mad pierrot]

If bad experiences per se were enough to bring everyone together, most of the world would be one happy family by this point.

You got me there!

I see what you're saying, and I agree, mostly. But, I think it depends on the people more than the situation.

 

[-]5pace.pirat3]+]

ive been living here for 5 years and i still dont have a real friend and i lost all my close friends from moving or arguements

 

[sgt. Pepper]

I don't have any real friends either. It sucks, but there's nothing to do about it.

 

[TwistedMac]

... get new ones?

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Well, Here You Can Have Some.........

I don't have any real friends either. It sucks, but there's nothing to do about it.

very close "ELECTRONIC" friends. If you post enough and use chat (when you can find someone in there), you can make some real good friends here on this Forum. Where else but your PC can you make friends from around the world and have people there 24 hours a day? Don't be afraid to PM someone on the Forum if they sound interesting to you(once anyway) and see if they reply; you might make a close friend. Sure, I know it's not the same as having a bud you can hang at the mall with, but it can be rewarding.Watch for posts that interest you and look for a poster who may have something in common with you. Who cares if their age is different or sex or color or country, opposites attract and you can learn more from that person. Anyway, good luck!

Frank

 

[sgt. Pepper]

Well, im not really social and i'm definetly not good with people so making friends in real life is a bit difficult.

As for online-friends...well, i do hang on a lot of forums so i can air some opinions or thoughts if i need to.

 

[Elizabeth]

Well, im not really social and i'm definetly not good with people so making friends in real life is a bit difficult.

Well, many introverted and shy people have at least one.... -- try just reaching out with a smile or joke or say something interesting to the quietest person in the room, someone else who looks like they may have your same insecurities. No need to be 'good with people' or a social butterfly for a small gesture of goodwill towards your fellow man Although developing and keeping friends is a different matter.... :sorry:

 

[sgt. Pepper]

I don't know...i'm to shy to try to get friends. But i not really "shy", i just cant talk to people.

 

[Kirirao]

I don't know...i'm to shy to try to get friends. But i not really "shy", i just cant talk to people.

Same here. well not on the net anyways.. in real life... plus my previous experience makes it hard too.. ☝ its a relieve to see a guy that are on the same boat as me, at least I'm not alone. *does the manly pose* Nice to meet you.

very close "ELECTRONIC" friends. If you post enough and use chat (when you can find someone in there), you can make some real good friends here on this Forum. Where else but your PC can you make friends from around the world and have people there 24 hours a day? Don't be afraid to PM someone on the Forum if they sound interesting to you(once anyway) and see if they reply; you might make a close friend. Sure, I know it's not the same as having a bud you can hang at the mall with, but it can be rewarding.Watch for posts that interest you and look for a poster who may have something in common with you. Who cares if their age is different or sex or color or country, opposites attract and you can learn more from that person. Anyway, good luck!

Frank

Frank, will you be my buddy? (bows like a newly wedded wife) I maybe a little inexperince, but I'm willing to learn *blushes* and make you happy *runs away* hehehe

But electronics friends is good, but when none of them are online, you'll go back to feeling lonely. I guess, at least a real life friends, you'll have an option to go to his house and drag his *** down to the bar or something like that.

 

[sgt. Pepper]

Ye, nice to meet you too.

 

[Eternal Wind]

So sad...I used to be like this too...now I've look forward in life~~

 

[Knives]

hi and im sry about your situation but what frank said is true you can make electronic friends with ppl around the world good luck k...

P.S. ill be your friend if you want

 

[BlackenedEyes]

Ya, know this is kinda a strange topic for me...
I think about it and realy I'm Anti-Social, but when I'm out places I act realy friendly to people, make it a point to get names and initate conversation and such. Growing up I had only a select few friends that I'd let into my social group, but I've found this is kinda of a bad experiace. I moved constantly after age 12 so I never rebuilt that group after so many moves.

I know alot of people probly did the same thing and I know it kinda makes you numb to alot of things. Mabe It's just me but I do spend alot of time wondering some realy strange things like "If Man's Humanity is Defined by the Degree of Emotion he Experiances, then what am I?", but I've realized that this is something that may never change. If it does it will take time, but my advice for you is, "Play the part". Just act like you aren't going to randomly break down and colapse, aka smile even if your fakeing and dont sulk.

I still have problems keeping in touch with people though... my cell phone is praticaly empty, I usualy have to wait untill class or work to talk to people, so we plan stuff from there, but thats another issue.

 

[-Rudel-]

You are in San Diego...GO TO TJ!!!! I'm sure you will find plenty of female friends there...and for cheap too!

Imagine how hard it is for me to make friends in Japan. I need to at least speak complex Japanese just to speak the male population here. I have only 2 male friends, the rest are female.

OG!!!! I'm turning Japanese-ah!