Kikoku shita ato / After returning home . . .

I have been back in the U.S. for about 1/2 a year now. After the immediate joy of being reunited with my spouse and children evened out to a general sense of domestic contentedness, the feelings of withdrawl hit and hit hard. Now, I feel almost a sense of panic and depressing loss over the experiences I had in Japan that are not readily available to me now, especially now that my new home is in North Dakota.

What I am wondering is something of a two-part inquiry for people who have been to Japan and then moved on to somewhere else:

First, what are the day-to-day things you have found you miss the most? For example, I really miss going to konbini for onigiri (rice balls) and sandoichi (sandwiches), softo (soft drinks) with the free phone danglies, and nihon no bunbougu (Japanese stationary). These are not majorly iconic things (such as Mt. Fuji or Tokyo Disneyland), but simple pleasures I internalized into my daily life.

Secondly, what are some coping mechanisms and surrogate pleasures you have incorporated in your life after leaving Japan to replace or remind you of the daily things you miss from your time in Japan? For example, I still use my nihon no sha-pen (Japanese mechanical pencils) on a daily pencil.

Basically, I want to shift my feelings about leaving Japan from a desperate and panicked sense of loss to a bittersweet nostalgia. Also, I want to stave off losing my daily rituals and living knowledge of Japan for as long as possible. Already I am forgetting some of the brand names of foods I ate and stores I shopped at . . . AUGH!

Thoughts, ideas, help?

Hm, I'm not sure how bad it is to be replying to my own post, but . . .

I just discovered this week that the supermarket where my sweetie works gets shipments twice a week (on Tuesdays and Fridays) of maguro.

And, as always, there is a Barnes & Noble in town that I can replace some of the books I have not moved with me yet. Last night I broke down and bought some manga in English. Hey, guilty pleasures are alright by me. The best of the lot was the first a la carte, English release of Oishinbo.

I also work with two people who speak fluent Japanese. One of them is nisei, and the other lived in Japan for more than a decade and a half. My conversation skills have actually become a bit rusty in the 1/2 year I have been home, but it is still enjoyable.

Little things that help while I plot my eventual return.

Ouhh. I completely relate to you! I was in absolute misery and feeling so depressed after leaving Japan the first time (and, well, every time I have to leave there..!). The feelings still return every now and then, and then I have to take out my box of photos and flip through them, and listen to music that I relate to events that happened in Japan. I feel my family&friends can't really relate to me though, and occasionally probably think I've gone nuts...

Right after my first return from Japan my flat looked rather silly. I had so many (too many) posters, pictures, images,ornaments, fans, noren, souvenirs etc. from Japan on display. I just couldn't stuff them to a box and shove them away - i wanted them to be there, to sort of create an illusion that I was still partly there, and also to remember the people and the situations related to the objects.
Now I've finally narrowed it down. Got a couple of exhibition posters that are important for me, a couple of photos, manekineko, my lucky saru and one noren in the bathroom. The rest are in a special bag, that I take good care of.

For me too some simple, daily things in Japan became really important. Like visiting the local supermarket, hearing the train announcements and chimes on the platform. The receptionist lady who would always smile in the same adorable way and greet everyone politely. The athmosphere in restaurants. And, for me too, trips to konbini!...heh, I could go on and on and on..

In daily life i continue drinking ocha, using o-hashi /chopsticks i bought from hyaku-en shop,using tabi socks (love them!) etc. My fiancee's family are dear to me, and they send me some Japanese items every now and then.. for me it's nice how they get excited when I express i like ocha for example, and they want to show me more, tell me more etc. So happy for that. And can't wait for the next visit!

Chipi, thanks for replying. I guess that it makes me feel better to know that someone else struggles with the same feelings that I do. After two years in Japan, when I moved back I was hit with the same sense of loss and depression you talked about.

When you wrote about some of the daily things you miss, it brought on a new flood of memories for me. The train stations and their associated sounds, sights, and hustle and bustle is something very memorable that is very hard to be without; I totally agree with you.

I enjoyed reading that you are drinking o-cha and using hashi. These are some of the same sorts of things I do to keep alive my experiences in Japan. When I am feeling energetic, I actually pack bentoh to take with me to work. It helps that I have a zohjirushi rice cooker at home, which is a simple pleasure to use. Really my efforts have come down to three main areas:

- Continuing to study language and culture every week, and indeed, nearly every day.
- Eating Japanese foods, either imported prepared foods, or cooking those recipes I am able to acquire ingredients for.
-Submerging myself in Japanese media, from music to movies, from books to collectibles.

It all, of course, is not the same as living in Japan. Not by a long shot. But, it provides for a fun diversion. I am glad you are working hard, too, to keep the love of Japan alive while somewhere else. Ganbatte, and arigatoh!

My withdrawals over leaving Japan has been the catalyst for a rash of shopping sprees over the last week or two. I know what few material goods I can scrabble together out here in the middle of nowhere North Dakota will not ever be able to adequately replace my life in Japan, but sometimes these little things do help me feel better.

Of course, food often equals comfort, so I am a regular victim . . . I mean, guest at the local international grocer. A recent pleasant surprise was when they got a shipment of Kewpie mayonnaise in. Mmm, lots of creamy, heart attack inducing goodness.

I have also broken down and started buying a variety of manga titles in English. I miss the original Japanese releases, but Akihabara is a little far for a day trip. As a note, Shoulder a Coffin Kuro and Oishinbo are great, while Strawberry 100% is only so-so (it is what my friend in Japan would call "self service"; i.e. the artist drew the manga to satiate his own, ahem, proclivities). The jury is still out for Welcome to the N.H.K. as I am waiting for volume 1 in the mail.

In addition to manga, I have bought a handful of books covering everything from Japanese history to cooking to gardening to biographies. I feel a bit guilty for these impulse buys because I already own copies of most of the books. Unfortunately, most of my books are scattered around the world from one too many moves between the U.S. and Japan, so they are not easily retrieved. Of course, buying additional copies wouldn't be so bad if I were actively reading them instead of stuffing them on my bookshelves. Um . . . moving on!

I have also managed to pick up a variety of Japanese movies and anime at great prices. It seems with the growing library of available titles on Blu-Ray DVD, regular DVD prices are dropping faster than a frozen Iron Man suit (watch the movie; it will all make sense). The local best buy was selling boxed set anime for 1/2 price. I mean, how could I not pick up the entire first seasons of Full Metal Alchemist and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. I also picked up Harakiri, Dolls, and a boxed set of classic Ozu films to make sure I was not just viewing brain candy.

In addition to these new retail acquisitions, I have a few movies, anime series, and J-drama series on hard drive and DVD-R laying around. I am trying to add to these collections, but some of the J-media clubs I have frequented in the past are not as active as they once were. Still, I think I have a formidable array of audio-visual entertainment available. So much so, in fact, that I am thinking of setting up my own personal "broadcast schedule". That is, I will probably designate a few specific days and times where I will watch specific shows, just as if I were "tuning in" to watch them in Japan. Cheesy, I know, but fun none-the-less.

So, I guess the moral of this story would be that, while you may not be able to buy happiness, guilty material pleasures are still pretty darn fun. Sigh . . . I am such a shameless materialist. Maybe I need to go study cha no yu for awhile . . .

Suggestions

I think learning chado (or sado) would definitely help lessen your sense of loss. It would help to relieve stress and improve concentration for your work and channel your interest into something practical--I would choose ikebana, calligraphy, or kendo to do the same thing.

When my time comes (to go back home, that is), I hope to have learned the basics of some Japanese art so that I can continue practicing it at home. Maybe ikebana would be best because then I could create living reminders of my time Japan. Whatever it is, I hope to be forward looking rather than nostalgic. [Although this is easier said while I'm in Tokyo than back in the States.]

Other things that I would do are:
1. No shoes in the house--house slippers for everyone.
2. Use Japanese accents in decorating...hang a few framed ukiyoe or calligraphy around, or better yet a full folding silk screen. This where ikebana also helps. (Going totally Japanese would be too much, I think.)
3. Take furo style baths about once a week. If you have the space somewhere, I would install a hot tub. If not, do the best with your bathroom facilities, but soak in clean water.
4, Drink lots of green tea--it has vitamin C so its good for you.
5. Have occasional nabe parties.
6. Learn to make California roll sushi. Eat it with instant miso soup mixes.
7. Hang a wind chime on your terrace/balcony during summer.
8. Occasionaly watch some Japanese movie. Assemble a collection of Japanese movies--see "Best American Japanese Movies" in the Entertainment section.
9. Join the Japan-America Society for your State.
10. And most important, take up something new that's not related to Japan. I would try to learn Spanish guitar, blues piano, or sailing; but you should follow your own interests--maemuki ne (look forward).

Ah, reverse culture-shock. I remember that well.

So much worse than regular culture-shock.

Sorry, I don't have much to add - I found a new girlfriend fairly soon after moving back, and that counteracted my depression quite a bit and got me over the hump.

Wow, Dogen! Thank you for the well thought out and well written reply! Some of your ideas I am already incorporating (I am a big fan and tyrant of the "no shoes in the house" rule). Other suggestions were great reminders (I have a bath that I rarely remember to have a nice soak in, duh!).

Oh, the local supermarket, by the way, gets sashimi grade maguro flown in twice a week, and the local international grocer brings in unagi, too. So, sushi and sashimi dishes are very possible, along with many others (have you seen my mainichi washoku thread?).

This morning I also found a very nice add-on for Firefox that allows me to download streaming video from just about anywhere. So, I have been downloading Japanese TV shows and then transferring them to my PSP. Mindless entertainment on the go! (Hey, at least it serves as good refresher practice for my rusty nihongo!)

Anyway, thanks again for the thoughtful ideas and encouragement. Just the sort of thinking, suggestions, and camaraderie I was hoping for!

PS to Nall-ohki:
Quick edit to thank you, too, for posting! You must have slipped in your comments while I was writing my lengthy rambles.

konki_d said:

This morning I also found a very nice add-on for Firefox that allows me to download streaming video from just about anywhere. So, I have been downloading Japanese TV shows and then transferring them to my PSP. Mindless entertainment on the go! (Hey, at least it serves as good refresher practice for my rusty nihongo!)

Click to expand...

I was going to suggest installing Japan TV for the cooking shows, but if you can live stream first (I did same with NHK Internet radio) when the understanding comes you'll seriously feel your double life. It will be like you never left. ;-)

konki_d said:

This morning I also found a very nice add-on for Firefox that allows me to download streaming video from just about anywhere. So, I have been downloading Japanese TV shows and then transferring them to my PSP. Mindless entertainment on the go! (Hey, at least it serves as good refresher practice for my rusty nihongo!)

Click to expand...

I'm moving to the U.S. very soon, so I'm very interested in this feature! Do you know what this add-on is called?

Mikawa Ossan said:

I'm moving to the U.S. very soon, so I'm very interested in this feature! Do you know what this add-on is called?

Click to expand...

I'm sorry I didn't see your post earlier, Mikawa! I have been wrangling sick younglings all week long!



I am at work right now, but I will double check on which add-on I am using as soon as I get home. But, I think the name is Download Helper.

Thanks! Anything to break the 'reverse' culture shock will be most appreciated!

I know the feeling you describe intimately. I've been back going on two years, but many day-to-day things still feel strange.

Driving was less of an adjustment than I expected. At first I found myself glancing the wrong way for the rear-view and turning on the wipers instead of my turn signals. The only dangerous thing was tending to enter parking lots through the left side of the entrance at first, luckily not for very long!

The food is a big adjustment. I live in California, so plenty is available, but I'm having to watch my budget too closely to go out much or buy imported food. Recently I've been making donburi with frozen salmon from Costco. It's probably the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex, but I can think of worse ways to go.

A few habits have stuck with me. One is a constant urge to bow, though I've stopped actually doing it. I still do the hand-chop motion when passing between people, and I still squat Japanese style.

I suppose one of the biggest adjustments is how everything is just so futsuu. I'd been in Japan long enough for a lot of it to become commonplace, but whenever I felt adventurous it was easy to find something new. I definitely miss that.

One thing I'd be curious to know if anyone else shares: I've come to find hakujin faces a little strange looking. A Japanese girlfriend once said to me, "Gaijin face is EYES, NOSE, MOUTH but Japanese face is just allll together." OK, you need the voice and gestures to do that credit, but I've come to see them that way myself (even my own in the mirror). I suppose it comes from having been constantly in crowds in Japan; if I were constantly in crowds here too that might fade.