Japanese parenting

FinancialWar said:

That's fine. You sow what you reap. An undisciplined child means undisciplined parents.

Good luck.

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The topic is about how people parent in Japan, not a request for help in disciplining my child. Actually, I though the title was pretty clear, but you must have read something into it.

In general, people don't like long, unsolicited diatribes telling them how they are living their lives wrong. I think that's human nature. If your life is working for you, that's great. I myself have no real complaints, I'll keep sowing that, thanks.

I don't believe I have strayed away from the the topic, you are a parent living in Japan and majority of your OP was about you and your wife's parenting issues and what is ludicrous is that you think a child's apathy to parental command may be a form of "disability" or "not that of kind of kid". You blame everything from disability to inborn nature to bilingualism, instead of looking at your own parental skill.

You come to the forum look for validation to your liberal "American" way of parenting as to oppose to your wife's parenting "Japanese" method. But you don't have the skin to take criticism?

FinancialWar said:

I don't believe I have strayed away from the the topic, you are a parent living in Japan and majority of your OP was about you and your wife's parenting issues and what is ludicrous is that you think a child's apathy to parental command may be a form of "disability" or "not that of kind of kid". You blame everything from disability to inborn nature to bilingualism, instead of looking at your own parental skill.

You come to the forum look for validation to your liberal "American" way of parenting as to oppose to your wife's parenting "Japanese" method. But you don't have the skin to take criticism?

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No, you're being obnoxious. You're not in my house, so your suppositions are far less grounded in reality than any of mine. That's a fact.

It's one thing to be obnoxious on the Internet, which is common enough. It's another to get high and mighty about it when someone isn't interested in it. Find something happy to do.

I think that the main thing is that parents set boundaries for their kids and stick to them. The consequences of a child straying outside the set boundaries may vary, but good parenting requires consistency and follow-up.

I asked a colleague of mine years ago when I lived in Yamaguchi-ken how he disciplined his children, and he told me that proper atmosphere was essential. He had a specific room where he did any necessary scolding, and he would sit down in seiza, adopt a very serious manner, and call his child into the room. He told me that the child, knowing that he would have to face his stern father, felt punished even before he entered the room and regretted his actions. This was evidenced by the tears in his eyes as he entered.

Note that this father did not condone corporal punishment. He said that the main point of punishment for children is to make them aware that they have done wrong and regret their actions. That way they will think twice before making the same mistake again. After all, the goal of parenting is not to punish kids, but to nurture them to grow into responsible adults. However, punishment is a necessary tool towards that end.

>>He had a specific room where he did any necessary scolding, and he would sit down in seiza, adopt a very serious manner, and call his child into the room. He told me that the child, knowing that he would have to face his stern father, felt punished even before he entered the room and regretted his actions. This was evidenced by the tears in his eyes as he entered.<<

I have joined this forum because I'm in Japan for three months of a creative arts fellowship, and I'm feeling stymied in my research by (1) my limited Japanese and (2) the degree to which Japan is a largely closed social network. I'm reading about traditional Japanese aesthetics, I'm experiencing current Japanese art, but I'm having a hard time getting an experiential sense of what it is to be Japanese. I'm a writer, so anecdotes are especially helpful/revealing to me. Little stories teach me more than reading sociology or anthropology.

Mikawa-san, your observation is precisely the sort of thing I hoped to find here. Thank you!

Fifth, probably one of the easiest, follow a religion, people who have a religion and more disciplined, they always obey some higher being, I would suggest Judaism or Muslim, they are the most disciplined, since your in Japan, Buddhism or Shinto would do. The risk is that your family might stray into radicalism and fundamentalism, which is why I suggest take moral lessons from different religions instead of blindly following it, that way it will take more effort and time but you will follow the moral guidelines and not believe in bull**** like a guy able to walk on water, or 72 virgins after death etc

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Where do you base this ridiculous statement off of? Utter nonsense.

This is not related to the topic of the thread, but I hope people use "Reply with Quote" function when quoting other's post(s) - it's a bit hard to follow when the quoted post is not shown on the same page.

letianchen said:

Where do you base this ridiculous statement off of? Utter nonsense.

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Jewish kids are taught three languages from birth, plays musical instruments, trained in archery and shooting, follows strict diet, results in high proportion of smart and disciplined individuals.

FinancialWar said:

Jewish kids are taught three languages from birth, plays musical instruments, trained in archery and shooting, follows strict diet, results in high proportion of smart and disciplined individuals.

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A person of no faith can do the exact same thing.

FWIW,
My J wife and I have never condoned corporal punishment, nor have we ever remotely thought to send our child outdoors when he misbehaves. In fact, he rarely misbehaves anyway. Punishment is usually a scolding, which my wife is good at doing.

So, don't judge all J parents equally. They don't all send kids outside.

I would say that just like anywhere else, the age of the parent and their own upbringing are the 2 main factors in how they themselves act as parents. If you must generalize, do so about the very young children, where it seems that they are allowed to run more rampant than western kids (at least, American ones). Once they hit kindergarten, discipline settles into their lifestyle, governed a lot by kindy teachers as well as parents. It's the time when they are taught to start entering society and "play well" with others.