Japanese ghosting

Hi:

I am from a west country and I love japanese culture so I am studing japanese. Due to that, I have met many japanese people in my country. Most of them can speak my first language, but some of them don't so I speak with them in japanese (I have a N4 title so I can have some easy conversations).

About more than a month ago, I met a japanese girl in my city via internet. I send a message asking for contact with japanese people in my city (in a general board, not a private message to her) and she writted me. I met with her and we went to a coffee shop. We had some drinks and we talked in japanese until she told me she wanted to practice my first language, so we changed the idiom. She smiled most of the time and I thought she was spending a nice time. I paid both her drink and mine, so I invited her. After that, we said goodbye each other, I told her I spent a nice time and both return to our respective homes.

A week ago (more than a month after our meeting), I sent her a whatsapp and I told her I had been busy recently but I'd like to meet her again. She has not opened my whatsapp yet (but I know she uses whatsapp because I can see her "last time online") and she has deleted me (but no blocked me) in social media. When I say "she has deleted me", I mean she deleted me as a follower and as a followed.

I'd like to know the reason she acted like this. I'm afraid the reason may be a cultural shock, but if so, I am totally unaware about that cultural shock, so If someone can help me to understand why she acted in that way, I'll be grateful. I would not like it to be repeated.

Thanks for reading me and best regards.

well...if she won't answer your question personaly - nobody will)

Of course we have no idea. Maybe she thought you wanted to date and she isn't looking for that.
In my country, if one person pays in this situation it would imply that they thought it was a date
(depending on the circumstances). But I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Also, you contacted her more than a month after your date. She might have thought you were not interested in her. I agree with @mdchachi, don't read too much into it.

Thanks for replying.

I didn't asked her why she acted like that, so she can't reply a question she hasn't been asked about. And I didn't asked her because doesn't worth.

However, I thought someone who knows japanese culture better than me could help me to understand the reason she ghosted. For example, when I was a begginer in japanese, I usually used 俺 because some anime characters do and I found it cool but I didn't know it may be impolite and once, another japanese girl got bothered because I used 俺 when talking to her. She didn't say anything… only I noticed she wasn't comfortable but I didn't know the reason. About some weeks later, I noticed 俺 is not the best way to talk about myself if I talk with a girl, specially if she isn't someone who has confidence with me (and that explained all, because first times I met her I used 私 and she acted natural, but when I used 俺 she tried to act friendly but I noticed about she felt uncomfortable). Then I understood my mistake, even she never told me "don't use 俺".

In the same way I discovered why the other girl got uncomfortable without talking with her about but learning more japanese, I thought someone here may help me to understand why this girl ghosted if I told the details and there are a cultural shock.

Mdchachi said it may be because I paid. It may be a clue. Now I need to know if for japanese people, paying is clearly a way of showing dating interest.

Thomas told me to not care about it, but I think I should. Not because that girl is important for me but if a commited some mistake, I dont't want to make the same mistake again next time I met with japanese people, male or female (I am not sure if me being male and she being female has influenced her to ghosting since I don't know anything about her reasons to do so).

Best regards

It's very difficult to guess based on what you told us. I guess the one thing I would do differently is keep the chat going after meeting.
As thomas said, she might have thought that you ghosted her. You may be busy but nobody is too busy to send a message like "I enjoyed meeting you, I hope we can do it again sometime." Perhaps she wrote a message in an online forum like:
I met a guy online who won't even tell me where he's from (he just says "Western country"). We had drinks at a cafe and a good conversation and he even paid for my drink. However it's been over a month and he hasn't messaged me. What's wrong?
And of course most people will answer, stop following him and move on.
(I don't think this is what happened but just another possible scenario.)

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Being ghosted is unpleasant. For some unknown reason - I doubt it's your use of 俺 - she decided that she did not want a relationship with you. In a culture where even mild confrontation is seen as something to be avoided if at all possible, unfortunately ghosting is a very common way of dealing with things.

Thanks for replying Lothor, but you are mixing different stories. The girl who ghosted isn't the same girl that felt uncomfortable because my use of 俺. In any case, I feel grateful for your empathy.

影シャドウ said:

Thanks for replying Lothor, but you are mixing different stories. The girl who ghosted isn't the same girl that felt uncomfortable because my use of 俺. In any case, I feel grateful for your empathy.

Click to expand...

Sorry about that - I didn't read your posts carefully enough. It was very early in the morning! Being baffled by the behaviour of others is something that never leaves you. Both Mrs Lothor, who is Japanese, and I have had a few what?! experiences recently.