I need help.

[Achilles 1-1]

Sooooo, I'm making an Overwatch story, and I recently incorporated a fight between two of the characters (Juno and Tracer [so i messed with the lore, kill me]) and I'm worried that its a little too violent. If anybody is willing, i could PM them and share the fight scene (i worry it's too violent for this public thread) and get your feedback on it. (Excludes @mdchachi Reasoning: I don't seek the help of people who follow me around, criticize, and troll me.)

 

[Grandpa Frank]

I have a story also....once upon a time there was a member with the user name "Levi Ackerman" along with 4 other user names. He became such a pain in the butt for his posts , we finally banned him and we lived happily ever after. THEN...as the story goes....his twin brother from the very same town rose from the grave and bought back the rectal pain. I feel in the near future we may have to apply the hemorrhoid cream called "BANAGAIN" to rectify the problem....THE END.

 

[Achilles 1-1]

I have a story also....once upon a time there was a member with the user name "Levi Ackerman" along with 4 other user names. He became such a pain in the butt for his posts , we finally banned him and we lived happily ever after. THEN...as the story goes....his twin brother from the very same town rose from the grave and bought back the rectal pain. I feel in the near future we may have to apply the hemorrhoid cream called "BANAGAIN" to rectify the problem....THE END.

No… I don't watch attack on titan… but if ur seriously going to compare me to that dude, ill turn my behavior around real quick, grandpa frank

 

[Achilles 1-1]

But i do actually need help with this story. I don't know if if this scene is too violent.

 

[Achilles 1-1]

@Lothor you said it's your job to correct English, right? Could you maybe look over this?