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How To Keep In Touch With Japanese Girl Long Distance and Does She Like Me?

Serb_guy

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Never used this site before but ive found some threads that are similar to my predicament, but not quite, so I will present you mine.
I typed this out a few weeks ago on the plane home, not much has really happened. She made a separate account on instagram and gave me that one. We exchnged a messgaes on there but eventually she stopped replying and my friends made me think she was ghosting me and no longer interested. I ended up texting her main account and she responded pretty quickly, then left my response unopened. I messaged her back this afternoon and im just always on the edge of my seat. I will come back in January now and i let her know when, still up to meet again. I may be pushing it but id like to have her stay in my hotel, you know, so she doesnt have to spend all that time and money to go back and forth between shizuoka and tokyo. From what she has said on instagram and to me, she doesnt really like shizuoka so i feel like that may be a nice gesture. But maybe creepy. Her replies just take forever and make me think she is just being nice and just used me as a place to sleep. At the very least maybe we could go on a weekend trip to somewhere (i dont know if she works or is in school but i believe it's neither). I am very much in love with her, i wont lie, it may have clouded my judgement. I just dont know how she feels about me if she is still being serious. I mean, she bought me food and hugged me and kissed me and held my hand, and slept in my bed. She cant think theres nothing there right? Shes definitely not stupid. So is there any way to talk to her better or make her more interested in me? Our "conversations" are kinda dry and she doesnt often ask me anything to keep it going, but sometimes does. Im sure she has a lot going on her life, i unfortunately do not so this is constantly on my mind and eating at my heart and soul.
 
So you met her and slept together the same night, and on that basis you're in love?
I hate to break it to you, but based on what you've shared, I'm pretty sure she doesn't return your feelings. And if she's a big party girl she meets new guys all the time. You're not the only one for her. In my experience when women make you have to ask questions like this, they are not seriously interested, ever.
 
What Mikawa Ossan says. She'd be much more responsive if she was interested in you. The dry conversations are also a warning sign that your relationship would probably soon run out of steam even if she was interested.
 
What do you mean by cut marks? Self harm?
Regardless, there is nothing there for you. You can try to meet her in January to see it through but it won't end well.
Even if you start dating somehow or even get married, it still won't end well.
 
Serb Guy,

I am sorry this is happening to you. I have had the same experience and I know exactly how it feels.

If she decides to stop being romantic to you, or if she even decides to stop communicating with you altogether, there is nothing you can do about it. (Do not go hunting for her, on the Internet or in person.)

You need to start distracting yourself from thoughts of her. Every time a thought of her suddenly and unexpectedly pops into your mind, you need to replace it with a different thought. If a thought of her enters your mind every 20 seconds, replace it with a different thought every 20 seconds. This type of psychology is called cognitive behavior therapy. Look it up on the Internet and try to find some cognitive behavior therapy techniques that work for you.

Your situation is called "being needy." This is caused by a deep unhappiness within you that you are unaware of. What you need to do in order to effectively deal with this problem is start working with a counselor or therapist who is familiar with neediness, is familiar with finding the causes of neediness in a person, and coming up with ways to deal with it. This is going to be difficult, because most counselors and therapists, even psychiatrists, have no idea how to handle neediness.

Good luck. Let us know what techniques you use and how well they work for you. Keep us posted as to how it is going.
 
Update:
Turns out she had a boyfriend probably the whole time and really did just use me for a place to sleep. I was pretty dumb, and I'm heartbroken that it meant nothing to her and so much to me, but also relieved that I know instead of not knowing anything anymore. I'm lost now but there may be another girl, but she's doing the same thing, taking days to respond. I'm pretty sure at this point it just means that they arent interested in me, even though that seems pretty obvious to anyone else. On a Japan related note, I will be going back and taking my mother for the first two weeks but its around new years so i know nothing is gonna be open. The other two weeks idk what to do really, just bum around tokyo and try to do it all over again. Any suggestion for spending new years eve, because i know that people dont really party like crazy as in the west, Ill also be in Osaka that week.
 
My absolute deepest condolences about your, ah, unfortunate mishap with Japanese woman.


On a side note… Tell me how your trip goes! I hope you have enough fun to take your mind off of this.
 
There's a danger you will make the same mistake again. The next time you meet a Japanese girl, take SEVERAL MONTHS to get to know her REALLY WELL before trying anything romantic. Otherwise I guarantee you will suffer the same disaster again.

You mentioned 'feeling lost'. You need to talk with a counselor or therapist and get rid of that feeling before trying to start another romance.

In the West, Christmas is family time and New Year's is party time. In Japan, it is just the opposite. See if there is any way you can spend a little New Year's time with a Japanese family. (Warning, you may be expected to spend three days with the family, including overnights.) If nothing else, find someone you can tag along with as they visit a shrine right at midnight on New Year's. It's a fantastic cultural experience you must not miss.
 
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Of all places to be Osaka would be a good place to ring in the year with a festive vibe and countdown and everything. This is from 2018. Doublecheck that they've returned to this in recent years. But either way Dotonbori is your best bet.

New Year’s Eve in Dotonbori, Osaka

New Year’s Eve in Japan is known as Oshogatsu, and if you’re lucky enough to be in Osaka during Japanese New Year, you’ll find Dotonbori to be the craziest, liveliest place to cel…
stickymangorice.com
 
@Serb_guy, this girl and situation had red flags all over them, but the biggest ones were just how quickly you fell for a complete stranger, confessed your love to her the night you met her, a day before leaving her country, and expecting anything to come of this. Slow down and temper your expectations, young fella! If you go looking for love you'll only find trouble.

Enjoy your trip with your mother!
 
Damn, it's already been a year. Forgot about this post, just found it looking for ways to do long distance relationship with a new girl I've met, this time online. This time it is a little odd because she is 45, I'm only 21 now, but we both have said "I love you". We've had long conversations into the night, trying to deal with the time difference. Her profile didn't have any photos of her so I took a chance on this girl with a Japanese name. She eventually sent me photos, didn't even have to ask this time. She looks good for her age. We both agreed the age difference doesn't bother us and I was already planning to go back in January, so hopefully we can keep this momentum going until then. This has only developed in the last week so we will see. Just found it funny that I was in a similar, but worse, situation just a year ago.
 
In my young & foolish days , I had a rule that if I couldn't get the girl in bed in one month , move on. Not sure how that would work with long distance love?

 
You know, I have some magic beans that I'd be happy to sell you
 

When that first face to face meeting with your internet girlfriend goes wrong.
 
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