Have you encouraged your Japanese wife to work after you got married (with children)

[JerseyBoy]

It is said the majority of Japanese married wife will stay at home after getting married even though there are more working married couples now. I heard some husband-to-be would promise his would-be wife she does not have to work after the marriage.
I noticed there are many non-Japanese on this forum who have married to Japanese wives. Based on my experience, the married couples in the states keep working after getting married (except during the maternity leave). Would you like your wife to keep working? Or, do you let her decide her career option (that is, work or no work).

 

[Damicci]

Women are just as capable as men. US doesn't hold the sexcist ideas that women shouldn't work once married. If I make alot of money then I don't think there should be a need for her to work unless she wants to.

On the other hand. If we are going through hard times I would expect her to work just as hard as I would to smooth things out.

 

[SushiShin]

People are equals, we are all equal, (my god how i wished i had a japanese galfriend but im happy too with my thailandese gal) well, if you are young and smart its better if you both go work.

なぜか? : well simple when you both go working you both have money and you are not independent on one of the both persons, and this is also good because if you spare the money you could run a business or you could buy a bigger house or you can do new renovations in your house etc...

its much better if my galfriend goes to work so that if we go out she or me isn't dependent on each other, she and i can do other things, and life would be much better, ofcourse work isn't a pleasure you have to sweat for your dollars,euro, pesos, yen etc...

but to have a bigger capital its better you go work both, when you have the time and money to afford raising children then its better to rest out and search a way for earning money: open a shop, open a restaurant, etc...

my last advice: Work Together and love each other!

 

[Glenski]

My wife continued to work after we got married. I had and have no qualms about that whatsoever. She loves work and is good at it (many of her bosses have tried to steal her away from the others).

After she had a baby, she had to quit, but in 2 years she went back to work full-time for a year or so. Then, we had to relocate, and there has been no work in the area for her.

She wants to work.
I would like her to work.
We just wish she could find work.

There is also the issue of daycare schedules and work schedules.

 

[ET_Fukuoka]

My wife went back PT after 3 months(in Hawaii). If we move back to Japan she probably wont work because of the headaches and difficulty of finding a good job after you are "old".

My wife has to work, she goes nuts if she doesn't have something to do, even with a child. I told her to just chill but she just cant relax, for the life of her. Even in Hawaii she cant get the hang of the "hang loose" attitude.

 

[Davey]

My wife would like to go back to work, after she will have a child. She's afraid she will get bored being at home all the time. I would like her to continue working, but only on a Part time job, so that she can take care of the kid when it comes home... I really wouldn't like my kid to be on school, and after care 5 days a week. And because I make more money than her, I don't think it is necessary for her to work FT as well.

Her mother have never worked in her whole life, except for helping out in dad his cafe when he was sick... funny thing it is. I think a lot of women are waiting to get married, until they meet someone with a good job, knowing that when they will get a baby, that they will be able to take off for a year or more without any financial problems, etc.

 

[GodEmperorLeto]

I heard some husband-to-be would promise his would-be wife she does not have to work after the marriage.

Times change, cultures change. My Italian, patriarchal grandfather during the 60s and 70s would have been humiliated if his wife had to work. During the 80s and 90s, my father said my mother had to work if me and my siblings wanted to go to college someday. And now, I am pretty much ingrained with the philosophy that if a wife wants to stay at home and watch soap operas after the kids all start school, she's lazy.

After she had a baby, she had to quit, but in 2 years she went back to work full-time for a year or so. Then, we had to relocate, and there has been no work in the area for her.

I heard that is hard to do. One of my friends from Japan said that she's afraid of losing her job forever after she has a kid. But, if your wife is that darn good at her job, then that might explain why they wanted her back.

I think a lot of women are waiting to get married, until they meet someone with a good job, knowing that when they will get a baby, that they will be able to take off for a year or more without any financial problems, etc.

Another friend of mine said that Japanese women like to use pregnancy and childbirth as an excuse to get out of having to work. Granted, she was a little militant, and expressed surprise when she saw American women who were pregnant working jobs, so she might not be the best source of information, but I was just wondering if that is, in any way, true or just a product of a jaded opinion.

 

[Pachipro]

Maybe it wasn't ment to be, but we never had children. However, I do have a Japanese wife who enjoys working.

My wife is seven years my junior and I believe she is part of the first generation of Japanese women who desired to go against the system and make something of themselves in the business world as she wanted to fight against the discrimination and bias towards Japanese women in the workforce. This is one of the reasons why I was attracted to her.

I never encouraged her to work, but it was something she wanted to do and I never discouraged her. Today she has an excellent high position in a Japanese company here in the US and I believe that, if we had children, she would still be in the workforce one way or another because it was her desire and is something that is required today of most families.

When I was younger in the states it was easy for only the father to work, have a car and a summer house maybe, and the wife never needed to work. My mother never worked and neither did any of the mothers in the neighborhood. Life was simple and easy then.

The same was true in Japan. A husbands salary could completely support a family. Today things have changed both in the US and in Japan and probably the world over. In order to make it in todays society and to have a decent living and to send your children to college, unless the husband makes more than US$80,000/year, I don't believe a family can survive comfortably on just the husbands salary alone anymore.

Therefore, in order to make ends meet in todays world and to put our children through college (if we had any), I would definitely encourage my wife to work if and when the children were old enough that the cost of daycare would not be eating up her salary.

In this day and age, if the husband is not making more than double the average household income, the wife needs to work in order to have a decent life and the more money she brings home the better for the future of the family. For most families today it is not a matter of choice, it is a must. Sad, but true.

Even today, as difficult as things are in Japan, I believe most women have the dream of being a housewife and mother and not workling outside the home. This is great if the family can afford it on the fathers salary alone and still be comfortable.

On the other hand, I am grateful that my wife desires to work as, even though we don't have any children, she is making a little more than I and all her money goes into the bank/investments which will enable us to retire much, much earlier than we could have had she not been working.

Therefore, I am all for the wife working if she so desires as long as the children do not come home to an empty house, or if the children are gone from the home. The extra money will always come in handy one way or another.

 

[ArmandV]

Maybe it wasn't ment to be, but we never had children.

You're missing out on the "joys" of paying for your kid's college tuition. After all the scholarships and grants, we still have a monthly out-of-pocket bill of $648.00, which we split 50/50 for my daughter's tuition.

Books are averaging about $125-$150 each (they must be made of gold). Small wonder couples nowadays have to have two incomes to make ends meet.

 

[JimmySeal]

Small wonder couples nowadays have to have two incomes to make ends meet.

I think you're reversing cause and effect here a bit. ;-)

 

[Mars Man]

Well, let me pull out the ole pipe, slowly get it smoldering enough to sit back in this Lazyboy recliner, cross my legs, and get some kind of special effect look on my face as I dig out the old 'days-gone-by' stories.

Yeah, son. . . back when your mom and I got hitched, she stopped working. In fact, it wasn't that many months after our honey moon. I guess it was written in the stars. ( which means she already had a bun in the oven) Yeah, son, that was when you came into the world. . . so small and innocent. . . and cute.

Now I want you to remember. . . they may be cheaper by the dozen--these little balls of joy and wonder that you just love to death--son, but with just a third of that number, it can be pretty expensive. (especially if you move half-way round the world for a couple of years with one, come back with two and another one on the way.)

That's when your mom started working--there wasn't any choice. She had wanted to stay at home at raise you three boys until the age of three at least...but when your youngest brother came along, we were just stuck between a rock and a hard place. She's been working ever since, son, and me too, for that matter. . . only taking one day off a week...to make you boys happy, give you shelter, and help provide for your future education.

Now...son, my nenkin (social security) check is gonna end up being small with all us old folk being supported by so few of you young ones, so, I was kind of hoping that since you are well on your way to a good job and all, that. . . and life goes on.

 

[ET_Fukuoka]

LOL, that was a good read!! I am training my son to be the next F1 Champ, Soccer Champ, TV Idol, etc. so he can support me in my old age.

 

[Mars Man]

I hear you !! And if you all do move back to Japan, you're gonna need that extra dough that your professional son will be bringing in, because it will be getting thinner over the next 20 years or so.

I live out in the country, so I guess I can survive on wild mountain vegetables.

AND...on the topic side; yes, I have always been 'anyone can work...both in the house and out of the house!!' I have never shrunk away from house work either. Every guy should help with a fair shair of that too--even when working otherwise...I think.

 

[Kinsao]

That's when your mom started working--there wasn't any choice.

^ I wonder, in how many families, that is the case. My guess would be quite a few, which I feel is sad. Being a woman, of course I think that women and men should have equal rights to work, and rights within the workforce, if they choose to work. However I do think it is sad that so many people (female and male) feel that they have no choice. To me, the point of "equal rights for men and women" is to give people more choice (or, perhaps, to give more people choice), rather than to take it away / put pressure on people.

Speaking from the English social and cultural perspective we are working towards our ideal situation where each of us could work a total of 2.5 days a week (configured however) so that we could care for our child/ren (should we have any) ourselves, as well as sharing the responsibilities for both "breadwinning" and working around the home (luckily each of us is equally competant at and keen on both ;-)).

 

[Mars Man]

I don't really have any statistics on that for Japan, but would tend to think that is a larger percentage than, perhaps, it should be for the social enviornment.

As talked about in this thread, one thing is lifestyle desired. Another thing is future education planning for kids. Perhaps consumerism has ended up doing much of the damage here--perhaps.

I hope that your desired plan works out !

 

[Ultraman]

Working women are the down fall of society.
Use some imagination to think of examples that support this statement.

Pros are mostly a womans self esteem.
Western nations feel quite happy about the mountains of social policy created to assist working women, while birth rates shrivel up in the middle classes.

 

[GodEmperorLeto]

Being a woman, of course I think that women and men should have equal rights to work, and rights within the workforce, if they choose to work. However I do think it is sad that so many people (female and male) feel that they have no choice.

Honestly, I would love to get married to a woman who would be the breadwinner, so that I could be like Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom (raise the kids, cook, do research and write books/articles all day). But the real world isn't like that. Most women see jobless men as drains, bums, and dead-beats, no matter what the men do with themselves at home.

Working women are the down fall of society.
Use some imagination to think of examples that support this statement.

I won't agree with you (I like living too much), but I will admit that the influx of women into the workforce has increased production while decreasing efficiency (law of diminishing returns and other related econ 101 stuff). But I don't think it is the downfall of society.

 

[Mars Man]

I think there is so much to look at, to be taken into consideration when trying to tackle the answers to this matter of working women.

While I think I understand the idea you had been getting at, Ultraman, I would think that the wording is misleading. I would suggest that ' the downfall of society' tends to cause the reader to think of a drop in social quality--which I don't think the essential fact of any increase in female presence in the workplace causes.

Regarding the population thing, a good read is 'The Empty Cradle' (and it's at the uni, & I can't recall the author's name) yet I'm not sure if some lessening of the earth's human population growth would be all that bad. . .although distribution and, well...that's really off topic, so...

Making application of the principle that GEL san has thoughtfully brought up, quality and quantity should try to be balanced out. I think that can theoretically be done even with a large female workforce in the markets and industries--rather than on the domestic front--just as well (if not even better) as having a more greatly predominant male workforce out there, rather than at home.

The workplace will have to allow time and financial support--especially re-entry support--for its female workers that give birth to children. That may be allowing a limited amount of 'HOME WORK' after the first 6 months having given birth, and then allowing (even encouraging and supporting) re-entry to full or mostly full time work after at least an 18 month period, and up to a 36 month period.

I have offered the idea before, but again, I also think there is much pressure from consumerism, which in turn puts pressure on the markets and industries to keep pace which, in turn, creates a situation which is not so mother-friendly in the workplace.

 

[Chipi]

Hmm, this is an interesting topic! But now I'm actually curious about the vice versa situation; how about western women married to Japanese men? Do the Japanese men encourage western women to work or to stay home, and how about the women, do you keep on working or let your Japanese hubbies do all the work?
My fiancee is Japanese and we have discussed things like this quite a lot. I always say to him that I really don't mind being the "salariman" of the family, also because he loves cooking and being creative in the house. Propably though, in the future we will both work just as much. If we move back to Japan though, he is fearing he will have to work much more than we would both want to..

 

[Han Chan]

My wife likes to work and as she is an adult person she decides herself. I merely support her in whatever she chooses.

My wife is what you could call a japanese feminist. She enjoys living in Scandinavia and like the eqality and respect women have gained in our society. She says she recommends her japanese friends to mary Danish husbands - I guess that I must be managing quite allright!

 

[White Girl]

I think this is different depending on the country you live in.

My story is a bit different, as my husband is the Japanese one, so this might help answer Chipi's question?

I live in Japan, and I quit my job when my husband and I decided to have a family. I did not want to continue, but even if I did it seems like it would be very hard... The concept of daycare is not very strong here (and the ones that exist are VERY expensive from what I hear) and work hours are long. Basically, from what I've gathered it would be like: 1) Have baby. 2) Continue to work and pay half your salary for someone else to raise your baby. Not an ideal situation for me.

I always wanted to be a housewife when I have kids, so I'm very happy with this, but if we start hurting financially in the future I may have to start doing some work, preferably from home if I can. But if we can afford it, by all means I think being a housewife is best for the children (my mother was a housewife, and I am verrryyy thankful for it now) and also will help out their language abilities enormously (we're planning on having the kids be bilingual).