Favorite Family guy quotes
- Thread starter Knives
- Start date
King of Tokyo
The Funky Homosapien.
- 7 Dec 2003
- 749
- 18
Can't choose one.. here's a few good ones.. I have a bunch saved on my computer heh.. Family Guy is King...
Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.
Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."
[At a job interview]
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Peter : [Thinking to himself "Don't say doing you wife. Don't say doing your wife."] Doing your... son ?
Peter: Oh, okay, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. Now, a homicidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let 'im kill?
Brian: That's, that's not a riddle. That's, that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong!... the ugly one.
*Police Officer Pulls Peter over in car*
Police Officer: License and reg... hey, aren't you the guy who found out he's part black?
Peter Griffin: Yes I am.
Police Officer: Report of a possible stolen vehicle.
Peter Griffin: But this is my car.
Police Officer: Suspect becoming unruly
Peter Griffin: Wha...
Police Officer: Officer down.
*Officer falls to ground, police cars surround Peter*
Peter Griffin: Make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.
Protestors: Free Tibet! Free Tibet!
Peter Griffin: I'll take it!
[He runs to a nearby phone booth]
Peter Griffin: Hello, China? I have something you may want. But it's gonna cost ya. That's right. All the tea.
Lois Griffin: Peter, where the hell have you been? We had a date.
Peter Griffin: Oh sorry, honey, I must have lost track of the time. But what do you say, eh? 'Think the guys will like it?
Lois Griffin: This is why you missed our dinner? To make a bar for your friends?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, isn't it great? Oh boy, I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal record.
[Grunts]
Ahahaha.. Man I love Family Guy..
Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.
Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."
[At a job interview]
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Peter : [Thinking to himself "Don't say doing you wife. Don't say doing your wife."] Doing your... son ?
Peter: Oh, okay, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. Now, a homicidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let 'im kill?
Brian: That's, that's not a riddle. That's, that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong!... the ugly one.
*Police Officer Pulls Peter over in car*
Police Officer: License and reg... hey, aren't you the guy who found out he's part black?
Peter Griffin: Yes I am.
Police Officer: Report of a possible stolen vehicle.
Peter Griffin: But this is my car.
Police Officer: Suspect becoming unruly
Peter Griffin: Wha...
Police Officer: Officer down.
*Officer falls to ground, police cars surround Peter*
Peter Griffin: Make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.
Protestors: Free Tibet! Free Tibet!
Peter Griffin: I'll take it!
[He runs to a nearby phone booth]
Peter Griffin: Hello, China? I have something you may want. But it's gonna cost ya. That's right. All the tea.
Lois Griffin: Peter, where the hell have you been? We had a date.
Peter Griffin: Oh sorry, honey, I must have lost track of the time. But what do you say, eh? 'Think the guys will like it?
Lois Griffin: This is why you missed our dinner? To make a bar for your friends?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, isn't it great? Oh boy, I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal record.
[Grunts]
Ahahaha.. Man I love Family Guy..
TwistedMac
後輩
- 4 Mar 2004
- 2,267
- 96
peter: this is gonna get all weird, like when we had to watch your uncle's snuff movie
*flashback to showing of the snuffmovie*
peter: but.. are they really going to kill that girl?
Lois: shhh, peter! people are trying to watch!
Lois: Stewie, why don't you go play in the garden?
Stewie: Why don't you go to hell?
*flashback to showing of the snuffmovie*
peter: but.. are they really going to kill that girl?
Lois: shhh, peter! people are trying to watch!
Lois: Stewie, why don't you go play in the garden?
Stewie: Why don't you go to hell?
Quagmire: alll right! Jackpot 
SensualTokyo
Giver of Wisdom
- 5 Aug 2004
- 19
- 1
Geeeeeez. Now I am depressed.
I LOVE cool sitcoms, but don't get family guy here in Japan, as far as I know. Not even on my shiny new skyperfecTV satellite....
Family Guy eh? I have yet to see a SINGLE episode.... Alright I have an idea.... all you fans of the show think of the exact SAME episode at the same time, and then think of me. I will pick up on it with my super insane ESP jedi master powers....
Readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.......... GO!
[ST puts tinfoil around his head and squints eyes shut tight]
I LOVE cool sitcoms, but don't get family guy here in Japan, as far as I know. Not even on my shiny new skyperfecTV satellite....
Family Guy eh? I have yet to see a SINGLE episode.... Alright I have an idea.... all you fans of the show think of the exact SAME episode at the same time, and then think of me. I will pick up on it with my super insane ESP jedi master powers....
Readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.......... GO!
[ST puts tinfoil around his head and squints eyes shut tight]
dziewuliz
後輩
- 14 Jun 2005
- 9
- 0
SensualTokyo said:
That's one lucky guy
I mean there'll be hours of hysterical laughter to experience...As for the quotes, it's just hard to choose one. Here's some:
Peter: Bon Jovi everyone!
"Fast animal, slow children" show
Peter: "Lois, I tried finding my creative talent just like you said. First I tried art..."(flashback) "Am, am I supposed to paint the *enis?"(present)"Then I tried sculpting..." (flashback) "Am, am I supposed to sculpt the *enis?" (present) "Then I tried music..." (flashback) "Am, am I supposed to conduct with my *enis?"
Brian: You may want to find a better teacher than Peter.
Peter: What are you talking about. I'm a great driver.
Brian: Remember you trip to the southwest.
(Flashback) Peter's car hits an ostrage from "Road Runner"
Peter: Oh geeze did I just hit that ostrage.
Willie Coyote (sitting next to Peter): No, no he's fine. Keep going.
- 25 Nov 2004
- 66
- 2
Tom Tucker:well meg i guess you show that beggers CAN be choosers...
Meg: Mom, Dad--am I ugly?
Lois: Oh of course not sweetie!
Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Crai....Craig Hoffman said that? Well, he's a sharp kid. You might be ugly.
Meg: Hi, Craig. Umm, I was wondering if maybe you would want to, I don't know, go out sometime?
Craig Hoffman: Huh, that's about as likely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own. Which I would never do. I play by my own rules, nobody else's, not even my own.
Meg: How 'bout a movie?
Craig: I don't go out with dudes.
My balls haven't dropped yet....oops speak of the devil....oops make that devils
and who can forget...
The Life of the Wife is ended by the Knife
Meg: Mom, Dad--am I ugly?
Lois: Oh of course not sweetie!
Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Crai....Craig Hoffman said that? Well, he's a sharp kid. You might be ugly.
Meg: Hi, Craig. Umm, I was wondering if maybe you would want to, I don't know, go out sometime?
Craig Hoffman: Huh, that's about as likely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own. Which I would never do. I play by my own rules, nobody else's, not even my own.
Meg: How 'bout a movie?
Craig: I don't go out with dudes.
My balls haven't dropped yet....oops speak of the devil....oops make that devils
and who can forget...
The Life of the Wife is ended by the Knife
- 6 Jul 2005
- 17
- 1
I love this FG scene...
Meg: Mom! It's Saturday! Why do I have to be stuck in the house babysitting!? I could be hanging out with my friends right now!
Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit that's fine. But, I don't appreciate you sitting here lying to me. Hanging out with your friends? Right.
Peter: Oh Meg, she torched your ***, she torched you *** good.
Well, something along those lines.
Meg: Mom! It's Saturday! Why do I have to be stuck in the house babysitting!? I could be hanging out with my friends right now!
Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit that's fine. But, I don't appreciate you sitting here lying to me. Hanging out with your friends? Right.
Peter: Oh Meg, she torched your ***, she torched you *** good.
Well, something along those lines.
smoke
後輩
- 18 Feb 2005
- 553
- 18
Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.
but there really is too many to chose...how about all of them on here:
Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.
but there really is too many to chose...how about all of them on here:
Family Guy Quotes
