Domestic violence

[thatsme]

I recently had a discussion about this issue with a male friend who is actually in the middle of a psychological domestic violence instigated from her female partner.

I am not blaming or victimizing anyone.

In most of the society domestic violence is associated with the male instigating it. Sorry for the sweeping generalization.

Are the male the silent victim?

I would like to emphasize that this is not an attack on any human species.

I had a dicussion with a friend who is having a crisis and does'nt know how to deal with it, remember "easy to say not easy to deal with that" So I am not asking an advice on this matter, but an opinion to what you think why domestic violence occur, and if the provoker is justified.

Thanks

 

[Goldiegirl]

Domestic violence is never justified. You don't beat up each other to solve a disagreement. Many abusers have psychological problems, and many were abused themselves, but that doesn't mean that it is ok for them to be abusive. Physical and psychological abuse is always unacceptable.

 

[Mars Man]

First of all...while it's still new, it might be good to check for errors in the OP.

I think you may mean 'his female partner' rather than 'her....' Also, I think you will find that there is only the homo sapien...a single species, so you may mean ethnic group, or ethnic (or family) descent.

In a general sense, I'm sure you know that violence is a phenomenon of the creature. domestic violence is because of the general social framework that has won out over others, in much of the world. If we humans were more like the bonobos, there would be domestic sexual application to replace violent tendencies...there would be social sexual application to ammend differences with others--to some fair degree.

To discuss the matter of being justified, we'd have to go to great philosphical depths, actually, yet I would suggest that in the long run it would prove to be much more productive and postitive-in-outcome to see acts of abuse and violence as error which should be worked on eliminating and outcasting.

 

[Mitsuo]

I recently had a discussion about this issue with a male friend who is actually in the middle of a psychological domestic violence instigated from her female partner.
I am not blaming or victimizing anyone.
In most of the society domestic violence is associated with the male instigating it. Sorry for the sweeping generalization.
Are the male the silent victim?
I would like to emphasize that this is not an attack on any human species.
I had a dicussion with a friend who is having a crisis and does'nt know how to deal with it, remember "easy to say not easy to deal with that" So I am not asking an advice on this matter, but an opinion to what you think why domestic violence occur, and if the provoker is justified.
Thanks

I am not sure what you mean when you say "Are the male the silent victim?" Are you asking whether the male sex, as the instigator, is a victim and is justified to abuse his domestic partner? Or, are you asking whether the male sex, as the abusee, is a silent victim of abuse because he feels that he must stay silent on the matter as to not feel like less of a man?

Regarding the other questions posed:

In my opinion, there are many reasons why domestic violence occurs: Power, raised with low standards, self-esteem issues, psychological problems, chemical imbalance, I could go on. However, not one of those reasons allow justification on behalf of the abuser. The only kind of violence, if it's absolutely necessary, that I find justified would be in defending oneself or defending a fellow human being's life. In that case, of course, you would not be the provoker. So absolutley not. There is no justification for anyone to provoke domestic violence of any kind.

 

[nice gaijin]

I think the OP is referring to psychological abuse, which, although still a serious issue, is not exactly Domestic Violence. It would help to know more about the situation at hand.

I think that using violence in and of itself is a sign that the abuser is either unable or unwilling to resolve the situation a better way. Abuse just creates a whole new layer of problems that can even overshadow the underlying issues that led to the abuse in the first place. It's inexcusable, but whether it's forgivable is entirely up to the parties involved.

 

[Haruspex]

Hahh! Domestic abuse? Some people are too chicken to pack up and go home, some already have kids, and some don't have a place to go. This is how I see it. In the second two cases not much can be done, its a sad issue, but honestly, some people are just too attached to others. I mean come on, imagine that you are psychologically pestered, or physically or whatever, you don't have kids, and you've a place to go, wouldn't you get the hell away?

 

[thatsme]

First of all...while it's still new, it might be good to check for errors in the OP.
I think you may mean 'his female partner' rather than 'her....' Also, I think you will find that there is only the homo sapien...a single species, so you may mean ethnic group, or ethnic (or family) descent.
In a general sense, I'm sure you know that violence is a phenomenon of the creature. domestic violence is because of the general social framework that has won out over others, in much of the world. If we humans were more like the bonobos, there would be domestic sexual application to replace violent tendencies...there would be social sexual application to ammend differences with others--to some fair degree.
To discuss the matter of being justified, we'd have to go to great philosphical depths, actually, yet I would suggest that in the long run it would prove to be much more productive and postitive-in-outcome to see acts of abuse and violence as error which should be worked on eliminating and outcasting.

Thanks for correcting me there.
And of course Any argument is hugely deep to even contemplate to start an argument, I would be consumed by the time the actual argument can go somewhere, which I immensely doubt.

Domestic violence is never justified. You don't beat up each other to solve a disagreement. Many abusers have psychological problems, and many were abused themselves, but that doesn't mean that it is ok for them to be abusive. Physical and psychological abuse is always unacceptable.

Can you justify anything in this dimention?

 

[thatsme]

I am not sure what you mean when you say "Are the male the silent victim?" Are you asking whether the male sex, as the instigator, is a victim and is justified to abuse his domestic partner? Or, are you asking whether the male sex, as the abusee, is a silent victim of abuse because he feels that he must stay silent on the matter as to not feel like less of a man?
Regarding the other questions posed:
In my opinion, there are many reasons why domestic violence occurs: Power, raised with low standards, self-esteem issues, psychological problems, chemical imbalance, I could go on. However, not one of those reasons allow justification on behalf of the abuser. The only kind of violence, if it's absolutely necessary, that I find justified would be in defending oneself or defending a fellow human being's life. In that case, of course, you would not be the provoker. So absolutley not. There is no justification for anyone to provoke domestic violence of any kind.

Could it be the both are the instigator and provoker in one way or the other?
Who is what in many society call the weeker sex?
the females species or the male?

does this mean that who ever is phisichally stronger is automatically potreyed as the one who instigated the actual domestic violence?

I am very sorry to all, I am not sure if this is my nature, but sometime I feel compelled to ask too many questions, risking to make other human to get annoyed.

Thanks

I think the OP is referring to psychological abuse, which, although still a serious issue, is not exactly Domestic Violence. It would help to know more about the situation at hand.
I think that using violence in and of itself is a sign that the abuser is either unable or unwilling to resolve the situation a better way. Abuse just creates a whole new layer of problems that can even overshadow the underlying issues that led to the abuse in the first place. It's inexcusable, but whether it's forgivable is entirely up to the parties involved.

What then is domestic violence?

 

[nice gaijin]

to clarify, abuse can be psychological, but I believe it's misleading to call psychological abuse violence. I would characterize DV particularly as physical abuse, which usually goes hand in hand with psychological abuse.

 

[Goldiegirl]

My ex-husband was found guilty in a court of law for domestic violence. He never physically hit me. Abuse comes in many forms. A truly insane person is one thing, a person who is depressed or has anger issues does know right from wrong. My ex had anxiety disorder, bi-polar disorder all with suicidal tendencies. Yet he still knew right from wrong...he followed the laws of driving (proving he could understand law), he was a high ranked embedded systems design engineer at a major medical/electrical company and was a perfect employee who followed all the rules and regulations and procedures. So, just because you have mental or emotional issues don't cry that you don't know what you are doing....you just give yourself an excuse.

 

[dreamer]

In my opinion, it would be good to separate domestic violence (physical) and domestic abuse (mental).
I find it interresting that on average, out of 100 reported cases, 40 are commited by women. This shows how much the dynamics of society are unpredictable and sadly, domestic abuse and violence is still widely unrecognized.
One of the reason why I believe is because men tend to be more physical and women tend to be more psychological (which leaves no physical traces).

Still, whatever the reason is, I agree with GoldieGirl on the fact that violence and abuse are never good solutions and can only make things worse.

 

[Tokis-Phoenix]

A lot of partners which inflict violence on their lover have serious issues themselves, sometimes a violent relationship with an ex or a violent childhood can cause the person to become violent to their partner.
But everybody knows that violence towards anyone is wrong, it only causes pain and suffering, so there is no excuse for it- plenty of people seek professional help for their violent behavior and become cured, anybody can seek help for violence/anger management problems, so anybody who doesn't only has themselves to blame and should be punished.

 

[thatsme]

I was just pondering on the fact that we human once provoked to a certain degree react accordingly, obviously violence can't be justified.

The few things I remember about my youth is when my father reacted violently towards my mother, if I analize the actual facts I can see how easy for some people is to act violently when the button is pushed very hardly.

My mother could not refrain talking and talking and talking about something especially when my father just arrived home from work, that does'nt mean he was right to act like that, in fact I pushed him so hard and shut at him not to touch her anymore.

I don't think I am effected by that, but what I am trying to say, I can see why some people (female of male) act in that way.

I hate violence anyway, still I try to undeerstand and try not to judge.

P.S I also remember good things.
And as for my friend, sorry if I can't disclose more information, I can only add that they are trying very hard to resolve the matter.

Cheers

 

[Kinsao]

Yes, men can be victims of domestic violence and women can be the perpetrators.

It is simply that men are usually physically stronger than women, so it's not so common that a man actually get beaten up by his female partner.

There is psychological abuse as well, of course, but I would guess that is less well-reported and both men and women seek help less often for this - possibly because it's harder to 'prove' and also the very nature of the abuse conspires to prevent disclosure.