Does this sentence make sense?

[MrWetsnow]

Hi.

I wonder if someone can tell me if this sentence makes any sense?

kana version:

これは ねずみが たべたばくがが しいれた ジャクが たてた いえのなかでです.

kanji version:

これは 鼠が 食べた麦芽が 仕入れた ジャクが 建てた 家の中でです。

Thank you kindly.
Dan

 

[Elizabeth]

It may be correct, but three がｓ in a sentence doesn't make sense to me.

 

[MrWetsnow]

It's sort of a sentence within a sentence... etc..

It may be correct, but three がｓ in a sentence doesn't make sense to me.

What I am trying to translate is "The House that Jack Built".

So the little part I did is this:

This is the house that Jack built.

This is the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

Below are all three, maybe that would at least show what I am trying to do.

This is the house that Jack built.
これは ジャクが 建てた 家です。

This is the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.
これは 麦芽が 仕入れた ジャクが 建てた 家の中で です。


This is the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.
これは 鼠が 食べた麦芽が 仕入れた ジャクが 建てた 家の中でです。

It started out easy enough, but I don't know if I can just nest the sentences in each other like I did...

Thank you for the reply.
Dan

 

[Elizabeth]

You can't simply translate the word order from English. To say

This is the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.

It needs to be something like "Jackがbuilt house (or house built by Jack)にいる(or lays) malt を ate Kore wa rat desu. Although it is certainly correct that modifying/descriptive clauses don't work nearly as well in Japanese as in English so this is all a bit speculative.

 

[Elizabeth]

By the way, sorry for any initially misleading advice.....

でも間違った意見を聞く必要はないですね。

 

[MrWetsnow]

I think this makes more sense...

This is the house that Jack built.

This is the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

(The full original is here: http://www.crossmyt.com/hc/linghebr/daedljak.html)

After talking to my sensei in class, the following should make more sense:

(kana version
kanji version)

これは ジャクが たてたいえ です。
これは ジャクが 立てた家 です。

これは ジャクが たてたいえに あった ばくがです。
これは ジャクが 立てた家に あった 麦芽です。

これは ジャクが たてたいえに あった ばくがを たべた ねずみです。
これは ジャクが 立てた家に あった 麦芽を 食べた 鼠です。

What do you think? I'll post the entire thing here when I am done... maybe to save someone else the trouble later.

thanks
Dan

 

[Elizabeth]

This is the house that Jack built.

This is the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

This is the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

(The full original is here: http://www.crossmyt.com/hc/linghebr/daedljak.html)

After talking to my sensei in class, the following should make more sense:

(kana version
kanji version)

これは ジャクが たてたいえ です。
これは ジャクが 立てた家 です。

これは ジャクが たてたいえに あった ばくがです。
これは ジャクが 立てた家に あった 麦芽です。

これは ジャクが たてたいえに あった ばくがを たべた ねずみです。
これは ジャクが 立てた家に あった 麦芽を 食べた 鼠です。

What do you think? I'll post the entire thing here when I am done... maybe to save someone else the trouble later.

thanks
Dan

Yeah, that looks a lot more reasonable, although I'm not sure about 立てた for built. And what is the "atta"? Do you mean "ita" for a living thing?

 

[MrWetsnow]

yes... wrong kanji...

Yeah, that looks a lot more reasonable, although I'm not sure about 立てた for built. And what is the "atta"? Do you mean "ita" for a living thing?

Ah! Good catch, wrong kanji. It should be: 建 (建てた).

あった - is ある. It refers to the malt (ばくが）, so I think that's right.

 

[Elizabeth]

Ah! Good catch, wrong kanji. It should be: 建 (建てた).

あった - is ある. It refers to the malt (ばくが）, so I think that's right.

It looks to me more like it should be referring to the rat (where is "lay" then?).....but I could be wrong. I don't have my kanji dictionary handy at the moment and I *think* they can both be used for construct, it's just that this tateru (建てる） is more common.

 

[MrWetsnow]

....

It looks to me more like it should be referring to the rat (where is "lay" then?).....but I could be wrong. I don't have my kanji dictionary handy at the moment and I *think* they can both be used for construct, it's just that tateru is more common.

According to my dictionary, 立てる is to stand (something) up, to erect (something), while 建てる is to build, to construct. Subtle difference.

aru is replacing lay, "is" instead of "lay". I at first wanted to use 仕入れる, but my sensei said I can just use aru instead.

これは ジャクが たてたいえに あった ばくがです。
this is (built by jack house) in (which) was (lay) malt.

I am realizing though, that the further on I go, the more difficult it would to follow, as everything is getting put in the end. I wonder if there is a better way of doing.

Thanks
Dan

 

[MrWetsnow]

i found this...

While trying to find a real translation, I found this page:

Google Groups

Glad to see someone has already tried this. Anyway, I read up to the part I translated (don't want to get ahead of myself...) and it seems to match almost exactly with what I now have, which makes me think I am not way off base. So at least now I can continue to translate it further.

Thanks much for your help!
Dan

 

[Elizabeth]

これは ジャクが たてたいえに あった ばくがです。
this is (built by jack house) in (which) was (lay) malt.

OK--I should have read the initial post more closely. I thought you were trying to say where the rat lay.