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Critique My Writing, Please

Liuqahs15

後輩
Joined
13 Nov 2011
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きょはなんようびですか?わたしはしってない、でもどようびをおもった。このあさ、かんじをべんきょうすることについてかんがえます、でもべんきょうしません。いま、どしがべんきょうします。このたんごはもうむずかしいのに、これがならわれます。ならえるよ.

Here's what it should mean:

"What day is it? I don't know, but I thought it was Saturday. This morning, I thought about studying kanji, but I didn't study it. Now, I'm studying verbs. These words are really hard, but they will be learned. I can learn them!"

Is what I wrote correct? Even if it is, does it seem natural or realistic? I'd like to learn to form sentences the way a Japanese person would. I'm also practicing different sentence patterns (verb nominalization, passive form and potential form). Don't be afraid to be critical of what I wrote. I'm here to learn. Thanks a lot.
 
Last edited:
I can't help you as far as sounding natural goes but I can correct the spelling of the paragraph.

今日は何曜日ですか?私は知っていない、でも土曜日と思った。この朝、漢字を勉強することについて考えます、でも勉強しません。今、動詞が勉強します。この単語はとても難しいのに、これが習われます。習えるよ。

I only edited two things grammatically: 'demo doyoubi TO omotta', and 'tango wa TOTEMO muzukashii'. I didn't feel qualified to go into others.
 


Rei, why did you use でも土曜日思った.? Is there any rule to that?


Thank you byebye.
 
今日(きょ)は何曜日(なんようび)ですか。私(わたし)は知りません(しりません)。でも土曜日(どようび)だと思いました(おもいました)。
  • First, pick what level you are speaking to. Are you speaking politely or simply? You need to pick a consistent voice. For the sake of argument, I'm going with polite.
  • 今日 has a long vowel.
  • To say "I don't know/care," use the negative form of 知る, you can use the present progressive only for a positive statement.
  • For "I think/thought," it's dictionary form + と思う/と思った, since 土曜日 is a noun, 土曜日だと思った
この朝(あさ)、漢字(かんじ)を勉強(べんきょう)しようとおもったけど、しませんでした
The way you wrote it sounds like "I pondered the study of kanji," like you're thinking about the academic pursuit itself. There are a few ways to get across your intention:
  • するつもりだったけど intended to, but
  • する予定だったけど had plans to, but
  • しようとおもったけど thought about doing, but (verb in volitional form + "thought," eg. アイス食べようとおもう == I think I'll eat some ice cream)
今、動詞(どし)を勉強しています
  • 動詞 has a long vowel
  • you're doing it now, use the present progressive.
この単語(たんご)難しい(むずかしい)けど、頑張ります(がんばります)!
  • read up on particle use
  • your English sentence doesn't quite translate into the way a Japanese person would phrase it. When in doubt, use 頑張る!
 
この朝(あさ) is a too literal translation of "this morning" and means something different - the morning of a particular day in the past.
We use 今朝 (けさ) or 今日(きょう)の朝(あさ) for "this morning" in English.

It is good you've tried, but maybe what you tried to write is too advanced than what you've learned.
Try to learn some more basics, vocabulary and simple phrases and sentences in present tense first.
頑張ってくださいね!
 
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