Cover letter

[Davey]

I dislike, probably together with many other, writing cover letters when I am searching for a new job. I especially find it difficult to find the right words, those words that make your cover letter look professional, and give it more glance.

So my question is, what words do you advice me to include in my cover letter, and what words shouldn't I include in it.

Here is my latest cover letter. Please give me an honest opinion, but keep it nice .

Dear Sir/madam,


With this email I want to show my interest to work in your
company from August. I saw your advertisement in the Kansai scene magazine.

I have been teaching on different elementary schools in Kobe for the
past 9 months which I enjoyed a lot, but I prefer to work in a more
stable place.

In the beginning of 2006 I successfully completed the Online TEFL course
which included a Module for Younger learners and grammar awareness.

I have a proper spouse visa, and live near the Hankyu Rokko station.

I would greatly appreciate an interview so that I could tell more about
myself. You can contact me by email: ##### mobile phone:
##### or home phone: ###### . Thank you for your time and
consideration.

Sincerely,

Dave ######

 

[Goldiegirl]

Maybe the phrase " I want to show you..." sounds weak. You should be positive.... Let me show you how I can be an asset to your company...something along that line.....

 

[Goldiegirl]

Ok, I am no cover letter writer, but what about ....

Currently I have been teaching at different elementary schools in Kobe. I have greatly enjoyed my work at those schools. However, I am looking to have a more stable working environment in which my skills can be more utilized.

hmmm....maybe...a little better...perhaps? well I'll think some more on it too!

 

[hideway]

I think you sound too indecisive. Try replacing words like "I want to" for "I will" or "I perfer" for "I'm looking for".

And maybe it is overthinking but "In the beginning of 2006 I successfully completed the Online TEFL course" seems to leave the idea that THIS time you successfully completed a course. The "successfully", in my opinion, shows that since you put it on the sentence, you might not always be successfully on the courses you complete.

My work experience is close to zero, but the idea that I have is that employers are looking for decisive and competent people who know what they want to do and how they'll do it.

My two cents anyway. You better ask someone more experienced on this matter.

 

[DoctorP]

Dave,
I would do it more like this:

I am replying to your advertisement in the Kansai Scene magazine.
Allow me to show you in this email how I may benefit your company.

I have valuable experience teaching in multiple elementary schools in the Kobe area.

While I am happy in my current position, I crave a more structured scene that I believe could be provided by your company.

I completed the online TEFL course in 2006, which included a module for younger learners and grammar awareness.

I have been residing in Japan for xx years, and plan to remain here indefinitely.

To reach me for an interview, you may contact me via email at: ####, mobile phone: ####, or home phone: ####. I am looking forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Sincerely,
Dave ####

Here is what I see wrong with yours:

With this email I want to show my interest to work in your
company from August. I saw your advertisement in the Kansai scene magazine. As was stated earlier...I want sounds weak./COLOR]

I have been teaching on different elementary schools in Kobe for the
past 9 months which I enjoyed a lot, but I prefer to work in a more
stable place. Don't mention time...unless specifically asked. If you keep it this way add another comma after months.

In the beginning of 2006 I successfully completed the Online TEFL course
which included a Module for Younger learners and grammar awareness. The beginning of this sentence doesn't flow well. Nothing particularly wrong with it, but it just doesn't sound quite right.

I have a proper spouse visa, and live near the Hankyu Rokko station. Type of visa is none of their business unless they ask you specifically. Also it is none of their business where you live. You can tell them if you like, when you meet, but leave it out for now.

I would greatly appreciate an interview so that I could tell more about
myself. You can contact me by email: ##### mobile phone:
##### or home phone: ###### . Thank you for your time and
consideration. Really sounds like begging here...come off stronger by stating that you expect an interview and will speak to them later.

Sincerely,
Dave ######

 

[fredelicious]

Thanx a bunch u guys

All the stuff u guyz posted helped me with writing my cv. thanx a bunch!!!

BTW heya Baka we should hangout soon and go sing some karaoke and have a few beers !_! Well a few for u and a lot for me ke ke KE!

Well nice to meet all u guys

Ps: My milkshake bringz al the bois to tha yard ><

 

[SushiShin]

Excellent said DoctorP! Every aspect he said i really wanted to post it too but i didn't find this thread

Goodluck Dutch Baka

from a good friend

-Herbal☆

 

[Sarapva]

One more grammatical thing - it should be worded "teaching in elementary schools" instead of "teaching on". I would think most employers would be looking for the meaning behind what is said instead of how it's said, unless the job is teaching English!